Surviving Grief & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #159
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, the blogging world is inundated with so much cuteness in love themed everything from heart motifs on sweaters and tee shirts, jewelry inscribed with words of love, and gift guides for all of your favorite Valentines. But for me, at least this year, Valentine’s Day weighs me down heavy with grief. But not my own grief. The grief of my child.
If you recall last year on Valentine’s Day, my community suffered a great tragedy when an entire family was lost in a house fire. (I mentioned it briefly here and here). One of the children was a friend and classmate of Archie’s. And while Archie seemed to be taking things perfectly in stride in the immediate aftermath of this loss, it wasn’t until about 6 weeks later that his symptoms of grief began to manifest in a very serious way. I discussed what was going on at the time in this post and I was humbled by the outpouring of love and support from this wonderful blogging community. But after that post back in April, I never really mentioned it again.
With the anniversary coming next week, I wanted to take this opportunity to share an update with you all about Archie’s progress. It hasn’t been the easiest ride walking my 8 year old through the grief process. But most days are really good. He sees a counselor every other week where they discuss his feelings and how he can best express them so as not to bottle them up to the point where the regressive behaviors return. He talks about his friend more frequently and he remembers her with more joy than sadness these days.
However, he still lives with a whole lot of fear. Fear that our house will burn. Fear that we will not be able to get out. Fear that when Daddy leaves for extended travel, he may not return. He is afraid to sleep alone and that fear is amplified exponentially when Daddy is away. His fear has carried over to most things in life. If I try to instill fear in Ralph because he engages in somewhat reckless and dangerous behaviors for a 6 year old (it is just who he is), Archie just about loses his mind in panic that my predictions of “Ralph you are going to get seriously hurt doing that” will end in the loss of his brother.
I try to be more sensitive with my words these days because I do not want my 8 year to live a life of anxiety. But I also want my 6 year old to understand the possible consequences of his fearless actions. Striking that balance is tedious work indeed. And somewhat emotionally exhausting.
In any event, surviving grief is serious business. It strikes us all at some point in our life, even those who are much too young to handle it. It is this strange irony of being human. We are given as our most basic, most inherent instinct, the will to survive. Every single day is about survival, about accomplishing all the things that we want to accomplish before we depart this world in an unidentified finite period of time. When our lives are in mortal danger, we will fight with everything we have to stay alive. Yet we know that in the end, we will not survive this life. None of us do, none ever have. It is like a cruel joke on mortal beings…we are driven by a survival instinct knowing full well that we will not survive. We are merely just buying time.
I apologize for bringing such a sad subject to the table today when it should be all about love and light and celebrating our Valentines. But this year, I also am living with some fear, afraid of having a set back with Archie on an emotional level as this anniversary approaches. Since the children are headed to Gramma’s for the week after Valentine’s Day for winter break, I have decided we are just going to skip the holiday this year. I asked the boys if they wanted to head to Gramma’s early but the trade off was they would be missing all of the Valentine’s parties at school and Ralph will be missing a field trip. They both excitedly yelled, “We want to go to Gramma’s instead!” So a mental health day is in order for my kids on Valentine’s Day and I am so very grateful that Gramma provides such a safe and loving haven for them.
I, too, will be taking a much needed vacation after the past three weeks of navigating our way with Jeff 1,000 miles away. But we survived it. Because that’s what we do. We survive. Until we don’t.
We are going to our best not to focus on the sadness, however. We will focus on light and love and laughter and celebration. And we will do our very best to be kind and loving to others every day because we never do know what kind of things others may be dealing with. I encourage you all to do the same. On Valentine’s Day and any other day. Because grief does not pay any attention to dates on a calendar.
And now your featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Jaymie of Everyday Style by Jaymie Ashcraft shared her post, Easy Outfits Put Together. It seems you all needed some mid-winter styling inspiration and Jaymie certainly delivered some adorable easy outfits that most of us could style from the things already in our closets. In fact, I have some of these exact same pieces in my closet just waiting to be worn.
My Favorite Fashion Post
I literally gasped out loud when I saw Debbie of Fashion Fairy Dust share her Red Plaid Suit & Black Pumps: Personal Style and Self-Confidence. This amazing red plaid suit reminded me of a pair of red plaid pants my sister had when she was a teenager. I forever lusted for those pants (they reminded me of Cyndi Lauper and oh how I wanted to emulate Ms. Lauper’s style when I was a kid). And now Debbie is bringing me that same kind of fabulous but in double with the matching plaid shirt. I am having serious outfit envy! But not only that, her message of how personal style can affect self confidence is right on the money as well.
My Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Nylse of Life Notes shared the most brilliant piece of writing by a young college student named Meranie McGuire in her Guest Post: The Beauty in Between. Meranie discusses how we get so caught up in trying to make everything in this world and in life fit into neat little categories of black and white to our own extreme detriment where we are missing the beauty in between it all. She states, “I think to know that you do not know is the first step to knowledge, and I believe that is ‘the beauty between.’” This is a super moving and very thought-provoking post. I highly recommend that you all read it!
My dear friend Michelle of My Bijou Life is co-hosting the link party with me today! Be sure to stop by and check her very interesting post today, What Silvery Metal is this Anyway? Thanks so much, Michelle, for joining me today! It is an honor and a pleasure to have you on board!
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Sweater and Jeans-Torrid / Coat and Gloves-Target / Scarf and Boots-Charlotte Russe / Beret-c/o Banggood / Necklace-Queen Bitter Jewelry / Earrings-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
91 Comments
Jacqui Berry
You’ve touched this subject so well – sending good wishes to you all – and you’re outfit it wonderful. Happy Tuesday Shelbee. Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Jacqui! I really appreciate that.
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
Grief is probably the most difficult emotion to process and even more so for a child. You are such a good mom providing Archie the support, love and therapy that he needs. I agree that skipping Valentine’s Day altogether is the best route for this year especially the school parties, and it’s the perfect time for some quality gramma time. Thank you for the shout out my friend, that plaid outfit is so you! xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Debbie, thank you so much for validating my mom call on this one! Part of me knows that at some point, I can’t avoid this holiday with my kids, but this is the first anniversary and those are always the hardest in my experience. And yes, your plaid outfit is so totally me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
Sending prayer for peace in Archie’s heart and what a great mom you are to be so sensitive to your children’s needs. I hope you have a good time at Grandma’s. Love you cute heart sweater and thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much! I am just doing the best that I can with what limited parenting knowledge I have! But I do it with all the love in my heart.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
I’m so glad your son has been getting help and making progress. We just had an anniversary of a loss in my daughter’s circle and it was difficult for her. Such a good idea to skip the holiday this year so he can spend time with his Gramma. Your sweater is so cute and I love all of the pink accessories!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so much! You know, I am that parent who pushes my kids to face things head on, so I was unsure about this decision to shelter them on this one. I really do appreciate the validation from you all that it is the right decision this time to just go escape from it for a bit.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
Oh grief, it is a bear. Glad to hear your son is getting some help. With all of the grief my family has been through in the last 12 months I still have some family members who think they don’t need help when I know they do – so hard to watch!
But, anyway, you are literally wearing your heart on your sleeve and I love it!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so much! I know you are no stranger to grief either, especially recently. It is so hard to watch anyone whom we love and care about struggle with the emotional turmoil that grief lays upon us. And there is no shame in seeking help. But you and I already know that. It is trying to get that message across to others. I hope you all find ways to process your grief and get to the other side of it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Shugunna
It’s so so hard to see your child in any kind of anx, I’m glad he has you and someone he trust to talk with about his feelings. Lovely sweater my Shelbee, take care.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shugunna, thank you so very much. My child is definitely loved by many people and sometimes that’s just what you need to get through the pains of life, I guess. We are taking it all one step at a time.
xoxo
Shelbee
Linda Cassidy
sending positive thoughts to Archie, such a tough thing to get through. Hugs to all
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Linda! Much appreciated.
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
I think the thing with grief too is that each person deals with it differently. Each child might react differently to a parents death depending on their temperament, age… I have noticed that in our family. I am glad your son continues to receive help and I pray for strength for you to have the right balance so that both boys are ready to deal with life: that is hard to make sure one isn’t reckless but the other not too fearful. Yesterday I shared a little on insta about dealing with grief from miscarriages and again how each person is going to react differently depending on circumstances etc. People might expect you to deal a certain way with grief but each person is going to react in a different way so it is important to get help if help is needed in order to deal with it in a healthy non destructive manner.
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thank you so much for sharing such insightful words. Grief is so personal to each person dealing with it. I was actually a little offended recently when I was talking to a friend about some of the issues that Archie is still dealing with and the response I received from this friend was a shocked and very belittling, “Really? Still? Wow. Sensitive kid.” I kind of wanted to punch this person! Haha. But I refrained and silently thought to myself, “Wow. I hope your kid never has to deal with this kind of grief because you are not sensitive enough.”
xoxo
Shelbee
SHelly
Grief is hard for anyone but I can only imagine how hard for a child. Sweet boy…he’s lucky his momma took the initiative to get him some help. This outfit is absolutely precious Shelbee..I love it head to toe!
Shelly | The Queen in Between
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shelly, thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words and for the lovely compliment as well. Much appreciated!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
Poor Archie. I’m glad he’s getting better though. I love your coat!
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Jennifer. I really appreciate that!
xoxo
Shelbee
Catherine, Not Dressed As Lamb
Oh gosh Shelbee what a thing for your community to have gone through… and poor Archie. It sounds like he’s getting the best help from you and it’s great that he’s been given the opportunity to talk about it as well. We lost a very little one in our family when I was 17 and it was hard enough at that age, I can only imagine how tough it must be for a kid.
Lovely to see you in your heart print sweater and pink beret, I hope V-Day turns out to be the best tonic for you all ♥
Catherine x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Catherine, thank you so much for such kind words and for sharing your experience with loss at a young age. Grief is hard enough for adults to handle, but for a kid, it’s absolutely mind boggling. They have no idea how to express what they are feeling at this age. When I was 12, my sister’s best friend committed suicide. She was 16. And I remember at the age of 12 having such a hard time understanding and processing it all. Grief really is a bitch. But it is a part of life and we all have to learn to deal with it at some point.
xoxo
Shelbee
Christina Morley
Sending prayers your way for your family during this time. Also, wishing you a Happy Valentine’s and winter break at Gramma’s!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Tina! I appreciate that very much!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
That heart sweater is so cute on you, Shelbee, and loving how you mixed the patterns!
What a heartbreaking loss that must have been for your whole community 🙁 I’m glad your son is getting help, talking about it definitely helps! I think they will enjoy the time at their grandma’s!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Ellie! I tried to mix in a little bit of happiness with my heart sweater since the content of the post was sad. My kids love time with Gramma so I am sure it is just what they both need!
xoxo
Shelbee
Melody Jacob
Thanks for the linkup
http://www.melodyjacob.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks for stopping by, Melody.
xoxo
Shelbee
Pam Ecrement
Grief is a difficult journey and one that we each take more times than we wish in the course of our lifetime. It is little wonder the youngest of us struggle with it since few adults talk about it or deal well with it. I am grateful Archie is seeing a counselor and pray the fear will slowly subside to normal levels. It is a hard thing to face mortality in the life of someone. The trip to Gramma’s sounds perfect. So wish Jeff didn’t need to be gone and so far away.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pam, thank you so much for this wonderful comment. Your insight and understanding are much appreciated. Jeff is home now and shouldn’t have to travel until maybe the summer, so hopefully we can make more progress in easing Archie’s fears before then.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Grief is strange because it affects each of us in different ways. I remember this quote about Grief: “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly. If have love in our hearts and our soul then we grieve.
I am glad that Archie is getting help processing everything. That is a tough deal for a youngster. Hope that a trip to Gramma’s house is good for everyone.
Looking nice and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for sharing your words of wisdom. And I agree, if we love, and especially if we love hard and passionately, grief over loss will affect us tremendously. It is a necessary thing in this life as humans.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ashley
Grief is so tough- poor Archie, but it sounds like you guys have provided him an amazing support system so he can heal in his own time. I’m thinking of you guys!
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Ashley! I appreciate that very much.
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
First let me say, this has got to be one of my favorite outfits on you! I love the pink and black together, the cute pink hearts and those booties! I have the same color beret and it looks so good on you! I wish i looked good in hats!
I am sorry to hear your little guy has such fears and anxiety.That is difficult to deal with as such a young person, the event of his friend’s family, was a sad loss. You are there for him, and I am sure he feels the love and support he has from you, whichis most important! I think everyone needsa a mental health day at times!
take care,
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much for the lovely compliment on my outfit as well as your very understanding and supportive input on the more difficult topic of discussion. Grief is such a hard thing for any person to deal with, expecting a child to even understand a fraction of their own emotions is a very tall order, indeed. I just do my best every day and of course some days I make terrible mistakes. As long as the good decisions outweigh my bad ones, I guess I am doing ok.
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
Grief is so hard and even harder when it is your child dealing with it. I sometimes feel helpless when my kids are going through something hard and I know it is something they need to work out with themselves (and a little extra help from others!). That is a huge loss! A lady in my bible study group mentioned they lost their house when their kids were little from a fire on Christmas Eve. I didn’t feel it was right to ask her the cause of the fire, but I wonder! So scary. I love your houndstooth scarf so, so much and the hint of baby pink in it! So perfect for V-Day!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carrie, thank you so much for joining this discussion. It is probably one of the most difficult things I have had to deal with as a parent. It breaks your heart to see your child in physical pain, but emotional pain is nearly unbearable to watch. You just want to take it away for them and you know that you just can’t. So we do our best to help them figure out something that we still haven’t figured out. And so many people just want to not talk about the hard stuff, my kid included, so I make it a point to always talk about the hard and uncomfortable stuff! You at least know that you will get that here every once in a while! I should put a warning on my blog…”Tough topics may be discussed here!” But I counteract all that with cute outfits!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
This was a well-written post Shelbee! I’m glad to hear your son is moving through the stages of grief. It always takes time and I think you are an amazing parent to recognize the need and benefit of counseling!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thank you so very much. I so appreciate your kind and very validating words. Momming is hard!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Profound grief is tough on adults; I can’t imagine how it must feel to an 8 year old. They don’t even have their underlying worldview put in place yet. No place to hang this grief. I am glad he will have distractions hanging out with Gramma. He is lucky to have you as his mom to help cope with this tough issue.
And your outfit of blush pink and black is adorable! My coloring doesn’t go well with the soft pinks. So I have to live vicariously through this of you who can rock pink like it’s nobody’s business.
Thank you for inviting me to cohost this party! I am loving it!
Michelle
http://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much, for all of this, your perspective on childhood grief, your wonderful compliment about my outfit, and for co-hosting with me. The boys are so excited to go visit Gramma. I think it will be the perfect distraction for them. In fact, we were off to Gramma’s last year at the same time in lieu of the funeral and it was the best thing for Archie. He is blessed to have his grandparents who will love him through it all.
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
Hi Shelbee. What a hard burden for a wee soul to bear. I discovered, as a clairvoyant, that when we pass over, everyone whom we have ever loved, in this life, previous life, the lives between, “lives” in our heart. As we do in theirs. Forever. So, Archie and his friend live in each others’ hearts. A hard concept for a young person. But love is the tie that binds, the best tie. What your story also shows is that your son has a big heart, which is such a gift.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thank you so much for sharing your experience and your very kind and supportive words. I have been telling Archie that when he gets older, he will forget many of his friends from elementary school but he will always remember this friend. And eventually his pain will turn to fond memories of her that he will hold close to his heart for his entire life. I will share your words with him as well because they bring much comfort.
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Grief is so hard and non-linear. I hope you and Archie continue to grow stronger than it!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Tamar! I am no stranger to grief so I am hoping that I can effectively lead my child through this process so that he is well adjusted with wonderful coping skills as he continues through life. Because we meet loss at so many different points in our lives.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
I love your pale pink. And it was such a wise parenting decision to allow your son this time with a counselor. None of us survive this life, but that doesn’t make it any less sad and sometimes traumatic. But God offers grace and comfort and works all things for our good for those who believe. (Romans 8:28)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lauren, thank you so much for such kind and insightful words. It is hard enough for adults to contemplate and face the idea of our mortality, but for an 8 year old, I am certain it is one of the scariest and most confusing thing ever. Grace and comfort are necessary and welcomed ideals to help us cope with life.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
I love that you bring up these subjects Shelbee. It’s life and if we just pretend it’s all hearts and happy, then we aren’t helping at all. You? You are helping.
XOXO
Jodie
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Wow, Jodie, your comment was short and to the point and just made me cry a little…I am flattered that you believe in what I do in my efforts to share and discuss the uncomfortable topics in life. Thank you so very much for that.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Thank you for addressing grief, Shelbee—it’s something I wish we all talked about more. I feel like when you experience it at first, people are so kind and understanding, but there’s this societal expectation for you to get over it and move on, and when you don’t, people don’t know how to deal with it. Grief isn’t a switch; it’s kind of like a birthmark that shows up one day and, oh by the way, it’s on your face. That said, I hope Archie is healing and learning to live with it. Sending you both light and love.
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much for this comment. I didn’t even really address the societal expectations. That is a topic that could fill an entire book. I have a friend very snidely tell me that Archie is too sensitive because he isn’t “over this” yet. I was astonished by this reaction. I know adults who function less in times of grief and take much longer to move forward from it and my 8 year old is accused of being too sensitive. It is that societal expectation that really gets me fired up! I so appreciate your kind words and support, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Bettye L Rainwater
I hope the holiday just slides right on by without your son even noticing what day it is. Being at Grandma’s will be a good distraction, I’m sure! How wonderful for him to have such a together Mom that had him start therapy after a traumatic event. So much better than just trying to sweep it all under the rug!
Love your hearts and polka dots, so cute!
Bettye
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Bettye! Yeah, I am all about therapy. As soon as we were able to identify what was causing his strange behaviors, I was on the phone making counseling appointments. We have the resources so we might as well use them. Plus they never prepared me for helping my child through the grief process. I can use all the help I can get.
xoxo
Shelbee
Shauna
Grief is SO incredibly hard. Sending love to you all and will keep him in my prayers for continued healing… XO
Shauna
http://www.lipglossandlace.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shauna, thank you so much for that! I appreciate it more than words can express.
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee Judith Gramith
I love your sincere smile Shelbee. You have such a talent for delivering fashion and family reality with the right combination of dimples and doom.
Real life can tear our sweet, innocent friends away from us, despite our efforts to live on a safer, sunnier, fire-free side of the street; where houses wouldn’t ever burn down and you’d never dress for such an occasion anyway
For now, those beloved boys need the traditional, respite at Grandma’s house. Wearing a pink and black apron and smelling of freshly baked cookies she’s the antidote for traumatic loss and heartbreak.
You’re an EXCEPTIONAL parent my friend. Here, is a shining example, of how your own demons have morphed into truly powerful and magical mothering.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jude, you have such a beautiful way with your words in delivering to me exactly what I needed. Thank you for that. And now I feel like I need to rebrand my blog and call it “Dimples and Doom”!
xoxo
Shelbee
Katie
Grief is such a difficult topic and everyone has their own way of coping with loss. I am glad that Archie has someone to talk to and is getting help regarding the trauma of last year. On a more upbeat note, your outfit is so perfect for Valentine’s Day! Thanks for hosting and I hope you have a great rest of your week!
-Katie
http://www.hellokatiegirlblog.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Katie, thank you so very much for your kind words. We are just taking it one day at a time and most days are good days lately, but I think he has a long way to go before he is completely healed. And I had to share a fun, upbeat outfit in this post because the topic was so heavy!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
Thanks so much for hosting! I’m linking up with WOULD YOU? 7 – RUN OR FLY.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much for joining us, Dee! I look forward to reading your post!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tiina L
Poor Archie! Having to go through such a huge loss at such a young age. Not just losing a friend, but losing his trust that the world is a safe place.
But he is lucky to have a mother who understands that he needs help and time to heal, and who is taking steps to strengthen his mental health, so that little by little he can start rebuilding his life. I say rebuilding because a tragedy like that makes a child feel helpless and overwhelmed: that something terrible can happen at any moment and he has no control over it. Of course he’s scared, it’s normal reaction to something he cannot control.
I was his age when my parents divorced, and (even though nobody died) I can say that some of the shock and helplessness I felt then (because of all the nasty business surrounding the divorce) pretty much determined my teens and 20s, and has followed me to this day. It definitely affected the way I saw, and still see, the world and other people. As in, ‘trust no one, because sooner or later they will stab you in the back’ kind of way.
Your Archie sounds like a very sensitive, intelligent little boy, and he is trying to make sense of the whole thing. But fear, especially irrational fear, is not easy to contain or explain. Of course he’s afraid of losing his family, or his brother; that’s the worst thing that could happen to a child. And suddenly this fear got very real as he saw it happen to other people. But you are lucky that he is not trying to hide his fear, but is processing it. And he is lucky that he has a mother who can help him process it at his own pace.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tiina, thank you so very much for this incredibly thoughtful comment. The things that happen to us when we are young hugely impact the trajectory of our lives, don’t they? And so much of it is unavoidable. But even the things that could possibly be avoided still effect us tremendously and even as adults we have a tendency to forget that when we are interacting with young children. I suppose we all just do the best we can with what we have.
xoxo
Shelbee
Vicky
I remember that post last year. I’m so sorry. The grieving process is long but it is so good that you are helping him and he is getting help too. I love that they will have time away as well as you too!!
And that outfit is SUPER cute! Love the hat!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Vicky, thank you so much for your very kind and supportive words. We are now just looking forward to visiting Gramma’s and I have mentioned nothing about this anniversary to my kids at all.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lizzie
Poor guy! I don’t think that people realize how certain situations affect us later down the road, especially when it comes to kids. I remember losing one of my good friends in high school and it was absolutely traumatic. I can’t imagine losing a friend in elementary school. Sending hims lots of positive thoughts and hugs <3
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Lizzie! I think a lot of people really don’t understand how terribly grief can affect a young person. Mortality is something completely off their radar. It is too much to process. I lost friends during my teenage years as well and it was terribly traumatic and really changes the way you view and live your life from that point forward.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nora Minassian
I am glad your son is doing better, what a difficult thing to go through at his age. You are handling it the right way and he will be just fine. I love this outfit on you, all the pattern mix is so fun and it all works so well together.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Nora! I really appreciate your words of support and encouragement. I guess all of us moms need that bit of validation every once in a while that we are not completely messing things up!
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
You look so cute in the heart sweater and coat.
Sounds like you’re handling things amazingly — one thing I think about when grief hits me (it’s a rather jagged emotion) is that it is natural. Much love to you and the fam girl
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Becky! Grief is a natural emotion. Our entire existence is filled with losses both random, unexpected, and sometimes necessary. It takes a lifetime to learn these things, I think, so trying to teach it when I myself don’t even have a full understanding of it can be quite the challenge. So I just fill our lives with as much love as I can!
xoxo
Shelbee
Bojana Krienke
Wow. I feel like you are raising very well adjusted and honest people. Honestly, having children learn about their feelings and to not only name them but to truly express them, feel them, navigate them, is incredible. Loss and grief, even as an adult is difficult. So I wish you and the boys a lovely visit with Grandma. Love is being with people you love not about the parties and the hallmark moments.
bosbodaciousblog.blogspot.ca
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Bo, thank you so much for these lovely words. Raising kids and just keeping them alive is hard! And then add all these extra layers of navigating humanness…nobody prepares you for this stuff!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nicole of High Latitude Style
Great mix of print and pattern. Great photos. Thanks for hosting the party.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Nicole. Have a great weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Leslie Susan Clingan
Sweet friend, I am so sad for your baby to have to bear such grown-up worries after the loss of his friend to the house fire. Hope after the anniversary this year, things will become a little easier and less anxiety-inducing. Glad he has a counselor to talk to and a loving mom helping him through.
And look at you in this crazy cute outfit. Loving the snowy backdrop, too. Would wear this outfit and declare every day a Valentine’s Day. Love it all!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Leslie, thank you so very much for your kind and thoughtful words. That really means a lot to me. I am hoping the next week just kind of goes by without my son even realizing that it is the anniversary. And I definitely wear this sweater even when it is not Valentine’s Day because hearts are perfect for any time of year! I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
Poor Archie, it’s so difficult to cope with a tragic event like that at a such a young age. Children don’t have the perspective of adults so when something like that happens to someone they know – or even just seeing it on the news – they think it will happen to them too. I hope you enjoy the time at grandma’s. I love your Valentine’s Day outfit!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thank you for your understanding and insightful words. I mean, if allow my mind to go where Archie’s does, I can get myself a little frightened as well. But as an adult, I know that you can’t allow yourself to live in fear of so many things. I guess that is what I need to teach my kids so they can enjoy life! Parenting is a hard job, for sure!
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
I am so glad to hear that Archie is doing better in expressing his grief and that you are providing him with the support that he needs. As an adult, I have a hard time processing grief so I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for a child. Isn’t it so great for grandparents?! I love that your kids have such a close relationship to their Grandma. I am sure it will be a blast and a helpful gesture for what Archie is going through. Regarding Ralphie, I just want to say he would get along so well with my son! Totally fearless and I honestly don’t know what to say to him when I feel like I have repeated myself so many times about being careful or he will hurt himself. I hope your weekend is going well so far and happy Sunday!
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so much for your kind words. My kids are lucky to have such wonderful grandparents! And I am lucky to have their support as well. It will be good for Archie to have Gramma doting on him for a week. As for Ralphie, well, I am not sure what to do with him! Little hellion! Hahaha. I hope you have a great week ahead, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Karren Haller
Glad the boys could take a trip to grandmas for a few days, it will help to get past the anniversary of the event. Brought back memories of when I was a kid baby setting and the little girl got leukemia and passed, but no one wanted to talk to me about it and I only remember the loss and never even going back to her house even if it was just next door. Grief hits you when you least expect it and it comes in waves as I am finding out, even for a person that has always been in control.
Your outfit is so cute and this week I have it featured on our #omhgww. I hope you will stop by and share again.
Wishing you some relaxing time, I hope you get to spend it with hubby for Valentine’s!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Karren, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really think experiencing grief like this in childhood changes your perception for the rest of your life. But we just take it one day at a time and hope for the best. Archie has been waking up having nightmares the past few nights as we approach this anniversary. He won’t tell me what the nightmares are just that he is having them. I feel awful for him.
Thanks so much for the feature! I will be over to check it out, for sure. And I am not spending Valentine’s day with hubby. He is sending me on a 10 day solo road trip that I am super excited for! I leave in 2 days! It is much needed vacation from life.
xoxo
Shelbee
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Jess
I am so sorry to hear about your son’s loss. What a frightening thing for a child to have to experience. I recently lost one of my good friends, but it was not sudden, and I know the loss would have been even harder/more traumatizing if it had been unexpected or accidental. I hope he gets through the anniversary okay–the symptoms of grief can definitely sneak up on you. xo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful words. I am so sorry for your loss as well. It is very difficult for adults to process grief, so I cannot even imagine what goes on inside my son’s head. He just gets very fearful sometimes in the aftermath of his loss. Sending you lots of positive thoughts as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Mica
So sorry to hear your son still struggles but it sounds like he has a lot of support in place which is what he needs! 🙂
On a lighter note I do like your cute pink outfit! 🙂
Thanks so much for joining the #WeekdayWearLinkup!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Mica! We made it through the anniversary without incident by distracting him with fun things. He is now enjoying the week with his grandparents getting spoiled!
xoxo
Shelbee
lorena
This is such an interesting patter mix – the heart sweater and the scarf – I am smitten.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lorena! I do love to keep it interesting with mixed up patterns.
xoxo
Shelbee