Maybe It’s Time We Listen

June 8, 2020 / 40 Comments

I feel like someone stole my rose colored glasses. Ripped them right off my face, threw to them ground, and stomped on them until they were nothing but a pile of shattered plastic. But I think I probably deserved it. I have been hiding behind those things for my entire life. Refusing to acknowledge what my fancy lenses were concealing. I suppose it is time to stop hiding and start educating myself on the injustices in our world today.

My friend Debbie recently wrote in a post on a similar topic,

“In my bubble, I love people because of who they are…what type of human being they are. For me, things such as race, sexual orientation, religion, disability and physical appearance have zero effect on how I feel about someone. Therefore, even though I was aware that racism exists, I was effectively blinded to it because of my own beliefs, and that my friends, is white privilege.”

Debbie of Fashion Fairy Dust

I remember learning about white privilege in a diversity course many years ago and in all honesty, I didn’t quite understand what it meant. I rehearsed the correct interpretation well enough to pass an exam on the topic, but I didn’t really get it. Once the class was over, I simply slipped my rose colored glasses back on and went about my merry life never really contemplating the idea again.

But these past two weeks have forced me to contemplate these things again. I am certainly not proud of my ignorance. I could go on and on delivering all sorts of excuses as to why I never bothered to learn, but what’s the point? I could also apologize until I run out of breath, but again, it is to no purpose. The past is past. And the past is the foundation of our future. We cannot change that foundation, but we can certainly change the direction in which we decide to go.

I have been reading a lot recently about cultural evolution and it seems to be a very timely topic. As societies are born, they grow and change and evolve. In order to do that, this type of evolution involves transcending and including that which came before it.

We are a nation with a very long history of racial inequality and racial injustice. It is our past. It is also very much our present. However, for us to evolve to a higher level of conscious awareness and simply become better humans, it cannot be a part of our future. But it will forever remain a part of the past on which we are built. That is a necessary part of the growing process. With growth comes mistakes, lessons, and growing pains. And humanity seems to be experiencing a whole lot of the latter right now.

Though many of us recognize that growth and change are necessary, the evolution of an entire culture is unfortunately a very long and tedious process. Oftentimes, it seems like it is taking much longer than it probably should. We have made some progress in the last two centuries with regard to human equality, but have we made enough? Clearly not. It seems like the progression toward racial equality has come to a standstill in more recent years. When that happens, we sometimes have to give it a push to get it moving again.

My friend Bettye recently shared this passage in a blog post on a similar topic,

”In school, I learned slavery was abolished in 1865 with the 13th Amendment and the Civil Rights Act was passed into law in 1964 and then we were all good. I didn’t look any further than that. That’s what I was taught. That’s probably what we were all taught. My mistake was never giving it another thought. I see that now.”

Bettye of Fashion Schlub

I think Bettye highlighted one of the major problems we are having today. Too many of us have done that exact same thing. It was easy to do. It didn’t cause us any sadness or fear. We believed that we made all the necessary changes to create a more unified and equal existence among human beings. We thought because people fought for equal rights and laws were enacted that we were now exempt from even recognizing that there was ever a problem to begin with. It’s those damn rose colored glasses again. They tend to hide the ugliest parts of humanity. It is really, really difficult to face ourselves when we finally realize how very wrong we were. It is so much easier to turn our rosy eyes elsewhere and focus on something pretty.

But problems are not pretty. And problems need to be seen in order to fix them. So here I sit, my rose colored glasses broken beyond repair and I can finally see the problem. It is real. It exists. It will continue to exist until we fix it.

I have no idea where to start. But those who have been the victims of these injustices, they might have some ideas where to begin. I think maybe it’s time we listen to them.

Author’s Note: I know that listening will not solve the problem, but active, empathic, caring, respectful listening needs to happen for forward progress to occur.

I am open to all comments that are in the interest of educating myself and my readers.

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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40 Comments

  • Omaye

    June 8, 2020 at 8:42 am Reply

    You’re brave posting this. This post has a lot of introspection and honesty. Facing the problem at hand is also acknowledging parts we might have played in it due to ignorance or not even wanting to acknowledge those parts of ourselves.
    History is never really in the past, because they way we live and survive today is due to it.
    I deeply respect you for this post. The change of mind and also the change of heart.
    Equality is hard and ti be honest might never happen pertaining race. People are more comfortable talking about gender, class and age discrimination rather than race. This is because it forces us to look at where we are as a result of our past ancestors. Everyone is involved even is they haven’t participated due to the sheer fact of history.
    Race equality will require giving space meaning economic and financial space which will not happen. Privilege is based on greed and self service.
    Again, thanks for the post.
    You have my respect.

    https://ooomaye.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 11:52 am Reply

      Omaye, thank you so very much for this comment. I am learning and trying so hard to be a decent, kind, and loving human. But sitting in my bubble preaching about love and kindness isn’t necessarily going to make any improvements. We really need to start to listening to each other, communicating in such a way that those who have been silenced have a platform to speak and share their truths. And sometimes those truths are really hard to hear especially when we are finally realizing the part we have all played in creating this reality of inequality. I really, really hope we can learn from the past and make the necessary changes because the future of humanity depends on it. Please keep doing what you do and shining your beautiful light into the world. You very much have my respect as well.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Nancy

    June 8, 2020 at 10:55 am Reply

    The horrible things that happen in the world right now are so depressing. I am feeling down for weeks and I can’t see any bright spots in the near future. Why can’t people see that we have a beautiful planet, but that we have to take care for each other.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 11:47 am Reply

      I relate so much to this feeling, Nancy. Sadness seems to be my primary emotion lately. Something’s gotta give and things need to change before we literally destroy each other. Thanks for reading and commenting, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 11:59 am Reply

      Thanks so much, Jennifer. I am afraid that there are some people who refuse to be educated differently. So many people just do not want their beliefs challenged. And that is one of the huge problems here. But we must persist or else we will remain stuck forever.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Bettye

    June 8, 2020 at 2:05 pm Reply

    I’m proud of you, Shelbee! What’s that saying, “The first step to fixing a problem is admitting there IS one”? Or something like that. And I feel like a lot of people are just now realizing there IS a problem and what their culpability is in it.

    Re “white privilege.” I get exactly what you said. I’ve also heard the term, not really understood OR TRIED TO EDUCATE MYSELF, but felt certain it had nothing to do with ME. And now I see that it is exactly me, just by nature of my birth in a certain color skin.

    And now the question is, CAN I USE MY WHITE PRIVILEGE TO HELP?

    So, yes, I’m listening. Reading, watching, learning how I can be of service.

    Glad you’re leaving those rose-colored glasses on the ground where they belong, Shelbee.

    xoxo Bettye

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 2:19 pm Reply

      Bettye, thank you so much for being part of my process on this one! I apparently needed a little help without even realizing it. And now let the education and changing begin. On this one, I will leave my rose colored glasses on the ground, but someday I would like to wear them again. Even better would be a day when I don’t feel the need to wear them! Progress will determine that.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

      • Patrick Weseman

        June 9, 2020 at 3:30 pm Reply

        Very nice. At least you are asking questions and looking inwards. I know so many people who will not even do this.

        Being a person of color is interesting in this society, I will leave it at that.

        Let me just say it has been my experience that the so-called people who are supposed who say that they are allies are the ones who never look inward at their true feelings.

        All of us need to look inward and ask ourselves a question “How can I be a better person towards my fellow man?”

        As far as the history that is taught in school, it pretty much sucks because it is designed to keep us dumb. Think about it, the last people who were truly educated in this country where the first Baby Boomers and look what happened in the late 60’s and early 70’s, true change in everything almost really happened in this country. After that they dumbed down the education system and kept dumbing it down to keep the masses from knowing what really is going down.

        • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

          June 9, 2020 at 4:48 pm Reply

          Patrick, thank you so very much for sharing your perspective on this topic. We do all need to look inward and ask how can I be a better human. And that kind of goes across the board for every person. We can all do better, be better, love better. I agree that the history that is taught is absolutely incomplete. The thing about history is that the winner always gets to tell the story. And that’s not really fair at all. We all have a story and we should all be given the opportunity and attention when we want to share our stories. Sometimes revolution and chaos are necessary to push us forward in the evolutionary process to becoming better all around as a society, a culture, and a species. Please keep educating me if you notice something that I say is inaccurate or insensitive. I appreciate you and your friendship and I value your input and feedback.

          xoxo
          Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 7:49 pm Reply

      Mireille, thank you so much for joining the discussion. I suppose we are not as innocent as we thought we were. I have long buried my head in the sand to all sorts of things that make me uncomfortable. I guess I have a lot of awakening to do myself.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Michelle

    June 8, 2020 at 5:28 pm Reply

    I have always counted myself lucky that I was raised in a lower middle class neighborhood about 40 miles east of Los Angeles by young, forward-thinking parents with hippie tendencies. My young life was filled with a variety people (ethnicity, skin color, religion / philosophy) both in my household and in my neighborhood. And my parents set about educating me to social injustice early.

    This taught me not not to judge people based on outward appearance. It took becoming an adult and sociology classes in college to become aware of systemic racism. Once seen, it can’t be unseen. But the more people who see it and get it, the more we will be successful in tearing it down.

    Sadly, there is a subset of people who are quite content in their racism. I’d like to send them all to their own planet.

    Michelle
    https://mybijoulifeonline.com

    P.S. If this comment comes through multiple times, I apologize. I was having technical difficulties.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 8, 2020 at 7:47 pm Reply

      Michelle, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You definitely are able to come at this subject matter better equipped than I and I so appreciate that. This is absolutely a situation where we need to learn from each other. And you are correct, once you see severe injustice, you really cannot unsee it. Therefore, we must do what we can to change it. I am equally sad at the refusal of so many to just pause and really listen for once. (I did receive your comment twice. I just deleted the one).

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Lisa notes

    June 8, 2020 at 10:16 pm Reply

    Oh yes! This post is so good, Shelbee. “It is really, really difficult to face ourselves when we finally realize how very wrong we were. It is so much easier to turn our rosy eyes elsewhere and focus on something pretty.” We think racism doesn’t affect us because we don’t actively participate in it. But the second we turn our heads away, we become a participant by not being a preventer. I appreciate your words here so much! Thanks for linking up at Grace & Truth.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 9, 2020 at 12:01 pm Reply

      Lisa, thank you so very, very much for this comment. I never before realized that turning my head is just harmful as participating. I think we all need to make some serious shifts in how we approach this matter and really start pushing for real change.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Marilee Judith Gramith

    June 10, 2020 at 4:19 am Reply

    I had to take a couple of days to let this post and the comments sink in because there’s just too much to ponder, feel, reflect upon, face and admit on the subject of racism.
    I think you’re being a little rough on yourself my friend.
    Your personal experiences with bipolar syndrome challenge you (to some degree) on a daily basis… Correct? There are folks who will empathize, sympathize, relate, help/engage, fear and reject all that ANY neuro/psychological challenge might entail. YOU must forge ahead; slogging through the entire spectrum of attitudes and resulting behaviors. .. Are you tolerant and forgiving of those who are ignorant? Uneducated?Misinformed? Fearful? Rejecting? PREJUDICED?
    Many people are just as blissfully unaware of their prejudices and how they evolved. Some are self-righteously and defiantly attached and quite certain that their bigoted “views” are TRUTH.
    Changing harmful, prejudicial attitudes and their resulting inequities (our own and others) is never finished work. Being human is messy business and I think it’s realistic to continually look for ways to CLEAN UP. Actions ultimately DO speak louder than words.
    So… no rose colored lenses on your sweet face; just a hopeful view from an unearned, privileged perspective. Room to observe, learn and ACT on behalf of improving the world, as we live our lives.
    For me, teaching ( 8th graders) was one way I could impact the world and work toward fairness and equality. I think there are MANY ways to work for justice and a better world for ALL human beings.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 10, 2020 at 12:35 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Jude, for this very thoughtful comment. There is way too much to ponder, think, process, and feel on this topic and I am only hitting the tip of the iceberg of my own thoughts and feelings right now. I felt a sort of pressure of necessity to share a little bit of my thoughts on the current events, but I certainly have a lot more work of my own to do as well in order to become a better person myself. A hopeful view is indeed what I have, but all too often humankind disappoints me. Forge ahead we must…being human really is the very messiest business.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Deborah Stinedurf

    June 10, 2020 at 1:02 pm Reply

    Well done my friend! I feel like our Friday morning hangouts are even more productive & better for us than we realize. I believe that you, Bettye & I are headed in the right direction. We’re learning, paying attention, really listening & looking inward. We’re also actively seeking ways to become better allies & use our privilege for good. We’re in it for the long haul & that ultimately is where the change comes…one person at a time. xo
    Debbie
    http://www.fashionfairydust.com

  • Pam

    June 11, 2020 at 2:18 pm Reply

    This is such an amazing, thoughtful, well written and beautiful post. I’m so glad you shared it at the link party. Empathy is so key, and I thank you for sharing your heart and mind. For one of the first times in many years (I’m 63), I feel that things might really take a leap forward from here.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 11, 2020 at 3:44 pm Reply

      Pam, thank you so much for kind words! For the first time in my life (I am 46), I finally realize that I need to be more active in these things! I guess better late than never. And I agree with you, I think we can make real progress now.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Yvonne Chas

    June 19, 2020 at 3:01 pm Reply

    We can’t fix what we don’t face. Your willingness to face what was hiding behind your rose-colored glasses is the only place to start. Looking at the woman in the mirror and asking some very hard questions then using your white privilege to be a part of the solution as we move forward. Thank you.

  • Yvonne Chase

    June 19, 2020 at 3:02 pm Reply

    We can’t fix what we don’t face. Your willingness to face what was hiding behind your rose-colored glasses is the only place to start. Looking at the woman in the mirror and asking some very hard questions then using your white privilege to be a part of the solution as we move forward are steps in the right direction. Thank you.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      June 19, 2020 at 5:22 pm Reply

      Yvonne, thank you so much for reading my post and sharing this powerful comment. The hardest work that we do on ourselves brings the biggest and the best changes. We do all need to start within and then build out. We are in challenging times, but conflict is always necessary for change. It has to happen so we can progress as an entire species. I am still figuring out what else I can do, but I am taking it one step at a time.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Beth Steffaniak

    December 14, 2020 at 3:22 pm Reply

    As a white woman of “privilege,” I cannot even begin to comment or form an intelligent thought in this regard. But I’m grateful for this conversation you’ve started, Shelbee. I hope that it helps us all to listen and understand where we have gone terribly wrong.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      December 14, 2020 at 3:25 pm Reply

      Beth, thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. It is really hard for us to wrap our brains around this concept. The only way for us all to better understand each other is through respectful and intelligent discourse. So I am trying to do my little part to start these conversations. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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Shelbee on the Edge