Shelbee Says…”Stay confident and strong in the truth of who you are.”

“Dear Shelbee,

When I return to school in the fall, I will be returning as a transgender male.  All of my classmates will have known me through eighth grade as a girl.  I was home schooled this past year.  When I return to school I know there will be many who will be giving me a very hard time about the change.  I am sure there will be some teasing and bullying.  What is the best course of action for me to take to deal with this?  Do I fight back, ignore, or come up with something to quiet their taunts?” -Transitioning with Trepidation

How to Handle School Bullies while Transitioning

*This is contributed and sponsored content.

One of the most prominent reasons for being on the receiving end of bullying is being perceived as different. In school, it seems like it’s an unspoken rule to blend in with your peers, and fitting in is important – if you’re not like everyone else, you are seen as some sort of threat. Oftentimes, it’s not just those that have different interests in hobbies, music, activities, or even just clothing that are receivers of unwanted negative attention, but more and more commonly, students with different sexual orientations and gender identities are being bullied as well. 

Transgender bullying is on the rise, as more people are becoming comfortable with expressing their gender identities. The bullies are typically misinformed on transgender people or they just want to hurt those who they perceive as different. This can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal behavior in the person being bullied. If you are transitioning or you have transitioned already and are being bullied, how can you stop the bullies? Here are some ways…

Report Any Bullying 

If you are being bullied at school, documenting the incident and telling an authority figure can be a powerful thing. It can be hard to speak out and easier to bottle up your emotions and experiences instead. However, change cannot happen unless people know what’s happening. Many school districts are just now learning about transgender students’ rights and have taken steps to enforce anti-bullying rules to create a safer, more inclusive environment for their students. 

Bullying doesn’t always happen in person though. If you experience cyber bullying on social media, you can report any inappropriate messages or posts that you are receiving to the website itself. If reporting the cyber bullies doesn’t seem like something you would want to do, you can do other things like exercising the right to “block” someone that is harassing you on any of your social media channels. Or you can simply mute your social media channels temporarily or delete them permanently.

Seek a Support Group 

If you’re being bullied, you are not alone. There are many support groups and sites that connect transgender people who have all been in a similar position to the one you are in and they can offer advice, support, and ways to deflect the bullying. 

Support groups are easy to find online, but look for people in your school or your community as well. If there is another transgender student at your school, it might be helpful for you and them to become friends. Having more people in your circle can help you (and them) feel more supported in your experiences.

Don’t Let the Bullying Get to You 

We know it’s easier said than done. However, most bullies are focusing on you because they want a simple thing: a reaction. By ignoring them and feeling confident within yourself and not paying them any attention, this can offput bullies and make them grow bored of trying to bully you especially when they do not get their desired reaction or no reaction at all.

How else can you keep the bullies from getting to you? One way is through client centered therapy where you can learn behavioral techniques including the following.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This type of therapy can help you to identify and eliminate any negative thoughts you have about yourself and replace them with positive ones. By increasing your confidence, you can show the bullies that their words do not hurt you.
• Mindfulness: This technique teaches you to focus on the present and not dwell on the past (what some bullies may have said to you at lunch yesterday) or the future (“If I eat lunch in the lunchroom with everyone else, will I get bullied?”). This allows you to feel better about yourself by not reliving painful memories over and over again and will also help to decrease your anxiety about things that could happen in the future.

Realize That This Will Pass 

As a transgender person, you may have many challenges in life, but school bullying is one that will be temporary. You’ll move on from that class, that school year, and eventually, that school. You may meet other transgender students that together will help you change the culture of bullying at your school. You may discover that as you grow older, the bullies’ behavior may change and they may no longer target you or even befriend you.

It is difficult to handle bullies especially when you are a transgender person. Even though many schools are taking action to implement more rules and the internet has made it easier to document and report bullying, it is still a challenge. If you are being bullied because you are a transgender student, talking to a professional may be the solution you need. If you are having trouble with bullies, don’t be afraid to reach out to a trusted person for help. 

And Always Remember This…

Stay true to yourself, authentically and without apology.  It is the best weapon you have against bullies.  They cannot harm you if you stay confident and strong in the truth of who you are.

Shelbee

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*I want to thank this courageous young man for sending me this question.  It is a hugely important topic and I am so grateful that there are young people out there who see the need to open discussions like these.  I am also very grateful to BetterHelp for assisting me in answering the question.

*Remember to send me any questions, concerns, or topics that you would like me to discuss. I hope to publish this series every Sunday, but I need your input! Thanks so much!

*All photos c/o Unsplash