Please Stop Calling Each Other Dumb & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #206
I don’t publicly rant very often but when I have reached my limit, I need to find some outlet to ease the frustration. And I have reached my limit.
We live in this digital age where everything we do is online. We share our lives with friends and family on social media. We write articles and stories that we draw from our experiences and post them in online forums. We write blogs, we host podcasts, we have YouTube channels. We exist in a world that provides an endless amount of means to share ourselves, our thoughts, our passions, our beliefs, and our opinions for the whole world to see.
Yes, of course, sharing anything in a public forum leaves you open to criticism, but why does the criticism always have to come with a giant side of disrespect? Every damn time. It is getting so tiresome to read the thoughtful opinions and beliefs of others, hoping for an educated discussion in the comments, only to find a whole slew of folks just calling each other dumb or stupid.
Why is the first line of defense when someone disagrees or simply thinks a little bit differently to call the opposition dumb?
Case in point, I had written an article on Medium back in September of 2019, called Our Open Marriage: How It Began and Why We Have No Rules. As you can tell from the title, it is an article about polyamory and my personal experience with this lifestyle. In no way does my article suggest that monogamy is bad or wrong nor does it encourage others to be polyamorous if they are not. Pure and simple, it is an article about me by me…personal and heartfelt…shared only to spread awareness that there are a million different ways that people can establish relationships. And just because my relationships look different from other relationships does not mean that the framework of my life is incorrect or wrong.
In the lifetime of this article, I have received both positive and negative responses. Yesterday morning, I received one of those nasty negative comments that makes your blood boil. Not because the person disagrees. Disagree all you want and we can have a polite conversation if you’d like to understand more. I am always open to hearing the thoughts and opinions of others…when it is done with respect. Different perspectives only serve to enrich us. But they can only enrich us when they are shared and discussed respectfully. Otherwise, you are just going to piss people off.
The comment said this…
"Your husband is in love with another woman and you think everything its great? That sounds dumb AF"
There it is folks…this person clearly does not understand how polyamory works. And I would bet that this person also doesn’t understand the meaning of unconditional love. I am thinking that their love is laced with all sorts of conditions and restrictions. But yet, they decided to tell me that my lifestyle, the way I show love and receive love, how many people I love, who I love is dumb as fuck. I just find this response so utterly ridiculous that it often leaves me speechless.
But I couldn’t let it be because what the hell! Why does some stranger get to hurl such nastiness at me for living my best life. So how does a person respond to such attacks? I can’t just scream back, “No, you’re dumb as fuck!” because that would undermine my whole purpose of sharing knowledge. I also can’t just ignore it because it is out there on my article and I am always diligent in thanking the people who read my humble words. So I shared this response instead,
"Actually, my husband is now in love with two other women and it is the most amazing and beautiful thing to watch meaningful relationships blossom for the people I love. And you know what I think is really dumb AF...people who stalk the internet and throw insults at others whom they don't know simply because they live a very happy life in a nontraditional way. Please keep in mind that different doesn't mean wrong. And different certainly doesn't mean dumb. I hope you find your happiness one day. Thanks for reading!"
The message that I am hoping to share with this post is exactly that…Different doesn’t mean wrong. Different doesn’t mean stupid. Different adds value to the world. Different keeps things interesting. Different forces changes, important changes, to happen. I know that I don’t want to live in a world where everyone looks the same, thinks the same, acts the same, dresses the same. That would seriously be the most putridly boring existence ever.
So why in the world does it seem like the masses are trying to force everyone into one singular belief system? This happens in every area of our lives. The way we relationship, the way we worship, the way we celebrate. Our politics, our religion, our love lives, our family lives, our work lives are all under fire no matter what we believe…if someone disagrees, you are dumb as fuck, my friends.
Whatever ways you have found to live your best lives…dumb as fuck. Your political views….those are dumb as fuck, too. You go to church for worship every Sunday…dumb as fuck. You don’t worship at all…well, you’re dumb as fuck as well. Diligently wearing your face mask to get groceries…dumb as fuck. Making a statement by refusing to wear a mask…yep, you guessed it, dumb as fuck. You’re a middle aged fashion blogger…so totally dumb as fuck. You’re an unemployed millennial…you’re dumb as fuck, too.
Literally, this is what I feel like when I scroll through social media (which I don’t do often these days because I’m dumb as fuck and I can’t stand it any longer). Do you all see how perfectly ineffective and dumb as fuck it sounds to just call everyone stupid because they have challenged your own way of thinking or doing things. I am so over dumb as fuck! So can y’all please just stop.
By the way, my dumb as fuck lifestyle earned me $920.99 simply by sharing my story on Medium. Because they pay good writers to share interesting topics. And while my polyamorous lifestyle may not be for everyone, there is enough interest in it as evidenced by the 15,000 views on one article. I wonder if my not-so-friendly commenter has made that much money by spending valuable time leaving nasty words on other people’s work.
Tell me…are you open to intelligent and respectful discussions when you find yourself in disagreement? Or do you prefer to just remain silent and keep scrolling without comment? Or maybe, but hopefully not, you are a slinger of insults and calling people dumb as fuck? Let me know! I am looking forward to this discussion!
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Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
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Outfit Details: (Everything is old, similar products linked) / Coat-Torrid / Sweater-Thrifted / Shirt-Foxcroft / Shoes-Madden Girl (DSW) / Gloves-Anne Klein / Hat and Socks-Target / Necklace and Earrings-Kohl’s
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
77 Comments
Suzy
People can be so bloody disrespectful and senseless, can’t they? As an author with many books out there in the world, I have developed quite a thick skin for such pathetic comments. Such negative and nasty comments people make can be so damn hurtful, so I’ve learned to simply stop reading them! I know that’s not always possible.
But maybe today you just needed a good rant anyway?!
I had no idea that you were in an open relationship, Shelbee. Reading your post really opened my eyes. I’m intrigued, and although I think I’d have difficulty being in such a relationship myself, I can see the beauty of it like you can. Why not? I think you’re amazing.
Big hugs, my friend,
Suzy xxx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Suzy, thank you so much for your willingness to understand open relationships more. It definitely is not for everyone, but it works brilliantly for us. I don’t share too much about it on my blog because it makes most people very, very uncomfortable. And you can see the types of things that happen when people get uncomfortable…they start calling others dumb AF! LOL
I have received my fair share of negative comments over the years and I don’t really let it bother me too much either. I shared this particular story because it was the most recent one and I didn’t want to call out friends on Facebook and such for doing the same stuff. So I used an anonymous reader as my example instead! But isn’t it so ridiculous how quickly people are to throw insults like this at anyone who is just a little bit different? It is senseless, obnoxious, rude, and mean. While I can deal with senseless and obnoxious acts sometimes, mean and nasty I cannot tolerate. And yes, I think I just needed a good old fashioned rant! And I would really love the all the name calling to stop, too, but I know my little blog post here won’t make that happen! I hope you are well and having a fabulous week, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzy
You never know, Shelbee. Your little blog post might just have a teeny weeny bit of difference to someone somewhere!
My week is going ok, thanks. Well, ok-ish, I’m currently curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a hot water bottle across my belly (it’s the best thing for period pains, apart from painkillers lol). I had intended to start recording some video content for my new YouTube channel today, but when I’m feeling like this, I really don’t want to be on camera lol! Maybe tomorrow?
I hope your week is going ok (apart from the moronic comment, of course!)
Hugs xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, my friend! Things are going well for me! But I totally relate to the period pains. This stage of life is freaking brutal with the PMS and PMDD and cramping and all the misery of the female body at once! I spend at least two days every single month curled up with a heating pad unable to do much of anything but complain. The only thing that gets me through the pain is the knowledge that it never lasts more than two days and I can tolerate just about anything if it is only for two days. I hope you find some relief soon!
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzy
Thanks Shelbee. Mine is often two days too so I totally feel you!
Big hugs xx
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
So sorry people’s narrow world view impacted your world! You are amazing and that is beyond evident.
Love the outfit, too!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Tamar, thank you so much! I am not too upset by the comment directed at me, it was just a good anonymous example that I could use to illustrate the insanity of this method of approach. Many people really have lost the ability to communicate effectively (or never learned how in the first place) and so name calling is the only line of defense they have, I guess. I am wondering what they are defending themselves against though…lifestyles and religion and skin color and all the things that trigger nasty comments like are not contagious. I appreciate your support, my friend! You are an amazing woman, too, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
As much as I’d like to delete negative comments because they really don’t deserve our time, I think it’s important to address them and your response was perfect! And I completely agree, being different doesn’t mean it’s dumb or wrong. If we were all exactly the same, the world would be a very boring place to live in. Loving your gorgeous coat and hat!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jill! I am often compelled to ignore and delete comments like this as well, but then I try to find an intelligent way to respond without stooping to such levels. I just get so frustrated because this whole “different is wrong” idea seems to permeate through everything! I remember having arguments with a friend of mine when our children were much younger. She would constantly criticize the way I parented and she had the mentality that her way was the only right way. I was constantly reminding her of this…different doesn’t mean wrong! I want to scream if from the rooftops sometimes to get people to understand! Different is fabulous and keeps this world an interesting and fascinating place!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Okay, so I switched to my laptop to comment on this post. I read it on the phone. First I read your article. I don’t know if you ever told on the blog but I guessed you had a open marriage. It’s not for me, or us, we like to be monogamous. But the article I found amazing. So beautiful written. And although we don’t want that lifestyle, I know people who do and that’s okay of course. I can understand that other couples don’t want to be monogamous. I do dislike cheaters. How amazing that Jeff answered you wit that he waited 7 years for you to come with the idea of a open marriage. I think that is amazing, shows that you are perfect for each other. I don’t understand people who judge other people just because they think otherwise. It is so interesting to have a discussion with different thinking people. But what I really admire is the way you wrote about it! Explaining it. How can other people have something against it? I am just happy for you that it works for Jeff and you!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thank you so much for reading the Medium article as well as this post. I don’t share the open marriage stuff very frequently on my blog because it does tend to make people very uncomfortable. And so I generally reserve that type of content for Medium. It’s a much bigger platform which keeps it a little less personal. And we never ever push our lifestyle on others. It is just Jeff and me living our best lives together in a way that makes us both exponentially happy. I cannot tolerate cheating either and I get super frustrated when cheaters disguise themselves as polyamorous people. Granted they definitely have the correct mindset for loving more than one person, but if you can’t do it ethically then it turns me off a bit. On the other side of it, who am I to judge the way others live their lives? Although I think many people who cheat don’t even realize that there is an ethical way to have more than one romantic and loving relationship. I suppose these are some of the reasons that keep me sharing my stories and experiences…to help educate and spread awareness about different ways of doing life! Thanks for being an awesome human and friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
So sorry that you had to deal with this comment. Why people say things like this is because of fear and anger that they want to place on someone else. You can’t control what people do or say but you handled it beautifully. Thanks for sharing this experience. I hope others learn that belittling others does nothing but spread more hate. You are worthy and amazing Shelbee. Love this layered look too! XO
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much for this wonderful validation. I know that people lashing out with their uninformed nonsense is based in fear. I wish people would realize that fear of this sort only leads to hate and it is so unnecessary. I would never take the time or energy to hurl nastiness into the world. There is enough of it out there already, no need to add to it! And I do only share these experience to increase awareness and send out a more positive message. I am not all that bothered by these comments. They merely give me more material to create content! Stay amazing, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pamela
I regard any insults on social media as pure cowardice, rarely would there be the confidence to say it face to face. My kids still quote me as repeatedly saying “if you can’t say something nice… etc..” After one toxic marriage, I have the stability I crave but yes everyone is allowed to be different as long as they’re not hurting others. I was attacked on my local Facebook page last year when I (as I thought) kindly gave people the pattern to make a facemask! Presumably I didn’t know what I was doing and was spreading the virus! Now that is I have to say it DAF!
Keep the truth my friend
Pamela x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pamela, thank you so very much for your kind words! It’s funny how we view hiding behind social media as a cowardly way to hurl insults at strangers…when I am often too cowardly to share much of anything on social media, even positive stuff, because of the way the cowards are so quick to toss their negativity around! I have always adhered to the timeless words of moms everywhere…if you can’t say something nice, shut the eff up! LOL It is so true. There is absolutely nothing constructive in the way that so many people interact with others. And I kind of just had enough and had to rant! Unfortunately, I am not surprised that you were attacked on your FB page for posting something so controversial as masks! Seriously, who would have ever thought that face masks of all things would create such animosity between people! I will always live my truth without shame!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
I love your coat!!!
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Jennifer!
xoxo
Shelbee
Christina Morley
Name-calling is never productive. In my home, the kids know that they may not speak rudely toward each other or toward us. If one of us slips up, even if it’s just being impatient without any name-calling, the policy is to apologize. I’m usually the one in trouble for being impatient with someone! lol
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tina, thanks so much for joining the discussion. I cannot tolerate name calling in my house either. My boys will bicker and fight over the silliest things and I usually let them work out on their own, but once the name calling starts, I have to put an end to it immediately. It is so very unproductive! And yes, knowing and teaching the value of a genuine apology is so important, too!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
Your response was so well stated to that person. I don’t really understand why a person would ever write something so ugly to someone else. I find that so interesting and want to understand the thought process – when did they learn that everyone had to live their lives a certain way or all think the same? The sad part is that person probably felt like there was nothing wrong with their comment. Good for you Shelbee, you are beautiful on the inside as well as the outside – you are a talented writer and your bravery about sharing so many aspects of your life helps others. Be the light!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so very much for this lovely comment. It really is sad that people think responses and feedback of this sort are acceptable. I mean, if someone disagrees with my lifestyle, I am more than happy to entertain the reasons why it is offensive to them, but I cannot engage with this kind of nastiness. I really want to understand why so many find this appropriate. It is mind boggling to me! So I guess I will just keep sharing all the things the way I always do and responding with kindness to those who are unkind…because they are the ones who clearly need it most. And sadly, I doubt that person has any interest in my response and probably will never read it anyway. Oh well. We will shine on regardless of the nastiness in the world!
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
Hi Shelbee
My hubby has been telling me to check out Medium and writing for it.
I hate that people hide behind a computer screen and say things they may not say in real life. It is cowardice.
There are going to be people you dissagree with in life or that don’t share someone’s belief system, but that is no reason to put down or belittle someone. I liked the response you had to that person! You are living life the way you want to live it, that isn’t up to someone else to take that away.
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jess! I really just would like to see more people being more accepting of others’ differences. There really is no need for such unkindnesses! You definitely should check out Medium! Let me know if you have any questions about it!
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
oh, and I meant to say I love the plaid coat with the newsboy plaid cap!, so cute! Pretty pics int he snow.
jess xx
enjoy your week!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much! I hope you are having a most excellent week as well!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nora Minassian
I love your coat and hat and the pink gloves add such a feminine touch to the masculine outfit.
Negative people say negative things, you have to just move on…in one ear and out the other…
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Nora! I have definitely moved on…within minutes of reading the nastiness. I just like to use these events to create meaningful content!
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheila (of Ephemera)
Your coat is a sibling to my Loomed Lady! They are so close – and fabulous, of course.
Oh gawds, people are gonna people, eh? Never content with their own lives, always getting up in other people’s and proclaiming judgment. Sigh. You handled that comment with grace and calm (calm as fuck!), and didn’t give them what they wanted (a fight).
I have polyamourous friends, and you know what? Does not matter. Love who you love, when you choose to love, and do it in an ethical up-front way (consent all the way!). Be happy and do what’s right for you. You rock, Shelbee.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Sheila, thank you so much, my friend! People are gonna people, for sure! Ha. So ridiculous. Oh I was definitely calm as can be. I have received enough negative comments over the years that they really just make me giggle and I enjoy responding in a well thought out, articulate and educated way to people like this. They never respond back! I wonder if they even return to see if I even responded. I think people like this get great joy from spewing their negativity and then running and hiding! They certainly are not interested in a discussion. And yes…consensual non-monogamy is the only thing we practice! I can’t deal with lies and secrecy at all. I don’t judge those who cheat because we all have our reasons, I just don’t really want to be a part of some tangled web of lies. Not for me!
xoxo
Shelbee
xoxo
Shelbee
Tatiana
Amazing post, Shelbee! I feel the same way when I see nasty comments. But I think it is the only way those people can communicate with others – to teach the world how things are supposed to be. That’s why I always feel sorry for them because they are so limited in their personal views. Ignore them! Life is much bigger and more boundless, and it is great when through stories like yours, we begin to understand it even better. Thank you so much for sharing!
And I love your outfit! Your coat and hat have similar, but a little different prints, and they match so well together!
Tatiana
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tatiana, thank you so much for your very kind comment! Narrow minded views are the downfall of our society right now…in more ways than one! I once asked a friend what is the best way to change your worldview, to broaden your perspectives, and his response was quick and short…he responded, “Travel.” As I thought about it for a minute, it dawned on me how completely true that is. If we remain stagnant in the same surroundings, with the same people and the same views, for our entire lives, how can we possibly learn to have an open mind? But with the advent of technology, we do have more exposure to different ways of living, but watching it online or on television leaves differences open to ridicule, doesn’t it? We need to immerse ourselves in different cultures, different social groups, and all that stuff in order to open our minds more and become accepting of all people. Thanks so much for joining this discussion!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
My friend, Eric – former lover and now much beloved friend who my husband interacts with frequently on social media cause they’re both cool like that – calls that the “nuh-uh” retort. In other words, I have nothing intelligent to say, so I’ll just disavow you. I’m all for intelligent conversation, but it does seem a rare commodity. In fact, I often try to engage asking them why they hold a particular opinion. (Usually I’m engaging over politics.) The predominant response is crickets, and the next most frequent response is an insult. Apparently asking why you believe what you do is an insult to some people too. I’m pretty much okay with whatever someone else believes as long as they are not hurting others.
Super cute outfit! I love the pop of pink from the gloves.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thanks so much for the compliment and the insightful response to the discussion! I knew you would enjoy this topic! I really like your approach of responding with a question as to why the person believes what they believe! I may have to give that approach a try for the next ridiculous comment that I receive. I enjoy intelligent, meaningful discussions and frankly I find them even more fulfilling when we disagree a little bit. It challenges us to reevaluate our own opinions. And I am never so stubborn as to not reconsider my own views on things. It is how we grow and evolve individually and as a society. I feel like so many people miss the point of social evolution and how necessary it is for progress. I could go on and on…Gah, let’s chat soon!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
I just love that little pop of pink with your clothes in this otherwise black and white look! Such a cozy and warm coat and hat, too! I had no idea you were in an open marriage, but I had to go to your article and read the whole thing… wow!! I am really impressed. What I think I love the most about it is that you and your husband have an open marriage, yet you don’t allow yourselves to get jealous of the other relationships you pursue. And, you are even forming friendships with who he is dating/etc. I think that is a mature way to handle it and I must say I think being open about it is way better than being in a relationship and being unhappy and unfulfilled. I don’t think I could ever do it, but I think it def. works for some!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carrie! Open marriages are definitely not for everyone and honestly we could not have done it earlier in our marriage. Although we have never been jealous people, you still have to develop a strong foundation in your primary relationship in order to to be successful in an open marriage. Everything we do and plan is done with respect and love and never any secrets. Sadly, we have lost many friends because of our lifestyle, for a variety of reasons. There was the one friend who cheated on her husband and then defended herself by saying she was just doing what we were doing. Her husband blamed me for “influencing” her and that friendship ended quickly. Another friend was forbidden by her husband from hanging out with me for fear that I would encourage her to cheat. Which, of course, I never have or would. Ironically, she was already cheating on him when I met her. It makes me laugh (and makes me a little bit angry) how quickly people are to throw blame at the innocent rather than looking at the reasons that they are cheating! Cheating and ethical, consensual non-monogamy are not at all the same thing! Thanks so much for joining the discussion! I am really enjoying all the thoughtful responses.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lizzie
I love that coat! It’s so beautiful!
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lizzie! It definitely reminds me of something you would wear!
xoxo
Shelbee
Joanne
Oh I completely agree! It is amazing what people will write to one another (so many things they would never say face to face!!) and I just can not believe how with all our talk of antibullying and acceptance we have become so much less tolerant of other views, ideas, and lifestyles.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Right, Joanne?! The anti-bullying movement that grew exponentially with the advent of technology and cyber bullying and all that has made very little impact in the world. Sadly, bullies are still abundant in life and online (and in politics). As much as we push for acceptance and diversity and embracing differences, it seems very few people actually practice it. I suppose that is another reason for me to keep sharing and writing about the things that I do! Thanks so much for reading and joining the discussion.
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
I’ve noticed that a lot of people find “courage” online when in person they wouldn’t say anything of the kind. In other words, they show a distinct lack of courage and feel free to say rude things when they can be anonymous or won’t reap any consequences. To be honest, I gave up writing my response or opinion as I find that so many people online only want to put their opinions out there and are definitely NOT looking for a cordial conversation. Sad times, indeed. When you write an article and share a perspective you hold, it seems to me people should read it for what it offers–another way to look at things. But, as I say, sad times. On another note, you look adorable. You’ve sure been putting together some great outfits! I loved the gratitude article, too, btw.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Darlene! It is super sad that people with strong opinions feel it necessary to hide behind their keyboard. If they are so passionate in their beliefs, then why not write and initiate intelligent discourse on the topics? I agree with you that when you read something, you should approach it exactly that way…it is someone else’s personal experience or opinion and nothing more. It is a not guide that the writer is insisting every reader follow! Anonymity definitely breeds courage! But I think it takes a lot more courage to share your honest truth openly and without shame. I really appreciate that you joined the discussion, my friend! The comments are really interesting!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
If I were a betting woman, I would bet that person’s comment was more about them than you (e.g. they or someone they care about was cheated on, and they’re imposing their own experience onto yours, not that it excuses their rude comment). That said, I feel like we undervalue curiosity as a culture—we’re so quick to rush to judgement rather than asking questions and seeking to understand. I, for one, am somewhat fascinated by your marriage and applaud you for sharing the details of it, because I’m sure there are many people out there in a similar situation and hopefully they found your account helpful. Who are we to judge?
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much! Oh, I am certain that commenter has had really bad relationship experiences and that is very sad. But a better approach, I think, is to explore other relationship options, not defend the type of relationship that is clearly causing them some pain. And I agree that we definitely undervalue curiosity and expanding our world views. The rush to judgment by so many is super frustrating to people like us who want to know and learn and understand before we make any statement on an issue. My husband and I felt very alone in the beginning of this lifestyle, but we have found so many other polyamorous people in groups and forums and have made many great friends. I find it interesting how some people think that loving more than one person is a very bad thing! It kind of makes me chuckle actually. Love is love is love and we should be able to love freely and abundantly at our own discretion. Thanks for joining the discussion! This is a fun one!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
You make a good point that can be applied to so many things-especially in today’s society! Different is not wrong! And it really shouldn’t be treated that way!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Laura! I think I just hit my limit with all the name calling that I see anywhere someone tries to have intelligent discussion. Heck, I even see it when discussion is not even the goal…just stating your opinions can bring you under fire these days. And so I felt like I needed a little rant and to sharing of a different perspective…because different isn’t wrong! I hope you are having a great week, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Mike
Shelbee, you wrote your post so beautifully and it basically reflects what’s been rolling around inside my head for years. Simply ignorant, idiotic, pointless pablum (in a more “colorful” phrase, “bullshit”) that trolls, both in real life and online, wastes their time putting out there to basically tear down, disrupt and destroy good people (like you) with their negativity. I never understood this.
You are so right about this; 100%. People can disagree about a topic, but still be respectful towards each other and remain friends at the end of the day. Like you said, it is because of our different perspectives and ideas that help us to grow and help us see the world in ways that we cannot see by ourselves.
I’ve had my fair share of mean spirited comments thrown at me over the years (not on my blog, but in other social media settings) and though they stung me at the time, they didn’t destroy me. I’m still me. I’m still living my life the way I want to. Whatever those individuals tried to accomplish by spewing their venomous vernacular at me, ultimately didn’t work as I’m still here, doing my best to leave a positive mark where ever I go.
When I returned to blogging after my time away from it, I was welcomed by so many friends that have supported me, which in turn, reminded me why I like blogging to begin with. And meeting your acquaintance on there only furthered the positive welcome that I received and is helping me to keep going. Thank you! I do my best to support those that support me. And even if some don’t, I still try to support them because I consider them friends; people who have helped me make it to where I am today.
With so much anger and hatred that’s out there now, I figure, why add to all of that negative energy? Why not add something more positive? Help make someone’s day better? That’s what I try to do with every interaction that I have, both online as well as in person.
But going back to being able to have intelligent conversations and being allowed to disagree respectfully, I’ll give you a quick example concerning myself.
With this pandemic being what it is, we all must keep our distance from each other in order to prevent the spread of it, right? And most people use the term, “social distancing”, keeping at least 6 feet apart from one another. While I agree with the concept of that, I disagree on the term. The World Health Organization would prefer that we begin using the phrase “physical distancing” instead, which I agree with. I think that it’s more direct and less ambiguous than “social distancing”. And while I understand why most people use this particular term, I respectfully disagree with them and will instead use the term “physical distancing”. It doesn’t mean that I think people who use the term “social distancing” are wrong or are dumb. It just means that I disagree with them. And at the end of the day, I still see them as human beings, expressing their opinion, just as I do.
So yes, I absolutely agree with you on this, Shelbee. We need not call each other “dumb” or “stupid” simply because we disagree with one another. Because at the end of the day, we are all human beings. 🙂
Great post that enables great conversations!
P.S. I apologize if I went a bit long here.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mike, thank you so very much for this insightful comment. I feel like humankind has lost much of its kindness and that saddens me greatly. But this blogging community has always restored my faith in the kindnesses that people are capable of. Honestly, without this community I am not sure what the state of my mental health would be 10 months into this pandemic. For so many reasons, blogging has kept me going.
I have been ridiculed and criticized so many times in my life and for so many reasons, reasons that rarely make any sense to me, but I continue to respond with love and kindness. I find it very difficult to even express anger sometimes even when is legitimate and validated anger because anger seems to perpetuate cruelty and I find that most uncomfortable. And because I never really quite “fit in” with the socially accepted groups in life, I have managed to create my own path and have learned to live my truths without shame or guilt. Rising above all the bullshit, or pablum (great word, by the way!), has helped me to find amazing humans in the world, like you and the wonderful folks of this blogging community.
As for the distinction between social distancing and physical distancing, I agree with you completely. The term social distancing has bothered me from the beginning but I wasn’t entirely sure why. I think you have perfectly articulated those reasons for me, so thank you for that!
I really appreciate that you have joined this discussion! This is one of favorite parts of blogging! Stay kind and keep shining bright, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mike
You are so welcome, Shelbee. I feel the same way. It bothers me so much that people these days seem to always look for ways to “outdo” the other guy, or “compete” with each other by tossing around petty insults and worthless rhetoric.
I was always the “odd ball” back in my school days and have been called things far worse than just the “F-bomb”. I never really fit in either back then and I was quite alone.
But like you, I found wonderful people through blogging and it has slowly started restoring my belief in humanity overall. There will always be a few “rotten apples” (sorry for the cliché) trying to spoil the whole bunch of them, but we won’t let these people ruin our livelihood or break us. 🙂
You keep on, Shelbee. I know that I just met you recently, but I have a good feeling about you. I believe in you and that if you keep being true to yourself and not letting others bring you down, you will help to give this world a better hope and belief in itself.
And your friends will continue to support you (including me!).
And yes! Thank you for understanding about the whole “social distancing” vs. “physical distancing” concept. That term has bothered me from the start too (you’re the only person I’ve talk to about this that feels the same way) and never liked using it. I still like being sociable with people, while still keeping a safe distance physically apart as we continue to fight against COVID. I mentioned once before (on my blog I think) that the only time when I would use the term “social distance” would be when I don’t want to interact with someone (like a total creep) at all. While I try to be friendly to most people that I encounter (both physically and online), there are some that I’d rather not associate with at all!
Thanks for getting it, Shelbee! For a while, I thought maybe I was the only one who felt this way! I knew that I couldn’t be the only one! I sort of “rant” about this in some of my past blog postings if you want to check those out.
Thanks for having me, Shelbee! I’m so thankful to be part of this great forum; having meaningful and deep conversations like this. One of the positive perks of the Internet, right? 😉
You too, my friend! “Keep on!” 🙂
Mike
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mike, you have such a beautiful way of wording things! Thank you so much for your support and your kindness. Much of my problem with people and society and the things going on in the world today is that I fall so perfectly right into the middle of being able to see all sides of most issues. And so I cannot and will not start throwing hate speech around at anyone who thinks a little differently. I have my opinions and beliefs on all sorts of things, but lately I feel like I don’t have enough information about anything to take an educated stance on anything…except kindness. I know about that and I know how to do it and I do hope that I can set an example for others to be kinder to one another. As an empath, this world really can cause me some serious emotional pain! And I can tell from just a few exchanges with you that are probably very much the same. I am very much enjoying our discussions! Looking forward to more, for sure. We will keep on and we will not break! The world needs the kind people, too.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lovely
I’m sorry you had to deal with such nasty comment. I feel the person who attacked you ended up boosting your public standing because they gave you an opportunity to show what kind of person you really are. Kudos to you for standing to your point. Love your coat by the way!
xoxo
Lovely
http://www.mynameislovely.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lovely, thanks so much! I did have a good chuckle when I ended my response to that person with “Thanks for reading!” because even just a comment boosts my standing on that platform! I will always stand by my own truths and I will always advocate for kindness in lieu of cruelty. It just makes me so sad that so many people would rather be cruel. Thank you for also advocating for kindness! Keep shining bright, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Abby
Hey Shelbee! It really does stink to get a rude comment, and that one was just awful. I love the way you turned that rude message into a good thing for all of us to learn, to be kind! A week or so ago, I got a rude comment after I shared my opinion on the storming of the Capitol. Someone told me to educate myself and that my opinion was wrong. I feel as if my whole point was missed. It really stunk and hurt my feelings a tad bit. I too think that we should all leave nice and uplifting comments, rather than tearing down people with words we would never say to them in person. I hope you have a great day! Sorry this comment is a day late!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Abby, thank you so much! People can be absolutely awful, can’t they? I am so sorry that you received a negative comment on your post as well. When I read that post, I was fearful that you would come under attack for stating your thoughts on it. And honestly, I really enjoyed reading the perspective on that event from a younger person. You articulated your thoughts and feelings perfectly. And with all the confusion in our country right now, how can a person really know all the details anyway to confidently tell someone else they are wrong? Keep speaking and sharing your truths, my friend, and lead us into a better future!
xoxo
Shelbee
Chrissy Rowden
The cyberculture today is incredibly volatile these days. It’s aggravating and fascinating at the same time. When did we begin to think it was ok to insult a complete stranger? Not that we should be insulting our friends, but I save my more probing questions for those I have a relationship with. Or I wait to be asked. Though I suppose people feel that if you’re putting your opinion and thoughts out to the public, you’re automatically inviting criticism. However, why does that begin what character slamming? Oh, and then there’s the appeal to authority tactics. I can’t have an intelligent thought about something if I don’t have a degree. Also, If we believe that each human has value then we will respond to them differently. I’ve not perfected this. There are times I wanted to drop a relationship altogether because that felt easier. But they probably felt the same way – ha! Anyway, I also believe that you can accept someone without having to approve of their choices. No one approves of every choice I make. I don’t expect that.
As far as the “dumb” narrative, I don’t think you get very far with someone starting out with that. 😉 I do believe we have an epidemic of ignorance that makes us dumb. For example, history. I didn’t realize how much history I had forgotten or never even learned until I started homeschooling the boys. learning more details about the birth of our country, our government, etc has opened my eyes to MUCH. I was ignorant before and made dumb decisions based on my lack of knowledge. That’s different than me being dumb. I want people to help me not ridicule me for my ignorance. (side note, I think the gov’t wants us to be ignorant about politics health etc but that’s a whole other topic)
Knowledge shapes life decisions overall. ok…that’s enough, right? goodness! Because I haven’t said one word about your fabulous outfit. I love the hot pink pop with your black and white windowpane plaid. Your hat is such a fun addition. Keep styling and profiling!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Chrissy, my dear friend, I cannot thank you enough for this brilliant addition to a rather fascinating discussion! There definitely is an overarching belief that if you put your stuff anywhere online it is an invitation for criticism. That whole “don’t share it if you don’t want to be ridiculed” mentality is for the birds! I believe most of us share our personal stories and experiences in an effort to help educate and spread awareness and form community with people. No one willingly invites harsh criticism in the form of name calling. There is literally no value in that. In fact, the commenter referred to in my post probably had no interest whatsoever in learning more about the content that I shared. This is confusing to me because if you had no interest in the content, why even read the article and then take it a step further to ridicule with no value? Like don’t waste your time or mine with such nonsense! But there I go judging strangers as well and I need to get better about keeping such judgments in check…as we all do, I suppose. I just find myself getting super frustrated with the seemingly general acceptance of these behaviors. And while many may not agree with nor support my lifestyle, I know that what I do and how I do it is completely ethical and I lose no sleep over it. I know that the way I have structured my life is the way that works best for me. Funny how strangers think they know better how I should be living!
I do agree with you completely that the government wants us to be ignorant of most things (if not all things) but that is definitely a topic for a different discussion! Our quest for knowledge as a species is what has brought us this far. Oddly, in this information era of technology, it has become very difficult to distinguish “correct” knowledge from inaccurate information.
There is so much good stuff in your comment that I could discuss endlessly! We really do need a virtual coffee date!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emily
It is honestly so important to spread kindness right now!
https://www.emilyclareskinner.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emily, I agree with you completely! Thanks so much for stopping by!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy Bertoldi
Hey Shelbee (how dare you be so…different!!! LOL!)- Ok, but jokes aside- Yes, I engage in discussions respectfully even and mostly when in disagreement. I haven’t really had that happen to me online, I guess it’s because I keep it mostly about fashion…but at times I will talk about my life. If someone would want to argue with me, then I’d be open to it. But if they want to start condescending- they can switch channel! My discussions and disagreements are usually in real life- so that’s also a lot easier than online; where you can see the person instead of some stranger hiding behind some persona (which they often do when they’re as adamant as the one who tried to beliger you!)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks so much, Lucy! I hope I didn’t give the impression that I let this stranger’s nastiness hurt my feelings. Not. At. All. It was just the perfect timing of a great example to illustrate how I feel when I visit social media! People are downright cruel and it hurts my soul. Being an empath can be very challenging especially during tumultuous times. And I just have no tolerance for unnecessary cruelty. So I used said commenter as an example. Plus they deserved it! Haha. I am very much like you, I will discuss anything topic at all, benign or controversial, but when the name calling starts then I’m out. I used to think we were a civilized species, but now I wonder! Thanks for being awesome, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Rena
Shelbee,
You are AMAZING AF!!! (awesome photo layout, too)
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Rena! There was a new WordPress update that finally allowed me to reformat the photos! It came right after your post with different blogging tips and I was so excited! I have been playing around with it ever since. I am so glad that you like it! I think it definitely makes each post look cleaner and easier to read.
xoxo
Shelbee
Midlife and Beyond
Shelbee, what a refreshingly open and honest post. So sorry that you had to deal with this comment from someone. I didn’t know you were in an open relationship. We are all different and the world would be a boring place if we were all the same. It really comes down to what makes you and your partner happy and it has nothing to do with anyone else. Why not? If it works for you. It’s good to have a good rant to get things off your chest. Take care my friend and enjoy the rest of your week. xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Alison, thank you so much, my friend! Believe me, my feelings were in no way hurt by the nasty comment. It was just perfect timing to illustrate what I had been meaning to rant about anyway! I will forever embrace my own unique way of doing things and I will never be shamed for living my very best life! I am very much a believer in the concept of “to each their own”. As long as we exercise kindness and love in all the things we do and are not harming others, then we should rock on with our bad selves! I hope you are having a wonderful week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Midlife and Beyond
Apologies, I got so engrossed I forgot to say how much I love your outfit and pics – monochrome is one of my favourite looks and love the cap, you really suit it – plus, thank you for the feature. xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks, Alison! And no apologies necessary!
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
You my friend, are a rockstar…and I happen to believe that you are cool as fuck. That’s all. That’s my comment.
xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
OMG, Debbie, I love you! You just made my day with this comment. I was laughing so hard when I wrote the final part calling every side of every issue dumb as fuck and I was hoping the humor and sarcasm would come through to make some kind of impact. I am glad it worked!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
I have been called “Dumb as Fuck” so much sometimes I think it is my middle name. Too many subscribe to the theory that it is better to be right than to be nice. People never want to have an open mind about things they only want to be able to justify their own views and opinions. I know tons of people like that on both the left and the right.
I try to be nice instead of right all the time. It is just a decent way of doing business. People remember that. I try to always listen to all sides and find it a sign of maturity that I change my opinions and views after listening to others. I have done that a lot.
Looking very nice there and thanks for hosting.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thanks so much for joining this discussion! I agree with you completely, the reliance on name calling and nastiness happens on any side of any issue and it is getting so damn tiresome. We would make so much positive progress if we could all have civilized discussions about things. How do any of us even know if we are right or wrong? There is so much contradiction in the information we receive that we can never really know what is truth, what is right, what is wrong, what is beneficial, what is detrimental. During the information age, I would think we would have more sense. But it seems the more information we have access to, the dumber we are getting somehow! So while I would never call you dumb as fuck as others may have, perhaps we all really are that dumb!!!!
xoxo
Shelbee
lorena
Great outfit – such a great coat.
It seems like you’re having a lot of snow. Here we are about to enter summer.
I think there is no use in leaving insulting comments-
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks, Lorena! We have been getting so much snow! And I agree, meaningless cruel comments serve no purpose at all!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
Firstly thanks for the feature, so nice to have been able to share my experience with everyone. What a positive blog post, thanks for sharing Shelbee. Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jacqui, thank you so much! I am so glad that you have recovered!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ashley
Oh, Shelbee, I’m so very sorry you had to deal with this! People can be so cruel and that comment was just that. For some, if it’s not their particular way of living, they lash out. I don’t know what possesses people to even consider writing such a mean comment, let alone actually posting it and going about their day. It is more certainly a reflection of who they are, and has absolutely nothing to do with you, my friend. I had no idea you were in an open relationship and while I can’t say it would be for me, guess what? I still adore you and your blog! 🙂 I talk a lot about having the power to create a life you love, and if you’re happy and living your best life – that is all that matters!
In regards to respect, sadly I feel like that’s what we are really lacking in society as a whole. Our differences in religion, politics, way of thinking, or whatever it may be ends up being something so divisive. I’ve always found it pretty easy to agree-to-disagree and still love others and root for them. We need more support and less ripping each other apart.
P.S. I love your outfit here. Your coat and matching hat are so pretty!
Make Life Marvelous
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ashley, thank you so much for joining this fascinating discussion! I was in no way hurt by the nasty comment, knowing full well that it had nothing to do with me. I am baffled, like you are, that people can fire such nastiness out there and think nothing of it! I kind of imagined this person posting that comment and then bragging to their friends how they told some dumbass how it really is! Hahaha. So foolish and completely pointless. I have always been an “agree to disagree” person as well because I find so much value in different perspectives and opinions. None of us can see the whole big picture of any situation and getting different perspectives from people really is more advantageous than anything. What I cannot tolerate is meaningless cruelty…and of course, the immediate name calling that ensues when someone disagrees. It is the way my young children deal with conflict between them…they start calling each other stupid and dumb. I don’t tolerate it from them either but they are only 7 and 9 and are still learning how to communicate their emotions. There is no excuse for adults who do this! We definitely need to be more accepting of others and just stop the madness of such unkindness. Keep shining bright, my friend! The world needs it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
I appreciate you writing this. Although polyamory is something I don’t understand, that in no way give me the right to disrespect you. The fact that we are different and still have great discourse is one of the reasons I like you so much!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lauren, thank you, thank you, thank you! I wish more people could understand that. I love to surround myself with people who have different views and opinions and lifestyles. It is the only way we can broaden our horizons and live richer lives. So many are content in their tiny little bubbles, bubbles which inhibit social and cultural growth. I want to pop all those bubbles! Haha. I really enjoy the discourse that you and I often share as well…for these exact reasons. I learn new things from you and that helps me to grow as a human. So thank you for being awesome!
xoxo
Shelbee