graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

I Have No Idea What I’m Doing & Link Up On the Edge #155

July 26, 2019 / 78 Comments
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
This is not a sponsored post.

I have no idea what I’m doing. For real. This has become the natural state of things for me lately. But on the flip side, I do know exactly what I should be doing. And so, with the loving support of my husband, I have made a decision that is scary and intimidating but I think (fingers crossed) it will be much to my benefit in the long term.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
Tee: Torrid
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
Skirt: Thrifted
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
Sneakers: Adidas

Let me give you some background…when I was in Asheville a few weeks ago, I felt more creatively inspired than I have in a really, really long time. When I came home, I cycled into a pretty severe depression for that first week. To the point, in fact, that I really could have benefitted from a counseling session or two, which has become much more convenient to do with BetterHelp. Note to self: start taking advantage of these services.

I realized that I am not properly equipped to handle the mundanities of working a regular job with regular hours at the same place confined within the same walls dealing with the same people and doing the same thing over and over again. It took this week away in a very creative place for me to realize that the creative side of me (which is kind of every side of me) was dying a slow and very painful death. I found returning to the same old stuff practically unbearable.

graphic tee
graphic tee

So after a few long and stressful conversations at home, working through budgets, going in and out of panic mode, and realizing that my mental health and the price of my soul were worth more than a regular paycheck, I quit my job. I committed to this decision so that I can focus on my creative endeavors. Once the decision was made, the vague ideas that I have had running amok in my mind for months started to gain clarity. Lots of clarity. For so long, I had these ideas, many ideas, and I couldn’t quite figure out which one to pursue.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

Then an epiphany struck that I don’t have to commit to just one idea. Given some freedom from the time constraints implemented by working set hours at a job, I could focus on multiple projects at a time. I have never been one to place myself into a box anyway, so why was I trying to do that now? So silly how we can still lose touch with ourselves even in midlife. You would think I would know myself better by now. But I am always learning and changing and growing.

graphic tee
adidas
graphic tee

I suppose I always knew that I wasn’t quite cut out for traditional types of work. I admire those who can do it and stick with it for seemingly infinite periods of time. My husband, for example. He has been a dedicated soldier for 20 years. Twenty years. Two decades at the same job with the same employer. Day in and day out. Sure, his job duties have changed over the years. He has traveled to many places in the world. He has met and worked with many people. But soldiering is a pretty demanding career and only a small percentage continue on upon completion of their first three or four year contract. But my husband has staying power and lots of it. And man, how I admire that.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

But I realize that staying power comes from passion. He loves his job. On most days. He only ever dreamed of being a soldier and he is a soldier right down to his very core. For the past 20 years, he has been living the life he wanted, a soldier’s life. I, on the other hand, have been tripping and falling for the past 20 years, still trying to figure out exactly what I am at my core. What is my passion? What is that one thing that I could do every single day and never tire of it? The answer is glaringly clear.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

I am a writer. Right down to my core. I have been blogging for nearly 4 years now and still every day I wake up in the morning and I can’t wait to open my laptop and get right to it. Putting my thoughts and my feelings into words. Weaving stories and painting pictures by stringing together the words that I choose. Creating sentences that have never been before been created. Unique and interesting combinations that aim to inspire, motivate, empower, share, acknowledge.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

I think I always knew this about myself but I could never quite commit to it. Today is the day I am making the commitment to live the life that I have always wanted. I am a writer. It is all I have ever wanted to be. It is all I have ever wanted to do. And now is the time for me to take action and make it a profitable endeavor. So I have a few projects in the works that are centered on writing. I am going to share the details next week. I hope you will all follow along for some or all of the things I will be pursuing. They will be in forums different from this blog, but I will continue on with this blog as well, for she is my baby, my first born, and I will not abandon her!

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

My words are my super power. I need to start harnessing that power and using it for the good for which it was intended. I have no idea what I am doing, but I am going to do it anyway. I am scared beyond belief, but I am going to face that fear and get to the other side of it. I am going take my own advice that I all too often deliver to others…you can allow fear to immobilize you or you can let it motivate you. It has been immobilizing me for way too long. Finally, I am going to use it as my motivation. Here is where the hard work really begins. And we all know that the best things come from the hardest work.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas

How about you? Are you following your dreams, pursuing your passions, living the life that you have always wanted to live? Feeling the fear and doing it anyway? What is your motivation? What is your passion? Do let me know in the comments.

graphic tee, maxi skirt, adidas
black tee, maxi skirt

And now your featured favorites from last week.

Jennie of A Pocketful of Polka Dots shared the cutest vintage-inspired swimsuit ever in her post, Navy & White Polka Dot Swimsuit. She looks just like a pin up model with her adorable red wedge sandals and these fabulous polka dot sunnies to match!

Jennie of A Pocketful of Polka Dots

Julie of This Main Line Life shared her review of a new fashion subscription service in her post, Fashom: An Easy & Affordable New Styling Service. I am particularly loving this green floral maxi dress! But do hop on over to see the other pieces Julie received in her subscription box.

Julie of This Main Line Life

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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78 Comments

  • Nancy

    July 26, 2019 at 10:48 am Reply

    Yeah!!!! Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you that you chose what your hart says! And how brave of you not many people follow their dream by turning in their pay check. I admire you, but you know that! Can’t wait to see what you will be doing in the future! You also know that I think Jeff, without even knowing him, is a two in a million guy! Nr one of Gerben of course. But he is fantastic in supporting you!!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 10:53 am Reply

      Nancy, thank you so very much! It is kind of terrifying the things I am about to do! And Jeff is amazing…without him, I couldn’t turn in my paycheck, so I am grateful every single day. He always supports my freaking crazy ideas, too! I don’t how I got so lucky with him. And you know how I admire you and Gerben, too, without ever having met either of you! Some day, I hope, we can make that happen!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 1:19 pm Reply

      Julie, thanks so much for stopping by! It’s funny because I crave routine and get up every morning and do the exact same thing. If my morning routine gets changed, I freak out a little bit. But then after the morning routine is complete, I do need the freedom to be open and creative and follow the inspiration wherever it takes me. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Anne M Bray

    July 26, 2019 at 11:59 am Reply

    Oh! Oh! So exciting!
    A work day that repeats over and over, every day the same = soul crushing to us Geminis, I totally get it. Variety is the spice of life!
    You know I’m all over the place in my creative endeavors and really I have more of a problem with focus. Not a problem! I traipse through my various projects then bam! an exhibition opportunity arises or there’s a blog challenge and I’m on “the thing” with intense concentration. And I get it done. Sometimes at the last minute! Ha.
    I read an inspiring piece on Medium yesterday suggesting that one rewrites their goals every morning. I’m going to give it a whirl. If I can find the perfect journal in my piles of stuff. (Not totally kidding).

    I’m really happy for you and look forward to your creative adventures.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 1:17 pm Reply

      Anne, I am so glad that you can relate (which, of course, I knew you would relate)! I am so excited and scared. But I know it is the crazy ideas that make the best stuff! But on the Gemini front….Jeff is a Gemini, too, how in the hell has he persisted in the same career for 20 years? I guess there is nothing mundane about Army, that must be it! And he gets that adrenalin rush frequently to sustain his Gemini soul!

      I do believe I read that same article yesterday on Medium. Was it the one that also talked about how routine can kill creativity?

      I think you are going to like some of these projects I have coming…your jaw may drop, but I think you’d expect nothing less of me anyway!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

      • Anne M Bray

        July 27, 2019 at 11:22 am Reply

        The article, yes, I think that was the one — “Only 1% of Americans Do This Essential Daily Habit” by http://benjaminhardy.com/ (had to go into my browser history and thank goodness Chrome compiles the history from all my computers because I read/printed it at work).

        Retail work is SUPER mundane — glad for you that you escaped and are onto the mysterious something else.
        My money job has its boring moments but at least I’m primarily solving creative puzzles, which puts my head in “the zone”.

        OK, must now finish my application to an art fair in Dallas!!!!!!! (And I already applied to one in Brooklyn in November).

        • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

          July 27, 2019 at 12:28 pm Reply

          I think it may have been a different article that I read, but I am going to check out his stuff now, too. And why is it that some can handle mundane so easily and others it is pure torture?! I need to make my creative passion my “money job”! I hope you got that application completed! Will you be in Brooklyn for the art fair in November? If so, let me know! Maybe I will be able to make my way there. Have a great weekend, my friend!

          xoxo
          Shelbee

          • Anne M Bray

            July 27, 2019 at 2:43 pm

            I’m on a “free” Medium track, so don’t want to revisit to get you the link! I’m sure if you search by name you’ll find the article. (I’ve got it on my “Notes” at work, and can send you the article if you can wait until Tuesday).

            For Brooklyn, yes, I’m required to be present! I’d be happy to share a room if you want to overnight or entire weekend it That is, if Severo doesn’t come with. (I MIGHT stay in Manhattan at the place I like).

            Also, correction to current application locale. Houston, not Dallas.

            Happy happy weekend!

          • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

            July 27, 2019 at 2:53 pm

            No rush on the article! You can send it Tuesday if you’d like! And yes, if Severo doesn’t join you, I will totally have a sleepover with you! If I have the children cared for and such, that is. What is the exact date in November?

            Houston, Dallas, Texas…it’s all in the same state so you know…confusion is acceptable!

            I am off to the boys’ karate graduation in a few minutes…they get their next level belts. Then Jeff and I are heading to Syracuse tonight to see Yonder Mountain String Band! I am so excited!

            xoxo
            Shelbee

  • jodie filogomo

    July 26, 2019 at 12:20 pm Reply

    That is so exciting Shelbee!! It’s good we aren’t all the same, and doing what makes you feel good is paramount!!
    I can’t wait to see all the fun stuff.
    XOOX
    Jodie

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 1:13 pm Reply

      Thank you, Jodie, for everything you do and all the support you give! I am so intimidated right now by all of this, but I am just going to use that as my motivation! It is the crazy people with the crazy ideas who make history, right?

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 1:10 pm Reply

      Thank you so much, Kellyann! There are so many ideas and avenues to explore with my writing, too. I am so excited to get started! I’m sure it will be a bit rocky at first until the kids go back to school, but I’m going do my best to get it all amped up by September! Have a great weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Julia

    July 26, 2019 at 12:33 pm Reply

    So happy for you! I felt similarly after I traveled this June – it felt empowering and inspiring to be surrounded by “my people”. I’m excited to see where life takes you once you’ve cleared out the mental real estate that your job was taking up!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 26, 2019 at 1:06 pm Reply

      Julia, thank you so much for your support! And thank you for listening to my crazy ideas and encouraging me to go for it! Finding one’s “people” is so important in helping us to stay motivated and inspired along the way! I look forward to more conversations with you about our passions! Once your schedule calms down a bit, let me know. Another coffee or lunch date will be order!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:49 pm Reply

      Victoria, thank you so very much! It took me a really long time to figure it out, too. And I still haven’t got it all figured it out. So maybe you will be inspired to take a leap of faith, too. Even without a fail proof plan!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Jennie

    July 26, 2019 at 1:53 pm Reply

    How exciting for you, friend! I am so glad to hear your trip to Asheville really made you want to so something you are passionate about. It’s no fun to spend your time doing something you don’t love. Even though there are times I feel overwhelmed at the office, at the end of the day I do love my job. Life is to short to not enjoy every aspect you can.

    Thank you so much for the feature this week. Made my heart happy!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:48 pm Reply

      Jennie, thank you so very much for everything! For being a great blogging friend, for always supporting and encouraging and inspiring me and others. Feeling overwhelmed is actually a good feeling for me sometimes…it means I have things that need doing…it is that boredom that comes with the mundane that I simply cannot bear! I am so excited for this new chapter (terrified, but excited). But it is time to take the leap and get it done! I hope you have the most wonderful weekend!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Patrick Weseman

    July 26, 2019 at 4:15 pm Reply

    Very nice and good for you. I taught at the same place for just short of 22 years. The first 20 were great and then last 20 months were not so great. Basically, the old management loved my creative ways with the kids and then the new management came in and hated my creatve ways. In their view, I ways everything wrong with the education system. Of course in the year, that I left I heard stories from both parents and others that the new way is not best for kids.

    So I left. You need to do what is best for you. I learned that. Bless you as a writer.

    Looking cute, Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful weekend.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:45 pm Reply

      Patrick, thank you so much for all of your encouragement and support and for always sharing your experiences in an open and honest way. I always appreciate that as it helps me on my journey as well. Sometimes it is so hard to make the big changes and then we get stuck. I was tired of feeling stuck and making all sorts of excuses to myself, using “stucknesss” to hold me back. Taking a leap of faith is scary and empowering. Fingers crossed this goes well! Have a great weekend, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Sheela

    July 26, 2019 at 7:30 pm Reply

    Congratulations, my wordsmith friend, I made that precise same decision a scant week ago myself 🙂 here’s to the both of us, weaving tales with words and forging ahead with our passions, to make a difference xoxoxo

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:40 pm Reply

      Oh wow, Sheela! How fantastic. Isn’t it funny how we have met on this blogging journey and our paths seem to be leading us in the same direction. I love having friends like you who get it and get me. Cheers to the journey, the passion, and making a difference! I am excited to see where it leads the both of us! Congratulations to you as well!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:36 pm Reply

      Betsy, thank you so very much! I have been saying to myself for so long that I am standing on the edge of a cliff waiting for someone to push me off to show me that I can fly…but what needed to happen was that I needed to just jump myself!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Laura

    July 27, 2019 at 3:14 am Reply

    Congratulations on taking the first steps to pursuing your passion! So many of us wimp out and just deal with jobs we don’t like. Good for you for going for it!

  • Marilee Judith Gramith

    July 27, 2019 at 5:06 am Reply

    YES!!! :-):-):-):-):-)
    I have wondered for a long time whether you were going to start seeing yourself for the serious writer that you have been and ARE. Some of the “phrases you’ve turned” within the framework of this blog have clearly revealed the writer that lives in your soul.
    Did you ever contact the Medium folks about doing a series on your personal challenges with bipolar disorder??
    I can’t wait to see where you’ll go with this brave leap into your destiny!
    WRITE ON SHELBEE!!!!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 27, 2019 at 12:32 pm Reply

      Jude, THANK YOU so very much! I have not contacted Medium yet, but they are my list to do so. Now that I am done with the regular job, I am focusing on reaching out to various publications. My new 9-5 job (well actually it will be 8-3 while my kids are at school) will be sitting in my home office working my butt off on writing and finding publications that will pay me as well as some other projects and blog stuff. I cannot tell you how much appreciate your continued support and encouragement!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • LAUREN Koepf SPARKS

    July 27, 2019 at 3:24 pm Reply

    We are much the same. I cannot work traditional jobs either. I have two part time jobs that contribute to the household. One is teaching yoga. The other working with senior adults at the REC center. I don’t have to spend a ton of time at either and still contribute to the household income. It’s not a lot, but its what I enjoy. It still doesn’t leave me as much time to write as I would like but it’s best for my family right now. laurensparks.net

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 28, 2019 at 1:05 pm Reply

      Lauren, thank you so much for sharing and relating to how I feel. My job was for exactly that same purpose…to contribute to the household. But suddenly I was feeling so stifled that I couldn’t bear it anymore. So I made the big decision, committed to it, and now I really have got some work to do! It’s not going to be easy, but it is my passion so I’m going to make it work. And maybe I will have some time now to go do yoga! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Maureen

    July 27, 2019 at 4:55 pm Reply

    What exciting news! I am so glad you are following your heart Shelbee. Often times, it’s not easy and we slump back to the standard way of living – you know the day in and day out. To be honest, I don’t know what I am doing either. I do know being creative is fun and I like it. Would I take it anywhere other than a hobby? I don’t know yet. On a different note, I love your outfit! So chic and cute! I hope you are having a great start to the weekend!

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 28, 2019 at 1:03 pm Reply

      Maureen, thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! I always love reading what you think about the topics I write about…you are always so insightful and genuine. I think probably most of us don’t really know what we are doing but we are too afraid to admit it and surrender! I am choosing to surrender to whatever it is that is pulling me in this creative direction. I feel like I have been waiting a lifetime for the universe to direct me and now that I am listening, it is all starting to make some sense. Fingers crossed! I hope your weekend is going well, my friend.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Liberty

    July 30, 2019 at 3:32 am Reply

    Wow! Leaving the familiar can be scary, but new and exciting things will hopefully make up for it! I work from home (mostly) and am frequently on call, so that leaves me time to be creative and home school my kids. I’m thankful for that. Writing necessitates reading, and I just finished reading a fiction book, “One Second After.” It was interesting. And it was set near Asheville. : ) So you may like it just for that.
    Who knows, maybe the past 20 years have prepared you for this next step in your life. I’m guessing that it has.
    Have a great week!
    Liberty @ B4andAfters.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      July 30, 2019 at 11:45 am Reply

      Liberty, thank you so much! I am thinking the past 20 years has led me straight to this place as well. I agree that writing necessitates reading and I haven’t had much time for reading lately, but I am making it point now that I do have more time. I get so inspired when I read the works of others. I will have to look into that book you are reading. Sounds interesting!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • lorena

    August 1, 2019 at 5:48 pm Reply

    You go girl !
    It’s a leap that we should all take in life: pursue what we really like. I am sooo looking forward to this new chapter. Hugs.

  • Mica

    August 5, 2019 at 7:28 am Reply

    I love that tee, so fun, and really nice with the pleated skirt! I can’t imagine giving up my job – so I guess that means I’ve found something that engages me, haha! Good luck with your new endeavours!

    Thank you so much for joining the #weekdayWearLinkUp 🙂

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      August 5, 2019 at 10:52 am Reply

      Thanks so much, Mica! If you can’t imagine life without your job, then you most definitely found something that satisfies you! I am that way with my blog and writing. I have compelled to do it…all the time!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Emma Peach

    August 6, 2019 at 5:43 pm Reply

    Good for you Shelbee! It’s always scary to quit a job, even if you hate it – that regular income is hard to turn your back on, but sometimes it’s just holding you back and letting go propels you onto greater things. I’m sure you will flourish as a full time writer, you have passion and talent in spades. Thanks for joining in the link up!

    Emma xxx
    http://www.style-splash.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      August 7, 2019 at 11:50 am Reply

      Emma, thank you so much for these encouraging and supportive words! I will keep plugging along, following my passion wherever it takes me! Hopefully, it starts to generate enough income to get by soon. But I do have to say that the money stress is way less than the stress I was feeling doing something that I didn’t love and not having the time to follow my passion.

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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