Shelbee Says…”It is up to you how you respond to your fear.”

July 8, 2018 / 20 Comments

There is a common misconception among people that asking for help indicates an inherent weakness of sorts. Weakness in spirit. Weakness in soul. Weakness in initiative. Weakness is self-sufficinecy. But it takes a certain amount of courage to seek help from others.

We come into this world completely dependent on other people for survival. Dainty, fragile newborns are weak in every aspect of the word. They depend on other humans to provide the basic necessities for survival. Without someone else to feed them and nurture them, none would survive. Yet they are resilient, hardy, and tenacious at the same time. Very early on in their young lives, we begin to teach our children independence. And in that teaching, we also instruct them to independently know when to ask for help. As their level of independence grows, a pattern of avoidance begins to emerge. Avoidance of asking for help. Famous words from a child’s mouth when you attempt to help them with something are “I can do it myself.” In general, when a young child utters those words, they do so emphatically and with a deep conviction that do not need or want your help. They may try and try until they succeed at whatever task is challenging them. They may eventually ask for help after one or two or five failed attempts. Some may never concede and ask for help at all. But why? Why the gut reaction that asking for help is a negative thing?

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We teach independence. We teach that it is acceptable to ask for help when needed. And somewhere along the line, we learn that there is shame in asking for help. That asking for help indicates that you are incapable or weak. I am not sure where that sense of shame comes from…if it is inherently human to feel that way or if it is imposed upon us by the outside forces of society. But in any event, it is a grave misconception that can debilitate us in adulthood and prevent us from important growth opportunities. We learn by failing, we learning by figuring out, and we learn by getting help.

One of the ultimate gestures of asking for help and one that seems to carry the most shame is seeking professional assistance from a psychiatrist or mental health counselor. Asking for this type of help seems to be the most difficult of all. And that fact, in and of itself, implies there is a strength in seeking help. It is not a weakness at all.

Psychiatric treatment and mental health counseling are one of the most challenging and most rewarding ways that we can grow as human beings, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Being open and willingly submitting yourself to such a considerable challenge should be viewed as one of the greater strengths of human will. Self-introspection in a counselor’s office is frightening, it is intimidating, and it is extraordinarily difficult work . Analyzing and rewiring our brains, while incredibly hard and very often quite painful, is necessary for our individual growth. It is what helps us to transcend and transform nature, our own nature, our own perspectives. And it leads us straightforward down the path towards our best lives.

Yet, even with the end goal being enlightenment, peace, and happiness, we still resist such growth. Because resisting it is easier. Going about our lives with our eyes half closed, knowing nothing more than what we already know, is just easy. It is as plain and simple as that. And therein lies the weakness. Taking the easy way out to avoid the pain and the challenge even when the end result is highly coveted…and simply being okay with that…that is a weakness in our nature. However, asking for a professional guide to lead you down the agonizing road toward self-awareness, accepting the challenge willingly, submitting yourself to something that you know will cause pain, and going forth on that journey with determination in the face of your own fears, that is a strength that we all possess but not many are ready to embrace.

So if you have been toying with the idea of traveling the road that leads to exponential self-growth but have been afraid that it is a weakness to ask for help, know that there is no shame in asking for that type of assistance. There is no weakness in it either. The only weakness is allowing your fear to immobilize you and dictate how you will proceed on your journey. Fear is not a weakness, fear is simply a natural human response to things unknown. And it has the ability to do two things. Fear can paralyze you or fear can motivate you. It is up to you how you respond to your fear. The choice is yours.

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

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*All photos c/o Unsplash.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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20 Comments

  • Cathy Kennedy

    July 9, 2018 at 11:11 am Reply

    Shelbee,

    Very thoughtful and well written gently prodding one to move past one’s fear into the light. I’m thankful I do not have struggle with mental health issues but I have family members who suffer from their own demons locked inside their brains. It’s often frustrating not knowing how to help them. Thanks for sharing!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 9, 2018 at 11:15 am Reply

      Cathy, thanks so much. It can be very frustrating, indeed, watching loved ones struggle with mental illness and not be willing to take the necessary steps toward recovery and better mental health. However, I also think that seeking a professional guide on the road to self-improvement or self-awareness could be beneficial to everyone even those without a mental health diagnosis. Because, let’s face it, we all experience feelings of fear throughout our lives and sometimes a little assistance in facing our fears is not a bad thing at all! I hope you have the most wonderful week!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patti

    July 9, 2018 at 1:27 pm Reply

    Amen and amen. Most of us benefit from that “rewiring” away from painful childhoods. I know I did, and tried to help my patients do so. The past is not the future, xox

  • Christina

    July 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm Reply

    Your post is so on point! May the world grow in humility and in the knowledge that we are all connected and that we do need each other. Today’s world is full of isolated individuals. Thanks for the reminder and the provocative post.

  • Marie Moody

    July 11, 2018 at 10:31 pm Reply

    This was no flash in the pan. It was very well thought out and put together. Experienced or no you have done one fantastic job and real food for thought! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s a lot to think about especially when you do really need to think about one’s inner mind if you catch my drift. Right now in this day and age people really need this type of knowledge and it needs to be shared. As I stand up next to you is in a song… people need to really think about the words… man, all I can think about & say is… “AMEN”! hugs

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 12, 2018 at 10:16 am Reply

      Marie, you are very wise indeed! Thank you for sharing that wisdom with me. I need to go find that song because it sounds super inspiring. And I agree, people do need to stand together and support one each other on this crazy journey through life!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Marilee Gramith

    July 12, 2018 at 6:13 am Reply

    I think this kind of encouagement needs to be espoused by many in positions of influence. The negative stigma around seeking help for our mental health is so damaging.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 12, 2018 at 10:00 am Reply

      I agree with you completely, Jude! I think taking the step towards seeking help should be viewed as a strength so much more than a weakness. It is difficult to admit we may have a problem that needs professional attention. It is even more difficult to give ourselves up to someone else for resolutions. But it is so necessary sometimes and could save your life. Fear should not freeze us in our tracks.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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Shelbee on the Edge