A Bipolar Battlefield & Link Up On the Edge #106
Life inside of a Bipolar brain is tricky to say the least…even after you have reached a point of mostly understanding it all. You see, the last week as been a rough one for me…mentally and emotionally. I can’t really pin point the reason. That is the mystery of Bipolar Disorder. Why and when and how it operates the way it does. I have talked a lot about how I have come through this disorder to the other side and what brilliance and happiness I have found by coming through it. Actually, the good life lies not in coming through it, but in working through it. If you need help working through something similar, there are a number of valuable resources that you can find at BetterHelp.com.
However, the disorder never really goes away. A Bipolar brain will remain a Bipolar brain…forever. How you learn to cope with it determines your quality of life. As you already know, I have learned to cope with it quite well. I know my triggers (most of the time) and I know how not to react when the mood swings take control. The best course of action (for me) is to do just that…not react. It’s when I react to the instability that bad stuff can happen. So I choose to sit tight, as uncomfortable as that may be, and ride it out. But in seemingly not reacting, there is still a battlefield that is bearing witness to a full blown war inside my head.
Let me try to paint the picture for those of you who may have never experienced such a thing. Some time early in the week, something triggered me into rapid mood swings. Deep depression followed very quickly by moderate mania which just as quickly flipped right back into depression. I checked the calendar and soon realized that PMS was upon me. Can hormone fluctuations trigger mood swings? Absolutely. If you recall my post from Sunday, I shared some information about PMDD and how my menstrual cycle absolutely influences my moods. Add to my unstable hormones a series of really disruptive dreams for a few consecutive nights and now I am not well rested and my brain is reeling trying to understand what exactly my unconscious is trying to tell me.
Have you ever tried to interpret what your dreams mean? Like the really profound ones? Some dreams are super easy to understand. Perhaps you saw a post from an old friend on Facebook then you dreamed of that person. Easy enough. They were in your mind. Or maybe it was some news story that had a tragic ending followed by a nightmare that a loved one was the victim of a similar tragedy. Again, it was information fresh in your brain and your unconscious sort of grabbed hold of your fears and delivered you a little dose of the reality of the world. I am not talking about those kinds of dreams. I am talking about the ones that force you to question the entire essence of your own being. The kind that slap you in face with the reality of who you really are. The dreams that make you ask yourself, “Am I really a good and decent person or have I been fooling myself all along?”
Let me tell you, the Bipolar brain loves this kind of self-doubt. It grabs hold of it and starts firing all the negative self-talk at you. The negativity is sort of like a pinball bouncing all around in your brain, erratically hitting on every insecurity that you have ever had throughout your entire life. The voices you have worked a lifetime to silence and the demons you thought you had slayed a long time ago are suddenly resurrected as a dark army of hideous warriors hell bent on destroying everything you have repaired. And that is a mild representation of what happens when a Bipolar brain slips into an episode of rapid cycling. With no warning of the impending darkness, you find yourself unsuspectingly faced with yet another fight for your life. Fortunately for me, I am well trained and quite prepared for these unforeseen battles. I am equipped with all the knowledge and weaponry that decades of self examination have given me. My arsenal is full and I am strong. And with each and every battle, I just become that much stronger.
The best weapons I possess are my experience, my knowledge, and my track record…I have not lost one of these battles yet. I am completely and totally undefeated when it comes to my personal fight against Bipolar Disorder. And I have every intention of maintaining that perfect record. As they say in any arena where one may face an adversary, “Make your intentions known. It may be the only edge you need.” So I have done just that. My intentions are clear, concise, and unshakable. I will not lose. My grip on reality and rationality will remain in tact even as the irrational thoughts try with all their might to make me let go. When you find yourself in the midst of the Bipolar battleground, there is a very clear dichotomy between your rational thoughts and the irrational messages that the disease fires point blank in the direction of your very soul. The best course of action is to raise your shield of rationality and wield your sword of wisdom, lock your gaze on the good life that you know you have, and blast your way forward until you reach the light. It passes. It always passes. It has never won before. And it never will. Bipolar Disorder is a tough opponent, but it is by no means undefeatable.
If you find yourself in a battle like this but you have not yet fully stocked your arsenal, just keep fighting. No matter how exhausting it may be. Fight for your life. In each and every battle. And with each victory, your armory will grow…until you possess more ammunition than your disease. Bipolar Disorder creates a battleground within your brain and as you learn to navigate it and accumulate triumph after triumph, it gets easier and easier to control the outcome. And when the prize of winning is discovering your very best life, it’s not so hard to find the motivation to fight.
So while this week has been tough for me, it was not nearly as tough as previous conflicts. I shared it all because I find it quite cathartic to write it out. I also feel like I have an obligation to share this journey with others, others who may find themselves in similar war zones unsure of which strategies to implement. If I can provide an adequate guide on the tactics for fighting against your own Bipolar brain, by God, that is what I am going to do. Fight on, my Bipolar friends. While you must fight alone, know that I am on the sidelines cheering louder and more enthusiastically than anyone. You’ve got this! Until the very end, you’ve got this!
Whatever battle you may be fighting within yourself, keep fighting. And know that there is no place for shame in battles of this sort. Shame will only serve to weaken what strength you have already found. Eliminate shame and victory is so much easier to achieve.
And now onto your favorite posts from last week.
Kileen from Cute & Little shared her post, My Tummy Tuck Story and Tips for Recovery. I have a few friends who have suffered from diastasis recti after having children and they have also considered tummy tucks to resolve the painful side effects, so I found Kileen’s post to be very intriguing and so helpful for anyone who may be thinking about a tummy tuck as an option to repair damaged stomach muscles.
And Tianna of Storybook Apothecary shared her Summer Makeup Tutorial. I love the bronze shades she used and I am definitely going to try out some her tips! I have to be honest, I purchased a contouring palette that had some yellows in it and I had no idea what you do with that color on your face…thanks to Tianna’s video, I understand! I also love that she uses all natural, organic, cruelty-free, non-toxic products.
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
53 Comments
Kathrine Eldridge
Thanks for sharing your story. You are such an inspiration! Loving this cool duster and dying over those wedges!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Kathrine! I really do feel an obligation to share. It seems unfair not to share my knowledge if it could help someone else along the way. Have a great weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
Okay, superficial first – I love that duster!
Okay, on a more serious note, thank you for sharing and doing your part to remove the stigma attached to mental health issues. My heart breaks for all those who have not been diagnosed and have therefore missed out on the opportunity to learn their triggers and know what to do when an episode begins. I suffer from PMDD and it’s not being managed well; I am getting frustrated with the care or lack thereof from my current medical provider.
You are an amazing woman and your truthfulness no doubt inspires many; I do hope that at least one person reading this will go get the help they need and begin their wellness journey.
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so much for this comment and for sharing your struggle as well. I do feel like those of us who have managed these struggles have an obligation to be open and honest about it in order to remove the ridiculous stigma. And this PMDD is no joke. I totally relate and feel for you, my friend. I literally have just been trying to ride it out completely unmanaged. I guess knowing that it is hormones making me feel all shitty is half the battle because I know that it will pass as soon as the hormones regulate again. But man, what a ride! I hope you find some resolutions for your symptoms soon.
xoxo
Shelbee
Laurie
You are a warrior Shelbee. You are beating the battle xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Laurie! And the battle continues…
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy Baten
I can’t imagine what it must feel like. It must be very stressing. It’s good to write this for people who have the same and do not know how to deal with it.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Nancy! I do feel like I have a responsibility to share my story so it can help others who may not have a voice or resources. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kim
I didn’t realize you are bipolar. I am so glad to hear you are managing things and know what triggers to look for. It’s always amazing to me how strong we can be under physical, mental, or emotional turmoil. It certainly helps and is crucial to have plans of action, support, medication…
On another note–I can’t help but notice how the different backgrounds give your outfit such different looks. It’s a great reminder to switch things up!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kim, thanks so much! I think we are all stronger than we tend to give ourselves credit for. For me, it is important to always recognize and acknowledge my own strength even in the face of all the adversity of life…even if it means sounding a bit arrogant. It is a survival technique, for sure. And I am on a mission to eliminate the shame and stigma that is all too often attached to mental illness.
I agree that changing up the background for photos makes a huge difference. I am not sure which I like better the red brick or the white barn…so I shared both!
Have a wonderful weekend, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
Firstly, Shelbee you are looking so sultry woman!! Secondly, you are an incredible person – acknowledging, sharing and dealing with your bipolar. That takes so much strength xxx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maria, thank you so much! I think I chose this outfit to feature for this post because it took a lot of courage to wear this…and what better way to illustrate a post about being strong and courageous. Thank you for being part of this important conversation!
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie Caron
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, but so glad that you’re doing so well and have such a great mindset about it. I have a little bit of a feel for how difficult it can be because my son had moderate/severe OCD and some generalized anxiety too. It’s something we’ve been working on with a therapist for about a year and a half now and it’s been really tough. It’s so hard to see your child in pain. I truely wish you well.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Julie, thank you so much for being a part of this important conversation and sharing your personal experience. I can only imagine what it’s like to watch your child go through something like this. I know for me, my mom had no idea what to do so she often just threw her hands in the air and wept for me. Just remain strong for your son and let him know that he is not alone and there is no shame at all in what he is experiencing. Being open about our struggles is the only way to heal. I am sending you both love and strength as you get through this difficult time.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
Gosh, Shelbee…you really have such a great handle on it. It’s so inspirational to others going through the same thing!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Jodie! It took a long time and a lot of fight to get a handle on it. This is part of the reason I need to share to help others. We often don’t know how strong we really are until we are forced to be strong. And then while we fight against our disorders, we also have to fight against a society that makes us feel shame. It is an uphill battle, but certainly a battle that can be fought victoriously. Thank you for being part of the conversation!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gina
Shelbee, I really admire your courage to be open in sharing your experiences and I have no doubt it’s helpful to others going through the same thing to know they are not alone! Thanks for being part of the conversation we all need to be having to de-stigmatize mental health issues!
Gina || On the Daily Express
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gina, thank you so much for your kind words and support. And thank you for joining the conversation!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennie
I am truly sorry to hear you have been struggling of late. I appreciate you sharing what being bi-polar is like for you, as well as the ways you cope with it. Thanks for educating us.
Your duster cardigan is so cool and looks great with the shorts and cropped top! Your necklace tops it all off perfectly.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jennie, thanks so much! I only share the struggle because it is such an important topic to discuss. As one of the “survivors” I need to keep educating in an effort to remove the stigma and shame and let others who struggle know that they, too, can survive! Thank you for being part of the conversation.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Sending you positive thoughts. Thank you for sharing your insights on being bi-polar. Very interesting and I learned a lot.
Nice outfit, you look like one of those rockers I used to hang with back in the day. Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for your kind words and for joining the important conversation on mental health! I wanna go hang out like a rocker one of these days! Have a great weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Melissa
Such a powerful post! In college I did a presentation on bipolar disorder and for the first time I actually understood what it’s all about. It so complex and living with it must be extremely difficult. There are so many factors that can alert it. Happy to know you’re able to indentified them!
And girl! This outfit is all types of boldness and I love it! Dusters all the way 😉
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mel, thank you so much for doing your part and joining the discussion on mental health! It is so important to talk about it and educate people. That makes my heart happy that you did a presentation on Bipolar. Even through my struggle with it, I find it all so fascinating, too. And thank you for the fab compliment on my outfit. I figured a bold outfit was a perfect way to illustrate courage and strength! Have a great weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Thank you for sharing your story, Shelbee. I’m glad you know how to ride your waves. It was a rough week for me too, and I had a colossal cry one night, which made me feel so much better (that’s how I deal with my anxiety!). It’s always reassuring to hear that we’re not alone. Sending you light and love.
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much! And thank you for sharing your experience as well. Colossal cries are the best! I had one in the shower the other morning. I love a good cry in the shower…it all just washes down the drain and I feel cleansed inside and out! I am graciously receiving your light and love and sending some right back to you, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Tianna
Thanks so much for the kind feature, Shelbee! Thanks for sharing your struggle also. My boyfriend’s sister has bi-polar and I have seen what a struggle it can be. While I can’t presume to know what that feels like, I think you’re definitely going about it the right way. And as for your dreams, I would say that dream meanings usually say something about our own insecurities and fears. They’re not usually based in reality so even if it feels like your demons are coming back to haunt you (as an example here), then it typically only means we’re worried that they are; not necessarily that they really are if that makes sense. Keep fighting the good fight, my friend! you got this xoxo
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tianna, thank you so much for this wonderfully insightful comment and for being part of this important conversation. We all need to be able to speak openly about our struggles no matter what they are. It is the only way to heal. And if I can help just one person realize that there is no shame in the struggle and I can help them reach a place of healing, then my experiences were way more beneficial than just bringing me to a place of strength and happiness. But man oh man, my dreams the past 2 weeks have been crazy vivid. All sorts of weird shit going on in my brain! Ha. I think I may want to dedicate an entire post to the topic of dreams in general!
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz
I know this battle all too well as I have a close family member with the same disorder. It’s so much easier once you understand what exactly it is and once others understand as well, which I why I appreciate you sharing about this because it really is so important!
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liz, thank you so much for being part of this very important conversation! As you know, education and knowledge is so important in reaching the point of healing. Keep doing your part to support your family member! We all deserve to be loved throughout the most painful of our experiences!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
Sorry to hear you had a tough week Shelbee. Your positive attitude is fantastic and an inspiration to anyone suffering mental health problems. I love that duster and wedge sandals! Wishing you a wonderful weekend!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thank you so much for joining the discussion. I feel like the more people who can talk about mental health issues openly, the more we can help break down the stigma. I do hope that my words can inspire and help others on their journey!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Sparks
I am so sorry to hear your week was so rough, but you have no idea how many people you may be helping by sharing about it. If you give hope to just one person… I will be praying for you in this. On another note, those shoes are all kinds of sexy! laurensparks.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lauren, thank you so much! That is my mission…if my words, my story, my experience can help even one person survive the hell that is mental illness, then I know my journey was worth the pain and struggle. Thank you so much for being part of the conversation…if we all keep talking about it, it will remove the stigma and shame and that will help more people in the healing process.
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz Klebba
Thank you for sharing your story with honesty and grace! I have friends and family who struggle with bipolar disorder, and struggle is not a strong enough word. It is a full out battle! I’m bookmarking today’s post to share with those in the trenches…
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liz, thank you so much for sharing my story with those who could benefit from it. And thank you for being part of this important conversation. It is a battle, for sure, and we can all use support and understanding!
xoxo
Shelbee
Edwige
Sooooo cute! I love how you style this long shirt and the shorts! Very unique
Edwige | http://www.hypnozglam.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Edwige! Have a great weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
Hiya, Shelbee!
Isn’t it ironic how clothing can supply that extra bit of armor, to just toss you a victory during a battle? Clothes can be a weapon in your arsenal, and also reflect what we need or want, at that moment in time. Is it any wonder I worship them?
Your Python purse is magnificent. Your grey topper reminds me of your battle cloak, and your wedges kick ass! You are a glamorous, bipolar, superhero! Extremely well done!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, thank you so much for this perspective on my outfit! And I was just thinking all basic like this…it took some courage to wear this outfit and so it was fitting for a post about strength! Ha. But I do like the imagery of it being battle armor much better than my own shallow interpretation. And clothing is definitely our armor. We can be whomever we want to be just by dressing ourselves in the appropriate costume for the day! And I agree that this outfit is definitely suited for a day in the life a warrior.
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
Think of battling, but with the eye of an artist. Pick one of your favs: Shakespeare, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Jane Austen. Thinking of it as they would it’s you above the fray, and it doesn’t hurt so much.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, you always give me the best perspective on all things! I like to think of myself as such an artist! Perhaps one day I will be brilliant enough to join the ranks of those you name…
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
I forgot to mention Springsteen, Freddie Mercury, and Janis…
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I, however, will never be musically talented enough to join these ranks…
stephanie
love your outfit, and I know how it feels, the depression and anxiety and the mania which can be made worse by hormonal crap. I know it can be tough but you are one strong mama!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Stephanie, thank you so much! And thank you for always being so open, honest, and real about your own personal struggles. When we join together with care and love, it is how we will remove the stigma and shame that come with mental illness. You are the toughest momma I know!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura || Walking in Memphis in High Heels
Thank you for sharing this with us always. Having a Bipolar Disorder is a daily fight, and it’s when you’re able to realize what the triggers are and how to deal with things when they come at you. This is such an enlightening post, thank you for always sharing your journey with us.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thank you so much for your validating words and for being a part of this very important conversation! This is how we will remove the stigma attached to mental illness…by being open and honest about it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patti
Your insight and self-awareness are always inspiring. There’s no self-pity or woe-is-me: you face reality with all the tools in your toolkit. Love the “arena” quote. I’ve had depression/anxiety most of my life, and it wan’t until I filled my own tool box that I got better. Stay fabulous, you, xox
-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patti, thanks so much for these very validating and empowering words. We really do need to arm ourselves for battle against our own demons, don’t we? But once we fill those toolboxes, we are so much better equipped to manage it all. Thank you also for being open about your own struggles. It is so important for us to keep this conversation going in order to remove the stigma attached to mental illness especially for those who may not have as strong a voice as we do! Have a wonderful week, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Karren Haller
Hi Shelbee, You have an amazing story and I relate, I had a son that had bipolar and manic, he struggled all of his life especially when he went through puberty. And like you have mentioned when struggling, you dont realize the importance of meds and he was on and off. He was just getting help financially, getting an apartment for he and his son and it was then that he felt he did not need the meds and sadly we lost him. I pray for you that you keep up your fight, and spreading the word. Our whole family has struggled with talking about this and others should heed your advice!! God be with you everyday for your strength through those hard times!! Amen
I love your passion for fashion posts!!! Your post has been pinned and is currently being featured on #omhgff this week! And it has been shared on Instagram as well!!
Hope you will enjoy your weekend!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh Karren, I am so sorry to hear your heartbreaking experience with mental illness. But I am also thankful that you have shared it with me. I think there are too many people who don’t realize the life threatening risk of mental illness especially when it is not properly treated. This is the reason I share my story. I hope that by talking about it openly and without shame, I can do my small part in removing the stigma and opening the conversation so more people get comfortable with the topic and with seek help when they need it. I am so grateful to consider myself a survivor and I hope it empowers others on the same journey to find their strength to beat their illnesses.
Thank you so much for featuring my post. I am so flattered and honored that it meant that much to you to share it. Sending lots of hugs your way, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
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