Shelbee Says…”Losing a pet is like losing a family member.”
“Dear Shelbee, Our dog has recently become very ill and we have to put him down soon as he is suffering a lot. I cannot write much as I am suffering a lot as well. I consider him to be a son to me. I understand he is not human but I have had him since he was a baby. He is now a little more than 2 years old and I love him more than everything. I am trying to make his last days as happy as possible. What else can I do?…I have lost grandfathers and also a friend to cancer, but this loss is unbearable. Some people told me, ‘He is just a dog, not a human.’ But they don´t understand that my love for him is human! My feelings, like me, are human! How do I move on when I have lost a member of my family and I am left with a void in my life and heart?” Grieving in Greece
More Than ‘Just’ a Pet: Grieving the Loss of Your Family Companion
*This is sponsored content.
Anyone who has ever lost a pet knows that hearing someone say, “(S)he was just a dog/cat,” anytime you mention your pain over your loss is one of the most infuriating and inconsiderate things you can hear. These insensitive people either have never had a pet or just never felt that bond with their pet, in which case they probably should not have ever owned a pet. When a person you care about passes away, everyone says how sorry they are, including people you do not even know. However, when you lost a pet you may hear, “Well, you can just get another one,” or “At least it wasn’t one of your kids or family.” But, guess what? In many families, their pet is a member of the family and losing him or her is just as difficult.
Most people count on their pets for their unrelenting companionship and constant unconditional love without boundaries. So, losing a pet is just like losing a family member because they are our family. Some people may tell you that you are just being dramatic and that you should just get over it and move on because it was just a pet. For one thing, people who say this may not really be your true friends. If they are, maybe you want to reconsider that. And for another thing, your pet was not an “it” and you should take all the time you need to grieve. Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. Some people never get over the loss of a pet. While this is understandable, there are ways to help you deal with your grief.
The first thing you need to do is to stop talking to those people who say, “(S)he was just a pet.” Those kinds of people are not the kind you want to have in your life, especially right now. The best thing to do is to let yourself grieve. There are steps in the grieving process that most people go through to help you deal with your loss.
Denial and Isolation
In this stage, you may pretend that it did not happen. It is common to deny that it happened and try to avoid everyone so you do not have to talk about it. Talking about it makes it more real and you may not be ready to admit that it really happened. Isolating yourself from everyone may help you feel like you can hide from the pain.
Anger
When the denial wears off, you may try to blame someone. In fact, you may blame everyone, including yourself. The anger is usually aimed at loved ones, the veterinarian who could not save your pet, or even at yourself.
Bargaining
The bargaining step is your way of trying to regain control. You may start saying, “If only I had noticed the illness sooner,” or “If only the veterinarian would have been available earlier.” This is your way of bargaining and thinking that you may have been able to prevent the loss of your pet.
Depression
Depression is a natural occurrence in the loss of anyone, including your furbaby. The feelings of loss come rushing in and you realize you are not going to see your little buddy run up and greet you when you get home or feel their warm little body next to you while you sleep.
Acceptance
This stage may not happen for everyone. Some people are just not able to accept what has happened. You may be stuck in the denial or depression stage. If you or someone you know is having difficulty dealing with the loss of a pet, you should talk to someone. In fact, you can talk to an online therapist from the comfort of your home. Right now, you can get free therapy from BetterHelp.com without even needing an appointment.
So if you are dealing with the loss of a pet, it is important to remember that they are family members and grief is a natural process that we must all go through when we suffer a loss of a loved one. Take your time and go at your own pace. No one can dictate the your grief timeline except you. And if you are having trouble getting through the process on your own, it is never a bad idea to seek outside help.
Shelbee
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*Remember to send me any questions, concerns, or topics that you would like me to discuss. I hope to publish this series every Sunday, but I need your input! Thanks so much!
*All photos courtesy of Pexels.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
19 Comments
Carol Tsacoyeanes
SO. HARD.😭
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
For sure, Carol!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar Strauss-Benjamin
It truly is SO hard!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yes, it certainly is, Tamar. Thanks so much for reading.
xoxo
Shelbee
Helen C.
💓 💓 💓 💓
Thank you for this post. So empathetic and sincere.
Thank you for your advises. For example, taking some space from people that diminish the pain of others. I needed to hear that. One of the people I considered a close friend (she is very religious) told me that orthodox christian god considers it a sin to grief as much for pets as you would do for a human. I haven´t spoken to her since. What a horrible thing to say to me while I was saying I struggle with grief!
Thank you for reminding me about the stages of grief. When in pain, we may forget to see the whole picture objectively, right? And we do need professional help sometimes.
And thank you so much for being there, when I needed to express my thoughts.
I am a grief stiken but proud mama of one of the best dogs ever lived, Toni. My Toni. My heart is left with a void, I love him so much 💓
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Helen, my heart breaks for you that you have to endure the grief and the void in your heart after losing sweet Toni. I am so glad that I could help even just a little although I know that I cannot do much to ease your pain. And good for you for having the strength to cut ties with the people who were diminishing your pain. Surround yourself with sympathetic people who allow you to be you and to get through your loss on your own terms, the people who uplift and support you. Keeping you in my thoughts, my dewar friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Helen C.
💓
Maureen
A pet isn’t just a pet. While I never grew up with a cat or dog of my own, my Uncle had three dogs, all different breeds, all with different personalities and all that love us like family. I think it would be inconsiderate to tell anyone with a family cat or dog that they are just pets and you can easily get a new one. What I don’t think people understand that do say things like that is the bond that has been created, the special love that arose and the life shared together with priceless memories that is irreplaceable. Those aren’t just pet things they are moments and moments are what makes our lives worthwhile with the people and animals we love. No, they aren’t just pets, they are family.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so very much for sharing this perspective. I couldn’t agree with you more. And anyone with a pet understands this…and even clearly those without pets get it, too. We all just need to be more sympathetic of one another whatever the cause of our grief or pain and stop judging just because someone else may react to an event in life different than we may respond to it ourselves. Their is no wrong way to grieve.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
Thank you for writing this Shelbee. I lost my dear Cocker Spaniel and it broke my heart and my health for quite some time. As I work from home she was my constant companion for 8 years. Closer to me than many blood relatives! She died horribly after one epileptic fit after another. My daughter and I was distraught at seeing her go through them all until she was brain dead. She died in my daughters arms on the journey to the vets and it was the most tragic thing I had been through. After that I developed hyperthyroidism – often triggered by grief. Some people sniggered at my depth of feeling. But I loved her and still miss her all these years later. Now I have 2 old dogs and I dread going through it again. However, the unconditional love and joy I get from them is worth all the heart ache after.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maria, thank you so much for sharing your story and I am so, so sorry that you had to go through this. My childhood dog had epilepsy and I remember how scared I would get when she would have seizures. It really is traumatizing to witness that and so very amazing how our bodies respond to significant emotional events in really strange ways. And then people can be so cruel to add insult to emotional pain. I am so glad that you have had the love and companionship of your other dogs to get through the process. I cannot express enough gratitude to you for sharing this with me so others will not feel so alone in their grief.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Tucker
This is so touching Shelbee. I agree with everything you say. I have two fur babies, one I call my heart and one I call my soul. My soul is almost 12 and he is declining and I am almost in a panic. He is still enjoying life but I can see his time is short and I don’t know how I will bear it. He is by my side almost every single minute of the day and sleeps up against me every night. I look into his eyes and try to memorize everything about him, including the sound of his breathing so I will never forget him. I too am trying to make his last days, happy days. My heart is so heavy.
Cheryl
http://www.northwestmountainliving.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear this news. Hold him close and love him dearly. We always have a place in our hearts for those pets that leave us. I will be thinking of you and you fur baby and hoping that he lives the rest his days in comfort.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jessica A Jannenga
Shelbee
Thank you for this post. We just bought a kitschy welcome mat for our door- ‘Dogs Welcomed-People Tolerated”. I loved it, as I am such a HUGE dog LOVER!! When we go out, I drive my hubby nuts as I have to put all the dogs I encounter, acting like a 6 yr old girl, asking if she can pet their dog. i can’t help it. Their eyes are so soulful and kind, i just have always loved them.
I agree with what you are saying, “Just pets, “Just” animals, would not go over well with me either. My boy and girl Gibson and Truffles are like our babies. They sleep in our bed, we take them most places, and yes, I sing and talk to them. They are wonderful compainions. I dread thinking about the time that something happens to them. I don’t know how I will deal with it. I appreciate this post, as to some people, our pets are as close to us as family, providing companionship, love and joy.
Have a great week!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thank you so much for sharing your passion with me. I know how much your love your pups and that they are absolutely your babies. And there is so much healing power in the companionship that pets offer us, too. When I was in my darkest places, my cats literally saved my life more than once. Keep loving those fur babies, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan Marinelli
Shelbee, thank you so much for this post, as well as your empathy for others. Not only is your writing talent considerable, your choice of subjects is amazing and comforting. My sympathy to those of you losing your pet; I am in the same boat, as my Scottie, Wally is declining too. I am trying to be ready, and to make him as happy as I can.
He will not see me cry, as it upsets him, and he will have all the pizza and ice cream he desires. I want him to go as he came, gently, and with a sense of readiness for his next adventure, knowing his human loves him always. A priest of all people, once told me that animals don’t have souls. I beg to differ. Mark Twain once said, the only trouble with animals is that they don’t live long enough. Mark Twain was smarter than that priest, but not as fashionable as you. Well done!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, thanks so much for your kind words! I agree with you completely that Mark Twain is much smarter than that priest! I am so sorry to hear of your beloved Wally. I hope that he is comfortable and happy through this transition. And, of course, give him all the pizza and ice cream he desires. And probably have some for yourself as well. It’s good for the soul.
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee Gramith
Offering your heartfelt sympathy, advice and guidance on a topic that profoundly touches so many of us is yet one more example of your humanity Shelbee. I hope you too find healing as you share so much of yourself.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jude, thank you so much! I am just grateful that I have platform where I can do just that.
xoxo
Shelbee