Please Put on Your Oxygen Mask before Assisting Others: An Important Guide to Self Care
I have long lived by the mantra self care is never selfish. If we are not taking proper care of ourselves and every aspect of our own health and well-being, how can we possibly be in a position to care for the people in our lives who need us most?
I have met many folks in my life who consistently put others before themselves. Many of my friends are this way. I was this way for a very long time as well. Doing for others, being a caretaker, being a kind and caring person are all wonderful qualities to have, but sometimes giving too much can exhaust you to the point of having nothing left to give. If we continue to give too much without ever taking the time to replenish ourselves, we really have nothing at all to give to anybody.
It is easy to get caught in our roles as givers and caretakers which is why we sometimes need a gentle reminder that self care is absolutely necessary if we have any intentions at all of caring for others. It is time to revisit that old instruction that flight attendants have been preaching to us since the advent of commercial flying…
“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.”
In life, when we begin losing pressure, so to speak, we absolutely have to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Because without oxygen, we aren’t helping anybody. Without properly fueling our bodies and minds, we have nothing extra to give beyond mere survival. Right now seems like the perfect time to reevaluate if and how we are properly caring for ourselves. There is no better incentive for self care than the love we have for our family and friends. Let that love be your driving force to a healthier lifestyle.
Keep reading for three tips to start your journey to improved self care.
1. Toxic People Be Gone
Toxic people are the type of people who generally do not practice self care and thereby rely on others to care for them, effectively exhausting the resources of others because they are unable to generate their own positive energy to improve life for themselves. This type of person, also known as an energy thief, can and will deplete your good energy faster than you can replenish it, leaving you with nothing much to give to the loved ones who need and deserve your care and attention.
So the first step to improved self care is to recognize the individuals in your life who bring this type of toxic element. This step can often be the most difficult one because toxic individuals have a way of making you believe that they need you and then the guilt sets in. Or maybe they have created an environment where you think you need them. In any event, once you have identified someone has being a toxic influence in your life for any reason, it is time to reevaluate the nature of that relationship and decide if it would be more beneficial to your overall health to kindly dismiss these toxic folks from it.
Removing people from your life can be a daunting task, especially if that person has been around for a good long while. The process is not an easy one, but I can tell you from personal experience, that as you remove one toxic individual at a time, your life becomes so much better. It sort of feels like removing very heavy weights from your shoulders, each one granting you more relief and ease and comfort. Regardless of the relationship itself, always keep in mind that if someone is making you feel awful in any way, you deserve better.
2. Reach For Your Dreams
We all need something to strive for, something that gets us out of bed in the morning, a mission, a purpose, a goal, a dream. It is sometimes easy to lose sight of the things we want as we become more and more consumed by the demands of life and the people in it who rely on us. But it is our hopes, dreams, and goals that motivate us to keep pushing forward. These are the things that inspire and energize us and without them we would completely get lost in the shuffle of mundane obligations and responsibilities.
We all have hopes and dreams and it is up to us and us alone to go after them. Hard work, commitment, dedication, and passion make up the fuel that pushes us forward in the direction of our dreams. Manifestation practice is an excellent method to make all of your dreams come true. You might be wondering what is manifestation? Manifestation is a principle rooted in the law of attraction that will help you turn your dreams into your reality. We all possess the ability within us to manifest what we want in life.
Know Your Limits and Set Boundaries
One of the most important skills to learn for a happy and fulfilled life is how to set and maintain limits and boundaries. This is a life skill that many people struggle with intensely.
How do you go about setting healthy boundaries? First, you need to know what your limits are and define them for yourself. Be specific and clear when articulating boundaries because you will almost always be met with resistance from someone. Insisting that others respect your boundaries and limits takes a lot of courage and a whole lot of tenacity in standing your ground. Especially if you have not previously set and enforced strict boundaries, people tend to get angry when you suddenly do. Be firm and be steadfast and eventually they get used to it. And if they don’t get used to it, they are more than welcome to move on out of your life.
Making these three changes will definitely help improve your own life on so many levels. You will feel more empowered when you stand your ground in defense of your own needs and you will feel less anxiety when you can put yourself before others. When you lighten the load, you have more to give. When you focus on replenishing yourself, you have more to give. When you care for yourself first, you have more to give. As giving people, we always want to learn ways to give more without losing it all. Without our physical, mental, and emotional health, we really have nothing. Isn’t it time to put yourself first?
How do you care for yourself? What types of self care methods do you regularly employ so you can be the best version of yourself?
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Kimono/Duster-Torrid / Tee, Skirt, Gloves, Tights, Clutch-Target / Boots-DSW / Earrings-c/o Anjolee / Necklace and Coat-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
16 Comments
Jessica A Jannenga
Self-care is important! It isn’t selfish, as you said. I have practiced this by being proactive with my health over the years, enabling me to get off certain medications. I am now back to lifting weights and walking more. I do have to watch as my energy can wane in the afternoon, so I have to rest during the day. I so agree with not having people in your life that are negative, or do not know how to lift someone up. With my mom here, since last March, I thought it a must to help her through the struggles with coping with Covid.
Great article and I love purple on you! Those stockings look great too, you know me and patterned tights!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much, my friend! I have been super proactive in cleaning up my circle of people and removing the really toxic, energy sapping ones. I realized a few years ago that I have a tendency to attract energy thieves and it often took me too long to recognize it until I was completely depleted and exhausted beyond helping anyone even myself. It was time for me to shift to putting on my own oxygen mask first despite accusations of being selfish. But I can’t give anything when I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I am so inspired by all of the hard work you have put into self care and getting off the dreadful medications. Keep shining bright!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Looking so very nice and so very true. It is something that I have learned over the years. I have been working on getting rid of the toxic people in my life. That is a big thing.
Oh, I do have two sayings: “Don’t Mess With Happy” and the second one is “The Grass is Always Greener Where I am standing” Too many people are always trying to reach for things based on money and status. I am always being told, why don’t you become a content specialist for the district. It pays more money, blah, blah, blah. I am happy as a classroom teacher dealing with the wretched refuse of the school district. I love my crazies even if they do drive me bat-shit-crazy most days. Just my simple, uneducated view. You got to know yourself.
Thanks for this.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Patrick, for sharing your experience. I really have no room for toxic people in my life. Things like that make me even more grateful that I can work from home for myself and not be forced into workplace environments that may be sprinkled with toxic people. I like both of your sayings because they ring very true! Knowing yourself is definitely the best way to live your life! If only more people could get to that place. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Excellent points, Shelbee!
The tricky one I encountered over the past couple of years is a friendship that starts out healthy with mutual respect and then morphs over time into something unhealthy. I had a friend who is trans. Her upbringing was shockingly abusive from both parents and older siblings. Being trans, her life has been a struggle, and being in her 50’s like me, she spent a lot of time alone with this. Slowly, our relationship morphed from mutual respect to emotional manipulation on her part that left me feeling responsible for her well-being. I don’t believe this was at all conscious on her part. She just has a lot of struggles and mental illness. Then the emotional vampirism began, texting me upset and wanting me to wallow with her. It was tough, but I needed her to back off. The first hint I put out of needing her to back off, she backed all the way off. Communication has been virtually nil. I have been much better for it, but I do miss the friendship as it once was.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
I love your outfit. The purple skirt, and the striped duster are super cool.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Michelle! As soon as I snagged this purple skirt off the Target clearance rack, I immediately thought, “Oooh, Michell is going to like this one!” I really did! And I can totally relate to the kind of friendship you just described. I have had too many like that. They start out great, mutually beneficial, and suddenly you realize that every time you talk to that person or spend time with them you are completely exhausted. I mean, I get exhausted rather quickly from healthy interactions with friends, so unhealthy ones really wipe me out. Some long term friendships that become toxic slowly over the years are harder to bring to an end. But I feel like the more toxic people I encounter, the easier it becomes to recognize them before I’ve invested too much. I think it is a curse of empaths…to attract people who need our energy because they don’t know how to produce their own. And I totally understand that feeling of missing the good parts of the friendship, but when the bad starts outweighing the good, you have to go into self-preservation mode (which is often called selfish when you are trying to distance yourself from a toxic person). That word “selfish” can be rather painful when delivered out of selfishness because you know that person will never ever see it any other way. Peopling is hard!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
Yes to getting rid of toxic people. I’ve had to end so many friendships because they were so toxic.
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Me, too, Jennifer, me, too! It is sad and frustrating but ever so necessary. I have been called selfish for ridding my life of toxicity, but I feel like it’s more like self-preservation.
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheila (of Ephemera)
The first time I heard the oxygen mask analogy was in one of my Weight Watchers meetings, and it stunned me to the core. We’re so conditioned by society, the media, and even each other! to always put ourselves last. I try to practice self-care as much as I can, and to preach it to others too.
Thank you so much for sharing this – I needed to read it and centre myself again. Hugs to you.
PS – That COAT/duster thing is EVERYTHING! I love it!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Sheila! We really are conditioned to think that self care is selfish. I have struggled my whole life with feeling like anything that I did that was truly for myself was completely selfish. I think it goes back to my mother’s constant accusations of my selfishness after I left home for college. As I tried to branch out and grow up and move into the world and adulthood, if I wasn’t helping her in some direct way, I was selfish. It was irritating and frustrating and has made the word “selfish” a really awful word to me!
As for my duster…this I recently found on the clearance rack at Torrid for 50% of the clearance price. I can’t remember what I paid but it was definitely less than $20 and I absolutely love it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gail
A very wise mantra Shelbee, and pertinent for a lot of women who put everyone else before themselves. That’s a very glamorous look, I love those bootees and that glorious coat!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Gail! We definitely need to recondition ourselves to understand that self care is absolutely necessary and not selfish in any way.
xoxo
Shelbee
Angie Caswell
I recently did a talk on self-care. It’s such a misunderstood topic. Love the outfits!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Angie! It really is so misunderstood. We are conditioned to think it is selfish to take care of ourselves before others. I am so glad that you are spreading more awareness about the importance of self care, too!
xoxo
Shelbee
Rena
Sound advice, my friend. And you’re killing it with the photos!
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks so much, Rena! You know, I did not like the way this outfit looked in the mirror, but it photographed really well in the end!
xoxo
Shelbee