What to Wear on a Girl Date: Styling My New White Cowgirl Boots
A few weeks ago I went on a girl date. My very first girl date actually. I have long had an interest in dating women but fear of judgment and fear of women prevented me from moving forward into this area of our open polyamorous lifestyle.
A topic that routinely surfaces in my counseling sessions is my fears. Through the work I do in these sessions and on my own, I have finally come to a place where I no longer fear the judgments of others. People have been judging me for my entire life and I am still here living my truth as loudly and visibly I can. It just took me 47 years to figure out that people will always judge. Fortunately, I have also learned that judgments really don’t hurt me so it is time to stop being afraid of them.
I do believe that I officially conquered my fear of judgment a few weeks ago when I shared What to Wear for a (Sex) Interview. But my fear of women remains and that fear runs just as deep as all the others.
I am feeling extraordinarily vulnerable sharing this bit. I write this little blog that is all about inspiring and empowering women yet I fear a majority of our gender. In all my life I can only think of a few men who have been cruel and hurtful to me. But if I try to count the cruel and hurtful women I have encountered, well, I can’t because the number is much too large.
As a result of my personal experiences with women, I had just about given up on forming any new female relationships. But I have felt that it was something I was missing as well. I have been craving some good, positive, goddess energy in my life. And since I am tackling my bucket list of sexual and relationship desires, I decided to let my guard a tiny bit and seek what I have been craving. Treading cautiously, of course, because women still scare the hell out of me.
So I got on a dating app, Feeld, which is marketed as a “dating app for the open”. What I like about this app is that it allows for every type of relationship style, gender identity, and sexual preference that you can imagine. Honestly, I don’t even know what half the terms mean but I do like that I didn’t have to put myself in some tiny labeled box that never quite fits me properly. By the way, I fear dating apps just as intensely as I do women and did judgments. But I am pushing through that fear as well because it does have a practical purpose in broadening my horizons and growing my group of goddess friends.
Although I have always had an interest in dating women, there have actually only ever been a few women whom I have felt a sexual attraction to so that kind of limited my dating options anyway. Also I have never considered myself bisexual so there was a mental door closed inside my brain as well telling me this was not an option. Oh, but now I know that it is an option! Why am I closing doors on an entire gender of people who all possess the ability to teach me new things, enrich my life, and inspire me in ways that amazing people do when you give them a chance?
So, fearfully and cautiously, I signed up on this Feeld app and designated myself as pansexual, which is having a sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. While this term, pansexual, can be defined in different ways and get just as confusing as all the other labels, it is the one that I most closely identify with. I am primarily heterosexual but there are some women who I am interested in forming emotional and sexual relationships with. Once I got on the app, I quickly matched with a stunning woman who lives very near to me. I was so struck by her eyes in her photos (you can see a person’s soul in their eyes and hers spoke very loudly to me) that I immediately felt a very strong goddess connection. It was definitely a mutual feeling because we set a date for that very weekend.
It was a really humid evening the night we went out and I have been having some pretty severe heat flashes recently so these were factors I had to consider in choosing my date night outfit. I wanted to feel feminine and flirty without being overdressed or over the top. And I had my beautiful new white cowgirl boots just waiting to be worn.
Let me tell you about my boots…
I have been obsessed with cowgirl boots and western styles for as long as I can remember. The vibe goes perfectly with my wild bohemian soul. Back in August, I randomly bought a $1 scratch off lottery ticket after a particularly bad weekend and I won $5,000! After using most of the money wisely, I did treat myself to a new pair of cowgirl boots, the Idyllwind Colt Western Boots from Boot Barn. I have been wanting a white pair and when Julie of Fashion Trends and Friends mentioned she was also in the market for white cowgirl boots, it was just the nudge I needed to go for it. This is my 10th pair of cowgirl boots in my ever growing collection and Julie just purchased her very first pair of cowgirl boots. So we decided to join our posts together and share our white boots. Be sure to hop on over to Julie’s page for lots of cool styling ideas.
When I was getting dressed for my girl date, I actually hadn’t planned on wearing my white cowgirl boots but I had planned on wearing this new thrifted dress by Johnny Was. I have been a bit obsessed with this brand ever since the first time I saw it on a boho-western clothing site, but it is a bit out of my price range with dresses starting around $220. When I saw this adorable embroidered dress for $6.99, you can bet I did a happy dance right there in the Salvation Army aisle! I added a long white cardigan for temperature control and then I got stumped for footwear, completely forgetting about my fabulous new boots. Until I remembered again! (That is the life of a pothead.)
I met my date at one of my favorite local tapas restaurants, Spokes, and we had the best time. We talked for hours as if we have known each other for years. Then we headed off to an art gallery opening which was really wonderful, too. Lots of familiar local artists were showing their work and I met some new artists in the area as well. I have my eye on a vulva statue created by this really cool young female artist and I can’t remember her name at the moment! I also can’t remember the name of the gallery to add a link. Well, at least I know where it is! After the gallery, we headed to Garland City Beer Works for a drink and dessert and met up with another amazing goddess woman. The three of us had a fabulous time just sitting in our mutual goddess energy and sharing it with each other!
We ended the evening with a good night kiss in the driveway with plans for a second date as soon as we can get our schedules aligned! I have to say that I am glad I led my guard down a little bit to allow for this good female energy to come into my life. And I am comfortable enough with myself and my life to not have to put labels and definitions onto any of it.
I am just going to keep living my truth and my happiness as loudly as I can because joyfulness is supposed to be loud! Who will join me?
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Joining these Fabulous Link Parties.
Outfit Details: Boots-Boot Barn / Dress-Johnny Was (Thrifted) / Bralette-Torrid / Cardigan, Necklace, and Earrings-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
46 Comments
Suzy Turner
Shelbee, I love how open you are to sharing all this stuff with us. As someone who has been married to the same man for 22 years (and with him since I was 16) and who has never had (full on) sex with anyone else, I find your life quite fascinating! I have always considered myself to be heterosexual, but I was once attracted to a woman, which surprised me. However, in. this day and age, I think we should all just love who we want to love and be with who we want to be with, regardless of anything really! I love the idea of pansexuality—it sounds perfect for you!
Your outfit is gorgeous, I bet your date was blown away! And the boots are simply divine!
Big hugs
Suzy xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Suzy, I just got all teared up reading your comment. Thank you so much! You are such an amazing human! If only more people could grasp that whole idea of freedom to love who and how many you want! The first time I felt a physical attraction to a woman was about 20 years ago when I worked in NYC. She was a professional colleague and I didn’t really know what to do with what I felt so I just ignored it. But I remembered the feeling well the second time I felt attracted to a woman which was probably 15 years later. Finally I am able to just say fuck it and pursue what little sparks get ignited inside me regardless of anything really…like you said!
Sending big hugs right back at you, my friend! Thanks for always being such a wonderful support!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gail
Go for it Shelbee, we only live once and there will always be judgmental women! They should mind their own business, as my gran used to say.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Gail! I think I would have liked your gran very much!
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzy Turner
I feel truly honoured to be your friend, Shelbee! I’m loving all these goddess vibes right here!!
Suzy <3 <3 <3
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
That feeling is mutual! Love you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nadine
Dear Shelbee,
Thank you for your wonderful and open blog posting! I am very happy that you have overcome your fears and that you have dated this godess girl. It must have been a great evening and I keep my fingers crossed that many more great evenings will follow with her.
You have chosen the perfect outfit for the girl date. The dress is super cute and the boots are fantastic. You looked lovely!
(Btw, I know what it’s like to overcome fears. I am a part-time girl and I also had to overcome myself when I went out into public for the first time as a woman. Now I love it and am addicted to it.)
xxxxx Nadine
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nadine, thank you so very much for this wonderful comment. This process of living my truth out loud has been so liberating that I want other people to try it, too! I love that you have embraced your truth as well and are enjoying your addiction to women’s fashion…it is an addiction that I know quite well! Society should not get to dictate to us how we should dress or who we should date or what we value and so I will keep sharing my journey as an example of how to live in your truth and be genuine and authentic always. I really appreciate your support, my friend! In today’s post, I shared a bit about fetishes!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nadine
Shelbee, thank you for your kind reply to my comment. It is really great that you live out your truth out loud. Oh yeah, female fashion can really be an addiction. You’re absolutely right that society shouldn’t dictate how we dress or who to love. I’ll have a look at your current post right away.
xoxo Nadine
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Nadine! Yeah, I just kind of got tired living in a closet and hiding my true self. And now I have every intention of being as bold and brave and visible as I can be for the second half of my life!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
I am so happy for you. I am glad that your date went well. Very cool. Those boots look so perfect for the occasion.
Feeling the positive vibes here.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you! I have definitely been surrounding myself with all sorts of positive energy these days. And I’m gonna ride the good high for as long as it lasts!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
You go girl! I love how open you are with us – that in and of it self educates and hopefully makes it easier for people to remove stigmas and judgements! Cute outfit, too!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tamar, thank you so very much! That is really all I aim to do…remove the stigma that prevents people from being who they are! This process is extraordinarily liberating for me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
How fabulous for you that you met up with not 1 but 2 women! The outfit is perfect for a girls night out. I love those cow girl boots especially under a dress!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, my friend! There was definitely lots of goddess power that night! I feel really blessed that I am able to find people who connect with at this stage of life.
xoxo
Shelbee
Wendy
I’m newish to blogging. For many months I thought that Suzy (The Grey Brunette) and you were the same person. One day — maybe yesterday — I was like, “Oh, wait. . . ”
At the very least, you look like twins. 🙂
Love the entire the entire outfit. The cowboy boots with that dress. And that white duster.
Super cool outfit.
Love is love. I married someone who was/is somewhere on the spectrum. Friends and family were really anti. Twenty years later his teen boys adore him. And he’s a prince to me.
I think pig tails might be your cutuest do!!
Wendy
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Wendy, thank you so much for this beautiful comment! My heart just melted a little bit that you confused me and Suzy as the same person! She and I are such kindred spirits and very dear friends so I am completely flattered that you made that error. And yes, love is love is love. I have been saying that since I was a young girl and still I cannot believe what a difficult concept it is for so many to grasp. Keep shining your love light into the world, my friend! We need more of it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Joanne
Look at you blowing all these fears out of the water! I often find other women (espeically in groups!) way more intimidating than men.. in fact I often find myself hanging out with my husband and the guys at parties rather than haning out with the other women/moms. I find men to be less judgy and I tend to feel more comfortable being me around them than I do in a group of female peers.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks, Joanne! I can relate to every single thing you just said! 100%. But I am trying to grow out of that safe comfort zone! It is intimidating as hell, but it has been very rewarding so far.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
I LOVE these boots! I’m so miffed I didn’t get a pair like this when I went to venice years ago! They look so good on you hun. Have a super time Shelbee. Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jacqui! You should just order a pair from Venice now! I do love my cowgirl boots. It is a lifelong passion.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
You always open the gates for all kinds of discussions Shelbee…I love it.
And I love the white cowboy boots. I bought a pair of green ones lately, and have been loving them.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thank you so much! And you just opened the gates of envy at the mention of green cowboy boots! I’m coming over to stalk your blog because I need to see them!
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie Augustyn
Hi Shelbee! Thanks for being so candid and sharing your most recent journey to be your true self! Kudos my friend! Who are we to judge?! Just be you and do you! I find with age I care less and less about other’s opinions or judgements!
Love that we collaborated and connected over our cowgirl boots! Fashin and friends is such a passion of mine! Love how you wore them with your dress! Looking forward to more collabrations in the future!
Julie xo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Julie, thank you so much for your very kind and supportive words! I have been pushing myself to really share some of the uncomfortable stuff lately and I have to say it is so liberating! I am shedding all the fears and shame that accumulated over a lifetime and I have never been happier. Living my truth right out loud now! I feel like I am just hitting the best years of my life at 47. I love that we collaborated over white cowgirl boots, too! I also am super passionate about fashion and friends and living out our passions and truths! I absolutely would love to collaborate with you again in the future! Next pair of cowgirl boots, maybe??? Because if you are anything like me, I know you won’t be able to stop just at one!
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheila (of Ephemera)
Woo hoo for indulging your inner goddess in what she wants. People are people – doesn’t matter what gender they are or identify with. I’ve been primarily hetero most of my life, but I have definitely enjoyed kissing and making out with women, including one of my friends. The heart and genitals (lol) know what they want!
You look sexy (boobs ahoy, rowr!) and classy and fun in this outfit. I need a pair of white cowboy boots!
I am so proud of you for speaking up – it takes guts, and fear of judgment holds back so many people. I’m sorry that so many women have been so cruel – we definitely are the crueller sex at times. I hope you forge some goddess-level friendships, whether they involve sex or not. I don’t know what I would do without the love and support of my girlfriends, all of whom I met in my early 40s (and I’ve made out with one of them! ha!).
Hugs to you, my dear.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh My God, Sheila, I love this comment so much! Thank you for always being so open and supportive as I forge my way into being more open! I really do crave goddess level friendships, with or without sex, and it is so nice to know that many women feel the same way. It really is a lifelong process to unlearn all the crazy things that society and culture embed in our brains. I was just sitting here a moment ago thinking about how free I feel right now as I shed each layer of fear and shame. It is exhilarating actually. More people should try it! Living truthfully out loud is where it’s at.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle,
First, the outfit: I love it! Such a fun, sassy look.
Next, I’m glad you are facing your facing fears. Both of women and apps. 😄 I think I would have enjoyed the feeld app when I was dating. At least eventually. Back then (a mere 6 yrs ago) OKCupid was the best app for unconventional relationships. But I’ll tell you online dating freaked me the f**k out when I started. I shut down my account at least 3 times at the beginning while I sorted through my fears. Anyway, I am heterosexual, but I do fall in love with some of my girlfriends. So sexually hetero and romantically bi? But yeah, whatever with the labels.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, my friend! I always love reading your responses to posts like this. You have become a mentor to me in this lifestyle and so I appreciate that! I am laughing out loud about your shutting down your accounts multiple times. I did the same thing! Finally I learned that it was okay to just ignore the app when I am not in the mood rather than deleting the whole thing and having to start anew every time I changed my mind! But yeah, online dating is freaking scary shit no matter what angle you are coming from! But it is the way of the world these days and I rarely leave my house so I am grateful for technology and weird dating apps! But labels I can do without.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Dating is scary. Period imo. I mean, logically, online dating is no different than meeting someone anywhere else. Anyone can pretend to be anything, lie about who they are both in person and online. The only thing they can’t lie about in person is how they look. When Dan was dating in southern CA, he found a lot of women put photos up that didn’t show their true appearance. And it always became evident when they met in person. So weird. Why lie? Given that Dan’s ex was a pathological liar, he has a very low tolerance for such things.
When we were first conversing, we exchanged nude photos. I shared my imperfect 52 year old body. I didn’t know it then, but I’d already passed one test. LOL!
About the only time you can be assured of some measure of safety is if a mutual friend matches you up with someone compatible, but that truly decreases your dating pool immensely.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yes, to all of this, Michelle! I have never understand why people lie about any of that kind of stuff! As if they won’t be found out fairly quickly. It has never made any sense to me. Also, the lying about your age thing! Never could wrap my brain around that one either. It is what it is. Age is nothing to be ashamed of. Although I remember reading many years ago that an actress (I can’t remember who it was now) said that she always told people she was 10 years older than her actual age and then she would get responses of “Oh Wow! You look 10 years younger than that!” Hahaha.
You are right that online dating really is no different from in person meeting/dating. We still have to exercise caution meeting with new people regardless of the forum where you found each other!
I love that you always keep things real and I am certain that your imperfect 52 year old body was sexy as hell! Because real is sexy.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Awww…, thanks! Dan said he appreciated the self-confidence. 😀
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Hehe, you are welcome!
Marsha Banks
Shelbee, I applaud you for living your life! After watching “The Crying Game”, so many years ago, it occurred to me we love the person not the genitals. I think this world would be so much better if we just accepted love as love period. And, furthermore, your business is yours and no one else’s! BTW, I envy you those boots!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Marsha, I cannot thank you enough for this lovely comment. I have been saying that my whole life…love is love is love is love…and there really shouldn’t be anything else to it other than that! More unconditional love cannot be a bad thing! More cowgirl boots added to my collection is never a bad thing either. Ha.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I adore the thrifted dress from Johnny Was! What a great find. That brand is not cheap but I love their stuff. The boots are perfect with it. Such a cute look Shelbee!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks so much, my friend! I was so excited when I spotted this dress! It is a size medium and I was afraid it would be too small so I was even more excited when it fit! I should start shopping the brand on Poshmark to see what I can find preloved.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
Proud of you for facing your fears! Love the dress!!
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, my friend! I appreciate your support more than words can express!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anna Marcus
You are one brave women, Shelbee, I admire your honesty and desire to be truthfull to yourself regardless of what other people think. Go for it, I can’t wait to hear more about your new adventure 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Anna! It is a tough world to be visibly genuine in but I am going to keep on living my truth out loud and sharing it along the way! I really appreciate your support and kindness!
xoxo
Shelbee
stephanie
Love the honesty here, but also love those boots! My sensible black ones feel very sensible by comparison! Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Stephanie! Sensible black boots are always a good thing to have, too!
xoxo
Shelbee
Chickenruby
No judgement from me at all. Good on you for exploring your needs. I love how you’ve teamed the dress with the slip, but you wouldn’t catch me wearing cowboy boots, I have a thing about my shins being touched. The only boots I wear are wellies with a wide top and my DMs that I leave slightly open
Thanks for linking with #pocolo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Suzanne! I have a bit of an obsession with cowboy boots! But if things touching my shins bothered me, I wouldn’t want to wear them either! I have an issue with rings on my fingers! I can’t stand the way that feels. It makes me claustrophobic for some reason and so I rarely wear rings at all. Only sometimes for a photoshoot then off they come.
xoxo
Shelbee