Is it Possible to Run Out of Kindness? & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #155
When I began this #SpreadTheKindness Link Up way back in November of 2016, I was full of fire and passion about a mission that was near to my heart. I wanted to take a stand against negativity and toxicity that exists in the world around us. I wanted to be kind to everyone for the sole purpose of just being kind. I wanted to lead by example and teach my children the importance of kindness. I wanted to show that everyone deserves to be on the receiving end of kindness just because we are all humans struggling through the irony that is being human. In an effort to make the world a better, brighter, more loving place, I simply wanted to pursue an initiative focused on kindness.
Week after week for, well, 155 weeks, I have primarily focused the content of these posts on kindness, doing something kind for someone, sharing a story about someone else being kind, making a legacy out of kindness, pure and simple. Those of you reading this who are content creators, you know how difficult it can be to create unique and interesting content week after week. You know how time consuming it all is and how much energy and devotion goes into every word, every sentence, every message. Lately, with each passing week, it is becoming more and more difficult to tap into the kindness that I once believed would flow through me for an infinite period of time. And now for this very first #SpreadTheKindness post of the new decade, I fear that I may have run out of kindness.
I don’t know if that is even possible or if maybe it is just a phase that is resulting from the extensive funk that seems to be casting dark shadows on my life right now. But today, as I sit down to draft this post, I really do feel all out of kindness. I feel like I gave too much and maybe I felt too much. Maybe I unknowingly gave with expectations of something in return even though I am fully aware that expectations of any sort will always leave us disappointed. My intentions were good and true. They were genuine and real in that I honestly believed that I was spreading kindness for the sake of kindness alone. I might have tricked myself and set myself up for a big giant landslide into a very large sea of negativity.
I am not sure what it all means. I am not sure what caused my depletion. I am not even really sure if am actually a kind person at all. The past few weeks, I have spent countless hours in solemn contemplation and introspection about what makes me tick, what drives me forward, what is my purpose and what are my goals. I have questioned who I am, where I stand, who I want to be. And all of this reflection has left me not really liking what I see or how I feel…about myself, about the world, about everyone and everything in it.
Perhaps my focus has been clouded by things around me. But I can’t place blame on things outside of me for I know deep in my soul that we can only blame ourselves for our discontent just as we are solely responsible for the changes we want to see within ourselves. I do not expect changes to happen just because I type a few frivolous words on my laptop, hiding in solitude at my little desk in the corner of my comfortable home. But maybe that is the problem…I did expect changes. Somewhere along the line, I did have expectations of impossible things. And I set myself up for failure and disappointment. It truly is my own fault. Now I just need to reevaluate things. All things. Every thing. And figure out what I want to do with it all.
But this process of evaluation, introspection, and contemplation is quite exhausting. I am tired. I think too much. I feel too much. And I am baffled by the world and the people in it all too often. These feelings are by no means stemming from any identifiable incidents. They have been born from the complete amalgamation of every single thing that I have experienced in my 45 years of life. And it leaves me wondering, can this life, this world, break us completely to the point where we are so tainted that we can no longer find the reasons that we once had to give love and kindness unconditionally? Can we actually run out of kindness?
I don’t have an answer and I am not ready to give up yet. So I am simply indulging my own personal wonderings and allowing things a little less than kind to seep into a post about kindness. I suppose that is the reality of life and the human condition. We wax and wane and weave in and out of different modes and various stages. We reserve the right to change at will and oftentimes against our will. I guess right now, I am embracing those changes, both willful and not, because I kind of don’t have a choice in the matter. And so I leave you with these questions…
What are your thoughts about kindness? Can it be depleted? If it is depleted, is there any hope of it being restored? Do you have any tips for its restoration?
And now your featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorites (Most Clicked)
Lizzie of Lizzie in Lace understandably has caught the eyes of many in her stunning holiday outfits from Glamorous New Years Eve Outfit Ideas: Return to the 20s. Be sure to read the full post to see both gorgeous outfits that she has styled to celebrate the new decade.
And Nancy of Nancy’s Fashion Style has grabbed our attention with her New Year’s gratitude in her post, Thank You Dear Readers! In case you didn’t already know, I simply adore this woman! Be sure to join us this month for The Good Buy/Good-Bye Book as well. We are featuring sweaters or jumpers.
My Favorite Fashion Post
Michelle of My Bijou Life, who only just recently started expanding her crafting blog into the realm of fashion blogging, shared the cutest piratey outfit I have ever seen in her post, My Outfit for an Evening with Chris Isaak. Michelle also just started writing on Medium as well. Definitely go check out what she is sharing on that platform.
My Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Patrick of Adventures in Weseland, who focuses his blog on things to do and see around his hometown, stepped a bit out of his comfort zone and got a little more personal in his post, Just Simply Me in 2019. Always keeping it real, light, and fun, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Do go check out the post and read through the comments for a funny story that I shared about the Red Rock Canyon in Las Vegas (pictured below with Patrick in the foreground).
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my outfit…
Outfit Details: Jacket and Sweater-Old Navy / Shorts and Handbag-Kohl’s / Tights and Scarf-Torrid / Boots-Shoe Dazzle / Gloves-Isotoner (Target) / Hat-Linda Gibbs Handmade / Earrings and Necklace-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
80 Comments
Tiina L
I hear you… and I’m not surprised you’re exhausted. Trying to be kind is exhausting, and it is natural to expect, or hope, at least some of that kindness to be reflected back to you. Unfortunately, people often take advantage of kindness, too.
Maybe it’s time you’re kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel frustrated, angry or annoyed. You’re only human. Too much kindness from your part with nothing in return can lead to bitterness. Trust me, I’m a recovering kind person, I’ve learned to give kindness only in small doses and only when it is genuinely needed and appreciated. Besides, some people do not deserve kindness. And today I’m feeling particularly unkind (going back to work after a break, dealing with the same shit and same idiots as before I left), but I sympathise, and I hope you direct some of that precious kindness to yourself. ypu deserve it, and you need it.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tiina, seriously, I cannot thank you enough for your words on this topic. Bitterness is the perfect word to describe much of what I have been feeling lately. The problem is that I am not sure who I am bitter with or where to direct it and so I direct inward. I also have been struggling lately with feelings of resentment, anger, and even hatred and it feels so unnatural and uncomfortable to me that I don’t even know how to process it. And once again, I direct it inward because I don’t really know where else to put it. Writing about it helps and the feedback from all of you helps as well. I think you are definitely onto something with kindness only in small doses. And maybe some people really don’t deserve any at all. At least not from me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for getting me on this one!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar Benjamin
First, you are so kind!!!! I think we all feel drained and have these periods. Self-care, self-care, self-care!!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tamar, thank you so much! I feel like I have practiced self care to the point of hideous selfishness. Another thing that I have been reevaluating within myself. But I have slowly been making lots of self care changes as well so I can feel healthier overall. I definitely think that is part of this funk.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Thank you for the feature! Castor thanks you also, you see he is kind! And you are too! You didn’t loose it. Just take life as it is and how your day is. Be happy with each day and don’t think to much. You can’t change what other people do or say. And we are not always happy with ourselves, but there are a lot more people who don’t even think about if they have to change.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thanks so much for your kindness and support and friendship. Castor is one cool cat, too! I am overall a generally happy person, but you already knew that. I just can’t seem to turn off the over thinking lately! And that just leads me to believe that I definitely has some introspective work that needs to be done. I am sure I will keep you all posted here on the crazy journey that is my mind!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kellyann Rohr
Shelbee, you are absolutely a kind person – in fact, one of the kindest women out there! You are always sharing such kind comments, appreciation, inspiration, and encouragement. I don’t believe we can ever run out of kindness. I think it is present in all the little things we see and do on a daily basis. Sure there are grand gestures of kindness too but it’s the little things that make a difference. The little things teach and inspire our children to be better humans; they are doable and I think that is what’s important!
Maybe it’s time to step away from your series after such a long time and all the energy you put forth but I know you will continue to be the kind person you are and you will spread kindness no matter what!
xo,
Kellyann
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kellyann, thank you so very much for this comment. Maybe I shouldn’t have read it before I drank my coffee because I just got all teared up and stuff. I have been so caught inside my head the past few weeks, like a really bad trap, and I can’t seem to get out of it until I process all the nonsense that has been running wild in there! I don’t think I am ready to give up on this kindness series because it is what I really want to do and a legacy that I want to leave. I might need to just go get my chakras aligned or something!
xoxo
Shelbee
Regine Karpel
I’m loving this look. The red boots are so cute.
http://www.rsrue.blogspot.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Regine!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michele Morin
Writing is such a solitary exercise. We send words out into the world, never knowing what will resonate and what will fall flat. This year, I am determined to focus my energy on people and projects nearby. So far that looks like stiffening my commitment to some volunteer roles I have been letting slide and accepting a speaking engagement right here in Maine. If I’m not giving close to home and in real life, my writing is going to ring hollow and kindness will be more theoretical than actual.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michele, thanks so much for sharing that insight. It is all so true. I am so glad that you are pursuing interests in your community and have accepted a speaking engagement. I wish you so much luck and success with all of it. I have tried so hard to be a positive force in my own community but it has really left me feeling more like an outsider than ever. So I don’t think that is the answer for me. I may need to reach further from home to find my focus. But your comment has certainly provoked my thinking in the right direction!
xoxo
Shelbee
Theresa
Oh, Shelbee. Been where you are. I think what helped was learning to balance things more in my life and managing expectations. I don’t think you’d ever run out of kindness. And it is something sorely lacking in today’s world. So it is important to cultivate it for the sake of humanity. But learning how to use it judiciously takes ongoing practice.
When you reach a point where you feel like you’ve spread so much kindness to everyone else, and not enough to yourself, it can result in emotional exhaustion and resentment. I feel that kindness, like forgiveness, is healing to the self, regardless whether it is returned. But it’s also important to know your limits. Recalibrating the mindset to realize being kind is for your own well being, regardless of the outcome, helps to feel less resentful. But learning how to balance being kind to others, while protecting your own well being is the trick and it’s an ongoing process. Hope I’m making sense here. I’m not nearly as good at expressing my thoughts as you are!
You are a very caring person, and that is a very admirable trait. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and adjust your emotional scales a bit.
Lots of big hugs
Theresa
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Theresa, you are making perfect sense and your words are resonating brilliantly with me. Thank you so much for that. I think I am in that process right now of taking a step back to reevaluate and readjust my scales and my perspective and my expectations. In fact, I have basically withdrawn from the world around me. And I am really okay with that. I am obviously still being present in the online world because that is really all I can manage right now and it is better than a complete withdrawal from society as a whole. But right now, limiting myself to online communications seems to be helping me a bit to gain the peace and quietude that I need to do the work that I need to do to get back to right. I cannot express enough gratitude for your support and encouragement as well as the support of everyone else here who reads and offers their beautiful words and insight as well.
xoxo
Shelbee
Bojana
Now you have me thinking so deeply and yet so early in the morning. LOL. I do think that there is a difference between kindness and patience, or maybe there isn’t. I am not sure anymore. I believe, hope, that generially I am a kind person but there have been encounters lately where my tolerance for incompetence or lack of desire to become competent leave me feeling annoyed. Ex. people who refuse to help you out in a store, specifically the younger generation which boggles my mind because I was so proud of every job I held. Maybe I am just getting old. LOl. Either way, being kind, compassionate and open minded are things that will never lead us down the wrong path. Happy New Year lady.
bosbodaciousblog.blogspot.ca
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Bo, thank you so much for your insight and input. I am sorry to send you down the deep thinking path so early in the morning! It happens to me all the time…the constant deep thinking that stands the chance of making me completely insane! And I think it is just a matter of frustration and exhaustion for me right now. But as long as I have breath, I will not lose all hope. Just a temporary lapse in optimism.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
You are a kind person and one of the most encouraging and appreciative bloggers I know! I think we all go through phases when the world exhausts us and we feel like we don’t have anything good to offer. You may feel like you lost the ability to be kind, but it’s still there and it will come back!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so much for your encouragement and support. I really do feel depleted to the point that I don’t know if it will rejuvenate. But I will ride it out and see where it all lands me.
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
This is such a great look on you! Loving the sweater, and how you added the layers to keep warm!
You got some great tips from others about the topic. I agree with everyone else, we need to be kind to ourselves first to be able to continue spreading kindness. I’ve been a master at overthinking to the point of having an increased heart rate for no reason other than overthinking!! (This was years ago.) Yoga has worked wonders for me for taking care of myself and to stay medication free. If you have a local YMCA, I really suggest you give it a try if they offer yoga classes.
Thank you for always leaving such kind comments!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ellie, thank you so very, very much for your kind words and insight. I definitely need to try some more relaxing and centering activities…like yoga and meditation. Right now, I am in complete hibernation mode, withdrawing from the outside world, so I don’t think I am ready to plunge myself into a class with actual real life people! But I think maybe some meditation and light exercise at home would work wonders right now. I really appreciate your support and suggestions and I am taking it all to heart. Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
Anika
I love that even if you’re not sure of the answer, you’re not giving up! I definitely appreciate all the kindness you spread across the blogosphere, it’s so refreshing to see! I really enjoy the kindness series, as well as the uplifting comments and experiences it brings. Keep doing you!! 🙂
Anika | chaptersofmay.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anika, thank you so much for your words here. I have not given all hope, I just need a little time to reevaluate and replenish myself. I know that I will never all the answers but it is in my nature to keep seeking! I appreciate you and your encouragement!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
Looking very nice.
I am getting to the point that it is tiring and I really don’t care about the human race anymore but people like you and others make me want to care again. Trying to be kind is hard, very hard in this crazy world. Sometimes, I wonder if anybody cares or notices but I solider on trying to be kind getting burned in the process. I guess that is who I am.
Anyway, thanks for the feature as it put a smile on face and thanks for hosting. I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thank you so much for your thoughts and sharing your experience. It is like we are punished for being too kind. It does come back to burn us time and again. And I just keep trying to soldier through as well. It is enough to keep me going knowing that I can make you want to care again. I guess that is how we can help each other out in this confusing and cruel world.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lise
Hi Shelbee, I only comment occasionally but today feel compelled to. Not that I have pots of wisdom, ha-ha, just my own spin on this. If a person is kind, like you clearly are, this person will always be kind, it is not a virtue that comes an goes. Kindness stems from empathy which you seem to have bucket loads of. Over thinking is the killer – I know, I am a huge over-thinker, analyser as well. Let us try and make 2020 the year of Not Overthinking. Sometimes to switch off the serious overthinking you just need to move your train of thought to something less deep but still fun, like which outfits shall I make from my closet. 🙂 This probably sounds superficial and ridiculous but it can work. Years ago I learned how important it is to ‘black square’ a negative thought, ie. just stop that thought right in it’s tracks and replace it with a black square. Good Luck. Lise
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lise, thank you so very much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. Over thinking is absolutely killing me right now! I used to be able to let things go fairly easily when they started to bother me, but for some reason I have returned to a very negative habit of too much thinking and thinking in a very pessimistic way. I like this commitment to making 2020 the year of Under-thinking! I need to find that black square to house all these incessant thoughts! I cannot express enough gratitude for your thoughts, support, and encouragement. Cheers to a thoughtless new year!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jean | Delightful Repast
Shelbee, sometimes it’s not a matter of wearing ourselves out with being kind, but of being overly kind. We humans have limited energy and limited hours in the day, so we have to parcel out the kindness. Some days, simply resisting the urge to be unkind might be all we can manage. Some days, we might be able to add in some positive but not overly time-consuming acts of kindness. I think it’s when we think we have to radiate kindness and positivity 24 hours a day and think that means we can have no limits on what we do for others that we get depleted and burnout sets in. I’m reminded of the old song, “Did you ever have to make up your mind, say yes to one and leave the others behind.”
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jean, thanks so much for these very helpful and insightful words. I was starting to feel the burnout a few months ago and did start saying no to a lot of demands that were being put on me. But I think the damage was already done and then it just amplified through the holidays. I will get back to where I need to be but it is going to take some work and lots of self reflection! I really appreciate all of the support and encouragement from everyone!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lizzie
First off, thank you for the feature Shelbee <3 That really made my day!!
Secondly, I get you. And I think it depends on the situation. I think that you are such a kind person that you just share share share all the time, but the thing is… you need to have your needs met too. You're always trying to spread your kindness to others but you, in fact, need others to do the same for you. I know this because I went through the same thing. For years, I tried to be everything to everyone. I was always the first to help, to give advice, to just… give. Always. And I never got that in return from others but I also didn't expect to. But I've realized that we do NEED to have that expectation because otherwise people take advantage of our kindness and we end up resentful, lonely and bitter. I think that you can still be kind but you have to actively set boundaries with other people.
I also think there's probably a few things going on here. You could be burnt out – this happened to me – or maybe you just need to take this time of self-reflection and see what it all means. When you expect too much, it's easy to be disappointed when things don't turn out the way you envisioned them. I don't think that expecting impossible things sets you up for failure though. Honestly, I've learned not to expect. Because when I don't expect things to happen, I don't get disappointed when they don't turn out… and when they do, it's the best feeling. Of course, I still have dreams and goals but I'm much more flexible with how they happen rather than expecting a certain outcome.
I'm rooting for you, my friend <3
xo
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lizzie, thank you so much for this! I started crying reading it because I know you get me. And I have been one to set and maintain boundaries for a really long time. I guess I sort became too flexible recently and gave away too much. And now I am retreating like a wounded dog, tail between my legs, feeling defeated and well, kind of stupid, to be honest. Embarrassment and shame are debilitating emotions and they are making me want to withdraw from the world. But I will trudge through while I process it all. I am confident that I will figure things out eventually, but I think the process will be a long and tiring one this time. Thank goodness for my amazing therapist who I see this Friday! And thank goodness for my amazing blogger fiends who get it and are so encouraging and supportive.
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
The highs and lows baby…
Well, you can run out— but, doesn’t have to be forever. Take a break. And I do believe in expectations. People live up (or down to them), so the higher the better. Obviously, based in reality tho lol
You look beautiful btw!
Take your time in your feelings ❤
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Becky, thank you so much! Maybe I need to escape to Asheville!
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
I love your kind series and I see you as kind person, but also one that won’t let someone bulldoze over them either. I think maybe a little break (like Kellyann suggested) would help. You do way more than most, so don’t be hard on yourself!! And, you’re also such a fashionista! I love, love, love the colors in this outfit. They’re all bold and work together nicely… and, that sweater looks OH so cozy!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carrie, thank you so very much! I definitely needed a little break from blogging which I took over the holidays. And I love getting back to sharing content here. But now I need a little break from the world. Which I am currently taking as I hide behind my computer and withdraw from the actual real world. For now, it is good for me. I have not given up all hope, just a temporary lapse, I guess. I do so appreciate all of your kind words and support!
xoxo
Shelbee
Pam Ecrement
How you honor us with your honesty and vulnerability! It can happen to any or all of us to reach the point of depletion and the sources (You’re right!) can be many.
What I know from many miles away is that I see a woman of courage who routinely encourages others in many ways.(I appreciate you!) I see a woman who is honest even if it exposes more than she might wish on her best days. I see a woman who cares deeply and may be disappointed that so many others do not or don’t show or express it. I see a woman who needs nurture after she nurtures others.
I think if we are relying on our own energy and our own motivation to consistently be kind and extend it to others, it will invariably run out. My history includes being a guardian to my mentally and physically handicapped brother for 12 years following my parents’ deaths, teaching special education junior high students for 15 years, and working as a licensed professional clinical counselor for 25 years. I know what it is like to feel fatigue that doesn’t get resolved by a good night’s sleep, to doubt myself on many levels.
What I came to understand is that the source for kindness, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, and faithfulness came from God who created me. He is the only One who is perfect and in a New Testament passage (Galatians 5:22) it says the fruit of the Spirit are these very things we want to be, but cannot because the dailyness of life, disappointment, lies we have believed for too long, and more keep nibbling away at our own human efforts to produce a steady flow of all these things. Knowing and believing that frees me from adding more “to do things” to my days to summon up what I cannot seem to find anywhere. It reminds me that God is the source and if I ask Him to replenish me, He will lead me and be faithful.
Hugs and warm thoughts to you, my friend♥️
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Pam, thank you so very, very much for this beautiful, insightful, encouraging, loving comment. You have brought tears to my eyes and wisdom to my soul. I have been taking this time in isolation for some serious self reflection and getting back in touch with faith and with myself. I think along the way, I lost perspective and I lost sight of who I am and who I want to be. I got myself caught in the tendrils of all sorts of confusion because my perspective got skewed. It is a process that is taking more time than I’d like, but a necessary process nonetheless. And I will take it one step at a time until I get to the other side. That is the only way, I believe. I am so grateful for all of you in this blogging community who allow me to safely share my vulnerabilities and work my way through the difficult processes of life. You have all been so supportive and caring and I am overwhelmed by it. My words cannot adequately express all the gratitude in my heart. Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
midlifeandbeyond
I think we have all been there. Like you so eloquently said life is about stages – my mum always used to say that. I think first and foremost we have to be kind and not too hard on ourselves especially when things don’t go right and they quite often don’t – that is real life. But then out of the blue something nice will happen – or someone will be good or kind to you. It doesn’t have to be a big thing – it could be a friendly wave, smile or even just keeping the door open for you and it all changes again.
Alison xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Alison, thank you so much for sharing your insight with me. Real life can be a real bitch sometimes, can’t it?! Ha. I think finally after about 10 days of feeling really icky about life and these things, I am getting tired of feeling that way and am starting to come back around. Life is all about these stages, for sure. Your mum definitely got that right! I am so appreciate and grateful for this wonderful community of bloggers that is always so supportive and willing to offer kind and encouraging words.
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
Fabulous boots Shelbee, as is the whole outfit – I don’t think it’s possible, sometimes we just need our own time and to have kindness spread over us. Jacqui x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jacqui, thank you so much! I am slowly regaining my capacity for kindness…I think I just got depleted from overdoing it lately! I appreciate you all so much in this wonderful supportive blogging community.
xoxo
Shelbee
Catherine, Not Dressed As Lamb
Oh Shelbee my lovely – I think the mere fact that you *think* you’ve run out of kindness proves that you definitely haven’t… truly unkind people don’t worry about that sort of thing as they’re only concerned with themselves! I’m sure you know this but take a little time to practice some self-care to get your well-being in order. It’s not a bad thing to put yourself first every now and then (it’s healthy and allows you to continue your kindness to others)!
Being kind to yourself is just as important 😀
I’ve linked all the happy/silly stuff I’ve written lately in the hopes that it’ll bring a smile to someone’s face – I know you read most of them already as you left some very kind comments on my blog. There you go: still sharing the kindness over my way!
Sending love and hugs over the pond to you
Catherine x
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Catherine, thank you so very much! You are such a kind soul, always ready to uplift, and I am so inspired by you. I have been so stuck inside my own head for the past few weeks trying to make sense of it all…mostly of who I am and how I want to move forward in my life. While it has been kind of dark within me the past week or so, it has always been very cathartic. I am so blessed to have this safe place to share my vulnerabilities and I am always met with so much love, support, and encouragement. I will come back around, I am certain, it is just taking a bit more time that I expected. I cannot express enough gratitude for you and all of my blogging friends.
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
Shelbee
You are a kind person, just think, a person that doesn’t even think about kindness, would not even be writing about it on the blog! :-)) I think for some reason, winter tends to put us more in touch with our feelings, maybe it is because we are couped inside, and thinking more.. At least, it seems that way with me. I try and be kind, give and help people. I think I don’t make my expectations to high, so there is less dissapointment.
Those red boots are sexy! Love the mix of red and mustard!
Happy New YEar!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jess, thank you so much! Winter definitely contributes to me getting stuck inside my own head for way too long. I seriously haven’t left my house in about 10 days other than to go take outfit photos and go to some appointments. I have not interacted with anyone face to face except my family and people at my appointments. Being a people person, I am surprisingly okay with this kind of isolation right now. It is helping me to regain my perspective, I think. Plus I have just really been unhappy with myself lately and need to figure out what I need and want to change. I appreciate your friendship and support so very much!
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
No you haven’t run out. But times shift and we go through phases….I think it’s normal. Hormones, chemicals in our bodies can totally change how we think.
But you? You are a bundle of goodness no matter what. Kind, fabulous and always wonderful.
Here’s a hug for days like this.
XOOX
Jodie
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jodie, thank you so much! For always having the right words to uplift me, for always being kind and understanding, for always supporting what I do, and for being my friend. I appreciate that more than you know. This community is so wonderful and I suppose that is why I feel safe sharing my vulnerabilities and struggles here, just as I hope to make it a safe place for others to do the same. I am starting to come back around…slowly but surely…as we will always return to ourselves, I suppose.
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie
I really enjoyed this post and reading about your introspection. We go through seasons and life can drag us down to the point we think we have run out of something, but maybe there is a need to give yourself a little more grace. You have kindness to give but it might just be less in this season. Take care, friend!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carrie, thank you so much for your very insightful words. I think you may be right…this is not my season to give too much and that’s okay. It has to be.
xoxo
Shelbee
Linda Cassidy
I dont think you run out but I do think you need a rest. What ever the reason, your kindness genes just need a little boost. Take some time and it will come back. I love the KIndness series and how you always give to others
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Linda! I think I am starting to come around to that same conclusion. A little break from people was much needed. I took a nice long blogging break over the holidays and I am glad that I got back to that because writing and sharing are what help me process and heal. Plus you all are so supportive and encouraging in this blogging community, so that never hurts. I appreciate you all so very much!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
Oh sweet Shelbee, I don’t think you can run out of kindness, but I DO think you can get in a slump of negativity. It’s so easy especially when the holidays are over to feel so grey and down about things. Maybe take it easy on yourself and the kindness will come back!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. I am slowly coming around, I think. I really did just need to step away from society for a bit and regain my footing. Hopefully by next week, I will feel back to my normal self! I appreciate your support!
xoxo
Shelbee
Linda Gibbs
Have to admit, I’ve been struggling with this myself, Michelle, trying to be better, not bitter. The world will suck all the kindness out of us, because so much is needed to overcome the dark. But think of it as a relay race – when one of us has to pull back and replenish, another takes over for a little while. It is a law of nature, I believe, that we need to ebb and flow. These times are SO, SO hard.
I just finished watching the presentation of the Mark Twain award to Dave Chappelle. I highly recommend watching it. It has helped me heal a little bit, and realize that amidst – and because – of all the turmoil, it’s important to stop, take a deep breath, and remember joy. Regain faith, even just a hint of it. To make joy, laughter, compassion the memory in the face of darkness because it negates the darkness.
OK, so now I have to tell you – I LOVE THIS OUTFIT. All the color and softness, and those boots. Gorgeous! You always inspire me! Thank you 😀
Linda
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Linda, thank you so, so much for commenting on this. I had a long conversation with my husband last night about adjusting my perspective (my own advice coming back at me in a time when I have lost perspective) and while I am feeling down and dark, I am still able to have so much gratitude for the wonderful things in my life. I have a safe and comfortable home where I can hide away while I replenish myself and I am surrounded by my loving family. I also have this wonderful community of blogging friends who always support me with so much love and kindness. I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling as well (maybe it is this dark and dreary North Country in the winter that effects us this way as well), but I will check at the Mark Twain award presentation as you suggested…perhaps I can find some healing there, too. I appreciate your words and your friendship so very much. Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
Katie
I love this outfit, especially the addition of the red boots! I think everyone goes through stages and we all get burned out from time to time. I think too often acts of kindness are not always directly acknowledged, but they do have a huge impact on people, so don’t give up! You do so much and always give the sweetest comments on posts, in addition to hosting your fabulous link-ups! We all really appreciate everything you give to the blogger community!
-Katie
http://www.hellokatiegirlblog.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Katie, thank you so much for your kindness as well! This is why I love the blogging community so much. I can share my vulnerabilities (which is super scary, as you we all know) and I am always met with so much love and support and encouragement. Writing is my way to process all the crap in my head and I am so grateful that I have a place where I can safely engage in that process. I appreciate you and this entire community so very much. It’s the rest of the world that has gotten under my skin lately! Haha.
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Shelbee, I have found your intent to be kind so refreshing! You are always so positive and share, tweet, and respond! I always appreciate it so much!! My son once told me the same thing, that we always made him be polite and kind to others and he said nobody else was like that! We told him to continue to model the behavior and over time, it would come back to him. I think he’s starting to see that at last. I think the other gals who say start by being kind to yourself first are right. What makes you happy? If you want to veg, just do it! You work very hard to make others happy, maybe just focus on YOU for a while. You deserve it, dear Shelbee.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so very much for your sweet words. I am literally so overwhelmed right now by all the kindness that the blogging community is sending to me. I think I really did exhaust myself and my personal resources by putting myself out into the world with lots of energy and good intentions. And now I really do need to just isolate for a while so I can regain my footing. Only interacting with people online for now is the perfect balance for me. I appreciate your support and your friendship so very much.
xoxo
Shelbee
Anne Byrne
Hey Shelbee,
Greetings from the sunny Canary Islands where I’m spending this week – I live in the west of Ireland. Everything you’ve just said strikes a chord (we seem to be exactly the same age, and I’m a self employed Mum with a couple of regular columns so I have to come up with regular content too). I’m also the eldest of 7, with the usual tensions and problems, the worst by far being the loss from cancer of the most beloved sister two years ago. There are other health and mental health issues too (I like to think we put the ‘fun’ into ‘dysfunction’.) I’m a glass half full person, but you can imagine the potential burnout possibilities, so here’s my two cents worth for your lovely self, and I really hope it helps: Kindness begins with yourself, and you are just as deserving of it as anybody else. Taking care of you is not just ok, it’s essential- this is why you are told to put on your own oxygen mask before seeing to your kids, and why I’m spending the first week of term sipping cava off the coast of Africa before noon :). The well of kindness can absolutely malfunction, and some well deserved TLC for yourself is appropriate to get it up and running again. Essential maintenance. I know your husband serves in the armed forces and I’m grateful to each and every person like him who works to defend the free world, and I wish him safety and success always. But you are doing THE hardest job on planet earth – being a Mom – and don’t ever let no master of the universe tell you otherwise, sister !! You take care of you, and then other things will fall into place, in their own sweet time. Sending you hugs and support across the world. Love from Anne xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anne, thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave such a lovely and thoughtful comment. You have brought tears to my eyes. I am so grateful that I have this wonderful caring community where I can safely share my vulnerabilities and my stories. I am always met with so much love and kindness here. Slowly but surely, I am learning how to weather this current storm. I am no stranger to these storms but sometimes they downright knock you on your butt and regaining footing is difficult. But I have thrown out my SOS and the response of lifelines has been overwhelming. I do not have adequate words to express my gratitude! So all I can say is a very humble thank you!
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
I have learned that there is a balance with kindness especially with family. I still try to be kind but my priority is to be kind my spouse and kids and take care of our family unit. Otherwise I feel drained. I don’t think of the subject too often and I definitely might say I have degrees of kindness.
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic. And you just made me realize that all too often when I get so concerned with spreading kindness into the world, I can tend to short fused with my kids. I need to shift that which I have absolutely been doing the past few weeks. Thank you for the reminder!
xoxo
Shelbee
Dee | Grammy's Grid
Thanks so much for hosting!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much for stopping by and joining us, Dee! Much appreciated.
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
Shelbee this could have been written by me a year ago. Living with a controlling and mean sibling (to give them a home), handling back stabbing where I was donating lots of my time and experience for free, people whom I loved who were, well, being horrid and demanding all of the time. Everywhere I turned, it was as though my kindness was slapping me in the face. I was left crushed and depleted. And this is so sad, when others have it, too. I do feel that it builds up with time, and that the kind person (eg yourself) just keeps giving, trusting, having faith, things like that. Kindness is such a special gift, which you clearly have. Reading your (brave) post, wow, a crossroads perhaps? It’s none of my business what other people do, but what helped me was quietly moving myself away from people who weren’t nice, and removing myself completely from toxic situations. Not perfect, but it helped. Oh, and I still do 100% believe in kindness.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thank you so very much for sharing your experience. While it makes me sad that you had to suffer through this as well, it does also bring me comfort to know that I am not alone in these experiences. I have recently withdrawn myself from a lot of things in an effort to heal and regain proper footing. I really do think it is a crossroads for me and I just hope that I can make good decisions to make the whole thing beneficial. I am so grateful that I have this wonderful blogging community to support me.
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
A very thought provoking post Shelbee and an interesting one at that. In my opinion, I don’t think you can run out of kindness but you can definitely take it away. I know life will throw us a lot of curve balls and it’s up to us to decide how to react to it. I have had my own fair share of experiences when my kindness was taken for granted and it took me awhile to figure out that it had nothing to do with me. I hope that you are able to find clarity Shelbee. Sending you positive vibes and a lot of big hugs!
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so much for your kind words and insight. Life certainly has a way of forcing us to reevaluate things and ourselves every now and then, doesn’t it? I am working through the process to gain some clarity and see what I need to change to continue on the path that I want to be on. I appreciate your friendship so very much.
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Oh Shelbee, I don’t think that if you are by nature a kind person—which you are—that you can ever truly run out of kindness. I think you can absolutely be exhausted, which it sounds like you may be. But above all, you should be kind to yourself, and if that means you need to withdraw and nurture yourself for a bit, then please do so. Sending you a big hug from California. xo
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words! I really cannot express enough gratitude for all the love and support that I receive from this wonderful blogging community. You all enrich my life so much more than I ever expected. Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nora Minassian
Hi Shelbee, sorry you are feeling down on yourself. It is only natural and it happens to all of us, but let me tell you that you are a very kind person and genuine (rare quality these days). You should be proud of yourself for being able to put so much of yourself out there. Give yourself a break, you will be just fine. I wish you all the best in 2020 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nora, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. The break away from society has been really beneficial so far.
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
Your title made me giggle (even though its not really a laughing matter) because I feel like I have run out of kindness several times this week. I am so sorry you are in a funk. I am right there with you. Praying we both find our joy again soon.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thank you so much, Lauren! Today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I am starting to feel more like myself. I had a therapy appointment this morning so I think that definitely helped. I hope we can both find our joy and kindness once again as well! Sharing with you some of the positive energy I gained today! Have a great weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
First off, thanks for the feature! What an awesome surprise!
As for the subject of kindness, I have several thoughts…. In my personal interactions with people, I lead with kindness, but honestly, how I continue depends on how they interact with me. Positively? The kindness continues. Negatively? I spare not even single thought for them. I am indifferent. Notice, I say indifferent. I do not spare the energy to be negative. Shitty people have no right to any of my energy. Ever.
Next, I think we can have the impression that the world is unkind, and yes, it can be, but mostly it’s not. The news leads us to this conclusion because nothing sells a story more than negative people and negative outcomes. It’s very rare that everyday kindness makes the news. My husband and I are watching a YouTube series called Itchy Boots. It’s about a young woman from Holland who is riding her motorcycle around the world. She bought her motorcycle in India, and road through India, Bhutan, Myanmar, Thailand, then shipped her bike to Oman. She road through Oman, Iran, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan. Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan. Russia, Georgia, Armenia, Turkey, Greece, Albania, Montenegro, Bosnia, Croatia, Slovenia, Austria, Germany, and back to Holland. Ordinary people everywhere are the same. Friendly, curious. And whenever she needed help, she was never without someone to help. When her motorcycle broke down in the middle of nowhere, an Iranian family helped her. They fed her, put her up for the night, found a mechanic for her the next day – and they shared no common language. She’s going to Argentina next.
Lastly, sometimes we are just expending too much energy in general and need a break.
Hugs, friend.
Michelle
http://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, I love that you always seem to have the exact right words and message for me right when I need it. Thank you so much for that. I need not to spend my energy on anything negative. You are so correct. I just had a therapy appointment this morning and I feel so much better because she tells me the same exact thing. I said to her that I was sick of the world putting scratches in my rose colored glasses! It is my happy place to view the world in the best light possible and I don’t need any negativity ruining the quality of life that I choose! And this Itchy Boots series sounds so fascinating! I will have to check that out. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anna Shirley
I’m so sorry that you feel like that, Shelbee. Kindness is a gift, especially in this crazy world. I don’t think you can run out of kindness. This is who you are – your essence. What is putting you down is other people’s reactions to kindness. I always had such high expectations that the kindness I’m sending out is coming back to me; that what I give I get back. I was so confused and hurt to find out that so many people translate kindness to weakness. It means that if you are kind that you are “weak,” and it is not necessary to be kind back or even worst, that they can somehow exploit you are put you down. I learned that I could be kind, but I have to have boundaries. I wrote a blog post – “Kindness is not my weakness”. I learned not to waste kindness, where it is not appreciated. I learned to protect myself.
I still believe in kindness and the necessity to spread it out to the world. Heal yourself, take care of yourself. I’m sending you a big hug.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anna, I cannot thank you enough for these very thoughtful words. And I agree with everything you said. I cannot change who I am, and I am kind to my core. It has been viewed as weakness at times, it has been taken advantage of at times, but it still is who I am. So I need to be better with my kindness boundaries and lower my expectations and stop wasting my kindness in places where it is not deserved. I am a work in a progress but it is work that is worth doing!
xoxo
Shelbee
Emma Peach
I think it’s perfectly natural to feel like this sometimes, especially at this time of year – January is the month I dread. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s always shitty for one reason or another. Kind people feel too much and that can drag you down. I just try not to think too much when I feel vulnerable to feeling low about things that I can’t change. I stopped using Facebook after the general election because it was really getting me down. I even stopped watching the news for a few weeks and just listened to music instead. You have to step back sometimes and take care of yourself. I hope you soon feel recharged and re-energised my friend. Look after yourself xxx
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Emma, thanks so much for your kind and supportive words. I have taken a major step back from people in real life! I am okay right now interacting online, but mostly just in the blogging community because it is so positive and encouraging. Other than that, I am finding much solace in solitude these days.
xoxo
Shelbee