More Than Your Sexuality & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #114
I know this woman in my town. Her name is Luci. And she is gay.
I never ever would introduce someone like this…leading with a reference to their sexuality. Because it really matters not to me what your sexual preference is. Really, the way I should be introducing her is more like this…
Luci is a woman in my town whom I know through mutual friends. She is a brilliant hair stylist, a master of makeup techniques, an inspiration in the commitment required to embark on a major weight loss journey. She is beautiful, friendly, kind, dedicated, edgy, unique, and a prime example of how much light can shine from one single human being who continuously makes it a point to shamelessly and unapologetically remain true to herself.
When I see Luci’s posts pop up in my Facebook feed, I generally get all the good feels. I feel empowered and inspired by her. She made a commitment about a year ago to go on a fitness and weight loss journey that has left her nearly 200 pounds lighter. And she accomplished this through the sheer power of her dedication to her own health and wellness. So when I see Luci, the first thing that I think is, “This girl is amazing. I wish I had just a fraction of her determination. And I will follow her lead every time I am reminded.” Her sexuality never comes to mind. Because it really just does not matter.
But when I see posts like the one below on Luci’s page, I am reminded not of her strength, but of her vulnerability in a sometimes very cruel world. And that makes me ever so sad. So with Luci’s permission, I am sharing her Facebook post from 2 weeks ago.
“So, I lost a client because of my sexual orientation.”
“I’m coming to a point in my life where I need to learn to be okay with that. Truth be told though it isn’t easy and sometimes it’s painful, but why be hurt when someone feels that I’m repugnant for being in love with a woman and honest about it? I will not hide who I am and I guess that will weed out the bigots.”
“I’m tired of being viewed like I’m some kind of pervert for being a lesbian. Let me tell you about me. I’m in a 10 year relationship with a consenting adult. We are honest and faithful to one another, we respect each other, work hard for everything we have and we love each other deeply. That sounds pretty normal to me. Stop looking at me and associating me with the bedroom. Trust and believe that I don’t do that to anyone else. That’s perverse.”
Honestly, when I read this, I felt like I was punched straight in the gut. So I cannot even imagine how Luci must have felt when such a message was delivered to her. My immediate reaction was astonishment that bigotry like this still exists in 2019. I mean, of course I am not so oblivious to think that there aren’t still people who believe such things. I guess my shock was that someone would refuse your professional services based solely on your sexuality and state it as such. It seems a bit ridiculous and down right hurtful.
You know that I am not one to pass judgment on anyone’s beliefs either. If you want to believe that a person’s sexuality, especially when it is different from your own, somehow negates them as a person, then you go right ahead and believe that. There is nothing I can say or do to change that kind of deeply rooted hatred. But some things really are better kept to yourself.
We have been moving towards acceptance of things that are different from the majority for so long now that I feel that more progress should have been made by now. In fact, I don’t even like to use the term “tolerance” in reference to these things. I find that word offensive. Oh, so you will tolerate me with all of my differences? “Acceptance” is more my word of choice. Universal acceptance at the most basic human level. You know what, my lifestyle choices in the realm of sexuality are also extremely different from the majority. You can take it or leave it. I will be me and I will do so without apology or shame. I will stand proud right next Luci as a warrior of acceptance and I will love you all regardless of your choices in the bedroom and outside of it.
In fact, I will even love you straight though your bigotry and intolerance. But I probably won’t be your friend. And here is the cool thing about love like that, I don’t have to be your friend to meet you where you are in a loving manner. You don’t have to be my friend either. We don’t have ever have to agree. But what we all absolutely need to do is to be kind. Just be kind. There is no need to throw words around like daggers in an attempt to slaughter all those who are different from us. Our differences are what make this life so fascinating. Isn’t it time that more people realized that?
So please when you find yourself defining others (or even yourself) based on sexuality, skin color, ethnicity, mental health, economic status, education level, or any other aspect that is just one tiny little part of the whole human experience, stop yourself. Stop and think for a minute before injecting hatred into the world. It just is not worth it.
Luci, thank you so much for being vulnerable in that moment and sharing your experience. And thank you for allowing me to share it as well. It is through this type of sharing that we can hope to make some sort of a difference in this world. I adore you for all that you are! And clearly, so do about a million other people. That one unkind person is missing out.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of such hurtful comments? And how did you handle it? Please keep sharing these stories because they really do reach and help more people than we know.
And now your featured favorites from last week’s link up.
Tiina of Elegance Revisited shared her post, Hit or Miss? I say an absolute hit! This is totally an outfit combination I would be comfortable wearing!
Bojana of Bo’s Bodacious Blog shared her post, Five Work Outfits and Flatlays. I just love Bo’s work style! Visit her post to learn how she gets her outfits prepared a week in advance to ease up the time restraints on work mornings.
And Mitch of Gay NYC Dad shared his post, Memes & Memes w/ Linky! #StolenFromTheInternet. Mitch shares some of his favorite memes every week for his link up post and it is probably one of my fave posts to read over coffee! Always funny!
Before you link up, have you entered my giveaway yet? You can win $100 off a brand new Jord watch of your own or for a gift for someone else. You can read all about it here or go directly to the giveaway entry form here.
Loving you all from the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
76 Comments
Kellyann Rohr
Oh Shelbee, my heart breaks for Luci and everyone else who suffers from criticism of who they are; just when I think we have moved past things like this we get a sobering reminder that there are still some very narrow minded people out there. I wish Luci all the best and hope that losing that one client results in her gaining 25 new ones! She sounds like an incredibly determined woman who I’d love to know, thanks for sharing her with us!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thanks so much for reading and sharing your compassion. Situations like this also break my heart. It is just such an unnecessary thing that so many people have to deal with all too frequently. And I am sure Luci will gain many more wonderful clients going forward!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laurie
I so feel this girls pain Shelbee. A reason I’ve never come out on the blog. I fear the being judged thing. I don’t hide it but I don’t shout about it either xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laurie, thank you so much for being open here. That makes me so very sad that you can’t be totally open about your true self in your own space for fear of being judged. Although, I guess I am not totally open about certain things in my life either for exactly the same reason. The judgments of others carry too much weight and it saddens me that so many of us fall victim to that fear. Sending you a million internet hugs, my friend! Keep shining your beautiful light!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tiina L
Great post! So sorry that your friend had to deal with such narrow-minded people. And what you say about ’tolerance’ is spot on. Although, I’m not sure ’acceptance’ is really better. It sort of still implies that other people’s views regarding our lifestyle choices should somehow matter. Or as if we still need or want our choices to be granted an official seal of approval, sort of given a ’permission’ to live our lives the way we see fit. I’d prefer to assume that other people don’t need to approve of, accept, tolerate, or even have an opinion concerning my lifestyle choices as it’s none of their business as long my choices don’t harm anyone and don’t break any laws.
That being said, I have to admit to being a bit less tolerant myself: I can’t stand stupid people (of any variety: be it lack of intelligence or intellectual rigor or just plain old ignorance coupled with narrow-mindedness). And the older I get, the harder it gets trying not to roll my eyes and just bite my tongue when I hear people express ideas that are just, well, idiotic. It seems there’s too much of that going around these days (or maybe it’s me having too high expectations).
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tiina, thank you so much for sharing this perspective! Now I want to reword the whole thing about acceptance! Haha. But I will leave it since it is opening an important topic for discussion. You are so correct though, we should never assume that our opinions about the lifestyles of others are relevant. Live and let live is really what I believe. Just be kind in doing so. That’s the part that I really cannot “tolerate”! The unkindness bit. Ignorance and narrow mindedness I can generally get past as part of upbringing, etc. Go believe what you want to believe but don’t be unkind about it and don’t try to force others into your own belief system. By the way, I adore your passion and emphasis about the things you do believe! Keep speaking your truths, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie | This Main Line Life
Sometimes it seems like we’ve come so far, and others, like nothing’s really changed at all.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
A truer statement has never been said, Julie. I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
Luci is amazing and I appreciate her sharing her story. It frustrates me as well when people are hurtful like this. She is beautiful inside and out and loving your casual chic look. Thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much for sharing your loving and kind words here. That is exactly what we need to keep doing in order to combat this kind of ugliness in the world.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
I like to think that we’ve made so much progress and people are less hurtful, but we still have a long way to go. Thank you for sharing Luci’s story! I’m sorry she lost a client but she is going to gain many more who see what an amazing person she is!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, I agree with you completely on all of this. And since I have a forum to shine some light onto these issues, that is exactly what I plan to do! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your kindness here as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Mitch
Your love and acceptance, and better yet, friendship from having found you here, is just wonderful. I am a better person for having met you here!
Mitch
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mitch, I cannot thank you enough for such kind words! And I am better person for having met you in blogland as well. There are so many amazing, beautiful, kind, and loving people out there who are on the same mission as I…to spread love and kindness all around. You do that with your work every day as well and I have so much gratitude for it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar Strauss-Benjamin
It pains me SO much in 2019 that so many judge others based on their sexuality! She sounds like one amazing person!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tamar, I hear you and I am right there with you in that same kind of pain. Thanks for reading, my friend! Keep shining your light!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gail
Luci is very beautiful and I am floored by that disgusting comment. It’s amazing in this day and age that such prejudice still exists! Thanks for shining a light on this Shelbee.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gail, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic. I literally cannot get over that such things still happen. I guess I am ignorant like that because clearly such prejudices are still going strong. Keep shining your light into the world, my friend. It’s what we need to be doing!
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
It does make me sad to realize there are people out there that think love is bad. Because we shouldn’t base our friendship and who does our hair on who people love.
Kindness is the supreme gift we can give to others. Just like you always do, Shelbee.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thank you! I had no doubt that you would totally get where I was coming from with this post. Why can’t we all just be kind?! Kind to ourselves and kind to each other. It really is the most important thing. And I know there is an abundance of kindness out there and I am grateful for all of it and the people who make it a point to continue being kind. We must continue doing our work in kindness! Love you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jean
Shelbee, all of us “disagree” with others every day, for one reason or another, and are free to “accept/tolerate,” or not, all sorts of things. But, as you said, “just be kind.” I know someone with a particular aversion to body art who will likely never be close friends with someone with a lot of it, but who doesn’t feel the need to express his “disapproval” of it to anyone (or switch mechanics or hairdressers or whatever because of it). Some people feel free to walk up to people they don’t even know and comment on their being over- or under-weight (Luci probably experienced that, too). Not kind. I think parents should instill kindness in their children from birth. Being kind is more important than being pretty, smart, talented, good at sports, or whatever.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jean, you have articulated this so beautifully! Thank you! I am sure we all have experienced this, too. Someone just walking up to us and voicing their unsolicited opinion about us. I remember many years ago, my ex-husband’s grandmother very sternly informed me that she did not like my name and was going to call me something different going forward! Everyone just laughed and excused her due to her age. I was appalled and offended. My name, of the all things, had offended her! But there are so many other examples of this that we all encounter. Where did it all go wrong that unkindness of this sort seems to be okay in the minds of some?
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
That is so hard. You just can’t change some people perspectives and I think it stems from their childhood/their parents perspectives on it, etc. I think so much change has happened and will keep happening. She’s not alone and so many people do support her. And, all that snow is making me COLD! Brrr! I love the colorful colors in your warm jacket, though!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carrie, thanks so much for commenting today. The amount of empowering and uplifting comments that Luci received on her Facebook post is a testament to just how amazing she is. And I guess one bad egg does not spoil the whole batch. But it really is a shame that such prejudices still exist in such blatantly cruel form. We must just need to continue to spread kindness all around us in order to counteract it all! Keep shining, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jessica
That’s such a shame that people can be so judgmental and unkind. Luci is a beautiful girl and I’m sure an amazing hairdresser as well!
~Jessica
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jessica, yes, it really is a sad shame, for sure! Thanks for stopping by and commenting today. Have a fabulous day!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Very nice post and God Bless Luci, she seems like an amazing person and I don’t give a rat’s behind who she sleeps with as long as she is a good person (it seems like she is) and is trying to make her little world better for all.
People are funny critters. We think that we are educated and enlightened but we are not. We are actually scared and will freak out when things are outside of what are so-called expected norms.
I get it all of the time and for most of my life. It is amazing and interesting. I am a person of color who is mixed. I am told that I don’t act black and “not down enough” by some of my fellow African-Americans who I know (it becomes funny). I used to work with a bunch of liberal whites who would use terms around me like “Your kind”, “People like you” like if I was listening to some classical music or talking about some art exhibit I saw- “I didn’t know people like you liked or listened to….” And when I would call them on it, they would raise their liberal flags and avoid any dialogue to open up discussion. I am not going to talk about the brief time I lived in Marin County which is considered one of the more liberal places in the nation. Let’s just say, it is not a great place if you are a person of color.
I am a Blerd or Black Nerd. People have a hard time understand that. It blows them away that I have so many different interests and likes. My motto these days is screw what others think, I am going to do what I want.
I think that everyone wants to squish people into these so-called little stereotype boxes that they have already made in their minds and keep them there. It is a sad and I have told my kids do not ever give up something you enjoy and like because it doesn’t fit into someone else’s little box.
I could on but I am going to stop because I think I need to.
Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so, so much for sharing your experience. It really is ridiculous the way people stereotype certain characteristics about others. So the color of your skin and your racial background now determines your specific interests and likes? How freaking weird is that? I am so sorry that you have had to endure those kind of narrow minded judgments. The one big thing for me right now is when people find out that I have a law degree but have no interest in practicing and have left it all behind me many years ago, they feel it is their place to start telling me all the jobs I could be doing to make lots of money. Honestly, I had those jobs and they quite literally nearly killed me. What I do now for much less money has left me exponentially happier. But because so many think money equals happiness they simply cannot understand it and have to take it a step further and tell me how I should be living my life. The funny thing is…I am so much happier and more enlightened than those people. And I feel sad for them. So like you, I am just going to keep being me in my own little box of wonderful! And I guess I am a Wherd…a White Nerd! Hahaha. Although I am not sure we need to add these qualifiers such as skin color to describe ourselves! Keep shining your light, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz
Wonderful post, Shelbee! I’m glad that she let you share because this is a message that people need to hear. She seems like a beautiful, strong, caring and determined person. She inspired me just by reading about her weightless journey! That’s incredible!! No one should be made to feel bad about themselves and especially should not be treated differently just because of who they fall in love with. It doesn’t change who they are as a person. A similar thing happened to me…and I think you already read it but I’ve had multiple students pulled from me because their parents (usually males) didn’t think a girl was “good enough” (their words…said straight to my face) to teach their child. This kind of behavior exists in every realm whether it’s regarding sexuality, gender, race, etc… and it is NOT okay. People still think we’re living in the dark ages! Thank you for sharing her message and spreading awareness about this issue! <3
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liz, thank you so much for sharing this comment and your experience. I have been in that situation as well where I was viewed as not capable because I am female. It was so weird to me. But then, I guess I just dismissed the person’s ignorance as just that, ignorance, and refused to help with any thing else since I clearly was not capable enough because I have a vagina! Hahaha. You know that I also have been judged on my appearance as well. Just because someone looks different from others, some will view them as not capable. Weirdest thing ever to me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Edwige
Wow! What a mean thing to do. I ‘m sorry this happened to her! We need more kindness in the world!
Edwige | http://www.hypnozglam.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I agree, Edwige! Thanks for stopping by!
xoxo
Shelbee
Elle
What a beautiful post. First I love your oversized pink sweater. But most importantly I love that you use the word acceptance rather than tolerance. It is an important distinction. You make it with grace and sensitivity, and I really appreciate learning about this wonderful woman through your eyes .
❤️❤️❤️
Elle
https://theellediaries.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Elle, thank you so much! For some reason, it really sticks out in my memory from decades ago the push for “tolerance” and it always struck me as such an odd word choice! It really is an important distinction to make. Acceptance should be the goal. Acceptance of every one regardless of their differences. Of course, there are extremes of dangerous people who do horrible things and hurt others, that we should not accept or tolerate. But seriously, one’s sexuality should have no bearing on any one else. And there is something to be said for keeping our mouths shut when we are uncomfortable with someone else’s differences. Keep shining your bright, beautiful light into the world, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jessica A Jannenga
It is a shame in this day and age, that we can’t be free to be ourselves in this world. Lucy sounds like a lovely girl, and its very sad that she lost clients due to her sexuality. Why should that matter? does it make her any less of a hairstylist? I wouldn’t be introduced as hetero Jess, so I don’t think anyone should be introduced by their sexuality! People are more than that. It sounds like she is a driven girl, very pretty!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thanks so much for commenting today. I was wondering the same thing…how one’s sexuality has any bearing on their skills in their chosen occupation. It is seriously the most ridiculous thing. I wonder what this person would do if they were in need of life saving assistance and the emergency medical responder were gay. “I’m sorry, you’re gay, I don’t want you to save my life.” I mean, if they don’t want a gay person touching their hair, I imagine they wouldn’t want a gay person saving their life either.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jessica A Jannenga
I also wanted to add, you look so pretty in this salmon pink color! Hopefully Spring will come your way soon, I cant beleive all of the snow on the ground still!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Jess! The snow is almost all melted, but I still have so many photos to use that have lots of snow. And we also have snow in the forecast for this weekend as well. Oh well. Eventually Spring will arrive.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Sparks
I also hate the word “tolerance”. Every person is created in the image of God and is worthy of love and respect. laurensparks.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheers to that, Lauren! Thank you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
My heart goes out to Luci—I can’t imagine being constantly judged on what I do (or don’t do) in the bedroom—that’s no one’s business! She is obviously a strong, creative, inspiring person in many ways. One thing I’ve learned is that often people’s judgment is more about their own insecurities. For example, my decision not to have children somehow makes people think I’m questioning or judging THEIR choices. (Which I’m most definitely not!) I wish everyone knew how to say, “Good for you, but that’s not for me” and leave it at that.
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you for this insightful comment! I am right there with you…why can’t people just respond “Good for you, but that’s not for me”? Or even better, just “good for you”. I have no idea why so many people feel it necessary to comment on other people’s life choices. If it works for you and you are happy, then there is literally nothing more to say about it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
That is so horrible. Just the other day I asked two gay friends if they ever hold hands outside, or give each other a kiss in a bar or restaurant or whatever. They don’t!! And I had to think about that when I was trying to fall a sleep at night. I felt so down by that, it must be awful to not be able to be completely yourself. Because other people could curse or worse. That hurts doesn’t it.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, that is incredibly sad. I have heard people make comments over the years about gay people exhibiting public displays of affection by saying such things like, “I don’t care if people are gay, I just don’t want to see it.” That comment has always appalled me! What don’t they want to see? A display of love and affection? Granted if the public displays of affection become borderline pornographic, I don’t want to see it either…but I don’t want to see that from heterosexual couples either!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura
I truly wish I was surprised by what Luci experienced, but sadly I am not. But it does absolutely continue to disgust me. I don’t care about politics, sexuality, religion, whatever. What matters to me is kindness. I wish that mattered to everyone. The world would be so much better!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, I hear you! If everyone made kindness their number one priority, what a different place this world would be! Thank you for commenting today!
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
Made me sad and tear up! Just awful. I was about to proudly announce that I just found out Ashevile has the low-key nickname She-ville because we have a lot of lesbians! I’m not even a lesbian, but I thought it was great news to spread—like something to brag about because I really enjoy diversity! Anyways, let this gorgeous young talented woman know she has allies that find this reprehensible.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Becky, thank you so much for this beautiful comment! That little fact about Asheville is fantastic, too. Speaking of Asheville, I am trying to plan a trip there sometime in the next few months to visit a friend! If and when I can make that happen, I will certainly let you know…perhaps a coffee date/blogger meet up will be in order!
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
My message got deleted dang it! This made me tear up!! Just awful!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nope, your comment was there, Becky! And my response is published, too!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Shelbee, this is a lovely story about a lovely lady. I agree with your comment to just be kind. We have to stop judging others about things we know nothing about. And move beyond tolerance to acceptance. I honestly believe we might get there someday. The Generation X and Millenials have totally different views and are much more accepting. Maybe we can learn from them…
Thanks for sharing.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Darlene! I agree with all that you say here. We to need to move into a place of total acceptance as a society. But I suppose there will always be those who cannot accept or tolerate that which is different from them. Maybe is just part of the human experience. I hope not, I hope it is something that can change. And yes, the Gen X’ers and Millennials can certainly teach us a thing or two.
xoxo
Shelbee
Shugunna Alexander
Shelbee what a great post and please thank Luci for sharing her story. Yes, it’s sad to say there are still those out there that refuse to accept people for being who they are! In the WORLD we live in there is really no room or reason for hate…
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shugunna, thank you so much for your kind words. I am sure Luci will appreciate that. It really was an eye opening experience for me to see how cruel and judgmental people can be. I am guilty all too often of burying my head in the sand on topics such as these. I suppose it is a lesson for me to pay closer attention as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
I simply can’t understand why society can judge each other for their sexual orientation (or skin colour/accent/whatever) – it’s absurd to me. Why is sexual orientation even an issue?! As you say Shelbee to introduce someone as gay – when we should be over it by now! I feel sad that gay men and women ‘come out’. It’s crazy really – like in a vegan world saying ‘I eat meat’. Jeez we are all different – when will people get over it!? I look forward to the day when sexual orientation becomes no big deal. Lovely post Shelbee – sorry for the rant haha xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maria, no apologies for the rant. In fact, thank you for your rant. I couldn’t have said it better myself. I also look forward to the day when sexual orientation is completely a non-issue. Seriously, who cares? If you aren’t sleeping with me, then it is really no business of mine who you are sleeping with! And who you love has absolutely no bearing on your qualifications and skill in your chosen occupation.
xoxo
Shelbee
Luci
Thank you all so much for your support, voicing your opinions, and sharing your own stories. It’s incredible to know that sharing what happened to me opened up an amazing dialogue here and a safe space for some of you to be free to be yourselves. You are all wonderful and brought a smile to my face, warmth to my heart and some of you brought some tears to my eyes. – Luci
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Luci, thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability and a painful experience with us. There is power beyond words in that…as you can clearly see! Many hugs to you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Paul
There is no place on earth were hatred of any living creature should be tolerated. With that being said and looking at your comments I do not believe the client said she hated her or even said she was repugnant. It says your friend said “when someone feels” thus maybe implied by reaction but not by words. So nothing may ever have been said to your friend , I do not know I just try to stay unbiased in any situation and look at it objectively. So as a customer and client she has the right to choose whom she wants, as your friend has a right to choose her life style choices. Shelbee keep spreading your love and kindness
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Paul, thank you for this perspective. I agree with you completely that we all have the right to choose who we want as our hair stylists, mechanics, doctors, dentists, etc. After reading through all the hundreds of comments on Luci’s original post, the way it played out was this…the client adored Luci for a variety of reasons and then during an appointment, the client started ranting (unsolicited) about how much she despises gay people and was criticizing a married woman she knows for “looking gay” and that she could not tolerate that. At that point, Luci asked her, “Well, do I look gay? Because I am.” At which point, the client got up and left. Now, it is entirely possible that the client left due to her own embarrassment and not so much because Luci is gay. But she also made it very clear that she does not approve or like gay people. And I guess it is that part makes me so very sad…the outright hatred of anyone…like you said, that should not be tolerated.
xoxo
Shelbee
Paul
I forgot to mention ,Luci is beautiful and seems like a beautiful person, customer retention will not be a problem
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Paul, thank you for that! You are very kind. Not only is Luci a beautiful woman, but she really is an amazing stylist, so yeah, she won’t have any issue with retaining a solid client base!
xoxo
Shelbee
Bojana
Wow. Sometimes I am just so stunned at how little we’ve progressed as a society. Working as an educator this is one of our many missions, to open children up to various paths in life, to learn and listen to peoples stories, to open themselves up to other perspectives rather than pass judgements. So, I thank you for sharing this story. I also commend you for being observant and present in your own community. You truly moved me with your post today, as you always do. You are honest, kind, and you celebrate others. Thank you.
bosbodaciousblog.blogspot.ca
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Bo, thank you so much for this wonderfully insightful and kind comment. It is so important to teach the younger generation to be accepting and loving all people. I am most appreciative for what you do as an educator. It is one of the most important jobs on the planet.
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
I’m sorry that Luci has been on the receiving end of such bigotry. I don’t understand why some people have a problem with anyone else’s sexuality, it shouldn’t matter to them at all. Love is love, that’s all there is to know.
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, that is perfectly said! Love is love and that’s all there is to know.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ivana Split
I don’t know if her client is a woman or a man, but I’m assuming it’s a lady. I must say that I feel that it’s so bad when women don’t support other women. I heard a lot of lesbians complaining how straight women give them a hard time, and that’s really sad. As women, we should support one another. I think a lot of straight women automatically assume that gay women are interested in them. If they get compliments from lesbians, they interpret in wrongly and if they don’t, they get resentful because they expect attention. Obviously, not all straight women are like that, but some are and they get offended either way, it seems to me so it is really hard for gay ladies out there. As you said, it’s all about a person. I won’t assume that some guy is interested in me just because he is straight. We shouldn’t even go there, simply treating everyone with respect should be the norm. Other people’s sexuality is none of our business anyway. Luci is, as she said, in a committed and happy relationship. So, she has already achieved more than many ladies out there. I hope she won’t let that client keep her down or make her feel bad. There are all kinds of people out there, and some of them crave attention too much so they like to make issues out of nothing. It is nice of you to show support to Luci with this post!
I like your outfit too! That statement coat is absolutely gorgeous.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ivana, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective on this topic. It was a female client and the way the story went was she was having her hair done and adored Luci. But during the appointment I guess she just started spewing unsolicited hateful comments about gay people in general and about one woman she knew from church who she disliked because the woman “looked gay”. So Luci asked her if she “looked gay” and then revealed that she was, at which point the woman dismissed Luci has her hair stylist. Now, I don’t know for sure if the woman left because of Luci’s sexuality or more because she was completely embarrassed by her own remarks. I guess we will never know. But her hatred for an entire group of people’s sexuality was quite evident and that’s the part that I don’t understand. Like you said, it is no one business!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ivana Split
Maybe the woman in question was indeed embarrassed by her remarks and choose to leave because of that, we can hope she will realize that was wrong. It was brave of Luci to speak up in that situation, when the woman was speaking against gays in general, and to point out that gay doesn’t make you look a certain way because with that Luci was really standing out for other gay people as well and not just for herself- and that makes her even more awesome. I honestly don’t know in what kind of God do some people believe, if they believe that God cares about our sexual preference and not about how we treat other people. Kindness is what matters and what will always matter.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ivana, I could not have said that any better myself! Love and kindness are what really matter. None of the other stuff is really of any consequence! Thank you!
xoxo
Shelbee
Chrissy
I hope no one ditches on me because I’m a hetero, or a Christian, or Latina, or dorky…well maybe for the dorky. wink, wink. I’m constantly reminding myself where my identity is found…and it’s not in any adjectives. For me it’s a matter of who I belong to and I’ not talking about any humans here. Throwing in another wink. God says I am loved, cherished, forgiven, free, worthy and the list goes on. I want to find my identity in Him and not what the world thinks of me. Thanks for sharing about Luci. I hope she feels loved by you and the responses to this post.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Chrissy, thank YOU for this comment! And the woman referenced in the post was spewing her hatred for homosexuality in the name of her Christian religion. I do not approve! Love is love is love and the Bible and Jesus taught love. So where does this discrepancy even come from? I adore you, my friend….mostly because of your dorkiness! Wink. Dorks unite!
Love you, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Chrissy
ok, i had to reply because you said “dorks unit!”. made me laugh out loud!! And I’m sad how people go about “spreading” the Gospel sometimes and I’m sad to admit that I don’t always get it right either. It has taken me a long time to realize that Jesus focused on the person before He addressed sin/behavior (and we all have something lol). “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” “Woman, where are your accusers?” No one remained. Then He said, “then neither to do I.” Go and sin no more”. This makes me cry every time I read it! God takes us EXACTLY as we are, but He doesn’t leave us where we are…we change. we become a new creation. we grow. and mess ups like myself get access to life abundance, peace, joy, gift of eternal life, goodness, a hope and more! Anyway, I am sending you the biggest of cyber hugs. Appreciate you and love chatting!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Chrissy, this comment just made me tear up! After I laughed about us dorks uniting! And we do all need to follow God’s lead on that one…take everyone exactly as they are. We need to surrender sometimes to God, or the universe, or whatever higher power people believe in. And it is in that moment of surrender that we receive grace and we learn how to change to become the people we most want to be…good and kind and loving of all. And heck, we all mess up. It is in our nature to do so. And we learn and grow and strive to be the best that we can. I am happily receiving your cyber hugs and sending some right back to you, my friend! And I always appreciate your perspective especially on topics of this nature!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anna Shirley
I feel sorry for Lucy. It must have been a heartbreaking experience. It so difficult to be judged, specially based on the sexual orientation. I feel that if there are 2 consenting adult involved, it is just their business. Nobody else should be involved in this. I like that you pointed out that is better to use the word “acceptance”. “Live and let to live” is my motto too. But we, like humanity, are far away from this. I’m living in the country where the same sex sexual activity is not legal even if consensual and committed in private. Such people can be imprisoned for 2 years, or with fine, or with caning, or with any 2 of such punishments! And it is getting more weird. I should mention, that this is applicable only for the men. Because in 2007, anal and oral sex were legalised here for heterosexuals and lesbians (YAY o))) ). This is a law which was implemented by the British colonial government. LGBT community here is still fighting to get rid of this law. It makes me wonder why are people or even governments so interesting in such intimate act like sex. I hope that we will be able to evolve and to accept that other people have different opinions, beliefs, sexual orientation and preferences, background, skin tone, social status, likes and dislikes, interest, hobbies and many other things. We will never be able to agree on everything. But we can live and let to live.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anna, well said, my friend. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the topic. I agree, live and let live. And I don’t understand why the government has to have their hands everything right down to what we do in the privacy of our own bedrooms. Laws around different types of sexual activities have been around for as long as laws have been created and I am not sure the exact reasoning behind it all, but I think I may want to do some research on that topic and find out. While we are not where we need to be as a society on these issues, progress is definitely being made. So we just need to keep doing our part and talking about it! I hope you have a wonderful day, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee