Guest Post: There’s a Nun in My Head & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #95

October 30, 2018 / 57 Comments
Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash
  • Note from Shelbee: This is the third guest post by my friend and avid blog reader, Susan Marinelli. Susan has taken a more introspective approach in this piece, but her wit and humor are still evident as she works her way through processing experiences from her formative years, explaining how they continue to impact her as an adult. I am pretty sure we can all relate to something similar. And once again, I am ever so grateful to Susan for assisting me by providing thought-provoking content for my blog. As if life were not crazy enough for me, certain events have occurred in the past two days that require my immediate and undivided attention. I will share more on that later this week. But in the meantime, keep spreading your kindness, my friends! You never really do know how far the effects will travel.

Hi, I am Susan Marinelli. I am an aged hippie from New Castle, Delaware, a very old town on the Delaware River. I live in my old, old house with my aged Scottie, Wally, and a most annoying cat named Gracie. My grandparents lived around the corner, where my father was born, and I am related to 99% of all the Italians in my town. I am inching toward retirement, and in the meantime, drive a school bus and a senior center bus so I don’t have to work in an office. I’ve done a lot of traveling, love to read, cook, garden, and am a fan of history and language. And of course, fashion. Here I am (and yes, I am holding an Italian flag).

Susan Marinelli (left), Guest Blogger

 

Image Source

There’s a Nun in My Head

by Susan Marinelli

I have theories on most things. I try not to judge others. A conundrum, if ever there was one. There are a plethora of theories floating around in my head, which I hesitate to share, since so many of them are judgmental, hurtful, ridiculous, paranoid, and just plain silly. I try to leave people better off than I found them by word and deed. Sometimes I am successful.  

I have a theory on this.

During my formative years, I attended 8 grades at Our Lady of Fatima Catholic School. I wore uniforms and a beanie (required at Mass at that time, because women had to cover their hair. That was before I discovered the delightful drama of a mantilla. I loved black lace even then ), took religion classes daily, and believed the stuff the nuns said. Except for Sister Immaculata, whose forehead was so big and shiny, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.  

Even then, my brain was a bubbling cauldron of theory.  

Image Source

Baby Susan needed a way (she theorized) to govern these theories, and to keep them from bubbling over, and crossing her lips. So did John Walla Walla, who barfed on the back of my head the first day of school.  It was disgusting. I learned that day what the theories of others were going to do to me.    

So, I emulated the nuns. 

I went home and put a towel over my head, wanting to see how it felt to be a holy nun.

I liked it. It felt like the towel could keep my head holy, and stop me from thinking that John Walla Walla was a creepy vomit monster, and the devil had made him barf on me.  

A rosary in my hand made me feel even more self righteous, and holy.  

Clothes make the woman! Dress the part!  

How dare that bald headed little shit barf on me! Maybe I need a bigger towel?

This went on for a while. I chose a blue towel to match my school uniform. And I evolved.

I began to realize a towel was not enough. The more I read, and the more I learned, the more theories were in my head. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all, said the nuns, and my mother. It was then I realized that what I needed was a zookeeper, a lion-tamer, or some other authority figure to stop the constantly bubbling cauldron that was my brain, and I needed it before the true thoughts in my head became known to others.  

Enter Sister Anne.  

Image Source.

Sister Anne was my fifth and sixth grade English teacher. She was plump, with fair skin that would flush when she was angry. She pointed out wonderful books to read, and liked my book reports. She suggested I remove the towel, as it would never keep the thoughts at bay, and said I could govern them myself. (I’m still working on that.)  She was such a teaching genius, that not only can I diagram sentences to this day, but in all the rest of my school career, including college, I never bothered to crack an English book. I would sleep during class, and if I snored, the teacher would wake me and ask me a question pertaining to the subject at hand. Which I would then answer correctly. Ditto with the pop quizzes. Never once did I ever get less than an A in that subject, even from the many  teachers who detested me. I adored Sister Anne, and was truly amazed to learn from friends in adulthood who also knew her, that she scared the crap out of everyone else.  

Seriously?

I have drawn my conclusions from this episode of my life, and they have shaped me.   

Just as your personal history, and personal conclusions, will shape you.

To that end, instead of stating my conclusions for you, I  will simply leave you with  a few quotes.  Here we go:

“I stopped explaining myself when I realized other people only understand from their level of perception.” – Anonymous

 

“If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I’m not frightened by anyone’s perception of me.” -Angelina Jolie

Last but not least, my favorite quote of all time:

“I want to know God’s thoughts – the rest are mere details.” -Albert Einstein

Other guest posts by Susan:
What to Wear to a Nude Beach
Bueller? Bueller?

Note from Shelbee: And aren’t we all shaped by the values and ideals that are handed down to us from the authority figures in our lives during our formative years? But there does a come a time when we have to dispose of these hand-me-down values, draw our own conclusions, and form our own ideals based on our personal experiences and observations of the world around us. The more enlightened we become in our our truth and the truth of the universe, the closer we get to not only knowing God’s thoughts, but to understanding them and living them.

And now your featured favorites from last week.

Alicia of Between the Pearls shared a fun post, How to Spend 48 Hours in Biloxi, Mississippi. It looks like a wonderful time was had and if you are ever headed to that part of the country, do give Alicia’s post a read. Actually, you should give it a read even if you are not heading to Biloxi. Because it is just that fun!

Alicia of Between the Pearls

Lindsay of Small City Style shared her post,, Pumpkin spice sweater!! I have to say, this adorable autumn sweater is really making me want a pumpkin spice something or other, snuggled up in front of a toasty fireplace.

Lindsay of Small City Style


Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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57 Comments

  • Julie | This Main Line Life

    October 30, 2018 at 10:22 am Reply

    We’re definitely shaped, I think, much more than we realize by our parents and the other large influences in our childhood. Hopefully, as adults, we can separate from it some what and keep the positive, and decide to toss what’s not working for us.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 30, 2018 at 11:03 am Reply

      I couldn’t agree with you more, Julie! It is important that we reach a point where we make our own decisions rather than relying on the hand me down values given to us in childhood. Thanks so much for your perspective on the topic. Have a fantastic day!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Kellyann Rohr

    October 30, 2018 at 10:35 am Reply

    Another fun read from the very talented Susan! I love the quotes at the end – all so very true! But I can’t get past John Walla Walla barfing on the back of poor Susan’s head on the 1st day of school – I’m afraid I would never have wanted to go back to school if that had happened to me!

  • Laurie

    October 30, 2018 at 10:56 am Reply

    That Albert Einstein is so WISE! Everyone knows he is smart, but he knew life as well as physics. His quotes are the best.

    And the towel-to-mantilla switch was a good idea, fashion-wise.

  • Chrissy

    October 30, 2018 at 11:03 am Reply

    I love a good thought provoking post! Indeed we are largely shaped by our upbringing, but I love that you both alluded to or said outright that we must come to our own conclusions…study to show ourselves approved…the decision must be our own…I want more than mere religion. If God is real, which I believe He is, than I want to know Him for myself. Thank you for a peek into your childhood and the inspiration to delve deeper into a hunt for truth!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 30, 2018 at 11:11 am Reply

      Chrissy, thank you so very much for your perspective on this topic! This…”If God is real, which I believe He is, than I want to know Him for myself” is so moving! My relationship with God and religion has changed so many times throughout my life for so many different reasons. And now, in midlife, I am with you in my belief that God (or some higher power) is very real and I want to know Him myself as well. But unlike you, I exercise my beliefs and values outside of an organized religion per se. I also believe that no one way is the right way…love, goodness, and kindness…are the key components that we must take from all of our religious teachings. And while I am not a church-goer at this stage of life, I recently started sending my children to a Bible study group after school for the main reason that I don’t want them to just simply assume my opinions and beliefs. I want them to be exposed to enough information and different perspectives so they can make their own decisions about what they believe. I have had friends who are very opposed to organized religion look at me with raised eyebrows when I said I was sending my kids to this church group…until I explained my reasons. I cannot decide for them what to believe. It is my responsibility to get them all of the information that I can so they can make educated and informed decisions with their own minds. Let the truth-seeking continue!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

      • Chrissy

        November 2, 2018 at 12:08 pm Reply

        Shelbee I love that you’re sending your boys to a Bible study group! My family was in and out of church during my childhood years so I heard all the stories, went to summer Bible clubs, etc but when things got crazy at home I moved out right after HS graduation. From there I made a series of choices that landed me into utter misery. I remember thinking/praying one night, “God, I don’t know if you’re real or not but if you are, help me.” A friend invited me to church and I felt the timing couldn’t be better so I went. the rest is history as they say. I’m thankful my parents gave me the opportunity to hear truth…I knew where to turn. And after attending that church for a short while, a sweet woman offered 5 of us an opportunity to study the Bible (Old & New Testament!) on our own with her leading a weekly meet up to talk about it. now that changed my life. it’s why i continue to support studying the Bible for yourself. And though I may now believe Jesus is the truth and the way; the access to God (John 14:6), I also believe that one shouldn’t come to this conclusion solely because I say it to be true. And I love those and respect the opinion of those who believe otherwise. Love you my beautiful friend. Thank you for always being open, honest and real…and allowing others to be the same!

        • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

          November 3, 2018 at 1:15 am Reply

          Chrissy, I cannot thank you enough for sharing this comment with me! I could engage in religious and philosophical conversations seriously all day long! I am fascinated by people’s stories and how they came to their belief systems. Man, we need to somehow find a way to have a coffee date! I adore you and respect you so very much!

          Much love, my friend.

          xoxo
          Shelbee

  • Michele Morin

    October 30, 2018 at 12:14 pm Reply

    Thanks for this memory-filled post!
    I was always so intrigued by nuns as a young girl, even though I really had no contact with them. Maybe it was The Sound of Music and what I really wanted was Mother Superior’s stunning alto voice and a chance to belt it out the Abbey window.

    • susan

      October 30, 2018 at 1:32 pm Reply

      Me too Michelle, and Shelbee! Try belting out any song with a towel over your head, and I guarantee it sounds much better! As far as sending your kids to Bible school, well done! They are too young to know what they believe at this age, but when they get older, they will decide who they want to be and what is truth to them. Knowing there is a higher power, can only help them to decide. It doesn’t matter what religion they are taught, just as long as they know they are not alone in this vast world.

      As far as knowing God’s thoughts, I plan to keep trying. I hope She likes camo too!

  • susan

    October 30, 2018 at 1:35 pm Reply

    OMG, Shelbee!
    I cannot tell you how much I adore that illustration of the bubbling cauldron! It’s perfect!
    I like it so much, I have stolen it for myself.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 11:15 am Reply

      It really is truly amazing how we can hold onto those uninformed childhood ideals for so long, Jodie. But we do definitely have the power to change our thoughts and perceptions as we grown and evolve. Thanks for reading Susan’s posts! If we all keep reading and giving her amazing feedback, maybe she will start that blog for herself! (Tee-hee).

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patrick Weseman

    October 30, 2018 at 2:40 pm Reply

    Such a very nice post. Perception is an interesting word in the sense that people are more concerned about what others think of them and than doing the right thing. The place where I see this the most is in a church setting which is amazeballs to me. Maybe it is just me but I am there to fed my spirit and not see a fashion show.

    I think that a lot of us have a strange version of God and it is brought on by our society. Our society kind of uses God, religion and the spirit as a good luck charm instead of a guide on how to do the right thing. I remember having an argument years ago with a born-again Christian about global climate change in a classroom setting. Her response was always “Jesus wants me to have the big car, the big house, the fancy clothes…etc” and me being the little bit of the SF Hippie who believes in saving the environment said something like if we don’t start doing thing now, all life on the planet will die out. Her response was “Well, then we get to meet God but until then I am going to enjoy (material possessions) what God has blessed me with.”

    Sorry for the soapbox speech. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 11:12 am Reply

      Patrick, what a story! I agree with you completely that many people use religion more as a good luck charm than a guide to live a better, kinder, more enriched life. I used to get very frustrated with my mother when she would say, “God will provide for me” as she sat and did nothing to help herself. I would retort, “God helps those who help themselves.” So not a soap box speech at all…just preaching to the choir! (Pun intended. Ha.)

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies

    October 30, 2018 at 2:41 pm Reply

    A great and open piece of writing by Susan. I would love to go back to my younger self with what I have learnt about having my own thoughts – I would tell myself I am allowed to have them, for starters (something I didn’t really learn until I was in my thirties!). Nuns fascinate me, is that weird? xx Maria

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 11:08 am Reply

      Maria, thanks so much for reading and commenting! Oh wouldn’t it be wonderful to go back and give our younger selves advice?! And I don’t think your nun fascination is weird. I think it is normal to be curious about lifestyles that are so strict and dedicated and outside of our normal way of living. I find it quite fascinating, too!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom

    October 30, 2018 at 3:42 pm Reply

    Loved reading this and I love that you bring a variety of topics and guests on here! I went to a Lutheran school K-Senior year of H.S. and my kids are currently at a Lutheran school. There does come a time when you get old enough and you do need to make your own personal decision on if you want to believe in what has been taught to you since before you could even remember. My dad went to a Catholic school and he’s told me some stories about the nuns… all very interesting and stories! They actually sounded kind of mean at his school! lol!

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:59 am Reply

      Carrie, thanks so much for sharing your experience and thoughts on the topic. It is so fascinating to me how much our beliefs and values can change throughout our lives based on own personal experiences and observations. But we need to be flexible and find what suits us best. Religion is such a huge component for so many people in shaping their lives. And so many change their opinions on the topic of religion itself throughout their lives. It is all just so interesting!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Lanae Bond

    October 30, 2018 at 4:10 pm Reply

    We are shaped and influenced by others especially those in authority. I learned that they are human and they make mistakes. I think realizing they are humans may be appreciate them a whole lot more than some perfect individual.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:55 am Reply

      Lanae, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject! I agree that as children we take what authority figures say as absolute truths. It is not until we reach certain levels of maturity that we realize that no one really knows what the heck we are doing in this life! And then we need to decide for ourselves what we believe. And move forward from there…in the best way that we can.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Theresa

    October 30, 2018 at 4:18 pm Reply

    A humorous read on a serious subject that I can certainly relate to. It takes work to look inside and accept that some of your beliefs are the result of influences from past authority figures and that they are no longer serving you in a healthy manner. It can be very liberating when you make the connection. Then you get the chance to discard any negative lessons you learned and replace them with something positive.

    Theresa

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:53 am Reply

      Theresa, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and perspective on the topic. It is so true that we are shaped by so many things that are just fed to us in childhood. But there definitely comes a time in life when we have to decide for ourselves what we believe based on our own observations and experiences. I try really hard to allow my children the freedom to decide their own belief systems. But I still need to guide them somewhat based on my own values. This growing up business is tricky stuff, for sure!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:49 am Reply

      Cherie, thanks so much for reading. Our upbringing totally defines us in so many ways. I guess we aren’t supposed to separate ourselves from it since all of our experiences are the building blocks to who we become.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:43 am Reply

      Anna, thanks so much for reading and sharing your perspective. I agree completely that certain experiences from teachers, coaches, and other authority figures stay with us for a really long time and shape and define us well into adulthood. I will certainly be linking up tomorrow!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      October 31, 2018 at 10:41 am Reply

      Cheryl, thank you so much for sharing your experience! I think we all have that one teacher (or maybe two or three) who really stand out as so influential in our lives! I know I definitely have a few as well as some coaches who helped define me. There are also those few who traumatized me! But I learned from those experiences, too.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Helen C.

    October 30, 2018 at 9:44 pm Reply

    Great post! I would have loved to see a photo of the annoying cat named Gracie but I am sure she wouldn´t comply to have her photo taken 😂

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      March 20, 2021 at 1:47 pm Reply

      She really is, Dee! I have not heard from Susan in quite some time. She did not have a blog when she wrote this for my site, but I know she had been considering it. I will have to do some sleuthing to find out!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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