Reclaiming My Sexuality & Link Up On the Edge #247
I have been thinking a lot lately about the idea of overall health and well being. If you search online for the main pillars of health, you will find various articles explaining anywhere from three to eight areas of focus for improving our overall wellness and quality of life. One article lists physical, nutritional, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual, financial, and environmental as the 8 pillars of holistic health and wellness while another article lists the 4 pillars of health as nutrition, exercise, relaxation, and sleep. I clicked through dozens of articles on this topic and not a single one included sexuality and sexual health as a main pillar of our overall wellness. And that got me to wondering why is that? Is it not beneficial to our overall well being to have a healthy relationship with our bodies on a sexual level?
I know this is a sensitive topic that can make many people uncomfortable, but I also like to break through those walls that society has erected around me telling me that embracing my sexuality is a negative thing. I grew up in a generation that believed if a woman enjoyed sex and had lots of it, she was nothing more than a slut, “the kind you don’t take home to mother“. And now finally, at 47 years old, I am ready to say, “Eff that!” I like sex and enjoy having lots of it. I also enjoy variety in my sexual partners because it can really add some extra to your sex life if you are open to it. Variety is the spice of life, after all, both outside of the bedroom as well as in the bed.
I have always been the “slutty one” in every single friend group throughout my entire adult life from college forward. I did “the walk of shame” more times than I can even remember. I was even the girl who took the job in an adult sex store just because I thought it would be fun. And it was absolutely one of my favorite jobs ever.
But as that girl, I have also been taught to feel shame because I enjoy sexual experiences more than others may and because I like to talk about it, too. Those messages of shaming were actually quite effective because as I am now hitting my sexual peak in midlife, I am the first to admit that the shame is real and it is strong and I am damn tired of it!
In an effort to rid myself of this shame so I can really enjoy the wonderfully exciting sexual experiences that lie ahead of me, I am sharing this post with you all. It is a very intimidating topic to discuss and the fear of further shaming is very real, but I am stronger than the judgments that may be thrown my way. And I have a platform to air my frustrations with the negative side of societal perceptions.
Do I expect everyone to start cheering for me to have more sex and share the details with the world? Absolutely not. But I do expect to break down some of the misperceptions that surround the sexuality and sexual desires of women.
We are sexual and sensual beings and our sexual health is just as important for our overall quality of life as our physical, emotional, and mental health. It is all tied together in a neat little harmonious package. Whether you believe in God or the Universe or any other higher power of creation, we were created with sexual drives and desires. And I really believe that we were meant to enjoy these bodies while we are on earth rather than depriving ourselves of the most wonderful physical pleasures that we were meant to feel. If the intention of our creator was that sex is bad and we should only do it for purposes of procreation, then why the hell does it feel so good?
I have been intimately exploring these feelings of shame with my counselor and it is a lot to unravel. The shame is rooted deeply within my psyche probably from childhood. My mother’s mother would never speak to her of sex and as a result my mother was not very forthcoming about it either. When you grow up in an environment that shrouds an entire aspect of being human in shame, it takes a lot of internal work on one’s self to break down those walls. Shame is an exhausting emotion and I am really just tired of having to hide a major part of my life and lifestyle from the world.
While we live in a world that encourages us to be authentic and genuine and share our real selves, there are so many exceptions to that message. Be yourself. But only if yourself is just like everyone else. Speak your truth. But only if your truth agrees with the societal narrative. Don’t be afraid to stand out. But only if what you stand for what is aligned with public ideals.
Do you enjoy fashion? Share your outfits with the world. Do you love music? Tell us your favorite songs and bands. Are you a movie buff? Let us know your best film recommendations. Perhaps you are a bookworm? Tell us your favorite titles. Do you enjoy hiking for recreation? Tell us your favorite trails. Maybe dancing is more your thing? Share your videos on TikTok. Do you enjoy sex and sexual recreation? Tell us your favorite positions.
See what I did there? You probably read the first six questions in that series with little reaction other than to maybe silently answer the questions in your head. But what happened when you got to the final question? Are you ready to share your favorite sexual positions with the world? Honestly, if you are, please do tell me in the comments! But I suspect that no one will. Because we have been taught to feel shame and embarrassment on this topic.
How do we learn new things and new ways to enjoy old things if we cannot even have the conversations about them? Not only do I enjoy sex, but I also really enjoy talking about sex. And you know, the only people in my life who are willing to share sexual details are my male friends. They will discuss sex all day long without an ounce of shame creeping into the conversation. I think it is about time that women were just as free to express our sexuality as men. And I am going to start expressing that side of myself much more openly now. But it is a process and I am sure I will have lots of ups and downs along the way.
The outfit:
I chose this outfit to share for this post because I felt incredibly sexy wearing it (and I actually had a pretty freaking fantastic sexual experience that incorporated this outfit). One of my favorite accessories to wear for sexy playtime is collar and choker style necklaces. Click here for lots of options in eternity collars and similar necklace styles.
Also Joan Jett is one of my heroines especially when it comes to her outlook on sex and sexuality. Granted she keeps her private life quite private, but she is also a major advocate and outspoken supporter of the LGBTQIA+ community. She refuses to identify with or assume any label for her own sexuality and I am quite the same. Labels do nothing but infuriate me. Why can’t we just be who we are without having to fit into some tiny little labeled box? Even the LGBTQIA+ community omits people like me in most of their descriptions but at least they are a community that is willing to accept all sorts of sexual preferences. Until you drift away from a monogamous mindset…well then, you are basically out there on your own trying to find the small minority of like minded folks. But that is a post for another day.
How are you caring for your sexual health?
Featured Favorites
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Kellyann of This Blonde’s Shopping Bag shared her post, Amazon Favorites! She shares some really fun summer styles as well as her favorite hair care products and screen protectors. So there is a little bit of something for everyone. I am totally crushing on her gorgeous white cover up. Oh and yesterday was Kellyann’s birthday so I want to wish her a very happy one!
Fashion Favorite
Carrie of Curly Crafty Mom shared her post, Finally Added a Pink Blazer to My Closet! I absolutely love this monochromatic white outfit with Carrie’s beautiful pastel pink blazer. It just screams spring sophistication in the most wonderful way.
Non-Fashion Favorite
Anne of Spy Girl shared her post, #thevintagefashionchallenge Day 28: Something Changed. While this post does share a little bit about Anne’s vintage fashion journey, it is more focused on the changes in her body as she celebrated her 65th birthday yesterday with her nude selfie sketch of her birthday suit from when she turned 60. Anne, thanks so much for sharing your body positive attitude as you embrace all the changes that the years bring. I hope you had the most wonderful birthday!
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Outfit Details: Skirt and Cigar Box Purse-Thrifted / Tee-Torrid / Hoodie, Boots, and Jewelry-Very Old / Denim Vest-Target / Socks-Sock Dreams /
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
62 Comments
Kellyann Rohr
Thank you Shelbee for the feature – sucha sweet surprise and thanks for the birthday wish as well!
Once again, you have very eloquently written and addressed a sensitive topic. You make so many good points and I do believe that each generation starts to ease up a bit and talk more openly about so many things – sex included. I know my parents never talked with me about sex but I never thought it was shame, it was just more of a private thing I guess. While working on my master’s degree in counseling I had lots of classes on sexuality and working with couples on this very thing. Starting conversations about sexual health is not easy but it is essential. I would hope that women (and men) in our generation feel comfortable discussing their sexual health with their partners.
Nice job my friend!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Kellyann! You know, I don’t know that I felt shame about sex because of the way I was raised. My mom was open enough to at least let me know that because her mother was so closed off on the topic that she just didn’t really know how to approach it with her own children. My shame comes more from the social interactions I have had over the years. For example, (I just shared this in my response to Nancy), my ex-husband called me a sexual deviant when I requested doggy style sex. So if that’s considered deviant then I must be a real freak in the bedroom! Haha. But that kind of shame sticks with you for years and years and takes a lot of work to rid one’s self of it. Sexual health and our relationships with sex are very essential and I agree that each generation recognizes that more than the last. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and have some exciting plans to celebrate this weekend…maybe even get some good sex into the mix!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pamela
Oh Shelbee you are so upfront you crack me up! For your Tuesday linkups I add my posts of the week, but on Friday I try to follow your theme. So I did a search across my website for ‘sex’, and surprisingly (not) there was just one mention.
‘Packing for a city break’ includes the tip “Beautiful manners with a slightly aloof manner adds to the sex appeal!” heaven knows where I got that from but I think it was attributed to a French woman! But it’s the best I can do and the one I’m including today Haha!!
Keep it up darling, you say all the things that most women dare not!!!
Pamela
http://www.style-yourself-confident.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my word, Pamela, thank you so very much! I look forward to reading your post about the sex appeal of beautiful manners! That is fantastic. Manners are important even when it comes to sex! Are you familiar with M. Scott Peck? He was an American psychiatrist who is widely known for his book The Road Less Traveled. There is a part in the beginning of the book where he mentions how he was always that kid who enjoyed discussing uncomfortable and taboo subjects. Which led him to his chosen field of expertise. I have read that book countless times and every time I find new meaning in it, but I also always love that part when he discusses his affinity for pushing the limits of acceptable topics for discussions. I guess he is one of my main influences in the way I choose the things I write about. I will keep being daring and sharing all the things that I feel worthy of discussion! Have a wonderful weekend, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
So now you are my slutty friend! Haaha, oh sorry couldn’t help myself. What a delightful post. I have to say that my girlfriends and I never talk about our sex life. We talk about sex, but not our own sex habbits. Now about a possition you want to know!! Dogge Style!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
OMG, Nancy, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! First of all, I just laughed so hard at the “slutty friend” comment as I am sitting here drinking coffee with my newest lover! Why do our girlfriends never want to share the sex details with us?! I feel like that is how we learn new things to try. And I freaking love that you shared your favorite position! My ex-husband way back 20 plus years ago called me a sexual deviant when I requested doggy style. I was like, “What the hell, man? That’s not even a weird thing. Everybody likes it that way!” Nope, not him. Probably one of the reasons I struggle with shame when it comes to sexual enjoyment. What a jerk he was! Haha. I hope you have a fantastic weekend! Let’s set up a video chat for next week!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Haha! Nancy, you always crack me up! I love your honesty. I have one lifelong friend I can share intimate details with but would never broach the topic with anyone else! Hmm. Why is that?!
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I love that, Darlene! As much as I think we can be a little more open about sex, there are certainly some people who maybe are too open about it! So I think it’s great that you have one close friend to share those details with. But I don’t expect anybody to start shouting the pornographic details from the rooftops! There is definitely a time and place and audience that are more comfortable and appropriate for discussions like these than just sharing the details with any old acquaintance. Haha.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
This is definitely a topic that is never discussed. I love that you are always keeping it real and speaking about what is on your mind. You are rocking this edgy look!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thanks so much! I do like to address these topics that are constantly shrouded in shame! Sex is such a natural thing that most all human adults do so I don’t get why we can’t speak more freely about it. I guess that is part of what drives me to keep sharing topics like these. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I can always expect something that makes me think when you do a post Shelbee. 🙂 I completely agree that feeling free to discuss sex and how much you love it shouldn’t be taboo. I am glad you are putting yourself out there and are moving past the shame. Shame is not an easy thing to move past but when you do I believe that the freedom you feel is amazing. Love the edgy vibes of this look and thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much for this comment! It is really difficult to admit shame and then to do it in the context of such a widely taboo topic such as sex takes it to another level. But I guess I have always been that person who gets an idea that walks the line and then I grit my teeth and just go for it because I really do feel like it can help others. At least, I hope it does! Freedom from shame really is an amazing feeling and I hope we can all experience complete freedom in that way! Have a wonderful weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
Yep, you can tell not a subject I feel at ease to talk about, which is crazy I know, maybe some of your openess will rub off onto me – I will keep reading your posts to see. Many thanks for another interesting topic covered. Love the look too, you look fab. Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jacqui, thanks so much! I do hope that more open discussions on topics like this will make you more comfortable! Maybe not in a public forum (I know that is certainly not for everyone), but it is important to discuss sexual health and such with your partner and maybe closest friends. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
Well said Shelbee! I think is nothing to be ashamed of and I do hope the taboo of the topic changes with the next generations.
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jennifer! I think the topic of sex is definitely becoming less taboo these days. I just hope that trajectory continues! Have a fabulous weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Suzy
You really know how to get the tongues wagging, Shelbee! I love this, although I admit, it’s not something I would write about myself lol. I did, however, publish quite naughty novel a few years ago! I think, if my mother had lived past her 33rd birthday, she would have talked openly about sex with my sister and I. But we were a bit too young really. My dad has always been fairly open about such things, but his comments are usually accompanied with a joke or two to make light of it! My sister calls me a prude, so perhaps I am a little shy when it comes to talking about sex. But just for you, I will admit to being rather fond of being on top!!!! 😉
Hugs
Suzy xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gah, Suzy! I love you so much! Look what this article just did for you…you openly admitted your favorite sexual position in an open online forum! How fantastic is that?! I imagine that having your father as the only parental source for this kind of information and discussion would have been rather awkward for a young girl. And these are all the sorts of things that shape our opinions and perspectives in life. Our parents dictate our world views early on. Then we have to figure out later if those world views still suit us. Being shy about talking about sex is in no way prudish at all. But maybe you should shock your sister one of these days and just start sharing the details with her! By the way, my sister is also a prude and she just laughs at me when I go off on my sex discussions. She says she loves the person who I am and then she quietly calls me a “pervert” under her breath! And then we laugh and move on. And now I want to read this book you wrote! But first I have to finish The Raven Witch Saga! Which, by the way, I am enjoying very much. I am just really, really slow going on the reading front right now. I am on Chapter 20 of the first book and I have had the thing for months now!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Good for you for taking the shame off this. It’s so true!
Check out Sex Points – newly published book (I know the author too!)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Tamar! I just added that book to my Amazon cart! I think that is definitely worth reading!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy Bertoldi
Hey Shelbee- one of the reasons I’m a regular reader here is surely because of the honesty and how genuine you are! This topic does need to be brought out from under the rug and get addressed Have a great weekend!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lucy, thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I do like to push the boundaries of certain topics and force people to have a good long think about their perspective and opinions! While I never try to convince anyone to change their opinion, I do find so much value in the reevaluation of our opinions.
xoxo
Shelbee
Renee Open
Oh, Shelbee! If you could only see my face! I’m so proud of you!!
I’ll be smiling all day and I had happy goose bumps as I read your post!
I’m SO SO SO SO grateful to have found this link up and the connection it brought to you!
Sex is EXTREMELY important to our health and our well being (the post on Insights About Sex has been on my mind the last several days).
And, to aswer your question: “Prone bone” is my favorite position because it allows for the rubbing of the clitorous during penetration and with my legs together, a tighter and more sensational experience for my male partner. PLUS, it can be sexy af when the lover leans forward and wraps his hand around my throat <3
Recently, with my husband, he asked for oral that was centered around licking rather than deep throating. My boyfriend prefers deep throating and more agression – which I usually also prefer, but I have been in the mood for giving more sensual attention with oral so, it was nice to have the right partner available for my mood.
You have a FABULOUS weekend slutty friend and I can't wait for our chat <3
Much love,
From your slutty friend (Watch out world) <3
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Renee, thank you so much for giving me the courage to forge ahead and share this topic here! I have posted things of this nature on my blog before but I try to keep certain things out of this realm and I am not sure why. It is such a huge part of who I am and my blogging journey has always been about sharing my true authentic self. So here it is! I like sex. A lot. And with different people. And I am so over feeling ashamed of that.
And seriously, I really do feel a certain kinship with you now! The hand on the throat bit takes me straight over the edge into another dimension of pleasure! I don’t really have a favorite position as I kind of like it all! And obviously the dynamic is different with each partner which makes certain ways and positions better with some and not with others. It’s all about the experience though and exploring and trying new things. I remember cracking the joke back in my 20’s that I was a trysexual…meaning I will try almost anything! Of course, we all have our limits to how freaky we want to be and some things are completely off the table for me. But if we can openly and honestly discuss our wants and desires as well as our boundaries, so much greatness can come from the discussions alone! I have even tried and really enjoyed things that were completely off the table for me after having meaningful intellectual conversations about it. Even though sex is firmly planted within the physical realm, when you add in an intellectual connection that is when you can begin the business of dimension traveling when it comes to sexual pleasure!
I am so looking forward to connecting next week as well. I will message you on Monday! Have a fabulously sexual weekend, my friend. I know I am!
xoxo
Shelbee
Renee Open
I feel such a kinship and can not wait to chat!!
“I like sex. A lot. And with different people. And I am so over feeling ashamed of that.” Absolutely where I’m at. I DONE feeling any sort of shame or guilt.
“trysexual” LOL! YEEEESSSSS. Me too 😁❤
Rock on sweety ❤ Ttys!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gah, I love this! I keep sending your posts to my husband to read because you so totally speak our language! I am really looking forward to chatting!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Wow, such an important topic, Shelbee. I would say most of us come from some kind of hang-up about being a “good girl.” Even my husband felt that any talk of sex was taboo in his era, so we made a real effort to be honest and open in any discussions with our son as he was curious and asked lots of questions. The generation of girls now seems to be so much more open and explorative, which I totally applaud. It’s a big area to unpack, given our backgrounds, and I hope you’ll continue to share your findings.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this topic. It really is that “good girl” standard that was laid out for us generations ago that inhibits us from being more open about sex. I have known couples in their thirties who still hold onto that belief that you should never discuss your sex life with anyone other than your partner. And a few times, I have managed to break down the walls and have open discussions with people from this belief system. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing, but there have been occasions when they realized how terrible their sex life is which sometimes led to improvements and other times led to affairs and break ups. While I much prefer ethical non-monogamy when someone needs more in the bedroom, I also understand why people cheat. If you cannot openly have the discussions with your partner and they simply shut you off, what choice do those people have? Cheat or be miserable for the rest of their lives? It is all a lot to unpack but I think it is worth unpacking!
xoxo
Shelbee
Joanne
One of the reasons why I keep coming back post after post is that I just love how honest and open you are! And look at all these wonderful, positive resonses you’ve recieved! That took real courage on your part and I am so glad that you shared with us all today.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Wow, Joanne, thank you so much. That is a wonderful compliment and validates everything I set out to do with my blogging platform! I just approved and responded to a bunch more comments that are absolutely wonderful. This discussion is probably one of the best ones I have seen in my comments section!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
Ha, ha, ha! I read the subject of this post and I knew it’d be a goodie! Sex is so very important I think. It is a way to be close, intimate with someone, to relax (and get exercise at the same time!) and I think it’s important to show that to your partner.
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carrie! That is such a great compliment that you knew the post would be a goodie! Yay! I am glad that my writing has the ability to make people stop and think and maybe even reconsider their positions about different topics. Sex is really important in relationships and I have seen so many marriages/relationships fall apart because of the lack of sexual compatibility. Open mindedness can achieve so many better things in this world than close mindedness! And my goodness, if everyone could effectively communicate their wants, needs, and desires to their partners, how much better the whole world would be!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl
Ha, I’ve always felt like “the slutty one” amongst my friends too, but hey, someone’s gotta do it, right? 😉 Sex is a wonderful, natural thing and as long as you’re doing it safely, why not have as much of it as you can?
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Yay, Cheryl, I feel a super special kinship with you now! Pot smoking slutty girls are the best! And yes, as long as it is safe and consensual, I don’t know why we can’t openly enjoy sex more! Thank you for commenting. It is very validating and helps me to shed the shame!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
Honestly I’m glad sexuality is being discussed more opening in this day and age. I think it was very hush hush in my family growing up and I don’t think it was healthy at all. I am trying to encourage my daughters to feel they can come to me with any questions, but we aren’t at that topic yet. I just hope they have a healthier view of it all.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I agree with you, Laura! Archie is just now getting to the age where he understands a tiny bit about what sex is. Obviously, at 10, it’s not something we discuss right now other than letting him know that if he has questions about anything that he learns or hears from his friends that he can openly talk with us without shame. But he is at the age where it is super embarrassing and uncomfortable for him. But I will always keep the communication open for my kids. Recently,, he called someone in a video game a douchebag. My head spun around so fast and I was like, “Do you even know what that is?” When he responded with an obvious no, I told him exactly what it was and then asked him if he would still like to use that word. He got so embarrassed and never said it again!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Oh honey, don’t get me started! LOL!
Actually, I was fortunate since my parents taught that sex was normal and natural, so I was not subjected the shame BS. When I was solo-poly in the Midwest, I had guys on dating sites try to shame me. LOL! Take a hike dude. You’re not getting laid. Imo, sexual compatibility is one of the most important criteria for a happy relationship. So why not test it out first? Sex is fun and enjoyable. And if you find out you’re mismatched, then no point in putting any more time into the relationship. I mean, I think it’s ridiculous to say that you should spend X amount of time together before it’s okay to have sex. Sure you may learn that you gave the same views on child-rearing, religion, gender roles, etc. It’s looking good, but then it turns out one person prefers vanilla sex while the other is into BDSM. Not going to work. But people will try to make this situation work because they’ve invested the time, and may genuinely love respect the other person. But not being sexually compatible will lead to a lot of heartache.
In any case, you are so right about society. I’d say most of America is backward about women’s pleasure, but there are places that are better, like Sin City, the place I call home. Being an introvert, I don’t have a tons of friends, but among them, I know more couples that are ethically non-monogamous than those that are strictly monogamous. Nobody bats an eyelash when a boyfriend or girlfriend comes to dinner in addition to or instead of the spouse. Whatev. It’s fine.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, I knew that you would leave one of the best comments to this post! Thank you so much for that. And for wording your position on this topic so brilliantly. You often say the words that I am trying to find! I have been very aggressively exploring new sexual connections recently and it has been an amazing experience and one that is teaching me so much about myself and helping me to further investigate and eliminate any lingering feelings of shame that I still have. Jeff had such a great experience in Salt Lake City with his new ethically non-monogamous friend group. It does seem like folks out your way are much more accepting and open. Maybe one day we will relocate there! But in the meantime, we are seeking out people like us and building our own little community in rural northern New York.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I don’t think there is anything exceptional about Sin City, except for the openness. I imagine there are just as many poly-curious people in your area. They are just hampered by the same sense of shame that you are discussing here on the blog.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I think you are probably correct in that, Michelle! I guess I will have to take the lead on seeking out the like minded folks so we can form a small community! I am currently working on that with a new friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle,
Oh I forgot about favorite position, and I’ve discovered it changed depending on who I was with. 😜 With my hubby, I like being on top. But truthfully, I’m not picky, each position has its benefits. 😄
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am completely with you on that! I like to switch it around and get a bit gymnastic with it all. Variety, variety, variety! I don’t really have a favorite position. And each different dynamic definitely will have a different best position!
xoxo
Shelbee
Rena
Shelbee,
Wonderful post. You are so right about the impact of shame in relation to sex and the worst of it can occur with a partner. I actually admire “slutty women” who’ve learned that there is no shame in enjoying sex just like there is no shame in any other type of self-care. And like Nancy, I have a fondness for doggy style 😉.
Rena
http://www.finewhateverblog.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Rena, thank you so, so much for this comment! I am slowly learning how to rid myself of the shame and writing this post was really helpful. The feedback is so wonderful! I don’t know if I even have a favorite position! I am very exploratory and like switching it all around in each session! It’s the most wonderful kind of exercise, too. Haha.
xoxo
Shelbee
Anne M Bray
Thanks for the feature, my friend!
Fun fact: I met Joan Jett and she is a sweetheart!
I’ve been having a happy gluttonish b-day week.
Plus, my niece had her daughter and I’m a Great Aunt now!!
xxox
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Anne, congratulations on your new great niece! Or is it grand-niece. I never know the right word for it and I am a great aunt 3 times over! My nephew’s children are 11, 5, and 3. It makes me feel old! Especially since he had his first child before I had my first child. Haha.
How freaking fabulous that you have met Joan Jett! That is a cherished memory, I bet! I have watched her interviews and things and she seems like she would be totally down to earth and cool. I am glad that you had a happy gluttonish birthday! Those are the best kind.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Very nice post and looking so very hot (with all due respect). You need to be careful in allies because you run into Riff-Raff like me.
The discussion of sex in the United States is so interesting. We have put our sexual tendacies into repression here in this country. It is very scary and I think it has lead to a lot of the problems that we have in this country. People are so afraid of talking about it and even when I might say that our power to reproduce (sex) is stronger than our will to live. That should tell you something.
I feel that in my life because people are so friggin politically correct that I can’t even talk or bring up the subject to people. I remember when someone asked me about a good place to have coffee near the SF Main Library, I started to say Wicked Grounds but then I shut-up because Wicked Grounds (besides having great tea and stuff and being a coffee joint that doesn’t have a bunch of homeless around it), it is a kink coffee shop and I didn’t want to get in trouble for recommending it.
To be honest as male, I enjoy a variety of positions and I have my favorite things. and I will say that I am little bit (ok, a bunch) on the kinky side.
Thanks for hosting and I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for the wonderful compliment and for your insightful response. As difficult as it is for me to talk about sex in our culture, I cannot even imagine how difficult it would be for men to bring it up. You stand the risk of immediately being labeled a predator at the mere mention of sex. And yes, recommending a kink coffee shop to co-workers would have probably earned you some kind of unsavory label as well. I once recommended someone to local coffee shop called The Tarot Cafe not realizing the person was super religious and they became very offended at my suggestion that they purchase an amazing cup of coffee from someone who practices occult things. I also was berated for recommending the place because the owner is gay. So yeah, people can be really fucking ignorant when it comes sex and sex preferences. I already know a little about your kinky side and you know I applaud you for it! I have been flying my kink flag lately right beside my freak flag!
xoxo
Shelbee
saree
The tops and shrug looks awesome. The skirt is so sexy and lovely. You look gorgeous in this style.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Saree! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Sheila (of Ephemera)
Well, sh*t, I typed a big response and lost it. Dammit!
Well, I was saying…I don’t do PIV anymore due to menopause (dryness). The last time we did, I ended up with a horrible UTI and it was a completely traumatizing experience, and now I tense up so bad with the thought of it…so L and I sat down and talked about our options. I have a great vibrator, other holes (lol) and we also like to role-play – our sex life is vibrant and satisfying for both of us, without the stress of worrying about getting another UTI.
Kudos to you for your frankness, my sexy friend. I LOVE your outfit, so saucy, and yes, that would be a great outfit for a little bend over a handy chair (that’s my favourite position).
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
OMG, I love this addition to the discussion, Sheila! Thank you for sharing. I am sorry that you had such a bad UTI experience. I can relate to the awfulness of that. And isn’t it wonderful that there are so many other options for sexual pleasure without PIV? I dated a man a long while ago who had pretty severe ED so PIV sort of just became impossible (I think we managed it twice), but we still had some pretty fantastic sexual experiences together and I was never left dissatisfied! Your favorite position is a fun one, too!
xoxo
Shelbee
Barbara
On YouTube i like certain channels just because of their lively comment sections. Same goes for here! ( And ur brilliant writing ofcourse:)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Barbara, thanks so much! I do love when my comment section gets this lively! This has been a very interesting and fun discussion!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lovely
I’m glad you spoke about this. Talking about sex to your friends is a great way to de-stigmatize a normal and healthy part of life and shift the conversation about sex from dirty to empowering. By the way, you look amazing in this outfit and these pictures are fun!
xoxo
Lovely
http://www.mynameislovely.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lovely, thank you so much for that validation! There are so many things that we need to de-stigmatize, it seems. We can’t talk about sex or money or drugs or mental health or death or religion all the while the media bombards us with all sorts of other hideous horrible things. I will keep on addressing the uncomfortable topics because that’s what I like to do! Have a fantastic week, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
I suggested some changes to my husband this week for our sexual health. We are dealing with a very stressful situation for a while now and it’s really taken it’s toll. I told him that we needed to start intentionally having fun together again outside of the bedroom and I was right. It has made all the difference in the bedroom. Although I believe sex is most healthy and fulfilling inside a marriage relationship, I am so very thankful for a mom who made it known that she enjoyed sex with my dad. It was sometimes more than I wanted to hear, but I appreciate that open perspective so much now in my own marriage. And I can talk to her about it. And I recently learned some new things from some girlfriends over a girls’ weekend!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Lauren, thank you so much for sharing this comment. I am so glad that you are able to have discussions like this with your husband (and your mother and your friends). I know you already know this, but all success in marriage and relationships comes from effective communication. If you can have the discussions about the uncomfortable topics, they really start to become more comfortable. And when we can discuss all sorts of things freely and openly, we can learn so much from others. Sex and sexuality is just as much a part of us as all the other things and I see no reason why we can’t embrace it more. I am so happy that you and your husband are starting to have more fun together in and out of the bedroom!
xoxo
Shelbee
Natalie
SHELBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I love you so much for this post. This takes balls and that’s the type of blogger I like. I love sex. Like. A LOOOOOOOOOT! Luckily for me, I have been with my husband for 14 years and he is the same way. When the pandemic hit… oh boy… try 5-6 times a day, everyday for us. Yes. It was needed and required. Plus it rekindled our marriage. Sex is important. I don’t care what people say that “it’s not about the sex” because that is a bonafide LIE! The only people that say that are the ones that ain’t getting it and just don’t know. It increases endorphines, it’s a good workout, and… it really does make you glow! Man I would go to work the next day and people were like you are glowing girl! What you been up to? I’d be like… oh just the regular! HHAHAHAHAHAHA!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Natalie, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this comment! It does take a bit of courage to write things of this nature. But I am so glad that I did write it because the feedback has been amazing! I have to admit that I am a little envious that you and your husband can get 5-6 sessions a day in. My kids are way too much in our space at all times for that! Which is part of the reason we enjoy our open marriage and so I can get those 5-6 session days with my other partners and it really does make me glow! Keep on rocking with your sexy self, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
Great look, I love your long boots and socks 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you, Claire!
xoxo
Shelbee