Love in the Land of the Free & Link Up On the Edge #202
While the United States recently celebrated its 244th birthday as a sovereign and free nation on July 4, we also had a recent anniversary worth celebration on June 26 that many of us probably missed…unless, of course, this anniversary has impacted you directly.
Five years ago, on June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court ruled in favor of recognizing and granting all the same constitutional rights for same sex marriages that opposite sex marriages enjoy. (See Obergefell v. Hodges).
Five years after that 5-4 Supreme Court decision, on June 29, 2020, the town of Somerville, Massachusetts, passed a city ordinance which effectively redefined the definition of marriage and family for constitutional purposes. This new ordinance grants polyamorous relationships as well as non-romantic partnerships and unions the same rights as any other traditional family unit.
I do not have the appropriate words to express how very excited I became over this news. Thanks to my sister for informing me, I otherwise may have missed it. And quite frankly, it made my freaking day when I read it.
I have long been an active proponent for eliminating government restrictions on the way in which we love and form our family units. While same sex couples have been fighting for the same rights as heterosexual couples since the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, other nontraditional styles of family and love have been essentially ignored. And that is not okay. We live in this country which constantly touts itself as the “land of the free”, yet our freedom to love as we wish has been restricted and hindered and even punished.
Somerville, Massachusetts, apparently has recognized this oversight and has taken action. It is one small victory in an ongoing battle for personal freedoms of all sorts. The freedom to love as we do, openly, confidently, without judgment or ridicule, is a freedom that really needs to become much more commonplace than it is.
The Somerville city council voted unanimously to revise their domestic partnership policy. The original policy defined domestic partnership as an “entity formed by two persons.” The updated law defines domestic partnership as an “entity formed by people” which allows not only for polyamorous relationships to have the same rights as traditional two person unions, but also grants the same domestic partnership rights to non-romantic couples/friends who choose to build a life together as domestic partners. The ruling came as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic and the way in which it is was impacting life partners in various types of family units.
Somerville Councilor Lance Davis has stated, “I’ve consistently felt that when society and government tries to define what is or is not a family, we’ve historically done a very poor job of doing so. It hasn’t gone well, and it’s not a business that government should be in, so that guided my thinking on this.” (Source)
Ever since coming out as a polyamorous couple, Jeff and I have struggled not only with gaining an understanding and acceptance of our lifestyle, but also with the simple freedom to love as we choose (as if we really have a choice at all). I feel as if polyamory is sort of the younger sibling of same sex relationships. We are trailing along behind the movement simply wanting our way of life and love to be recognized as valid and real and good.
I want to leave you with this powerful message from a very dear friend of mine whom I admire so greatly, Kyle Hayes, Owner of Gram’s Diner in Adams, New York. I could not have said this any better than this amazing man has said it. And I feel that his words apply perfectly to all types of loving relationships from same sex to polyamory. So thank you, Kyle, for being brilliant and bold and so very loving. I am so grateful to include you in my circle of good people! Let’s keep loving the way we love, my friend!
Kyle’s Words…
“I don’t say it often enough that Gram’s Diner is a queer-owned restaurant in Northern New York.
“For the longest time I told myself it was because ‘it didn’t/shouldn’t matter.’ We provide good food, in a nice atmosphere with a fun staff. That’s all that really, truly matters in running a successful restaurant.
“In large part: it hasn’t mattered. Chad and I don’t think we’re THAT important in the grand scheme of things to where it’d be a big deal that our business is owned by two gay guys, one who’s funny and a little curmudgeon, the other who stands in the kitchen window and waves to everyone in the dining room and is dashingly good looking with a killer tan and an impeccable taste in pop music.
“That’s not without saying we haven’t heard a thing or two through small town gossip. Or that one time someone wrote ‘Fags work here’ on the bathroom wall some dozen years ago. That was a traumatic day. But we prevail.
“The thing is this: I’ve been thinking a lot about representation this Pride month. Representation really does matter; showing people that not everyone, especially in Upstate New York, is the same, with the same ideologies and ways of life. There’s no way for people to learn about the lifestyles of others if they aren’t shown what people different from them are capable of. What they look like. How they act. There’s no room for those people to grow if we don’t educate them.
“I also realized that a lot of why I never openly connected the dots was because I was massively insecure. Insecure that people wouldn’t visit our business based on the fact that gays own it, insecure that people would find a reason to actively hate it, talk bad about it to others because of their own biases.
“It took owning the business for nearly 8 years and working there for, like, forever to come to the conclusion: I don’t give a damn. When it comes to life and business, we’re all dealt challenges and opportunities and being gay shouldn’t hinder any of it.
“So this year, I tweaked our logo a little bit in celebration of Pride weekend. In celebration of two of the things I’m most proud of: my business and my love. Because without love, the world is a dark, dark place.
“Going forward, nothing will really change in terms of the diner. Pride flags won’t line the walls, because frankly they don’t match our color scheme. However, I’ll know that every day I can stand up just a smidgen taller because I’ve let one more little thing holding me back go.
“Happy Pride, everyone. Love who you love and feel really f*cking good about it. And if you, or someone you know, is struggling with finding your identity, know that it gets better. It always will. There’s no way to go but forward.“
Where do you stand on these issues of love? Do you believe we should all have the right to love as we do? Or do you think only traditional family units should be entitled to that freedom?
And now your featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Alison of Midlife and Beyond shared her post, Summer Ready, featuring two really wonderful jumpsuits. Jumpsuits are such an easy way to dress cool and comfortable and stylish for these hot summer months. I love the way Alison has styled both jumpsuits in this post.
Favorite Fashion Post
Ada of Elegance and Mommyhood shared her post, What to Wear to a Summer Wedding, featuring gorgeous red dresses for herself and her adorable daughter Vivian. I am always a fan of a bold red dress for a formal event and both Vivian and Ada look spectacular in theirs!
Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Ellie of Ellibelle’s Corner shared her post, Misfits Market Box No. 5 – Contents and How I used the Produce. I have been following her posts on this produce delivery service and I really only just now looked further into Misfits Market. I am very intrigued and am definitely considering subscribing myself. I will keep you posted!
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Final reminders:
Have you entered my Organic Aromas Giveaway? Just click here to get to the Rafflecopter entry form.
Have you sent us your photos for The Good Buy/Good-Bye Book? This month’s theme is Orange!
Have you voted for Ali Albers who has reached the quarterfinals in the Maxim Cover Girl Model Contest? She needs our votes to win.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Dress-Target / Shirt-Old Navy / Shoes-Just Fab / Earrings-Thrifted / Flag-from my front porch
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
47 Comments
Kellyann Rohr
You look beautiful Shelbee – such a pretty and patriotic look! As far as where I stand on issues of love? I believe we love who we love and it doesn’t matter who that is – color, sex, it just shouldn’t matter to anyone but YOU. I honestly don’t understand the hearts of those who feel the need to judge and it makes my blood boil when I hear people quoting scripture as a reason. I’ve read the bible and continue to read it regularly – I have yet to see where it states I should cast hate or judgement on anyone. In fact quite the opposite is true – it all comes down to love and love I will!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so much for such an insightful response! I am right there with you and I never quite understood why people cast judgment on others especially for whom and how they love. I studied Religion in college and the main thing I took from every major world religion is that love is the most important thing we have. If we all focused on that rather than lashing out at each other for loving differently, what a wonderful world this would be.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I love this except from Kyle. He hits the nail right on the head. I am in a process right now where I’m evaluating all my beliefs and finding ways to support all people. Thank you for sharing this celebration and I hope that your family unit will find acceptance wherever you go. Love this chic summer look and thanks for the link up Shelbee!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so much for this wonderful comment! I am still learning so much as I go with regard to different ways of loving. Every person is different making every dynamic different, but how rich and fulfilling life can be when we just love abundantly and freely without restrictions. Kyle is such an amazing human in so many ways. I am blessed to count him among my friends (plus he makes the best Eggs Benedict I have ever had in my life)!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
That’s amazing about Somerville! Love the mixing of prints!!
Jennifer
Curated by Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jennifer, thanks so much! This Somerville law was such a bright shining light in the middle of this crazy time! I seriously did happy dances all day long after I read about this! I hope you have a lovely weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
Love conquers all! I agree that we should be able to love who we want to and not fear any judgement. You are a pattern mixing queen! Love how you styled your striped dress with a floral top. It’s an eye candy and one that I cannot get enough of. I hope your day is off to a great start and wishing you a beautiful weekend ahead!
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thanks so much, my friend! I was so happy with this outfit. It made me smile all day long (I wore it for 4th of July). And yes, the judgments that get thrown around over how people love is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen from human beings! Love and let love. It is so simple yet we find ways to make it so difficult. I hope you are well! Have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
Our stories are what makes us unique and those who judge will never personally grow or experience life in same way as those who are open to love. And love is what makes the world a brighter place! Love your maxi dress and print mixing!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so much! These are beautiful words and ever so true. Without love, we have nothing really. And unconditional love is an amazing thing. It allows so much to flow in and out and between lots of people. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
I’ve always believed love is love – regardless of configuration. Same sex? Absolutely! More than two? Of course! People building a life together as platonic friends? For sure! I am a relationship anarchist. People need to do what makes them feel happy and secure, and the government needs to stay out of it.
Sadly, the biggest hurdle we have to the more than two or platonic configurations is health insurance. Who can be allowed to share an insurance policy? Besides the fact that I think healthcare is a right – not a privilege – having universal care would eliminate this complication in creating the relationship configurations that work for each us individually.
I was thrilled to read Somerville had taken this step!
Lovely patriotic outfit, btw!
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic! Although I am already very familiar with your thoughts on this topic, it is important to speak publicly on it, don’t you think? I am still easing my way into discussing this stuff more openly. But like all things, I, too, am a work in progress. And yes, the government should not be allowed to dictate how we do relationships. Cheers to Somerville! I hope you have a fantastic weekend, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Bettye
The heart wants what the heart wants 🙂
Look at you all cute in stripes! And that little sailboat top! Love!
Hope you’re feeling better after your little social media break xoxo
Bettye
https://fashionschlub.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Bettye, thank you so much! This outfit made me super happy all day long! I am feeling better in some ways but not altogether back to “normal” whatever the heck that may entail. Ha. I hope you have a lovely weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
Darling outfit! Patriotic colors without being “in-your-face” and boring.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lauren! I wore this on July 4 and it made me feel good and smile all day long! Have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
This is so very cool and absolutely as it should be! xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I kind of knew that you would love this as much as I do, Debbie! Small victories, right?! Thanks for stopping by! I hope you have a fabulous weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Shelbee, I learned something new about you today! I admire you for opening and following your heart, and for celebrating others who do so as well. Yay for Somerville, Mass—now let’s hope that the rest of the country follows their lead!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so very much for this lovely comment and for your support! I don’t share too much about our lifestyle on my blog because polyamory is still one of those things that even some of the most liberal minded people can’t get their brains around. So we mostly stay “in the closet” so to speak. And it is not very nice staying in the closet at all. Slowly, I am speaking out more about it… because if I don’t, who will? There is an entire community of people who need representation in support of the way they love!
xoxo
Shelbee
Joanne
Love is love and I don’t understand why some people feel threatened by more love in our world. You look fabulous!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Joanne! I could never understand the vicious backlash against love either. But all the small victories like Somerville are worth celebrating and sharing!
xoxo
Shelbee
Grace
Such a cute look! I love the fun flag photos. And this is truly great news and cause for celebration! Thank you for sharing this news, Shelbee. I wish you and your family all the acceptance and love in the world! <3
Miles of smiles,
Grace
gracefulrags.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Grace, thank you so very much for your kind and supportive words! It is definitely a cause for celebration! May we all be free to love who and how we want!
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Kyle says it beautifully. We need to start not only tolerating but accepting that people have lots of ways of loving. I was thrilled that we even had a candidate for president who openly talked about his life’s love!! Talk about not giving a damn and just moving on!! I love that. Thanks for sharing and talking openly about this very important topic, Shelbee.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so much for your kind and supportive response. I don’t understand why it is so frowned upon to discuss topics like these. I mean, it’s just love. That’s it. And people get so afraid when others love differently than they do. We all need to be more open in these discussions, it is the only way to educate and learn that different does not mean wrong. I hope you are enjoying the weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
I didn’t know there was anywhere in this country that recognized relationships in that way. I honestly think it’s really neat. I don’t understand why the government should feel the need to limit relationships in a legal way. If people want to be together they should be. Plain and simple.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thanks so much for commenting on this topic! There is a huge population of people who are polyamorous and I feel like we are so under-represented when it comes to civil rights and just being free from judgment. We really are just regular people who can love multiple partners at one time. I hope you are having a lovely weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Grace
Shelbee I enjoyed reading your thought-provoking post today. Love comes in many different forms and glad you shared this. Wishing you and Jeff the best!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Grace, thank you so very much for your kind and supportive words! We really do need to celebrate love in all its forms! I hope you are enjoying your weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Elizabeth Walker
This long dress makes you look so elegant!
Review Belt For Women
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Elizabeth! Have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Gata Collins
What an adorable look, Shelbee!
Review Gloves
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Gata! I hope you have a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Looking very nice there. Love is love and it pisses me off that certain want to define who people love or what a family is. I am glad things are changing.
REM’s Michael Stipe said this in Rolling Stone six years ago: “In 1994, most people had a largely binary perception of sexuality – the message was complicated for them. I am thrilled to see how much this has changed in those 20 years.” Hopefully, it keeps getting less complicated for people.
This post is interesting because I was watching A Football Life: Jerry Smith that I had DVD’R (I think that is right) this afternoon. Smith was one of the best tight ends of his era in the 60’s and 70’s (he went to San Lorenzo High School which is a little village next where I live and he went to Chabot College which is a two-year school in my city and I went to) and he lived his whole football life at SLZ, at Chabot, at Arizona St and with the Washington Redskins as closeted gay man and a star athlete knowing if he was found out his career would be over. The only year he could relax a little was in 1969 when head coach Vince Lombardi took over the Redskins, Lombardi who had a gay brother, demanded a homophobia-free locker room (which was so progressive in 1969) but “not even the legendary Lombardi could insulate him from the crippling societal homophobia of the era,” and Smith stayed in the closet.
His teammates kind of had a feeling but didn’t say anything. Brig Owens who was his roommate knew but didn’t say anything, said that Smith lived in fear because if he was found out, as I said before his football career would have been over.
Sadly, Smith passed away on October 15, 1986 the age of 43, Smith became the first former professional athlete to die from AIDS. According to teammates (and comparing numbers of tight ends who are in the Hall of Fame from his era), Smith should be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame but his sexually has kept him out.
Sorry for being so long but your post kind of got me thinking about one of local boys.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thanks so much for sharing Jerry Smith’s story. Sadly, there are still many gay people who continue to live in the closet because of the way people react. I feel like polyamory is coming on the fringes of the gay rights movement. But even some of the most liberal minded people I know still have issues with polyamory and simply cannot understand it. And even liberal people react in bad ways toward those things they do not understand. “Different is wrong” seems to be an overarching theme in human history. It saddens me beyond words but I will continue speaking out for freedom for all especially when it comes to the way we love.
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
I don’t see why governments need to interfere with relationships – people should be able to make those decisions for themselves, free of prejudice, judgement and bigotry. Having a very narrowly defined view of what a family unit is marginalises so many people. I love your striped dress, the red shoes look fab with it!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thanks so much for joining the discussion. When governments force their definitions of love and family on us, then the rest of the population uses that to support their own judgments and prejudices. The idea that different is wrong seems to have a stronghold on human thinking and we need to change that. I guess writing about it and talking about it is where we start to implement that change. I hope you had a lovely weekend, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Theresa
Somerville is close to where I live right now and I heard about this on local news recently. Needless to say I was shocked and delighted! No one has a right to define what someone else’s personal relationships should be. If it doesn’t hurt or affect anyone else negatively, it’s not their business. Love your outfit, btw, The mixed prints and the summery look. The print on the shirt is amazing and the red sandals are the perfect touch.
xo
Theresa
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Theresa, thank you so much! I felt so great in this outfit (I wore it on 4th of July to host a little party with friends at my house). I am so impressed with Somerville and how cool that you live near there. Such great progress being made!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ruth
The saying love is love is love is my motto. Congrats on the new law arrangement!
http://www.ruthyannie.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ruth, thanks so much! That has been my feeling all along as well. Love and let others love as they will. I never could quite understand why anyone would regulate or judge the love of others. I hope you are having a wonderful week!
xoxo
Shelbee
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