9 Guidelines for Effective Communication
*I recently wrote this article for publication on Medium, but thought the content was worthy sharing here especially since the overarching theme of my 9 guidelines is kindness in communication. But if you don’t mind clicking over to the original article on Medium and giving it a read and a clap on that platform, I would really appreciate it! That is how I generate some income from my writing. It is all based on read time and claps and is a great way to make a little extra income doing what I love…writing (and communicating).
9 Guidelines for Effective Communication
I have always been fascinated by the way people communicate with each other within all types of relationships, personal or professional and everywhere in between. I think the fascination began nearly 10 years ago when I took a class on Family Therapy which focused primarily on family dynamics and the way family members communicate with each other.
The way we communicate is very much a learned behavior. We learn our communication methods from the environments in which we are raised. Depending on the examples we have to follow during our malleable years, we become either very good communicators or very bad ones. And somewhere along the line, it is up to us to figure out which side we fall on and take the time to learn better techniques of communication if necessary.
Over the past ten years, I have been paying closer attention to the way people communicate with each other. In these observations, I have discovered that the majority of people fail miserably at effective communication. And it has become sort of a pet peeve of mine.
Granted we all fail at effective communication sometimes. It can happen to the best of us. But the interesting thing about a failed communication that has gone terribly wrong is that it can be easily fixed with effective communication. But effective communication requires certain things from all parties involved in the communication. I have narrowed it down to nine guidelines that will make effective communication a bit easier. These nine guidelines are fairly easy to follow with just a little bit of willingness to become a better human.
In my experience, if all parties approach communication keeping these nine things in mind, arguments and misunderstandings will decrease at amazing rates and peace and understanding will become the new norm in human communication. Here are the nine guidelines:
1. Honesty.
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Be precise and clear so little is left to subjective interpretation. Communication should never be a game of mind reading. None of us are capable of that and it will leave all parties involved in the communication frustrated and angry.
2. Kindness.
When you are saying what you mean, say it in a gentle way. There is literally never a need for unkindness in communication if everyone is following these same guidelines.
3. Patience.
Say what you need to say but then give your listener time to process the message and consider a response. We are all so quick to just fire reponses back and forth without ever really listening and hearing and taking time to understand. If you force an immediate reply, it can cause tension in the communication. Deliver your message and wait your turn.
4. Attentiveness.
Pay attention to the other party involved in the communication. Observe their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and demeanor. As the person delivering a message, it is up to you to ensure that the recipient has interpreted it as intended. So be present in your communications.
5. Empathy.
Be considerate and gain some understanding about the feelings of the people you are communicating with. It is not up to you to determine if your message was offensive or upsetting. That part is tied to the subjective interpretation of the listener receiving your message. Be sensitive to that.
6. Humility.
Always be humble in your communications. Never be condescending. No one ever takes kindly to that approach. Also, never be ashamed to ask for clarification. It is how we gain more understanding if we feel a little confused.
7. Insight.
When failures in communication occur or mistakes are brought to light, own them. They are your mistakes. Listen to how they affected the other person, process whatever emotions come along with the situation, and use the whole experience to learn and improve your own communication skills.
8. Forgiveness.
We cannot change the past and we should not expect that others have that ability either. Keep in mind that we all make errors in judgment, in facts, and in decisions. There is never a valid reason to keep a running score of these errors. We all need to just accept our own imperfections and forgive others for their downfalls. What is done is done. The past is behind us. The only direction we can go is forward. So process whatever emotions come along in these types of situations and then let it go.
9. Sense of humor.
Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. If you can’t manage any of these other rules, always be able to laugh in any situation. It will save your soul.
After years of paying attention and working on my own communication skills, I do consider myself a good communicator; however, it took a lot of years and a lot of bad communication to learn what works effectively. Over the years, I have also incorporated all nine of these guidelines into every aspect of my life and it really does make for a much more peaceful and joyful existence.
This human journey is a bumpy ride and we all really need to just help each other along the way. Good communication is one method of doing that.
How do you communicate?
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
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shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
26 Comments
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Such a great outline!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Tamar! I was pretty pleased with the final result of this article. Have a fabulous day!
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
These are really good! Simple things we should all do! Sometimes I am a little too honest but sometimes I think people in the south are just a little too sweet: when everything and everyone is so sweet, so smart, so wonderful, I can’t take those comments and compliments very literally (we got some family members like that). I may have to write these down to post in my house!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Mireille, thanks so much! I was really happy with the outcome of this article. It started with 6 guidelines that I had jotted down in my journal after having a break down in communication with a dear friend of mine. I decided to turn into an actual article and it grew to 9 things. But they are 9 things we should all just bring to life in general! I am so glad that you enjoyed it! And I totally understand, when people are overly kind it can lack authenticity sometimes. I hope you have an amazing week, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
Yes to all of these!!!!
Jennifer
Curated by Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jennifer! I was super pleased with this article! Have a fabulous Monday!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Done! And commented:
Perfect! So agree with not expecting someone to “read your mind.” I have know a few people who did expect exactly that. “If he/she really loved me, they would just know.” That gets a big eye roll from me. A pet peeve of mine.
Totally cute outfit, but your shoes are absolutely adorable!
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thanks so much! I was so happy with the end result of this article! I was hoping for Medium to curate it but they did not. Booo! And that comment would get a big eye roll from me, too! If anyone can read minds, it has nothing to do with love! Sheesh. What a silly thing to believe. I took these photos back in April on a chilly lockdown day and never shared them because it was just kind of thrown together and we only snapped a few photos just for the hell of it. And then it got too warm to share them. But why let it go to waste, right? I love my kitten shoes! I have had them forever, it seems. I hope you are having a fabulous Monday, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
I read it on Medium and gave you a clap!! This was such a good article Shelbee. I feel like communication is the key to great relationship whether it’s friends or spouse!!
XOOX
JOdie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thank you so very much! I was really happy with this piece ad I hope it helps others. Effective communication can make life so much easier!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Looking so very fall-ish and great tips. Thanks for sharing them.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Patrick!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
Really good points you make here! Thanks so much for linking up with me at my #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 17. Shared.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Dee, thanks so much! I was very pleased with the outcome of this article. Have a fabulous day!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy Bertoldi
I love thispost so much- and so timely for what is happening in the world today. Love it! In fact I’m going to feature you on my Fabulous Friday’s Post! xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Lucy, thanks so much! This post was born out of a miscommunication with a very dear friend. We have since sorted it all out by applying these basic guidelines! What an honor to be featured! I appreciate that!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
You’re right, Shelbee. We are much aligned in this. Thank you so much for sharing.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lauren, thank you for stopping by and giving it a read! Much appreciated!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa notes
These are great guidelines, Shelbee. As I was reading, I was reflecting about time with my 2-year-old granddaughter yesterday. Most of these tips are pertinent even as we teach 2 year olds how to communicate! 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thank you so much! And yes, these guidelines absolutely apply to our communications with everyone no matter their age or relationship to us. If more people could just keep these things in mind for how to approach life, this world might become a much more pleasant place. Setting the example for our children and grandchildren is a great way to get our entire species back on track! I hope you have a blessed weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Linda Stoll
Shelbee, hi! Sometimes we need a list to give us a nudge … and a wake up call. Especially for times like this when many of us are communicating poorly.
Thanks!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Linda, thanks so much for reading and commenting! Communication is such an important thing for the maintenance of any healthy relationship. I tend to get very frustrated with poor communication and so I like to offer gentle reminders every now and then! I hope you are having a blessed holiday season!
xoxo
Shelbee
Paula Short
Great guidelines for communication Shelbee. So true our communication is learned behavior. I too had a class on Family dynamics when I was studying for my Masters in Marital and family therapy. Lovely site you have here. Blessings.
Visiting from Inspire Me Monday.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Paula, thank you so much! I think poor communication might be one of my biggest pet peeves. I get so frustrated when people can’t say what they mean, mean what they say, and just be kind and respectful about it. It feels easy to me, but it is so hard to teach! Many blessings to you this holiday season!
xoxo
Shelbee
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