My Truth About Lies (This Might Make Your Brain Hurt)
Lies. Falsehoods. Deception. Deceit. Dishonesty. Slander. Myth. Misrepresentation. We all are capable of telling lies. We all possess the ability to deceive others and shade them from the truth. It could be as absolute as telling a blatant untruth or it can be as ambiguous as simply withholding pertinent information.
We all have told lies in one form or another. Most of us will continue tell lies on some level throughout our entire lives. It might be a characteristic that is unique to human beings. Can other creatures in the animal kingdom practice fraudulence or deliver disinformation with purpose and intent? Sure, other animals can be sneaky and trick their prey. I suppose that is purposeful deceit in a way. And I suppose even malice of some sort is intended, but the root source of such trickery by animals is survival.
But why do we, human beings, engage in the art of lying? I suppose survival could be a reason. Protecting yourself from judgment, from backlash, from punishment. But doesn’t the truth always make itself known? Then the backlash, judgment, and punishment that you were trying so hard to avoid comes at you with a force of much greater magnitude than what would have been the result if you were honest in the first place.
Speaking of honesty, I find it so much easier than a life filled with fibs. One little distortion of the truth begets a larger fabrication to cover the first hint of falsification. Which then leads to an even grander fable to protect the tales that have already been told. In an effort to make our untrue stories seem real, we just keep weaving and tangling together strings of lies to cement them in reality as actual truths. But they are never the real truth and eventually we get ourselves so confused that we can no longer distinguish between reality and the stories we have told. And a life lived that way is quite tiring.
I am certainly not saying that I am innocent or that I am a saint who has never told a lie in my life. Believe me, I have told some doozies. And while those big fat lies in my lifetime have eventually come to light, as all truths usually do, I prefer at this time to maintain them simply as my secrets. Secrets are one thing. Certain things should be kept private from the world. And my secrets that carry a heavy weight of import are known to the people who need to know them. But they are no longer lies. They are simply just secrets. And most secrets are acceptable and not very harmful to the people who don’t know them.
But what do you do when the lies themselves are the secrets? For example, someone close to you shares a very heavy lie with you and asks you to take it to your grave. Now what if the person who is being deceived by the lie is also someone close to you? Now you are stuck in a position of being forced to lie (or withhold pertinent information) from one of these people. Either you maintain the secrecy of the first lie. Or you reveal the truth of the matter to the person being betrayed. But then you feel like you need to lie to the initial liar because you had promised not to reveal their lie in the first place.
Does your head hurt yet trying to follow all of this? Because mine does. So imagine actually living that situation. It is unpleasant to say the least. And completely exhausting in general. So, you may be wondering, what is my truth about lying? It is this…I do my very best to maintain honesty in all things. But again, I am not completely innocent, as none of us are. But I will never ask someone else to be the keeper of my lies. They are my own responsibly to maintain if I choose to travel a road of deceit. And I will no longer be the keeper of anyone else’s lies. Because they are not my responsibility to protect. So basically this, if you have lies that need to be confessed, please don’t confess them to me…because I am not keeping them! Your secrets and falsehoods are safer if kept to yourself.
So the next time someone asks me, “Can you keep a secret?” I will respond with, “That depends. Is it a truth or a falsehood?” If the answer is that it is a falsehood, I will promptly turn off my ears and state emphatically that in the case of lies, I absolutely cannot keep a secret. Trust no one but yourself with your lies. Better yet, how about you just try telling the truth instead. It is so much easier.
Have you ever been exhausted by lies? Trying to cover your own or trying to protect someone else’s? It really is quite a fascinating phenomenon of human nature! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic.
Maintaining the truth on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
42 Comments
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
What a great post, Shelbee!
Love the wrap top.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Tamar!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carol Tsacoyeanes
Well said Shelbee
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Carol! I think you are really going to like tomorrow’s post! Be sure to stop by and check it out.
xoxo
Shelbee
Laurie
Here is the thing about lies: often the only one who believes the lie is the liar.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
There is so much truth in that tiny little sentence, Laurie! Thanks for sharing!
xoxo
Shelbee
Gina
What an interesting and timely topic! I just finished a book called “The Honest Truth about Dishonesty” and I think you would really enjoy it if you haven’t read it! It discusses numerous scientific studies that show just how dishonest humans are to others…as well as to themselves! It definitely had some good food for thought. And on the subject of your outfit…loving every piece! So cute.
Gina || On the Daily Express
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gina, thanks so much! I have not read that book but it sounds totally fascinating! I am writing it down to check out when I am finished with my current book…thanks so much for the recommendation. I have always been fascinated with the inner workings of the human psyche.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy Baten
I never want to hear any secrets nor do I tell lied. I was brought up with the knowledge that a lie is a sin. So I hardly ever lie. And I hate, but really hate it when others lie to me. Fantastic blouse is that!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thanks so much! I knew you were an honest one all along! It’s why we are such great friends…from halfway around the world!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa Richardson
Good grief girl, my head is spinning trying to keep up with all that…LOL I’ll just stick with honesty is the best policy. HA.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thank you for making me chuckle! Sorry I made your head spin. Mine was all achy after writing all that, too. I am right with you…honesty is for sure the best policy!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
You look amazing in this outfit my friend and that is NO LIE! Ha! Yes, you are one smokin’ hot momma!
The truth is important and I am honest to a fault. I would much rather someone be honest with me than lie or avoid the truth. I am a straight shooter and prefer to surround myself with people who do the same!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheers to that, Kellyann! And thanks for the fabulous compliment!
xoxo
Shelbee
susan
My mother used to say: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Thanks Mom!
My self respect demands that I don’t lie. I am not smart enough to keep track of the circular mental torture that lies engender in my head. Truth is truth, however, perception is in the eye of the beholder. If I am in contact with a liar, I try to avoid them. If I can’t avoid them, I just don’t engage with them. If FORCED to engage with them, and there is no escape, I will say nothing. Which speaks volumes.
Whenever someone asks if I can keep a secret, I say as charmingly as possible: Oh, you know how old I am. I just can’t remember what I can tell and what I can’t. Better not tell me. Hah! Many liars just HAVE to tell you something at that exact moment. If I can’t escape, I listen and then tell them, Oh dear, I hope I don’t accidentally spill the beans on that. It would just be awful! I’ve been doing that since my forties, and I find my life much simpler.
I can keep a secret, I just don’t want to.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, this entire comment is brilliant! And I am taking notes to handle these situations exactly like that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, my friend! You rock.
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
You called me brilliant? My head has swelled up to the size of a very large watermelon. I have to go take a shower now, lest my head become too large.
Honestly, though, you inspired me with another of your brilliant posts.
Thank you, Shelbee.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
You are very wise, Susan! And I so appreciate when you share that wisdom with me! Plus you always make me giggle.
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz Klebba
What a lovely way to finesse that situation, Susan!
Susan
Thank you Liz. How kind of you to say.
Liz
It’s a tough situation when someone confides a lie in you because most of the time, they do it unsolicited. I’m way too much of an honest person (like too honest haha!) to be caught up in someone else’s lies lol!
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am right there with you, Liz! I do not do well with secrets and lies at all. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
xoxo
Shelbee
Rachael Thomas
Something that I’ve learned, is that if you tell even one person your secret, it is no longer a secret. The truth always has a way of coming out one way or another, so it’s better to just be honest upfront. Loving this outfit!!
Rachael
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I couldn’t agree with you more, Rachael! Thanks so much for sharing your perspective and for the lovely compliment!
xoxo
Shelbee
Amy Christensen
Shelbee, I was raised to believe that lying was wrong. That doesn’t mean I didn’t occasionally lie, but it did give me a sense of the weightiness that lying can have. I think honesty is always of prime importance, but I also know that there have been cases in history…aka hiding Jews during WWII where telling a lie was the lesser of two evils. That being said, I still think lying is not the way to go, but also can see where there are circumstances where it is essential for the safety of others. I agree with you…if someone came to me with a lie and wanted me to keep it a secret, I would tell them I can’t do that. You always have interesting things to say. Thanks for sharing your thoughts…and no you didn’t make my head hurt. Ha ha. Cut outfit, by the way! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Amy, thank you for sharing your perspective on the topic! I am so glad that you find my topics interesting…these are the places my brain goes on a daily basis which always makes my head hurt! And I totally agree that some lies are necessary and some are rather harmless, too. Like when I used to tell my children that my ice cream was jalapeño flavored so I wouldn’t have to share it with them! They are onto me now, so that lie no longer works. And no one was really hurt as a consequence of said lie.
xoxo
Shelbee
Helen C.
I really liked this post! The only lies I can tolerate are from little children as you can use this opportunity to teach them that telling the truth is better. Moreover children are cue whatever they do, hehe
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Helen, thanks so much! It always amazes me how early on children learn the art of lying though! Like where does it come from, I wonder? And yes, I definitely use those moments as teaching opportunities.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
This is an interesting post and you’ve got my head spinning! I agree that telling a lie will come back later to bite you. But in some certain situations, does telling the truth hurt more than just not saying anything or perhaps a slight fib? Speaking for myself I was taught not to lie and it’s not good to be dishonest but it doesn’t mean that I have never done it. I just know what I know now that speaking the truth no matter how hard is better than the alternative.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so much for sharing your perspective on lying. And I’m sorry I made your head spin! I think even though we are taught that lying is wrong, we all do it in our lives…whether it be little white lies, big black lies, or simply withholding information. And I’m sure we always have a reason at the time for why we are lying. And some of those little white lies or simple withholdings are quite harmless. Some perpetuate into bigger, exhausting webs of lies. I suppose there really is no clear cut answer as to when it might be okay (or better) to lie. Each situation in life presents us with challenges in our decision making, I suppose. It really is a journey and just some food for thought!
xoxo
Shelbee
Liz Klebba
Honesty is something I highly value, but find many use the trope of “just telling the truth” as an excuse for cruelty and plain old nastiness. My instinct goes with the “If you don’t have anything nice to say…” Sometimes the truth can be uncomfortable or even downright painful, but that should be delivered with as much compassion as humanly possible.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liz, I couldn’t agree with you more! Even with the harshest of truths, you can still deliver it in the kindest way possible. There is no need to be cruel…ever. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the topic!
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
Great post Shelbee. I agree we all can say something without realising that could be untrue but if I had told someone a lie, I could not deal with it myself. I always try to be honest with people, even a stranger who walks past me and ask me a question. I would worry too much if I knew it wasn’t true. Love your top, love the strips 🙂
Thanks for sharing at #CreativeMondays, hope to see you on Wednesday for our next blog hop 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Claire, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic. I make it a point to always be honest as well. And I expect honesty in return which usually ends up getting me in trouble…because there is a lot of dishonesty in this world, that’s for sure. But people like us just need to keep it true and real and honest to make the world a better place.
xoxo
Shelbee
Mary
Okay, I have to share this story. When I was very little I followed my sister around outside and sneakily put items in the hood of her jacket (stones, sand, sticks), because I wanted to be sneaky. Well, she got in trouble for it and was given a brief time out. Several years later the fact that I didn’t fess up bothered me so much I brought it up to my parents. They ended up laughing about it because my own lack of confession and conscience was more punishment than I would have gotten if I had admitted I was the one who put the rocks and sticks in my sister’s hood. Now it’s a classic story I enjoy pulling out once in a while.
Mary
https://windandspindle.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mary, I absolutely love this story. It is so innocent yet shows how young we are when we first learn to deceive! But our consciences always get the best of us, don’t they? Thank you so much for sharing your story. And now I have a story for you…when I was in 5th grade we had a math test that we got to grade ourselves when it was complete. I got too many wrong, so I changed a few of my answers as we were reviewing the test. We put the grade on top and handed them in. Well, my conscience could not handle that I cheated and I went to my teacher after class and confessed. He thanked me for being honest, chuckled a little, and let me keep my incorrect “cheater” grade! I guess my honesty paid off on that one! I never even thought about cheating on anything in school ever again.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy At Home
Honesty is something that is really important to me. I try to never be deceitful and always try to tell the truth (unless the person doesn’t need to know and it is kinder for them not to know). As such, it’s a big deal for me when I find out that someone has lied to me or to those who are important to me. If we can’t trust our friends, I don’t think they can really be friends at all… #blogcrush
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I agree with every single word you wrote, Lucy! It is the most hurtful when it is your closest friends who have deceived and manipulated with blatant lies. Thanks so much for sharing your perspective on the topic!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lorena
Oh lies. What can i say, I have friends who seem they have to lie after every breath they take. Odd thing is that it seems they lie without any apparent reason.
I make an effort to always say the truth even though i can be blunt at times, I also appreciate it from those who tell me the truth….
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheers to blunt truths, Lorena! Although I try not to be cruel when speaking truths, sometimes the truth itself is cruel and necessary. I just don’t understand the need for constant lies. Thanks for sharing your experience and your perspective on the topic.
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee J. Gramith
You have a wonderful knack for picking subject matter that is at the heart of the human condition. We can all relate, which means we can ponder our opinions and values right along with you. Dishonesty can eventually lead to losing the trust of those we love. As you point out so well, even small lies can needlessly complicate our perceptions and our reality.
Great topic Shelbee. Thought provoking stuff rules!!!:-)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Jude! It is funny that while dishonesty can lead to losing the trust of loved ones, I am also learning that complete honesty can lead to a lot of loss as well. People do not seem to appreciate when light is shed on their flaws or on the truth. It is an unfortunate state of the human condition, I suppose.
xoxo
Shelbee