Learning to Spot Energy Thieves
A dear friend warned me not too long ago about energy thieves. She explained to me that I have the type of positive energy that draws people toward me. I suppose it is true…I am upbeat and happy and almost always beaming with the joys of life. I have met other people who are like this and it is definitely contagious. It makes you want to be around them. They make you feel good simply by being in the presence of their good energy. When I meet people like this, it absolutely boosts my mood. I have to admit that it is an extraordinary compliment that my friend has classified me as one of these people. She is one of these people, too, which makes get togethers between the two of us exceptionally positive experiences. But they are positive for both of us because we each bring our own good energy to the table. Then we share it with each other…in a symbiotic way.
But there is a danger in possessing this kind of good energy. At the time when she delivered me the warning, I really had no idea what she was talking about. But she explained that there are people in the world who cannot (or have not yet figured out how to) create their own good positive energy. So when they meet people who exude this type of energy naturally, they want to be around them…because it makes them feel good…in a way that they can’t make themselves feel on their own. Now there isn’t much of a problem or danger in that. In seeking positive people in the hopes that their good energy will boost you up a little. Maybe just kick start your mood into action. The danger surfaces when this type of person doesn’t use your good energy to kick start their own, but rather they need your energy to keep theirs going and they have nothing to offer you in return. This is the point at which they have crossed into the category of energy thief.
A relationship with an energy thief is more parasitic than symbiotic. And here is how you can spot the difference between an energy thief and a reciprocating good energy friend. A person who likes to be around your good energy because it helps to stimulate their own positivity will reciprocate by sharing their good energy with you as well. They are already positive by nature so they don’t necessarily need you, they just enjoy and appreciate the energy that you bring to the relationship. It starts to become a parasitic relationship when you find that the other person is using your energy to boost their own, yet you are left exhausted just by being in their presence. That is the sure sign of an energy thief. They sing your praises about how great you make them feel just by being around you. At first, you are flattered by these words. So you continue in the relationship. But after some time, you find that your energy is depleted just from being around them. This eventually leads to dread about communicating with them because you know the end result is physical and emotional exhaustion for yourself. This is the point where warning flags go up and self-preservation should kick in.
I have to be honest, there are some days when maintaining my positive outlook on life is hard work. Usually it comes with ease, but that’s only because I have worked for a lifetime on changing my perspective and rewiring my brain to see the good and positive in every day life and acknowledging that happiness and joy really do come from inside of us. A lot of painful introspection and challenging self-improvement have been invested into developing myself into a person who can create and maintain my own positive energy independent of any outside sources. It really does come from within but we have to work at creating it. Despite it being self-generated, it is not unlimited. It requires continuous work to maintain it. So there comes a point when I can get overprotective and possessive of my good energy. I will share it with you, especially if you really need it, but once you start stealing it from me with nothing in return except my own exhaustion, that’s when you will notice my abrupt departure. As I run away grasping tightly to my own good energy, you may hear me selfishly roaring, “It’s my energy. Go make your own!”
Have you ever experienced an energy thief? They exist all around us. They are wily creatures. And they are sometimes quite difficult to spot. It gets easier with experience to identify them before they get attached, but every now and then, one or two will sneak into your life unsuspectingly and before you know it they have latched on with unrelenting energy sucking tentacles. Eventually, when you are adequately exhausted by the relationship, you will realize that you have been engaging with an energy thief. And the best course of action at that point is to just cut the tie and rip off the tentacles…without apology, shame, or remorse. And bounce off into your own happiness like Tigger…
“The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are wonderful things.
Their tops are made out of rubber.
Their bottoms are made out of springs.
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I’m the only one.
IIIII’m the only one!”
~ (Tigger), A. A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Ups.
*I stumbled upon an article after writing this post that I found quite fascinating. If you are interested in reading more about the energy levels of human beings, how we create our own energy, and how it can be stolen, this article is an interesting read…How People Steal Your Power, Energy and Soul.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
43 Comments
Tamar Strauss-Benjamin
I’ve heard of this before and know people who can suck the life and joy out of situations!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks for reading, Tamar! I am getting better at spotting this type of person quicker and then avoiding them if I can. But sometimes they still manage to sneak up on you and infiltrate your life! Nobody wants to be around someone who sucks the life and joy out of every situation.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy Baten
How good this is! I know what you mean. I had two people in my live that sucked the energy out of me when they were around me. I was really exhausted after spending a afternoon with them. And I didn’t get anything in return, no happiness, no laughter, no smile, nothing. I bannished them out of my life.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thanks so much for sharing your experience! It is crazy how easily and quickly this happens and we don’t even realize it immediately. But once we do realize it, that’s the time to run away! Or banish them as you say.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cathy Kennedy
Shelbee,
Oh yes, I’ve been around energy thieves in my lifetime and they can be a real kill buzz. There’s no amount of encouraging you can do to get some of these individuals to look past their troubles/sorrows to make his/her own happiness. Right now, I’m finding one said ‘energy thief’ wearing me down not only emotionally but financially. Enough is enough but when it’s family that makes it all the more difficult. *sigh* Thanks for sharing!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cathy, thank you for sharing your experience with me. I just stumbled upon an article about how our energy levels works and how people steal it from us (I just added the link to it at the bottom of this post…the author’s perspective is really quite interesting). I think sometimes it happens so subtly that we don’t even realize it until the point that we are so invested in that person, or we care about them, or love them, or like you said, it is a family member…and it makes so difficult to cut the tie. But at some point self-preservation will take control and you have to look out for your own well-being regardless of who the energy thief is. I do hope you are able to resolve the issue with your current energy thief soon!
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
OMFG, Shelbee! What a post, and a killer article! It gave me an epiphany, and filled me with energy! I am now sitting here in shock, while I digest this revelation. Until I’ve completed digestion, that’s all I can do, but let me just thank you, wholeheartedly for sharing this.
I have a huge, old house, and I rent a room to an energy sucker I have known since second grade. Recently, I told him if he couldn’t say anything positive, he should stop speaking to me, and leave me the hell alone. After a few feeble attempts to engage me (and my ignoring him) he gave up, and has been staying in his own part of my house. I’ve been much happier since, which demonstrated to me, that he should go. I waffled, because he mows the lawn, and is a great landscaper, and I’ve previously mentioned how I don’t work tools very well. Viola! You published this revelatory post, and now I know how to address this. Wow!
Screw that lawn, and lawnmower, I have always liked the look of a meadow anyway.
Thank you, Shelbee!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, I am so very glad that I could prompt such an epiphany! It is so crazy how energy thieves sneak up on us so gradually and subtly that we often don’t even realize it. Until someone outside of it draws our attention to it. Once we begin to learn the identifying traits, we do get better at spotting them before they gain too much control. But even then, some are masters at manipulation and suck us right in! Self-preservation and self-care must take control now, my friend. Plus do you know how many people are great at landscaping and mowing lawns?! I am sure there are many who will get the job done without stealing your energy and your soul in the process!
xoxo
Shelbee
Amy Christensen
Great post, Shelbee and so true. I am more of an introvert and a low energy person by nature, but on the occasions that I can be around someone who is more positive and upbeat it makes me feel energized and makes me want to do better and be better. Unfortunately, I have a number of people in my life that sap my energy and they are family members, so I think I need to find other things that can boost my energy up…not just people, but going for walks, listening to music I like, that sort of thing. Thanks for always sharing your insights. They are so helpful! – Amy
http://stylingrannymama.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Amy, thank you so much for sharing your experience. And I am so glad that you have found other ways to boost your energy independent of people. Music is such a great way to do that as is exercise and fresh air. That is such an important skill to have because we can’t always rely on people for our basic needs. And it is quite difficult when energy thieves are family members. It does leave you in quite a bind. But there always comes a time when we need to focus on ourselves and do what is best for our own self-preservation.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ericka @ A Quiet Girl's Musings...
I know some people whom I would definitely put in this category. My experience with them has been different, however, because as an introvert, people in general deplete my energy. But, these people zap energy on a completely different level; these are the people whom I would say “absolutely wear me out.” I recognize that after an interaction or two with them, that I have a tendency to go into super introvert mode when around them, to be more observant, less open, more quiet, and less engaging. I guess that’s part of my self preservation forcefield. When the forcefield goes up, the energy suckers find me less desirable to hang around because I have no energy for them to steal and they usually move on. LOL! That makes cutting the ties really easy!
Interesting topic. Definitely makes you think.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ericka, thanks so much for sharing your experience with me. I love the way you have described your self-preservation forcefield. I think through our experiences, we just learn what works best for us in situations like these. I am such a giver, so when people seek me out to be uplifted, I am always more than happy to oblige them. This is where I can find myself in trouble. While some of these people are not energy thieves and really just needed a little boost, many are the type who will continue to deplete my energy, slowly and steadily until I find myself too deep into it. Cutting ties becomes more of an untangling than just a clean cut! I am so glad that you have found what works best for you and that you can easily cut ties when necessary.
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
I, too love the force field idea, Erika, and you response Shelbee. Meadow, it is! Shelbee, I think your positive energy flows through the computer too. Yesterday I found Debbie @ Fashion Fairy Dust, and today I found SelfGrowth.com. Jackpot!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan, thanks so much! I am so glad that you are finding more sources of positivity! It is so important!
xoxo
Shelbee
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
Energy thief is a much more elegant expression than my husbands term of ‘hoover’. By this he means people who suck up the atmosphere. I find folk who are continually like this exhausting and desperately find excuses to avoid them. It makes me feel like both a horrible person and a sassy survivor! xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maria, I just laughed out loud at your husband’s term of “hoover”! It is a great expression and adequately descriptive of this phenomenon of human nature. And I would say to you…don’t hang on to that thinking you are horrible, just own that you are sassy survivor instead! There is nothing awful about preserving ourselves and the peaceful existence that we have worked very hard for. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your experience!
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie Caron
It’s so funny that you wrote this post. I had just replied to your comment on my blog and was saying that I love the energy of you and your blog, so fun and positive, then I headed over here and boom, your post is all about that very subject.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Julie! That is so funny how that happens! I had a similar experience the other day when I wrote my post that was inspired by Debbie of Fashion Fairy Dust…when I read her blog post, it was right in line with everything I had been writing lately. It is that weird universal connection that helps us to connect and relate and empower each other, I suppose! Thank you so much for your kindness and your support! I appreciate it more than you know.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
I’ve been in several relationships over the years where someone was sucking all of my positive energy and it did leave me exhausted. It was also hard for me to break the ties at that time in my life but I’m more aware of it now. I love this post and it definitely makes you think.
Jill
Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thanks so much for sharing your experience! I think we definitely get better at recognizing it the more we encounter it. And we get better at cutting it off after we do it a few times and realize the benefits of not allowing others to steal our good energy. By the way, it is so nice to see you out in blogland…even if it is just a brief appearance!
xoxo
Shelbee
Paula
This is a great subject Shelbee. I am a “listener” so most of my friends are talkers. However, it is very disheartening to have a telephone convo. with my friends who babble on from subject to subject about themselves. I actually have to be rude to interrupt if I want to say something or ask a question, and then I still don’t get the answer! One friend even said, “We’ll talk about your sons next time.” Isn’t conversation suppose to be give and take? Thank God for email, I can get a word in edgewise! This definitely depletes my energy and leaves me frustrated.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Paula, thanks so much for reading and sharing your experience. I have also met people like that…they have no interest in what you have to offer other than your energy to boost them up. I have even known people who do that through email! They will go on and on and not even respond to what I have written…although I don’t really even maintain email connections with people like any more either. It is just too exhausting any way you look at it. I hope you can find a way that is comfortable for you to handle these situations. Just remember that self-care is not selfish or rude!
xoxo
Shelbee
sepatuholig
super cute!
http://sepatuholig.blogspot.com/
IG @grace_njio
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Grace!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nina
Once again, a wonderful post! i call them vampires—I have a few in the periphery of my life, and have found that not engaging works for me most of the time. We need to catch up, girl!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Nina! Yes, keeping these vampires only peripheral and not engaging is the best way to handle them. We do need to catch up! Email me some dates and times that we can squeeze in a Facetime call!
xoxo
Shelbee
Savvy Southern Chic
Great post. There are people who will always be nothing but “takers”. They have nothing to give. We should be aware of them.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks for sharing your perspective on the topic, Fonda! It seems the world is filled with them, too, so we must be extra wary!
xoxo
Shelbee
Alice | Letters to my Daughter
It’s so important to surround yourself with the right people! #BlogCrush
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I agree completely, Alice! But it certainly requires continuous work to be alert and in tune to make that happen. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Alicia O'Brien
Oh my gosh I so get this! I an identify just the people you are talking about, and yes, they drain my wistful resources, and I am left feeling flat and exhausted! Avoid!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Alicia, I am so glad that you can relate. Thanks for sharing your experience with me as well..and I am learning to spot them quicker so I can avoid before too much energy is drained!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lorena
Thought provoking my dear Michelle – while I have learned to spot these I did not have a proper name for them.. right on.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lorena, thank you so much! I have heard others call people like this “energy vampires” but I find that term a little harsh for my taste. So I will stick with “energy thieves” and will avoid them just the same.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa Pomerantz
Keep the toxic life-suckers out of the picture! Joy, compassion and energy is what we all need! I think we are kindred spirits! #blogcrush xox
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thank you so much! While I do like to share my positive good energy wherever I can, I do need to reserve some for myself so I can successfully continue on my journey to share love and kindness and good energy with the rest of the world! Kindred spirits, for sure!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lucy At Home
I’ve never really heard it put like this before but yes I absolutely know someone who is an energy thief to me. Reading this was like reading our friendship on a page. I have been trying to hold her at arms length for a while now, because it was just draining me so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience #blogcrush
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lucy, thank you so much for sharing your experience! I am so glad that my words could help bring things into a better light for you. Sometimes all we need is an outside person to bring it all to our attention. We often get so close that we cannot see it. Keeping her at arm’s length is a good idea for now to regain your energy, gain some clarity, and figure out how you would like to proceed…keeping in mind what is best for you. I hope you have an easy time figuring it all out! Sending you good energy and clarifying vibes.
xoxo
Shelbee
Claire
Thanks for sharing this Shelbee, I had not heard of this before. So true too 🙂 Love your floral top.Thanks for sharing at The Welcome To The Weekend Blog Hop
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Claire! These types of people want to be near people like us with our good positive energy. It helps them to feel better, but then it can drain us!
xoxo
Shelbee
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Claire! These types of people want to be near people like us with our good positive energy. It helps them to feel better, but then it can drain us!
xoxo
Shelbee
Marilee Gramith
Energy thieves can be difficult to shake off. Any recommendations for procedures?
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
For me, Jude, once I start feeling exhausted every time I am around person, I begin to limit time spent around that person. And I have no problem being straight forward and telling them that are exhausting me and I need a break. If it gets too consuming, I just cut ties. I know that it is a difficult way to go for most people, but sometimes it is just necessary for your own mental health. I hope that helps! Thanks for reading.
xoxo
Shelbee