Inspired by One Mother Hen: Making My Momma Proud
Today, I had planned on writing a post reviewing some underwear that I had received in exchange for a review. But I didn’t get it done last night as scheduled and I woke up this morning feeling uninspired. Then I started making my morning blog rounds and inspiration hit me smack in the face when I read Alicia’s post at One Mother Hen. Alicia shared a very special moment with her parents in Memories with the olds. Please go give it a read…it is the perfect reminder to cherish those moments while we still have them.
If you are a regular reader here, then you know that both of my parents passed away many, many years ago. So I when I read Alicia’s post, I have to be honest, my eyes started leaking a little bit. If you recall, I shared a post a few weeks back about a dream I had reliving the final days of my mother’s life. It was that dream that reminded me that the anniversary of her passing was very near. As the years get further and further away from that time (it has been 12 years now), the anniversaries and birthdays start to go unnoticed more frequently…until something reminds me. And Alicia’s post did just that…it reminded me that today is my mother’s 70th birthday. So I put my underwear post aside to give a little shout out to my momma. But stop back on Friday to see these underwear…they are pretty fantastic…and may very well be the solution to my Great Underwear Debacle.
I guess now is the point in this post when I will share a little bit about my mom with you all. She was wonderful and kind and caring and loving and very supportive of everything that I did. She was also a pain in my ass more often than one likes to admit after someone has departed this world. But let’s be honest…who has a mother who hasn’t driven them a bit crazy? I am certain if she were still alive today to know my husband and my children, I would probably spend a great portion of time bitching about the passive aggressive trickery that she was so adept at manipulating. But alas, there is really no point in going into all of that. I spent the first 5 years after her death being extremely angry with her. But I processed it all and now I focus on the good things and the wisdom that she passed on to me that I, in turn, will pass on to my own children. Because she, like every other mother I know, did the absolute best that she could with what she had and with what she knew. She was flawed and imperfect just like the rest of us. But I do know this…she would be so very proud of the woman I have become. And this blog of mine would have her beaming on the daily.
I was 32 when she passed away and I was still immersed in the very dark depths of my Bipolar Disorder. I know that she feared for my life in those final days of her own life. As she would hold me while I cried, she thought I would leave this world before her. But I found the strength somehow to care for her during that time. And it made me even stronger. She was proud of me then. She was always proud of me. And she would be very proud of me now.
My mother was always so intrigued and fascinated by my quirky style. She loved when one of her friends would compliment what I was wearing. I remember in high school I had found a vintage curtain at a yard sale. It was a brown and gold paisley print and it was trimmed with tassels. I purchased it for less than a dollar and quickly turned it into a skirt. I didn’t know how to sew so I simply folded it in half, wrapped it around my waist, secured it with a piece of rope, layered a tunic over it, and off to school I went. When my mom took my younger brother to the bus stop that day, the bus driver told her how much she adored the skirt she saw me wearing that morning. My mother just shook her head (as she beamed with pride) and declared, “It is a curtain. She is wearing a curtain.”
Always one to think outside the sartorial box, my eclectic style has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. And it made my momma so proud. This outfit today would leave her gushing and texting images of it to her closest friends. She would be all like, “Isn’t my daughter so cool?” And she always loved what I wrote. In fact, as mothers often know best, she was the one who encouraged me to switch my major in college from Accounting to English. (Can you picture me as an accountant, seriously, what was I thinking? I was failing every class, too.) Finally after much resistance on my part, I realized that sometimes mom really does know best. I switched my major and finished my college career with a stellar academic performance in both of my majors (English and Philosophy) and in my minor (Religious Studies). This made my momma glow with pride. The fact that I now share my writing with the world would make her feel like she was the mother of the most successful woman on the planet!
I also could make my mother laugh…like the doubled over, tears in her eyes, pee in her pants kind of laughter. But I have to give her credit. I definitely inherited my sense of humor and story telling abilities from her. She was a joke teller and loved a good elaborate story with a punchline. And what better validation from a parent than when you can double them over in a fit of giggles and make them beam with pride just by virtue of waking up in the morning and being true to yourself.
So this post is for my momma on her 70th birthday. May she be enjoying all the wonderful things in the afterlife that one can enjoy. Happy Birthday, Mommy.
If your momma is still alive and part of your life, cherish her and those special moments. Appreciate her with all of her faults and imperfections and mistakes she may have made along the way. Make new memories and hold them close. Because life is short. Too short, sometimes. And after our loved ones pass on before us, life just keeps going and the years quickly become decades. The memories start to fade away and it takes a blog post from someone else to remind you! Thank you, Alicia, for the beautiful reminder! I cannot express enough gratitude!
Making my momma proud on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
22 Comments
jodie filogomo
Gosh, your mom was SO young when she passed. It was incredible to read about her here, Shelbee!!
I am so glad I’m doing my blog with my mom…I know I will treasure these times together now and later!!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thanks so much for reading! She was really young and with every year that I get closer to her age, it seems even younger. And that scares me sometimes. My father was only 54 when he passed away and when I realize that I am just 10 years away from that age, it really can freak me out. So I make an effort to be healthier than they were! I love that your blog incorporates your mom and step mom. You will, for sure, cherish all of those memories forever! And it always makes me smile to see how much fun you all have together.
xoxo
Shelbee
Carol Tsacoyeanes
You, my friend, are so gifted by speaking your truth, your inner feelings and the emotions many can relate to, including me. Your words brought tears to my eyes as I treasure the days and moments I have with my healthy, amazing 97 year old mother. One never knows….I want to share them with YOU! Your Mom would be so proud of the woman you have become and it’s so amazing that you could “get to the other side” of the anger to appreciate the woman she was, in spite of imperfections that she and we all have. You are beautiful inside and out! BTW- adorable outfit and I love your hair down. So pretty!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carol, thank you so much for this beautiful comment and heartfelt tribute to your own mom. How blessed to have her in your life for so long! Moms really are a special breed, aren’t they (we)? And now I am crying….the truth is where it’s at, isn’t it?!
xoxo
Shelbee
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
Love your photo of your dear mum. She would be so proud of you Shelbee! She passed when you were so young, that must have been devastating. I love how you have excepted the mum she was – most mums are just doing the best they know how to do (including my own). Thanks for the reminder to appreciate them more, while we have them. I love how you embrace so many styles and you have pulled off the shoe and sock trend perfectly!! xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maria, thank you so much! It is definitely a journey processing the loss of one’s parents at any age. I was 20 when my father passed away and 32 when I lost my mom. Looking back over the years, while I miss them terribly and it breaks my heart to think of all they have missed in my life, I know that I have survived the losses and I never ever to go through that loss again…and that actually brings me comfort in a weird sort of way.
xoxo
Shelbee
Hilda Smith
Shelbee what a lovely post. And I love your edgy look and how clever are you styling it in front of the gas pumps. Go you.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Hilda! I do love the gas pumps as a back drop! I photographed a vintage inspired dress in front of these same gas pumps a while back. I love the contrast of a pretty dress against the dirty old pumps!
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz Klebba
Thank you, Shelbee, for sharing about your mom. My mother lives with us, and I can relate to those P/A manipulative struggles; and try to be thankful for the opportunity to be in the thick of them. (It is a challenge, though!) I have come to understand her and our issues so much better in these past five years. I don’t think you are “speaking ill of the dead” but simply speaking a difficult truth with humor and a gentle touch!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liz, thank you so much for reframing that perspective for me about speaking a difficult truth. Human relationships are just such a fascinating phenomenon, aren’t they? And we lose our sense of humor through this crazy life, we are essentially doomed, in my opinion! Thank you for sharing about your mother as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Marie Moody
Good Morning my new friend & how are you this fine sunny morning? Such great pics. Tell me being as I’m Joe new guy on the block… where do you live again & who takes your pics? Have you ever been a model? You should be even if it’s only for let’s say Walmart, Target or you know your friendly neighborhood flyer! Your smile from ear to ear is so catchy! You’d do a great job in advertising/selling in the Sunday papers… (hmmm or don’t they have those any more?). Anyway, your mama died at the same age as my dad, 57. My dad was a trucker & he smoked 3 pks a day (hmm, if not more… grrr). May I ask why did your mom leave us & oh hell yeah… your mama was reincarnated when she had you that’s for sure. That picture proves it for sure! Dang girl you cannot deny you are your mama’s daughter!!! Great job today… love the outfit & definitely you are a force to be reconned with in the modeling world or you could say us bloggers have our own model. ~hehehe~ Big hugs & thanks for sharing!!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Marie, you are too kind! My mother died from colon cancer after about an 18 month long battle. She had been symptomatic for 10 years but refused to go to the doctor. My father died at 54 from lung cancer. Also a truck driver and 3 plus packs a day smoker. He also battled for about 18 months before the cancer won. And man, if I could land a big modeling gig, I would totally go for it! But I do not think it is in the cards for this girl!
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee J. Gramith
Knowing that your mom would be proud of you and telling some of your mother-daughter story here, is such a nice way to “be” in your own skin and still acknowledge the strong and loving imprint your mom has left on you. Your words brought me to memories of my own mom and I have to agree with your analysis of women who become mothers just doing the best job of parenting that they were capable of.
I think you are proud of your mom too Shelbee. Having your little men and riding the bronco ride of raising them is certainly cathartic. I didn’t have my own children bit I think our mutual “Daughter’s Conclusion” is that their influence both good and bad is one of the most impactful of our lives.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jude, thank you so much for this perspective! And yes, I am indeed also proud of my mother. And that became quite evident to me when I shared this post on Facebook and so many amazing people who knew her personally shared beautiful comments about her. I was beaming as if they were talking about my own children rather than about my mother. She did have a positive impact on the people who knew her. She was kind and fun and very funny. And those are the types of qualities that touch other people’s lives and they are the things that people remember. I really like that term “Daughter’s Conclusion” by the way!
xoxo
Shelbee
jacqui berry
Thank you for sharing this post Shelbee. Love the black tulle outfit, and more importantly your sandals – mwah! Jacqui Mummabstylish
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jacqui, thank you so much!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
Such a beautiful post Shelbee! I’m sure your mom would have been incredibly proud of you. I love your dress and fishnet ankle socks – great photos!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thank you so very much! This was a very special and emotional post for me to write so I really do appreciate your beautiful comment.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy At Home
I love this line – “She did the absolute best that she could with what she had and with what she knew”. I think that’s what all mums want their kids to say, and I think it’s only something that we can really appreciate in our own mums when we become parents ourselves. Parenting is hard, and we all come to this role with our own baggage and issues and personalities. But we strive to do the best we can with the resources we have available
It also sounds like your mum knew you very well, convincing you to switch classes. #blogcrush
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lucy! Parenting is really hard and I think for a lot of us we don’t come to understand that until we become parents ourselves. We are all flawed and we all have different strengths. We bring to the parenting game all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. The best we can hope for is that our children remember mostly our strong points and that we are all better people in the end.
xoxo
Shelbee
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