The Right to Change Your Mind & Link Up On the Edge #49

June 23, 2017 / 55 Comments

Way back in the infancy of this blog, I wrote a post 39 Lessons I Have Learned on My Journey Out of the Darkness into My Happiness. It is still one of my favorite posts. It took a lot of energy to draft and it’s long. But it’s heartfelt and intense at points. Just last night the topic of women always changing their minds came up. Often, among couples this is a common joke…how the man in the relationship is steadfast and consistent in his wants, needs, ideas, and beliefs and how the female is fickle and flighty and inconsistent in making decisions. In light of this age old (mis)conception, I thought it would be fun to revisit what I wrote on the topic two years ago.

I believe that changing your mind is not a trait that should be assigned solely to the female gender. I think it is a right that we should all reserve for ourselves, male or female. I wrote this:

“I have learned that it is okay to change your mind, your beliefs, your opinions, your tastes, and your priorities. Human beings are not static creatures. We are ever-evolving based on our experiences. It is supposed to be this way.”

And this:

“I have learned that as my mind, beliefs, opinions, tastes, and priorities change so will the nature of my relationships with other people.”

So if our minds, beliefs, opinions, tastes, and priorities are the essence of who we are, it would make sense that as these things change over the years, we become different people. I know for sure that I am not the same person I was 25 years ago, 15 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I like to believe that as I change in these ways, I become a better person with each evolution. At least that is what I strive to do.

Now put these changes into the context of a relationship between two people. As we change, so may our partners. What happens then? While our beliefs and opinions and priorities may have been compatible at one point, suddenly they may not be. Fortunately for me and my husband, we have remained completely compatible throughout these various sets of changes that have occurred over the last decade. Some others may not have the same experience. At this point, things may need to be reevaluated. And that’s okay in my opinion. It’s healthy to reevaluate where we stand on issues that are important to us. And it’s healthy to make changes if necessary, whatever they may be.

So while I may joke that as a woman I reserve the right to change my mind, I believe that we should all reserve that right. To change our minds. To explore our options. To hear other ideas. To discover what works best for us. To evolve into the best versions of ourselves. Because getting too comfortable and static in the same mindset for the rest of your life can be a very dangerous (and boring) thing.

If you are starting to feel you may be stuck in a rut, be that in your relationships or any other part of your life, challenge yourself to be your own changemaker. Start introducing small changes into your life as often as you can, at least once a week, to remind yourself that change doesn’t have to be frightening. In fact, it can be fun.

There is a reason for the saying “variety is the spice of life”. Variety is what gives your life a bit of a shakeup and creates opportunities for you to assess it from new angles. If you don’t like what you see, then do something about it. That doesn’t have to mean breaking it and starting again. It can mean fixing it so that it really works for where you are in your life now.

Outfit Details
Shirt: Women’s Plus White Poplin Gathered Waist Top – Victoria Beckham for Target
Jeans: Old Navy (Similar here, here, and here).
Scarf: Shelbee’s Shoppe (Brand new item, not listed online yet, available in 4 colors).
Sandals: Kohl’s (Similar here).

How have you changed over the years?

Your favorite posts from last week’s link up…

Elise of Sparkle and Slippers shared a gorgeous Billowy Maxi from Zaful and showed us how you can beat the heat and still look amazing!

And Claire of Claire Justine is looking ever so adorable in her blue polka dot dress in Windy!? What I Wore: Over 40 Style…. I love her contrasting accessories!

As always, I want to thank you all for visiting me each week and adding your links. I love seeing what you are all wearing, sharing, and discussing and it is always so fun to discover new bloggers as well! Have fun linking and I hope you all enjoy a magnificent weekend!


Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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55 Comments

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 12:31 pm Reply

      Jodie, thank you always for such a wonderfully thoughtful comment! I love that I can trigger discussion on my blog. It’s not just about the fun clothes! But the clothes are fun, too! I hope you have a fabulous weekend, my friend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 12:29 pm Reply

      Laura, thank you so much! This scarf is so much fun. It comes in a gorgeous blue pattern and a bright pink, too! It is one of my absolute favorites. And great that I snagged this VB for Target top on clearance for $8!

      Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful weekend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Trina

    June 23, 2017 at 12:35 pm Reply

    I love your post this morning Shelby, great read and love what you have on girl:) Have an excellent weekend, hope to link something up today lol! have to dig and find something 🙂

  • Jill

    June 23, 2017 at 12:49 pm Reply

    This is so on point! My opinions have definitely changed as I’ve gotten older. I think being open to change makes you a better person. Your scarf is gorgeous and I love those jeans! Such a fabulous look!

    Jill
    Doused In Pink

  • Nancy

    June 23, 2017 at 1:02 pm Reply

    I think (and really believe) that by the time I ll die, I am ,,finished,,! That I then know exactly how I want to be on the inside and outside. Or is it perhaps just that we grow or evolve till we die?well, not all of us, I see people around me that don t change at all. Don t they know how to grow or where they already ,,ready,, at a younger age! Interresting subject!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 3:03 pm Reply

      Nancy, I love this philosophy of yours! That is my goal to be the absolute best version of myself when death comes. So if I always strive to become better with every change, I will always be better than the time before…so I am always at my best. Right? Thanks for engaging in my discussion! Have a wonderful weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Elizabeth Ramsey

    June 23, 2017 at 1:11 pm Reply

    Absolutely love that philosophy! Am in amazement of people who brag “i have changed a bit over the years”. To me, change = growth. And you are right in that it is very fortunate when the change in a spouse correlates with your own life changes. I’ve also been lucky in this regard.

    Elizabeth / NattyGal

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 3:00 pm Reply

      Thank you, Elizabeth! Change is growth and growth requires change. We are definitely blessed that our changes have been compatible with the changes our spouses have undergone. I was not as fortunate in prior relationships…which required reevaluation of said relationships. But the ending of those relationships have led to where I stand today. So no experiences are for naught. Thank you for engaging in my philosophical banter. Have a fabulous weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • anne m bray

    June 23, 2017 at 1:49 pm Reply

    Changing is certainly a Gemini thing, fellow Twin! Boredom is the bane of our existence!
    Thanks for the revisit and refresh of the older post. Wise words.

    I linked a summer “To Do” linkup, that I discovered though Jodie.
    You will now see why I didn’t invite you and Amy over to my home, aka The Museum of Stuff, last December. You would have gotten lost!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 2:55 pm Reply

      Gah, boredom equals death, Anne! Death of the mind, of creativity, of all things that matter. I will check out your link shortly. By the way, the thought never crossed our minds that we didn’t visit your home. It was never expected! Although, what is expected is that creative people often get lost in a maze of their things! So no judgments coming my way. Thank you for always appreciating my philosophical ramblings!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Sheela Goh

    June 23, 2017 at 2:20 pm Reply

    What a wonderful thing to ponder over, Shelbee. Circumstances change. We grow. And so too our views. As with any basic human functionality, we must retain that right to change our minds based on the situation at hand. I liken it to work skills (and blogging skills too). In order to stay relevant, one must always adapt to circumstances, and circumstances are perpetually fluid. Nothing remains status quo. Therefore, in order to survive (and hopefully, progress), one must do the same – adapt and revise 🙂 thank you for this, you often challenge my mind xo

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 2:51 pm Reply

      Sheela, thank you for this! I love the way you have phrased all of this…and progress is so necessary for survival on all levels, isn’t it? Circumstances are perpetually fluid, as you said, and we absolutely must adapt to them as we have for all of human existence. Otherwise, we would no longer exist, I think. Thank you for engaging in my philosophical banter! You often challenge my mind, as well.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patrick Weseman

    June 23, 2017 at 2:34 pm Reply

    Amen on that. I have always believed that as we get older, we acquire more knowledge and wisdom so we should change and those who don’t change are fools. It is part of the growth process of humans. At least I think so.

    Thanks for hosting and have a wonderful weekend.

  • Jennie

    June 23, 2017 at 2:51 pm Reply

    I am grateful for the opportunity to continually change, grow, and change my opinions.

    Your scarf is beautiful and I like the long tie. Great way to accessorize a summer look! And your shoes are so fabulous.

  • nicole

    June 23, 2017 at 3:47 pm Reply

    Summer scarves are so chic and when tied the right way not extra warm. It’s so seldom used to look great. It’s a pity. The scarf really ups the look. So chic. Thanks for linking up to Top of the World Style.

  • Stephanie

    June 23, 2017 at 3:57 pm Reply

    Love your outfit shelbee! I think it is great that we can change our minds. And I agree that it isn’t just women but men do too. The misconception is another thing that needs to be dissolved. Wonderful post!

  • Debbie Stinedurf

    June 23, 2017 at 4:37 pm Reply

    So true my friend! I think the older we get, the more we experience, the more we learn, we can’t help but change as human beings. I like to think that I’ve been improving with age. I do agree with Nancy though, there are people who don’t change and some who even regress. I think that you have to be open to it in order for it to happen.
    Debbie
    http://www.fashionfairydust.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 4:41 pm Reply

      I totally agree with that, Debbie. That you have to be open to it and so many get stuck where they are and never move forward. In the end, I think that is harmful to themselves and to others. We must continue evolving in order to make ourselves and the world around us a better place. Thanks so much for engaging in my discussion!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Kelsey

    June 23, 2017 at 5:19 pm Reply

    Your thoughts definitely resonated with me. I also believe that we are meant to change and evolve, it means we are growing!
    Kelsey
    acupofteawithkelsey.blogspot.com

  • Kellyann

    June 23, 2017 at 6:10 pm Reply

    Yes, Shelbee you are right on (and I won’t change my mind about that,lol). At this point in my life I see so mnay couples we’ve known for years going their separate ways, and it breaks my heart but I understand. We just aren’t the same people anymore; we evolve, we want different things. Sometimes relationships can’t make the change. Mine has and I’m grateful but I feel for those who are now rediscovering who they are and starting over.

    On a lighter note: Your outfit is spectacular! Have a wonderful weekend!
    xo,
    Kellyann
    http://www.thisblondesshoppingbag.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 23, 2017 at 6:45 pm Reply

      Kellyann, thanks so much for sharing your perspective and joining the discussion! It is heartbreaking when couples separate after so many years, but often it is for the best…if you are making one another unhappy all of the time, where do you draw the line? I am so glad your relationship has endured all the changes! Have a fantastic weekend, my friend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Paula

    June 23, 2017 at 7:12 pm Reply

    Hi Shelbee! I’m definitely a go-with-the-flow kinda gal and change my mind all the time. I like your outlook on the whole idea.

    Thanks for hosting and for sharing with my party as well 🙂

  • Suzy Turner

    June 26, 2017 at 8:53 am Reply

    I couldn’t agree more, Shelbee! I’ve never been a particularly opinionated person – and I hate disagreements so I tend to keep fairly quiet. But the other reason is because I know there’s a chance I will change my mind on whatever subject it is. And it’s my prerogative to change my mind too! I love that you wrote a post about it. I love that most of your posts tend to be quite deep in a light-hearted way, if that makes sense lol!
    I love your scarf too!!
    Suzy xx
    http://www.suzyturner.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 26, 2017 at 10:55 am Reply

      Suzy, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment! And that makes absolute sense…I too like to touch on deeper topics but I am also a very light-hearted person…so it works for me. I also hate disagreements, but I am also not afraid to speak my opinion especially if it’s a topic I am passionate about. On the flip side, even if I have strongly voiced my opinion, I am not afraid to say when I have changed that opinion and why!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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Shelbee on the Edge