Wednesday’s Quote of the Week: About Endings
Lately, I have been pondering the way we, as humans, handle death, how we grieve, and why we all do it differently. In light of the recent situation of helping my 8 year old deal with his grief at the loss of a friend, I have found myself in frequent contemplation about our coping mechanisms when it comes to death.
Death is a part of life. No matter how you choose to look at it, all life comes to an end. We have learned to expect it when people are older and have lived 80, 90, 100 years. But we cannot seem to grasp it when it ends too soon. But even when a person dies after living a very long and full life, we still grieve the loss. So I wonder, why do we not have an instinctual reaction to loss and the end of life? We instinctually react to so many other things, but the inevitable ending of life leaves us lost and confused, searching endlessly for reasons and purpose and answers to questions that simply cannot be answered.
Life really is just a phase. A phase in something so much bigger than us. And we spend our entire lives searching for what that thing is. And we always, always run out of time before we find the answer. So really, Shel Silverstein has phrased it perfectly…
“There are no happy endings.
Shel Silverstein
Endings are the saddest part.
So just give me a happy middle
And a very happy start.”
It is the best we can do. I hope I didn’t make you all depressed with today’s post. These are really just some of things that go through my head…all the time! No wonder I am always so tired.
So before the end does come…because it always does…live today as if you don’t know when the end will come. Because you really don’t know. We are right in the middle…do whatever it is you need to do to make it a very happy middle!
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
28 Comments
Nancy
I already live like that. But I never thought : I will do that later! Perhaps there is no later. Live every day!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Another reason why I adore you so much, Nancy! You definitely do live that way and I have so much admiration for you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Having had some deaths in my family I too have wondered about this – my cousin lost her dad at 24 and barely shed a tear – it clearly was such a loss but she was able to be stoic. Hope your son is ok!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tamar, thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. I lost my dad when I was 20 and it took me about 10 years before I shed a single tear. Grief is so hard to process at any age.
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
It’s so hard ❤❤❤
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
For sure it is, Becky. Thanks for stopping by!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laurie
I’m with Shel. He is just so wise. Thanks for sharing the great quote, Shelbee!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Laurie! I have been a huge Shel Silverstein fan my entire life! Have a fantastic day!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Actually a very thought-provoking post. Very interesting with a great quote.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Patrick! I do like to provoke thought so it’s nice to hear that I succeeded!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gail
A good philosophy Shelbee – focus on the middle bits! We’re incredibly lucky if we make it to old age and every minute should count. Our time here is all too short. Thanks for joining #WowOnWednesday.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gail, thanks so much for stopping by! We are lucky, for sure, to make it to old age. And I think I’m going to use your words as my new mantra…”Focus on the middle bits!”
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie | This Main Line Life
I’ve been contemplating these things too because my Dad is getting pretty old and I definitely do see him declining. Don’t have any answers, just something I think about too.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Julie, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am so sorry to hear that your dad is declining. Enjoy all the moments you can with him, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Liberty
You said: “So I wonder, why do we not have an instinctual reaction to loss and the end of life? We instinctually react to so many other things, but the inevitable ending of life leaves us lost and confused, searching endlessly for reasons and purpose and answers to questions that simply cannot be answered.”
Reminds me of a quote I know: “Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”
Except we CAN come to the knowledge of truth. And the truth will set you free. I believe that Jesus is the truth that sets you free. Knowing HIM is the truth that makes us free. He said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life— no man can come to the Father but by me.” Because I trust His words, I am not lost and confused about the end of life. I am certain about the end of my life on earth. He gave us his words in the Bible so that we could KNOW that we have eternal life.
Shelbee, this instinct that you are missing, I think is actually God’s way of letting people know yes, they ARE missing something. So that they will search for the Truth, and find him.
There is absolutely no way that I could deal with death, if it were not for my sure hope of seeing my loved ones again someday. Life would be unbearable without that hope, that sure hope. (Not a wish— hope used to have a definite meaning to the word– which is the reason I named my daughter Hope : ) )
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liberty, thank you so much for sharing your perspective on my philosophical wonderings. I love that you have found your way to the answers that you need. And I absolutely love that you named your daughter Hope for the reasons you have stated. You are a kind and loving and beautiful soul, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Liberty
Did my comment on here come through? Just checking… you don’t have to publish it, and if you don’t want to respond that’s okay too. If it got lost in the interwebs, I’ll try to remember what I said and say it again….
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I did receive it, Liberty! I am just so behind on responding to comments and email and everything else! You original comment is published now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the topic. They are most inspiring!
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire Justine
Something to really think about here. Sometimes I stress about the little things that really don’t matter. I shall try and think about this post next time I am getting stressed. Thanks for sharing at Creative Monday 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Claire, thank you so much for reading! I am always getting stressed about the little things lately and that is not normal for me. I must pay closer attention as well and reprioritize the things of importance. I hope you have a lovely day, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I’m not sure about the rest of the world, but we Americans seem exceptionally uncomfortable with the subject of death. While the death of children is completely heart-breaking, we don’t fare much better in regard to death after a long life. People won’t making living wills; parents refuse to share their last wishes with their adult children; adult children refuse to listen when their parents do want to talk about it. It’s like if we don’t acknowledge it, it won’t happen. When it does, it’s expected that those who have lost someone near and dear be over their grief in a defined amount of time, because if it lasts too long we grow tired of be reminded it will happen to us one day.
When I was a teenager, my great grandmother lost a friend she’d known nearly all of her life. I expressed my sympathy with her loss. Her reply? “There are a lot worse things in this world than old people dying.” And when she died, I remembered that, and worked hard to focus on her life instead of her death.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful perspective on the topic. With a husband in the military, we are forced to discuss end of life options and make funeral plans especially when your solider deploys. There is required pre-deployment paperwork that must be completed going over all of these details. I remember doing the paperwork with my husband before his last deployment and we were able to just discuss it matter-of-factly…because the possibility of needing these plans is a very real one. I also remember other family members getting really upset that we had to discuss these matters. It is a very strange phenomenon of human nature, for sure. And your grandmother definitely had the right perspective. In fact, I just had a similar conversation with my son last night. He was very sad and missing his friend, so I asked him to share some of the special things about her that he liked the most. I think that helped him a lot. Thanks again for sharing your insights! Have a fantastic day.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I can really see it with the military! Much of my perspective comes from having worked in healthcare for 15 years. It’s heartbreaking when a family is faced with a life and death decision and there has been no discussion. Decisions that should be made in a calm atmosphere and with rational thought now have to made during one of the worst moments in anyone’s life.
IMHO, it’s fantastic that you are encouraging your son to talk about his friend.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much for your support and encouragement on this topic. I was just explaining to my son the other night that there are so many friends from second grade that he will forget over time when he is much older but that he will never ever forget this friend. She will always have a special place in his heart and he will always feel sadness when he thinks of her even 40 years from now. But I also explained that the sadness will get less over time even though it will always be there. He is a strong kid and he is going to be fine, but this process is something one never anticipates as a parent…having to walk your young child through the grief process.
xoxo
Shelbee
Helen C.
I think in the modern West, death is a taboo. We almost never see dead people, so we are not familiarized with the idea of it.
The quote is beautiful And so true..
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I agree completely, Helen! It is the strangest thing to me though. And I have really been trying to gain a better understanding of why we react the way we do. Thanks for stopping by, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mica
What fun layering! Death is definitely a trick topic to think about and grief is so hard to process!
Hope your week is going well otherwise 🙂
Thank you so much for joining the #weekdayWearLinkUp 🙂
http://awayfromtheblue.blogspot.com.au
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Mica! Some days are better than others. I noticed the few days after a counseling session, my son gets really moody as all the emotions are stirred up. Then it calms down some until the next session. But he is a moody 8 year old to begin with! We are getting through the process though the best we can.
xoxo
Shelbee