Agoraphobia: An Old Familiar Fear & Link Up On the Edge #200
Three months spent in lockdown has triggered an old familiar fear. If you have never experienced agoraphobia, I am going to try my best to explain it from my own personal experience. But first, I want to share a bit of background.
I speak often about my life with Bipolar Disorder. I sometimes hint at incidents of anxiety and have even briefly mentioned some obsessive-compulsive behaviors that once tormented me. But I have never talked about agoraphobia because I really had forgotten about it. And now those old uncomfortable fears are sneaking back into my life.
“Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by symptoms of anxiety in situations where the person perceives their environment to be unsafe with no easy way to escape. These situations can include open spaces, public transit, shopping centers, or simply being outside their home.”
Wikipedia
Many years ago, I struggled for a brief time with severe and debilitating agoraphobia. Leaving the safety of my home would trigger intense panic attacks that would send me right back to my safe space where I could hide from the world. Driving and grocery shopping are the two triggers that I remember most vividly.
There were countless occasions when I had to abandon a cart filled with groceries and get myself home as quickly as possible in what seemed like a race for my life. Once I even abandoned an overflowing grocery cart right there in the check out line, much to the cashier’s dismay. I started to hyperventilate as I was placing my items on the conveyer belt, I offered an abrupt apology to the cashier, and darted for my car without looking back. I was so embarrassed by this incident that I had to find a new grocery store.
My breaking point came when this sense of agoraphobia hit me in the form of an unrelenting panic attack while driving across the Throgs Neck Bridge en route to a work meeting in Queens. I was able to get across the bridge and pull off the highway safely at which point I called work and told them I got sick while driving and was heading back home. Once I arrived safely home, I called my psychiatrist who immediately began the necessary disability paperwork so I could remain at home while figuring out this whole mess that was going inside my brain. I never returned to my office in New York City after that day in 2005.
Eventually, I learned a hundred different coping mechanisms to deal with my Bipolar Disorder and panic attacks and the agoraphobia subsided on its own. In the course of the past decade and a half, I really had just forgotten all about it. Until now.
Over the past few weeks, I have been noticing a gradual increase in feelings of anxiety. I haven’t gone anywhere really outside of my home except to visit a few friends and to go take photos with my husband. Those places and activities all felt very safe and I just went about them as I would on any regular day in my life. But now that the world is beginning to open up again, I realized that I am afraid to leave my house and venture into public places. The mere thought of it twists my stomach in knots, makes my brain go foggy, and I start repeating a mantra in my head that says, “I just can’t do it.”
I have to be clear about the things that I am not afraid of, mostly because I am unable to identify exactly what it is that is causing so much fear. I am not afraid of catching a virus. I am not afraid of the opinions of others. I am not afraid of people acting crazy out in the world. But I am afraid of something. It is an indescribable fear and it is very real. I cannot pinpoint what has triggered it, but I can say with absolute certainty that agoraphobia and the sense of fear that accompanies it is a bit frightening. It is also debilitating and disruptive and really kind of a pain in the ass. And I need to deal with it…soon.
For me, the first step in getting myself through this fear is to recognize it. That is always the first step in solving any problem…recognizing that a problem exists. The next step is identifying the problem. It has taken me a few anxiety-filled weeks to reach this step. It only just occurred to me on Tuesday what was actually happening. While the uncomfortable feelings were lingering deep in my subconscious, I didn’t really need them to surface while we were still in lockdown mode. But now as life is slowly returning to normal, the anxiety has reached the surface and has become overwhelming as I realize that I may actually be expected to leave my home now. And I don’t want to leave my home. I feel safe here.
Fortunately, I have a standing counseling appointment every other Friday. Unfortunately, I made this discovery just a few days after my last appointment. In the meantime leading up to my appointment next Friday, I decided that I will indulge my fears and just stay at home until I can talk with my counselor. What usually happens though is I process the entire thing on my own, implement my own effective techniques for coping and prevailing, and head into my counseling appointment with only a story about what I experienced, the feelings that accompanied it, and how I overcame that shit on my own. Because I have become quite the badass when it comes to successfully processing all the garbage that life throws at me.
I think my counselor secretly likes it that way because it most likely eliminates the frustration that she may experience when she offers coping strategies to clients who never listen. With me, she just gets to hear my process, what I felt, and the best method I had found for coping. Then she sends me off with a pat on the back and an alternative suggestion or two in the event that a similar situation should arise for me.
Another part of the process in dealing with any kind of anxiety or fear is talking about it. I used to lock this part of me away and hide my face in shame. But that doesn’t help me or anybody else. I figure if I am feeling this sense of doom about re-entering the world, others must be feeling it, too. But they may be hiding silently in the same fear and shame that once immobilized me. And that makes me sad. Sad enough to share my incredibly vulnerable state of mind in a public forum.
So there it is…I am struggling big time with an awful bout of agoraphobia. If anyone reading this is experiencing similar feelings, you are not alone and there is absolutely no shame in this experience. We cannot really choose our feelings, but we are obligated to sit with them and process them if we want to live our best lives. I know I will get through this time. And if I can do it, hot mess that I am, then I am fairly positive that anyone else can do it, too. So hang in there, do the hard work, and get to the other side. It really is the only way.
Have you ever experienced agoraphobia? How did you cope with it?
And now your featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Claire of Fashion by Claire Justine shared her post, Growing Back To My Roots: Let The Grey Sparkle!! I am sure during these months in quarantine that many women may be growing back to their roots…as evidenced by the fact that Claire’s post was the most clicked. While I am not quite ready to embrace the gray myself, I applaud all of you who are. Go rock those gray locks, my fabulous friends.
My Favorite Fashion Post
Suzanne of Ask Suzanne Bell shared her post, 12 Ways to Rock Your Kimono. You all know how obsessed I am with my kimonos and I am completely dying over Suzanne’s stunning paisley kimono. If you love kimonos as much as I do, definitely go check out this post. Not only is Suzanne sharing a few from her personal collection, but she has also featured some of my favorite bloggers styling their own beautiful kimono outfits as well.
My Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Katie of Hello Katie Girl shared her post, Joshua Tree Road Trip, featuring some amazing tourist attractions along the way including the very fascinating Crochet Museum. This was super fun to read and Katie’s photos just made me smile all the way through! I think we could all use some extra smiles these days.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Dress-Torrid / Denim Duster-Thrifted / Boots-c/o Country Outfitter / Earrings-Handcrafted by my children’s art teacher / Necklace-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
69 Comments
Kellyann Rohr
Oh Shelbee, I am so sorry you are struggling but so glad you have your counselor. Also, I am glad you shared what’s happening and your history. I cannot imagine the panic and fear you have felt. Your self awareness and resources will help you no doubt. I think you have probably struck a cord with your readers as well and will undoubtedly help someone else! You are in my prayers sweet friend!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thanks so much! I definitely have a lot of self awareness! Sometimes I wonder if maybe I have too much self awareness. Haha. But I do feel it is so important to share these things so others can feel not so alone. When I first began experiencing a lot of my issues, we didn’t have the access to internet communities like this and I was so alone and scared. If I can help even just one person NOT feel like that, then I have found a purpose in my own pain. And that makes all the difference in the world!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
That must be really horrible. I had panic attacks just before I went into rehab for my lungs in 2013. Things like I couldn’t go to the funeral of my best friends father. Because the thought of closing the doors in that atrium made me so scared. And stepping into a car with friends and then shouting after a minute to stop , that I couldn’t get air. There is no explaining to a person that never had that. I always explain like there is a sort of firework in the brain over sudden and then you get so anxious. So anxious that you just can’t do what you were about to do. It’s horrible. My psychologist explained to me that it has to do with the fact that I didn’t talk about what bothers me. So you are so right in telling what is wrong. And you have a path to walk…again…. I am so sorry.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really do think that talking about it is so important for so many reasons. It not only helps us process the feelings, but it can help others understand what people go through with these episodes which will hopefully create more compassion from others. On top of that, it can help someone else who is struggling with something similar to not feel so alone and scared. I will be fine. I have gotten through this stuff so many times, I am an old pro! But I still have to do the process.
xoxo
Shelbee
Laurie
My daughter is going through exactly the same thing Shelbee. I know her venturing outside is going to be a huge problem when the time comes that she has to go out xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laurie, I am so sorry that your daughter is struggling as well. I am glad that she has you to support her through it. I am trying to take baby steps and visiting friends every once in a while because I feel safe enough going to someone else’s house. My big challenge will come next week when my husband’s work unit is having a family day gathering. I already feel the panic hitting, but I am going to push through it and my husband is super supportive.
xoxo
Shelbee
Pamela Graham
I feel for you Shelbee. For many people this extended lockdown has produced some wobbles but so much worse for those that are more susceptible. You have a wonderful family to help you through.
Pamela x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pamela, thank you so much! I will be fine. I know the steps to take and I will get through the process, but I suppose part of the process is writing about it and sharing it in hopes that it can benefit someone else. It gives purpose to my personal struggles and that is so important as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this again. It sounds very scary but I know that you are a strong women and will find ways to heal. Sending prayers of peace. Love this chic layered look my friend! Thanks so much for the link up.
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I am a strong woman and I will be fine. I just have to go through the process. But I really do feel a sense of obligation to share these stories if they can help someone else. I didn’t have that way back when I first starting experiencing a lot of these issues. It was lonely and scary and if I can be a guiding light for someone else than there is purpose to all of it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
I had no idea. Thank your for sharing your story. It probably took a lot of courage.
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Jennifer. I always feel a sense of obligation to share my story so I can help someone else.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
Having close family members with anxiety and depression, I know that its a struggle to get through things like this, and your post will be so helpful to others. I’m glad that you are working through it and getting the support needed from your therapist. Your photos are beautiful! I love your denim duster!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so much! I know even the healthiest of people are struggling with all the stuff going on right now, so I can only imagine the chaos erupting for people with mental illness. I mean, I am a fairly stable person with mental illness, but I wasn’t always and this time would have certainly broken me if it had happened 15 years ago. So I really do feel obligated to share the struggle from a somewhat rational view point so it can hopefully help someone else.
xoxo
Shelbee
Dasynka
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry to read all these! I’ve never heard something like this before right from someone experiencing it, I can’t imagine how you feel and how brave you are to go through it, I’m so proud you speak so openly about it and that you already won this battle once, so you can definitely do it again.
Stay safe, I wish you the best <3
xx Dasynka
http://dasynka.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Dasynka, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words! I will definitely be fine. Part of my process of coping is writing about it while I am experiencing it. It gives me a more objective view of myself so I can better apply appropriate coping mechanisms…almost like I am my own patient! Haha. But I do hope that by sharing it, it can help others who may also be struggling. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nanchi
My dear Shelbee, thank you for sharing your story. Fortunately, I have never experienced Agoraphobia but I can imagine those panic attacks. I always say, you are strong. I am aware you have counselor but I would suggest you to try Yoga and meditation – that is the best therapy and trust me it works. Daily 30 mins of it will bring drastic change in you. Take care my dear! Hugs and Love! 🤗🤗❤❤
https://nanchi.blog/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nanchi, thank you so much! I have fallen away from yoga recently, but I do meditate and I do love my counselor! I don’t know much, but I do know my strength in matters of my mental health. I will be fine. I just have to engage in the process and part of the process is writing about it while I am experiencing. It helps me understand myself better. And hopefully, it will help someone else who may be struggling. Have a great weekend, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
I am sorry to read what you are going through the minute. I hope things start to improve for you very soon. I am finding everything a lot harder at the minute and so much more stressful and most days I get upset over things 🙁
Such a lovely surprise, thank you so much for the feature. I have spent many years trying to do my hair and messing up but usually, I can nip to the hairdressers afterwards but not any more so I’m letting it grow out for the minute 🙂
Your hair has got so long, love this length on you Shelbee, it looks beautiful. Take care lovely xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Claire, thank you so much! I have been making little trips to visit friends and that helps me with baby steps. I don’t know how long it will be before the anxiety about public places will resolve. But the way things are right now just feeds my anxiety. Since I have the ability to not have to go out, I am just going stay home for now. I am sorry to hear that you are super stressed, too. I definitely think there’s a large amount of people struggling with the same. Take care of yourself, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
Your counselor must love you =) On a serious note though, I am so thankful that you share of your experiences and feelings with us your readers. We may have a friend or family member that can benefit from your words. I pray that you will work through this and come to the other side of it soon. While not having experienced anything like this, I do agree that acknowledging something is the first step. Take care of yoursef and give yourself grace!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thank you so much! That really validates for me what I am attempting to do by sharing these experiences. I will be totally fine as I have learned everything that I need to do to get through these times. And really a huge part of my process is writing about it as I am experiencing it. It allows me to almost view it from an outside perspective and then I get a more objective glance at what is going on. It is easier to apply my coping mechanisms that way…weird as that may sound. I do hope that I can help someone!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
So very powerful. Thank you for sharing this. Sending positive thoughts your way.
If you are a hot mess, then I am a chocolate-covered one with sprinkles.
Thanks for hosting and tell your husband Happy Father’s Day.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much! I like all ice cream and it is only made better with sprinkles! Haha
I hope you have a wonderful Father’s Day as well!
xoxo
Shelbee
Elizabeth Walker
Your boots looks so unique!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Elizabeth! I love these boots!
xoxo
Shelbee
Melody Jacob
Apart from the fact that it can be severe, we can also train our minds to be stronger and safer. This can be so stressful on our mental health.
https://www.melodyjacob.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Melody! I have been fighting with my mind to train it for decades! It is a constant work in progress. And with every obstacle, we just come out stronger on the other side. I hope you have a lovely weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Shelbee, that struggle is real. I find that the more I stay at home, the less I want to venture out. It does seem uncomfortable. But I know that is just a fraction of how agoraphobia feels. My brother–a Vietnam vet–has struggled with severe depression for many years. And the fear of leaving his house seems to go right along with it. I’m glad you can talk about it and share your struggles and journey with others.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I am so sorry that your brother has had to cope with similar issues for so long. It really is a very real and difficult struggle to get through. And I know in the current situation, there are more people experiencing something similar to this and it is probably very foreign to them. So I share. Because it helps me through my own process and it may help someone else. I really appreciate your support and kindness! And I hope you get more comfortable with venturing out as well. Have a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
Shelbee I am so full of admiration for you. How you deal with really hard things, and your bravery and honesty. I have a couple of close family who have severe agriphobia, and wierdly, most of the extended family don’t know about this. But I do, and I respect and care about them. I have experienced panic attacks: on a busy motorway on the way to work each morning in a very abusive situation. I left, but it took about a year to stop having the attacks.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thank you so much for your kindness and support. We really do need to be more sensitive to others who struggle with any sort of anxiety or other mental health issues. But then again, as we struggle through these things, we also have a responsibility to ourselves to be open and honest with ourselves and our loved ones and support networks about what is going on. We cannot expect support if we cannot even discuss what we need support for. I think those of us who have experienced panic and/or anxiety before are much more understanding of others. And I like to write about these experiences not only for my own process but also to help others understand it. Thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge and for being compassionate and caring!
xoxo
Shelbee
Katie
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to struggle with this, Shelbee. I can see where the three months of being shut indoors due to the quarantine would trigger this again, but it seems like you are handling it well. I am sure sharing your story will inspire other people dealing with this to get help, which is great. Thanks for featuring me in today’s post and I hope you have a great weekend!
-Katie
http://www.hellokatiegirlblog.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Katie, thank you so much! I will definitely get through this. Now that I have identified the issue, I am just going to sit in the feelings and feel them for a bit. All feelings deserve their moment. Slowly I will return to normal living as we all will. But we can’t skip the necessary steps of getting there! I hope you have a wonderful weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
I’ve not heard of this diagnosis before, thank you for sharing! You know, I think I may have a similar situation going on (with the wearing of masks). I’m being told by several people it’s all in my mind and to basically get over it, maybe it is but the point is I just can not tolerate them on my face and almost gets me into panic mode. Had to wear one recently in the dentist’s office waiting room and I felt my blood pressure and pulse were waaayy up, (I don’t normally suffer from these conditions). I did manage to sit through it though …
Honestly, the only way for me to deal with this is not going anywhere where masks are required (unless absolutely necessary) and I am counting down the days until these regulations are being lifted. I hate having to send my husband grocery shopping but it has to be this way at the moment. It’s a good thing they aren’t requiring the masks in yoga class which started up again (outside for now) a few weeks ago, because I definitely need to keep up with it! It was so hard to stay motivated doing it on my own at home!!
I’m sorry you’ve dealt with this a few times in your life already, but it sounds like you manage it well.
Great photo shoot today! Loving that dress on you!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ellie, I am so glad that you shared your experience with me. I know the face mask thing is such a controversial topic for so many, but telling you it’s all in your head and to get over it is not really the best form of coping advice. Of course, it’s all in your head. That is where all of our anxieties live. Just get over it, however, is not as easy as that. There is a huge long process of “getting over” any kind of anxiety. I don’t like wearing a mask either. It doesn’t send me into panic, but I can totally understand how it could trigger panic in someone. Having your support network essentially telling you that your panic is unwarranted and silly really doesn’t help. The nature of panic by its very definition is that it doesn’t really make much sense. So keep sending your husband to the grocery store (my husband does all the shopping as well) while you continue to process your own anxiety. Talking about it really helps, I think. We will all get through this! Sending you lots of healing energy as well, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Thank you for sharing your story, Shelbee. I am slightly terrified to go “back to normal” so I can’t even imagine what it feels like to actually have agoraphobia (although you did describe it very well). The last three months have been the strangest I’ve ever lived through (including post 9/11!) but here’s hoping things get easier for everyone.
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much for sharing your experience as well! I am certain that lots of people are feeling some level of anxiety during this transition back to “normal”. It has been a very strange few months for everyone and we are all experiencing it differently. I don’t think any one way is right or wrong. It is just some crazy stuff we all have to get through. Oh, post 9/11…that was a doozy, too, wasn’t it? I worked in NYC at that time and I got through that craziness. We all did on one way or another and the same will happen now. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Mica
This is a fun dress and I like the denim vest with it! It’s a shame that you have been struggling with your mental health lately and I hope deciding to avoid it and stay home works for you until you can talk to your therapist and setup a plan for getting you to feel better when you leave the house 🙂
When we were able to leave the house and take the kids back to school I was so excited – haha! I hope you get to feel that excitement instead of the fear too – it’s important to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and I’m hopefully you will get it resolved over time!
Hope that you are having a nice weekend 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mica, thank you so much for your kindness and support. It is weird because right before we went into lockdown, I was already starting to feel trepidatious being around people socially. So I really welcomed the lockdown because I didn’t have to make any excuses about being non-social. But now that those expectations may return, I am not ready yet to be social. I have been excited to visit with friends, but I think it is going to take me a while longer to be comfortable in public spaces around strangers. I will be fine though. I just need to actively go through the process and writing about the experience is part of the healing process for me. I am so glad that you felt excitement instead of fear getting back into the world! I will get there soon as well. I hope you have a lovely weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
Thank you for educating us on this condition. I am so sorry you are suffering. I will be praying for you in this.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Lauren! I will take all the prayers you are willing to give! I will get through this trying time, for sure. I always do! But part of my process is writing it out. I so appreciate all the kind and supportive responses along the way and I do hope it can help someone else. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzanne
Hi Shelbee! Thank you so much for the kimono feature, you are too kind😊I love love kimonos right now, they’re so versatile and easy to wear!
What a great post. These are hard times and you are so brave and generous to share posts that are so difficult to write. I hope you can work your way through this, know you are not alone. And can we talk about your outfit? That long vest, what a fab piece!!
Have a good weekend!
xx
Suzanne
http://www.AskSuzanneBell.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Suzanne, thank you so much! I want all the kimonos! I will definitely find my way through this. Part of my process is writing about it while it is happening. It helps me to look at it more objectively. Plus if it can benefit someone else then I feel a purpose in it and that makes it so much easier to cope with. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I know you’re talking about something far more severe, but I’d be lying if I said I felt no trepidation about leaving the house. I am able to do it by putting faith in my mask and staying away from those not wearing one. But the thought of going into the grocery store….. Just no. I will keep having my groceries delivered, thank you very much. And yes, I am very afraid of catching the virus. I don’t fret about it, but I’m going to do everything I can to prevent it. We were outside in our little village and found ourselves surrounded by the children of two or three families’ little kids – maybe 4 through 8 years old. And yes, they were all cute, and the only thing I could think was “little germ factories.” Not my proudest moment perhaps.
One thing about leaving the house is that the amount of control you have over things is reduced. As an introvert, that’s never been particularly appealing, and it’s worse now that there is a hidden enemy lurking.
Anyway, I hope you are able to process a way out of the agoraphobia. Panic attacks are the worst.
I love the cut of your dress! An empire waist is almost universally attractive. Really cute with your cowboy boots and long denim vest.
And Suzanne Bell’s kimono is fabulous!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience right now as well. I do think many of us are feeling anxiety on some level about something right now. And I think it is so healthy to talk about what is causing those anxieties. So while mine is caused by something different from yours, it doesn’t make the anxiety any easier to deal with because the trigger is different. I think much of my anxiety about public places right now comes from a fear of doing the wrong thing. I can’t keep track of the rules and regulations because they keep changing. I know some folks are more sensitive than others and I don’t want to offend or even make someone just a tiny bit uncomfortable. I fall on the opposite side of the spectrum with the mask wearing, but I completely understand and respect the anxiety that others are feeling. Throughout this whole pandemic, I have seen so much judgment thrown around on these issues and it makes me sad because we cannot just dismiss and discount other people’s feelings of worry and/or panic just because we don’t think they should feel worry or panic. It is so silly to judge people so harshly for what they are feeling. Human emotions are difficult to process sometimes, aren’t they? I hope that you also are able to find ways to ease your anxieties. And kids are little germ factories all the time not just during this pandemic! I hope you have a lovely weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
First, I apologize if you thought I was inferring that your agoraphobia should be easier to deal with because the trigger is different. That’s not where I was coming from at all. I must have communicated badly. Hell, I take meds for my anxiety, because I couldn’t conquer it no matter how much I tried. And that was before COVID-19! Absolutely no judgement here ever. Again my apologies!
I can certainly understand fearing doing the wrong thing because you’re unable to keep track of the information. It changes almost daily! First, they said masks would do us no good. Then they said they “might”. Then they said to wear them around people who may be vulnerable to the illness (and with the exception of age, how do you identify those people?). Then the the head epidemiologist at the Allergy and Infectious Disease institute – the guy science types like myself have been listening to all this time – said they lied about masks not working early on so the public wouldn’t snatch them up leaving fewer for healthcare workers. 🙄🙄🙄 Holy hell!
Here’s the thing: there are people who look for something to be offended by. You can’t do anything about those people. You and I could both run across the same person, me wearing my mask, and you not, and she could be offended by both of us for different reasons. When I have been out and about, I’ve found most people are like me – just trying to get stuff done. They’re not worried about what I’m doing or not doing in the least. I think this is the majority of people.
Hugs, my friend.
Michelle
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Michelle, I did not take any offense at all from your comment. I must have communicated poorly in my response (which I reread and I think that is the case), so I apologize to you for that. It is super easy to get confused by all the contradictory information we have received and you are right about people looking for something to be offended by. But I wonder that is now…why do people do that? What a crazy, crazy world we live in! Lots of hugs to you, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Yeah, I don’t get the whole offended attitude. But I have hypothesized! LOL! It always seems to me that being offended is an attempt by that person to feel important. I have a friend who says, “Have you tried not being offended?”
Hope your weekend is going well!
Hugs, Michelle
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ha, I love that response, Michelle! Have you tried not being offended? That is perfect. Seriously, it is really difficult to offend me, but I worry constantly about offending others. Weird how that works, huh?
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling right now! I hope you find some coping mechanisms soon and are able to start working through it. But as you said, recognizing it is the first step! And you are helping so many by bringing attention to this!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. I think one of the most important pieces of working through this is writing about it. So I am super appreciative that you all read what I write. I do hope it can help someone else as well. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Joanne
It definitely sounds like you have become quite badass at processing what life throws at you! I am so sorry you are struggling with this and just know you are NOT alone. I had a friend of a friend confess on Facebook the other day that she and her family don’t plan on leaving the house for anything (i’m assuming other than an occasional grocery trip?) for the next few YEARS or until a cure and/or vaccine is made…. so no, you are not alone in how you are feeling. In fact I think knowing what is not causing the fear probably even puts you one step ahead in the process of overcoming it. Thank you for sharing; I’m sure that wasn’t easy.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Joanne, thank you so much for kind and supportive words. I don’t want to stay at home for the next few years so I need to do this work at getting through it or else I might be just like your friends. I just hope that by sharing my experience and the process I take to get through it will can help someone else who may be struggling. I really appreciate your sharing that story. It does help knowing that I am not alone. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Gata Collins
Such a unique look! so cool babe!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you very much, Gata. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Grace
Gosh, that sounds awful! I’ve never considered myself an anxious person, but everything that’s been going on the last few weeks/months has made me experience all sorts of new, bad feelings. Just two weeks ago I was finding it very difficult to breathe or focus on anything, as I just felt like my insides were being crushed by some unnamed source. Thankfully, I took last week off from all social media and internet (I was in the mountains with no connection) and it was the best possible thing I could do for myself. It felt so good! I’m a little wary to be back to civilization, haha. Anyway, hang in there Shelbee! Thinking of you. <3
Miles of smiles,
Grace
gracefulrags.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Grace, thanks so much for your kind and supportive words and for sharing your experience. It sounds like you had a panic or anxiety attack and they can be very frightening if you are unaware of what is happening to you. I think this pandemic has probably been a source of all sorts of new and unpleasant feelings in many people. I guess I am fortunate since I have already experienced some of the feelings before so I have the coping mechanisms already in place to work with. I am just going to stay away from civilization for a while longer, since I do have that luxury, while I get through my own anxiety. Although it has gotten a bit worse this past week as I can’t even sit on my porch comfortably for fear that a neighbor may try to talk to me! I am glad that you had a nice long break in the mountains with no internet. That sounds glorious! Stay well, my friend, and continue to practice good self care!
xoxo
Shelbee
Christina Morley
Thank you for sharing! I normally only visit the Spread the Kindness linky and so I’m glad that you’re taking a break so that I could read this. I’m really proud of you even when/if you’re going through a mentally rough time. It’s been awesome getting to know you on the internet! Sending a prayer your way.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tina, thank you so much! My mental health posts kind of pop up sporadically on my blog. It is part of my process to write about these things as I am experiencing them. I do hope my words help others. And I welcome and appreciate all the prayers anyone wants to send out for me. I hope you are doing well!
xoxo
Shelbee
Allie Young
Hi Shelbee, I know exactly what you are going through, I have BPD, verging on Bipolar, it’s a nightmare as in japan it is so hard to get help, the only way I got help was going to an US navy base that has a brill mental health team there.
If you even talk or show any sign of mental distress in japan it is a sign of weakness and you can lose your job, my husband is also under their care. I often have anxiety attacks at shinjuku train station and I have to take the car which costs £25.00 an hour to park. Or I will park it at a friends and walk. I will go an hour before the store opens so I don’t get caught in the crowds.
Cat street is crazy. That is Takeshita street to you tourists but I love my job. I am trying to win my battle. And I am getting there. I will get there. 30 years I have battled this and it isn’t going to claim another victim. I have tattoos to cover my self harm as I don’t want to be reminded of it.
Fight it you will win.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Allie, thank you so much for sharing your story! This is how we can eliminate all the stigma attached to mental health issues. I applaud you for battling your BPD and anxiety and finding the help you need even in an environment that is so hostile towards such illnesses. I also applaud your husband. I have been fighting this battle for the past 20 years and I haven’t lost yet! I don’t plan to either. I will continue sharing my journey in the hopes that it help others to cope with their own mental health issues as well as to educate others who still lack understanding. Let’s keep fighting this together!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with agoraphobia Shelbee. I hope that you’re able to work through it and start to feel better. The knock on effects of lockdown are really only just starting to emerge…mental health needs as much attention as physical health but is often overlooked. Hang in there my friend!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thanks so much for your kind and supportive words. I agree that a lot of mental health issues are going to emerge now as things start to normalize more. Too much time spent alone with our thoughts can trigger all sorts of mental health episodes. I will be fine but I do like to share my experiences so I can help others.
xoxo
Shelbee
Karren Haller
Hi Shelbee, thank you for stopping by last week to share your posts!
I love this look the denim vest is great on you!! That will be great in so many ways1
I hope you have a great week, be sure to stop by and share again!
PS: this post is being featured this week!! Yeah
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Karren, thank you so much! It always perks me up to see myself featured on other blogs. What a lovely surprise and such an honor. I will be by to check it out and link to the new party as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
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