The Evolution of Love
*This post is inspired by everyone I have ever known in my lifetime and everything I have ever loved.
The concept of love is a tricky one, isn’t it? It changes throughout time with each and every relationship, with every new encounter and experience in our lives. As we grow and evolve and change, our entire understanding of the meaning of this word changes. It changes as the context changes, it changes as the object changes, it changes as the subject changes. It is both subjective and objective while at the same time being neither. It just keeps changing until we either begin to take it completely for granted and start tossing it around like air or it becomes this powerful idea that elicits fear in the strongest of people. When you start to really process the meaning of the word, you can be left totally confused or completely enlightened.
*This is a sponsored post. This sweater was provided to me for purposes of this blog. As always, all thoughts and opinions are entirely my own.
I have had this picture hanging in a very visible place in my home for the past 7 years. It has traveled with me to three different homes in two different states and it has always been designated to a prominent location. But yet, I never really looked at it. I never really read it.
I mean, I read it, obviously, when I bought it. I thought it was cute. Sentimental. The perfect addition to our brand new home where we were starting our family. It has always hung next to this picture. Cute. Tender. Sappy. Maybe a little corny. But to me, these two statements, hanging side by side, said, “Welcome to my home. Where my family lives and grows. This is a place that is filled with love.”
But now I think that it is all too straightforward and maybe even a little generic. Of course this is my home where I live with my family. And of course these rooms are abundant with love. Familial love of all sorts. I love my husband and my children. They love me and each other. We love our cats. We love our house. We love our neighborhood. We love our possessions. We love certain activities. We love our favorite foods. We love our extended family members. We love our friends. We literally toss that word all around us, making sure that we are surrounded by love. And all of this love fits perfectly within the confines of the definition hanging on my wall. To like something very much. A profound feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection for a person, a place, or an ideal. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person, darling, sweetheart. It seems so simple when you put it in those terms, doesn’t it? But is it really that easy? Maybe, it is. I’m not sure.
*Sweater: Plus Size Cut Out Jumper Sweater c/o Rosegal.
Here is where the waters can get a bit muddled…let me talk about the notion of romantic love. In stages. Young love. Puppy love. That first love we feel that actually can cause us physical pain. The love that takes your breath away. The love that breaks you down. The love that you will never forget no matter how hard you try. Think back to the very first person whom you loved with that intensity. You probably will say now that you “thought” you loved that person. What the heck does that even mean? Isn’t it more probable that you absolutely, totally loved that person in that moment and your understanding of the concept of love has just changed over the years? And now your entire recollection of what you felt in the past is skewed in the present…but only because it’s different from what you understood love to be back then. Love, and our understanding of it, evolves with us. It is not a concrete, stationary ideal with a fixed and immovable meaning. We feel love differently, we know love differently, we understand love differently, we interpret love differently in every single situation and every different stage of our lives. It has a way of really keeping you on your toes, doesn’t it? When you never quite know what to expect?
*Earrings: Sugarfix by BaubleBar Triad Ball Drop Earrings.
As we get older, we tend to negate teenagers and younger adults when they express their undying love for one another. We tell them they don’t know what they are talking about, they don’t understand their own emotions, they are too young and immature to handle the intensity of such feelings. But that’s not really true at all, is it? We are emotional beings by nature and we feel love very early on in our lives. Sure, it begins as dependence. Dependence on our parents for survival. But that quickly grows into love. So, on some level, we understand it at our core for the entirety of our lives. Yet it continues to confuse and confound us. It also has a way of bringing clarity and a whole hell of a lot of joy to us as well.
Fast forward past the romantic love of your youth. The love that caused pain. The love that broke your heart. The love that you thought you could never live without. The love that very possibly destroyed your soul. And here you are now. All put back together, living without that love. But now you have this bitter aftertaste of a love that went sour. And suddenly, the notion of love is terrifying. It is something to be feared, dreaded, and avoided. You may feel incapable of loving again and of being loved. So you run as fast as you can at the first glimpse of it trying to sneak back into your life.
But eventually, you find your way to a place where self-love comes into your life. It is the most important love, in my opinion. It is the love that allows you to love others. It is the love that grants you independence. It is the love that protects you. When you find that love, you begin to let down your guard a little and accept love from others. And now the love you begin to feel toward others is not the immature, I am going die without you, painful love from your youth. This new love has evolved into mutual understanding and respect. A partnership of sorts. Friendship. Companionship. Compatibility, comfortability, and compassion come into play. More like I will love you forever but I can live without you. It’s a love that is safe because you know that once your heart has been broken and then repaired by self-love, it cannot be broken again. And when the heart becomes unbreakable, that is when you can really start to love. Because it is only now that your love can be selfless and, as such, it requires no reciprocation whatsoever. You can love for the mere sake of loving. Because it feels nice and good to put that kind of light out into a world that can be very dark at times. And that is not scary at all.
So now at the age of 43, I have made it a point to love freely and fearlessly. Without apology. Without expectations. Without stipulations. Without reserve. But with abundance. With sincerity. With depth and meaning and understanding. With everything I’ve got. Myself, my husband, my children, my family, my friends, my pets, my passions, my interests, and my goals. I will not fail to let you know that you are loved. Because life is short, my friends. It is all too short. Do not be afraid to love. And for goodness sake, make room for it when it comes to visit.
*Boots: Nakita Bootie from Shoe Dazzle.
*In this post, I am not speaking about the love between parent and child. That kind of love is overwhelming and will probably break your heart a million times in a million different ways. I am still learning about what that kind of love can do. It is the kind of love that requires no effort but a whole lot of patience. It is unconditional. It is gentle and sometimes harsh. It is real. And it is unmatched by any other kind of love. That is a topic for another day.
Getting mushy on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
31 Comments
Tamar
I love those boots!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Tamar! They are so comfortable, too.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lise
This is one of your best posts. Also this outfit is very flattering on you. Thanks for sharing. Lise
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lise, thank you so much for that compliment! Inspiration often strikes me in the everyday things. A picture on the wall, a conversation with a friend, a dream of past experiences. But when it does strike, I am compelled to run with it.
xoxo
Shelbee
ADA
Thank you for 1) writing this amazing, very deep, very thought-out post on love and 2) for letting me know – I had to stop by right away. You expressed everything about love so beautifully and it is like you took a lot of words and thoughts right out of my mouth. This is so true in so many levels. I especially agree about self-love. We can’t even love someone else or give them the right kind of love without loving ourselves. Also, the writer in me appreciates this post so much. On top of that with what I have gone through in my life… This is by far the best post you ever wrote and the best thing I have read so far in 2018 – I mean it. Thank you so much for liking my poems too.
In my Thursday Moda #103 (going live at 8.00 AM today) I am getting very deep and personal on a subject us bloggers are passionate about – style. You have to read it because I think you will love it. Speaking of style I love this outfit with the different shades of purple. Amazing boots too. I bought a similar pair. Glad to see some nicer weather there too. Our snow melted entirely too.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ada, this means so much to me…how you have praised this post. I was inspired by a million different things going on in my life now and in the past that in one sense the words flowed freely. But in a strange way, I struggled a little with the direction I wanted to go here. While the writing process was quite cathartic, it also stirred up a lot of emotions that I guess I needed to process as well. I reread it at least 15 times before publishing to prevent any misinterpretations while also leaving it up to the reader’s interpretation. My inner philosopher definitely took control on this one! And I suppose she succeeded, too! Because you are the second person to say this is the best piece I have ever written. I cannot thank you enough for that!
And while our snow has all melted away, we just drove for 3 hours through terrible snow and icy rain. So I guess Spring was just here for a few days to tease me! Heading over now to read what you have to say about style, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
ADA
I think we are often our worst critics when it comes to what we wrote and how we express our feelings. My latest post about style felt the same way. I read it at least 5 times before publishing it. I didn’t want to offend anyone and i don’t think I did. I just wanted to say what I feel about personal style and how personal style is and should be interpreted differently by everyone. Same thing with love: how we love, how we show love, how we feel love, how we express love, how much we love. There are no models to follow and no cookie cutters.
And I will be honest with you I am not shocked at all how we are in sync with our thoughts since we see things similarly, from what I have known you. Hugs and have a great weekend!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ada, you are awesome! Check out my newest post! I think you might like this one even more! hahaha.
jacqui
So meaningful Shelbee and heartfelt too. I totally understand what your are saying and agree. My love for my friends has been the main thing I’ve noticed since I’ve got older – I’d have to live without them I know, but spending time with them all is so cherished – I think they all feel the same way too.
Can I say this colour really suits you – on trend too, so what a bonus.
Thanks for sharing this lovely read. Sending love your way! Jacqui
http://www.mummabstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jacqui, thank you so much for this lovely commentary on your version of friendship love. Friends are definitely our lifelines in so many ways. And each every one of them has a very special and unique place in our lives, don’t they? We certainly can live without them, but we don’t want to because they just make our lives so much richer. I am graciously accepting the love you have sent my way and sending some right back at you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Robin LaMonte
Shelbee,
I enjoyed reading how your love has evolved over the years.
Very good post my friend!
Love those purple booties!
Hugs,
Robin
http://www.helloim50ish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Robin, thank you so much! This was a really fun post to write and a very interesting topic to dissect!
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheela Goh
I’ve always loved your prose, Shelbee, but this piece takes the cake. Self-love. Without it, nothing else can grow in our hearts. And it is because of its very convoluted nature that I completely understand how you could’ve perhaps struggled a smidge with putting your thoughts together. It takes a lot of courage to confront oneself and identify what could be termed as shortcomings, and then a lot more courage to take it, put it in the public’s view, and open oneself up to comments, well-meant and/or constructive they may be.
Hugs to you, my friend, for (shall we say) confronting a demon or three? And, in the process, creating such a beautiful story for the rest of us? xoxo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Sheela, thank you so much! That means the world to me! And then the inspiration just kept coming…and triggered the next post to be written, which was even more difficult to expose myself in such a way. But so very cathartic, too. Vulnerability is strength… and it only took me about forever to figure that out!
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheela Goh
Vulnerability is also the window into the soul, and opens up the floodgates allowing for words to flow, and freely. Keep those barriers down, my friend, we are learning so much from the insights into your soul, your heart.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Sheela, thank you so much! Isn’t funny though how difficult it is to let down the barrier and then how easily you can throw it back up again at the slightest hint of a threat?! Oh, this is a process, indeed. A rewarding, magnificent, scary process.
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura || Walking in Memphis in High Heels
I love that this post was inspired by a variety of people! I love the purple, it looks beautiful on you!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thank you so much! I believe that from the moment we know love, our concept and understanding of it begins to change and never stops…so a discussion about the evolution of love in my life had to be inspired by everyone I have ever known!
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee Gramith
Although I haven’t known you all that long Michelle, I think I can confidently conclude that you enjoy delving deeply, analyzing and immersing yourself in order to ferret out some satisfying truth in a topic. I get that because it’s something I enjoy too. 🙂
Do you think it’s possible that what we feel as love is by nature DEFINITIVELY CHANGING? Love is felt for people under many circumstances and conditions but is enhanced by improved self-concept, maturity and experience.
ALL love is positive, valuable and impactful.
How people BEHAVE as a result of feeling love is not always positive.
I think unconditional love may be a myth. Does It imply greater value or perhaps the “best” love?
I have loved people who weren’t always loveable or were perhaps undeserving of my love.
Is that what unconditional love is?
Some ideas to toss around the ol cranium Michelle.
When I was a teenager my parents let me pick a color for my room and decorate it myself. I chose lavender. You look so pretty in this color! Having purple boots is damn cool girl!
I’m thrilled that your snow has melted too!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jude, I seriously want to have a coffee date with you (if you drink coffee, perhaps tea instead) and toss around these philosophical musings! As I write posts like these with over 4 decades of life behind me, I am realizing what a different process it is compared to when I was a Philosophy major in college exploring obscure topics and concepts of life with only 2 decades of life experience. We are ever changing beings and with that our ideas, our understanding, the way we feel about things and others, the way we love, how we understand love, how we perceive ourselves and others…it all changes with us. And lately, it seems that it changes even more frequently at this stage of life. As I become more and more aware of myself and others as well as the furious passing of time…I want to fill every moment here with all the good stuff! Thank you, again for helping to keep my philosophical nature ignited! (And purple boots…Fabulous, right?!)
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
Love IS tricky and unless we really understood what it means it can be easily misconstrued as infatuation or completely something else. Defining love is different for each of us because we experience love and it’s ugly truth differently. Our perspective on love is also shaped by the circumstances of our lives and environment. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t change or in your words evolve. We all know that saying it’s a fine line between love and hate, yah? In my opinion, love is a conscious decision. We choose to love because we want to and are capable of it. However, it’s the same way some people choose to go the other way and not grow the love they planted.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so much for sharing your insights and philosophies on this very difficult topic. It seems like it should be easier, right? The concept of love…just love and be loved. But it is such a crazy idea and we tend to get all jumbled and confused by it. I am so glad, however, that this post has ignited a wonderful conversation among so many amazing people! Thank you for joining me in my journey to enlightenment!
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
More beautiful boots, I love your boot collection Shelbee 🙂 Thanks for sharing at Creative Mondays.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Claire! Have a great week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carol
I’m very fond of purple and your boots are fabulous!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carol! I didn’t realize how much I liked purple until I took these photos. So I just added a darker purple sweater to my collection.
xoxo
Shelbee
Amanda
Those really are some deep thoughts on love. It really is amazing how differently we perceive love depending on our childhood and our experiences. In a lot of ways, society makes it harder to feel love because we feel like we have to define it in some measurable way. Turns out, love just is. It is powerful, inspiring, and it can bring out the best in us, or sometimes the worst depending on the situation. I have always loved the “Love Is…” poem in 1 Corinthians. Self love is also so important. It has not been until later in life that I realized how important. Now that I include myself in the list of people I love, it has made all the difference. Thanks for such a thought provoking post, you have inspired me. Have a great week!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Amanda, thank you so much for this very thoughtful comment. You have also inspired me with this. I love this part…”It is powerful, inspiring, and it can bring out the best in us, or sometimes the worst depending on the situation.” There is so much truth in that statement.
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
That first encounter with love in our youth (and consequent heartbreak) takes some getting over. Nothing feels so intense…until you have kids. But like you say, that’s a whole other story! Fantastic post Shelbee!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thank you so much for joining the love conversation! Isn’t it crazy how differently love (or unrequited love and heartbreak) effects us at different stages of our life? As we become more mature and understand relationships differently, our priorities and perceptions change so much. And yes, love for our children, that is in a category all by itself! I don’t know if I have it in me to even address that topic. So much intensity in that one.
xoxo
Shelbee
Pingback: