Shelbee Says…”The only choice you have is to survive…or don’t.”
The last few weeks have been somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions for me due to some recent unravellings in my personal life. And while I am slowly adjusting to a new normal, it got me to thinking about all the shit that I have been through in my life and how I have made it this far completely in tact and stronger than ever. Since I don’t have a reader question to answer, I am using this opportunity to share my own words of advice that I have to remind myself of when times get really rough.
I have talked in the past about the choices that we have in life. Things like choosing happiness, joy, and gratitude. Choosing to wake up every morning with a positive attitude and a willingness to go out into the world with a smile and a readiness to make a difference. Choosing to stay true to yourself and never compromise your own beliefs. Choosing to be flexible when needed and rigid when necessary. Choosing love over hate, love for others and love for yourself. Choosing to be kind every single day. Choosing strength over weakness. Choosing your own perspective on life’s situations. Choosing not to be broken. It makes all the difference.
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Because, you see, that is a choice, too. Whether or not you want to go through life broken. Sometimes it is others who break us and sometimes we do it to ourselves. But how we react to being broken is in our own hands. We get to choose whether we want to remain broken or repair the cracks. We all make mistakes. It is an inherent part of the human experience. It is the curse that comes with free will, with the ability to rationalize and make decisions, and with emotional thinking. In this, we really have no choice. It is how we were created and it is how we will remain. But it is what we do with our free will and how we choose to react to our mistakes and any other obstacles that are thrown in our paths that decides how fulfilling our lives will be.
I am sure most of you are familiar by now with my journey through the darkest recesses of bipolar disorder. You probably already know that I have lost both of my parents at very young ages to cancer. I watched a friend die my freshmen year in college, unexpectedly to an undiagnosed heart condition, followed a few months later by another friend who lost his life in a car accident. Both were just 18 years old and their deaths shook me to my core, made me question my own mortality. I was married and divorced at an age that was much too young to handle that kind of emotional trauma only to find myself in a strangely emotionally abusive relationship a few years later. Those experiences made me question my own sanity, my worth, and my purpose. Of course many of those things were out of my control, but I also have made a million bad decisions in my lifetime that were completely in my control. I am sure that I have hurt people along the way the same as others have hurt me. I guess it is just what we do as we all stumble through this crazy life.
I am not sharing all of this for sympathy. I do not want sympathy at all. I am sharing this to illustrate how time and again I had to make a choice. With each obstacle, each tragedy, each struggle, each bad decision, I had to choose my response. With all things, the choice comes down to one basic decision…survive or don’t. Get through it or don’t. Learn from it or don’t. It really is that simple. Oftentimes, not making a decision at all when you find yourself firmly planted in the middle of a shit storm is still a choice. Other times, you need to make crazy difficult decisions in an effort to right a wrong. Maybe you have to take dramatic actions to get yourself back on track. But whatever you need to do…ride it out, cover your head and duck, run in the other direction, hide away for a while, or face it head on and take a solid punch to the face…you still get to choose the outcome…survive or don’t.
You see, each and every time so far, I have chosen survival. Even when it didn’t seem as if I had a choice. Even when I was convinced that my demise was imminent. But I am still sitting here telling you about it. I have chosen survival. Every single time. Because it is the only choice you have sometimes. Survive or don’t.
And when you get to the other side of the shit storm, you have to just wash it all off, clean yourself up, put yourself back together, and be prepared to do it all again. Because life is filled with obstacles and hard decisions and you will continue to make mistakes and you will still find yourself in situations where you have to make difficult choices. Too many times, none of the options will seem all that desirable, but you will always have the choice to survive or don’t. And each and every time, I will always choose survival. Until the very end when the choice is no longer mine. Let’s face it…none of us get out of this life alive…but while we are here, we have to do our very best to survive and thrive and enjoy the ride with all of its ups and downs, stops and go’s, clear skies and shit storms.
But it is important to remember, when you feel like you are drowning and the wind and the rain won’t stop and you are being pummeled until you can no longer breathe, in that moment, the only choice you have is survive…or don’t. Find something to hold onto, some kind of anchor, fix your gaze on the tiniest glimmer of light and get to the other side. Keep choosing survival.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
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*All images are from Pexels, “The best free stock photos in one place.”
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
31 Comments
Jodie
Gosh, you always know how to go deep and talk truth, Shelbee.
Sending you love and hugs
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thank you so very much! I appreciate that more than you know.
xoxo
Shelbee
Shelly
Beautifully shared Shelbee. It’s so true. I was at a conference last month and the speaker was talking about 9/11 as she was working in the pentagon that day and she noted the 9/11’s aren’t our story it’s what we do on 9/12. She told the story of Tammy Duckworth who lost both her legs serving our country and how looking at a clock and choosing to make it just 5 more minutes was what kept her moving those first few days. Prayers to you as you walk through a new storm. I know you will come out stronger!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shelly, thank you so much for sharing this story. We all journey through darkness at certain points in our lives. Some face struggles that are incomprehensible to many and they come through shining brighter than ever. I admire those people and am constantly inspired by the strength of the human spirit. Sharing their stories is so important. They are testaments to how much strength each of us holds within ourselves. Again, thank you so much for sharing Tammy’s story with me.
xoxo
Shelbee
Carol Tsacoyeanes
I absolutely love that you were willing to share in depth your survival of so many of life’s storms, Shelbee. Your story and how you focus on the positive is truly inspiring. You amaze me! I agree that when we are able to follow this advice of being positive and appreciative in our lives instead of getting wiped out by the storm,we do come out stronger and better as you have!
I recently read a book by an author, Dr. Bridget Cooper, that I recently had the pleasure of meeting. She shares her unbelievably broken history from a baby and how she overcomes the demons of her past in one of her books called: Little Landslides, How we Rise Up from our Pain. She recently was also on Ted Talks and is also truly an inspiration!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carol, thank you so much. That means a lot coming from another inspiring survivor like yourself! I will have to check out this book by Dr. Cooper. It sounds like it is right up my alley, for sure! Keep inspiring and empowering, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar Strauss-Benjamin
Sending you a huge hug. You are such an amazing strong person.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks so much, Tamar! We are all stronger than we know. But hugs are always welcomed!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jeanie
I’m newish to your blog, and enjoy it. Even in the dark times, it’s those glimmers of light that keep us going. I think feeling like you have a choice- to survive or not, gives you strength. I guess I have felt most helpless when I could not see any choices. So I find your perspective encouraging. Thanks
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jeanie, thank you so much for reading and for sharing your experience. I think it is so important to talk about our struggles. It is how we form community within our pain and then we become that much stronger knowing that others have gone before us and survived. I am so glad that my perspective is encouraging. That validation is so important to me and keeps me doing what I do.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa Richardson
Love your raw and open honesty Shelbee!
XOXO
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Lisa! That means a lot to me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
I find your perspective encouraging too. Beautifully written, Shelbee
I particularly loved: “Oftentimes, not making a decision at all when you find yourself firmly planted in the middle of a shit storm is still a choice.”
Thank you for writing that.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, thank you so very much for that. I am so glad that my words are providing encouragement where encouragement is needed.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nina
Wow. Moving post. I usually have lots to say, as you know… I’m just hoping you are ok. You are so right about choices, decisions and actions. They move us away from and toward one thing or another. We can control our own choices, and make decisions based on the best information available at the time, but not choices and actions of others, as you know. Amazing…take care.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nina, thank you so much! I am doing quite well actually. Just processing some things is all. Which is good because it makes for great topics for my writing! Life, you know, it tends to surprise us around every corner, doesn’t it? For me, I take those experiences, get to the other side, and then share with everyone to let you all know that none of us are alone on this crazy journey!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Very beautiful. I know that I have a couple of tractor-trailers full of fertilizer that follows me but I (like you) march on. This a little poem I love:
“Fight on, my men,” Sir Andrew Said
“A little I’m hurt but not yet slain.
“I’ll just lie down and bleed a while,
“And then I’ll rise and Fight again.”
The reason I like it is about survival and rising to live another day. The easy thing in life when things go south is to roll over in the fetal position and stay there but choosing to survive and get up to face another day is hard. Very nice.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for sharing your message and that fun encouraging poem. I love it! And while those fertilizer trucks are following you, just keep them at a healthy distance…and never go fetal! That is a saying my sister and I have when someone just rolls over and gives up. We always say, “Oh No. (S)he has gone fetal.” Facing our challenges, obstacles, and fears can be intimidating. But it is ever so rewarding when we do face them and then conquer them!
xoxo
Shelbee
Amy Christensen
This is a very important message for all of us to hear. I’ve heard it put this way, “We can either be bitter or better,” by what life throws at us. Better is always the goal, even when it is hard. Thanks for always keeping it real, Shelbee! Hugs! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Amy, thank you so much! I like the way you have heard it as well..be bitter or better…I will always choose better!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill Foley
wow – thank you for sharing. I’m so grateful you have chosen survival – keep it up!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so very much! I, too, am grateful that I have chosen survival and I will continue do so while uplift and empower others to make the same choice!
xoxo
Shelbee
Meghan Grace
Wow, I really needed to hear this message today. I am new to your blog. Thank you for sharing your message with us. Yes, we can either survive-or don’t. Just what I needed to be reminded of today. Hugs, Meghan
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Meghan, welcome to my blog and thanks so much for stopping by! Also, thank you so much for validating what I do. I am so glad that this post was timed perfectly for what you needed today! I think we all need a gentle reminder every now and then of these things. I needed one myself…which is why I wrote this. I hope you are doing well and shining bright in your survival!
xoxo
Shelbee
Helen C.
One of your best writings, my dear Shelbee.
And, may I add, that, we also tend to forget that most of us go through the same journeys, similar obstacles. Surviving means living. Thank you for reminding me, I have been obsessed lately with my problems like I am the only one that goes through obstacles 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Helen, thank you so much for this comment. I needed reminding myself of this recently…which is why I wrote it! And sometimes it is okay to get caught up in your own world especially when you are dealing with traumatic and very stressful events. You need to focus on yourself to get through it. But regaining perspective is also important and that is what ultimately helps you to heal. I do hope that you are starting to feel somewhat better, my friend. Know you are not alone and many have survived the same things before you…just as you will survive and come out on the other side a stronger person. Sending a million hugs your way!
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee Gramith
Every once in awhile in moments of despair it helps to “go fetal”. Perhaps it’s a way to reconnect to our most basic life force so that we can find the energy to repair and restore.
You have a gift for uncovering the universal core of emotional pain and reminding us that there is a community to join. You offer the open spots on the lifeboat and remind us that shit storms happen… to us all.
Thank you Shelbee. May your current journey help you to restore hope.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jude, once again you have left me feeling so much better with your brilliant insight and your wonderfully inspiring and encouraging comments. I cannot thank you enough!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
Such a wonderful post Shelbee. Sometimes in those really dark moments it’s hard to find a way forward but there is always a way, even if it’s just waiting patiently for the storm to pass – the key is to remember that it will pass and the bad times don’t last. That’s what has helped me when I’ve had bouts of depression.
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience and what has worked for you to weather storms like this. I think it is so important to talk about these issues with each and share what we have been through as it can help so many people who may feel so alone in the darkness.
xoxo
Shelbee
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