I Did a Scary Thing & Link Up On the Edge #170
For months, I have been wrestling with the idea of expanding my own personal body positive mission. I feel so very passionate about empowering and inspiring women (and men) to find their way to healthy self love, to appreciate and celebrate our bodies for the miracles that they are. When the idea first came to me, I started sharing my message and some nude photography on Patreon. But I quickly realized that forum was not the best for me. I began there because I felt safe with my content locked behind a paywall. And it was safe. Very safe. For no one ever saw any of it except Anne M. Bray (thanks Anne for being my only patron during my short stay there). I was putting a lot of time and effort, a lot of energy and passion, into a space that was essentially invisible.
So I reevaluated. And I decided to shift all of the Patreon content onto Medium. Medium is a place for writers to share their content on topics that they are passionate about. It is a forum that has an estimated 60 million readers so your work has the potential to reach a very substantial audience. With that level of exposure, I have to say that sharing myself and all of my vulnerabilities is quite intimidating. Downright scary, in fact. So last week when I decided to share this article, What Lies Beneath: A Journey to Self-Love Through Nude Photography, it ended up being one of the most emotional experiences of my adult life. (*This article does contain nude photographs, so if you are sensitive to nudity, you may not want to click.)
As I hit the publish button, my hands were trembling, my heart was racing, I was light headed and nearly panic stricken with fear. With one click, I was going to literally expose myself, uncovered, unedited, and completely vulnerable before the entire internet world. I stood in the face of my fear, petrified and shaking, and I clicked the publish button. Then I took it a step further and shared it on social media which was even more intimidating as many of my social media connections are people whom I know in real life…friends, family, my kids’ teachers. An action that I take daily to market my writing suddenly became one of the scariest things I have ever done.
Being a person who doesn’t often cower in fear of judgment, I found myself pacing around my house for the better part of the evening after I shared this one piece. I was fearful of judgment, backlash, criticism, and a whole load of other unarticulated fears that were wreaking havoc on my mental state. My biggest fear, however, was that the purpose of my mission would be misunderstood and misinterpreted. And the initial reactions that I received, within minutes of publishing and sharing, were exactly what I had feared. The first responses to my article included accusations that it was a narcissistic attempt to “collect men”, a shallow effort to gain attention from sharing unnecessary nudity, and an invitation for sexual advances. As I fielded the messages that were coming at me from every direction, texts, Facebook messages, phone calls, (for some reason no one was posting comments publicly, they all felt it necessary to reach out to me privately with this shit), I felt myself getting frustrated and a bit angry. My message and purpose were completely and entirely misunderstood and I felt defeated and exhausted.
But my husband uplifted me and stood firmly by my side as he continued to remind me how passionate I was about sharing this message of empowerment and liberation. He encouraged me to stand firm in my convictions and not to back down from what I set out to do. And so, tired as I was, I left everything out there and walked away from it for a bit. And then it happened. Exactly what I had hoped would happen. It reached the audience that I had targeted…women (and men) who feel insecure in their bodies and unable to find a way to love themselves.
I started getting messages and comments thanking me for writing the words that so many others think but are too afraid to speak, for having the courage to put it out there and share my own vulnerabilities, to open myself up to criticism in an effort to help others on their journey to self-love. So now, in hindsight, as emotionally trying as the entire experience has been, I am so glad that I persisted. For in my own struggle and liberation, I have been able to inspire others who in turn continue to inspire me.
When I first shared the article on Facebook, these were my words to the Facebook community…
“My mother always told me if you are going to something, do it. Do it big. Do it bold. Make the commitment and don’t look back.
I have been feeling called lately to empower people to love themselves with every flaw and imperfection. But my words didn’t seem significant enough to carry out the message. I had to take action and set an example. I had to go over the top to illustrate how passionate I am about this mission. I had to show every flaw and every imperfection. No mask, no armor, nothing to hide behind.
And so it is done. I have dipped my toes in the water for long enough. It was time that I jump in wholeheartedly.
I do have to thank a beautiful young woman for inspiring me on this mission. A woman less than half my age who carries the wisdom of a million years within her. A young woman named Mikayla who has empowered and liberated me beyond my wildest expectations. I only hope that I can do the same for others.”
I have been using Medium as a place to discuss things that may be uncomfortable, to share things that will raise some eyebrows and cause judgments to surface quickly. For some reason, I have been hesitant to share too much of it here in my blog space. I am not sure why. But I am taking that step now. I only ask that you keep in mind that I am vulnerable even in my bravery and I am sensitive to harsh critiques, but I will take them in stride. I am strong and resilient and will survive any backlash.
If you are interested in reading my articles on Medium, you will find them all here. However, if you are not a Medium member, you can only read 5 articles a month for free. Membership is only $5 a month if you want access to the millions of articles shared there. They cover every topic you can imagine so there is literally something for everyone. If you are a writer and are looking to expand your audience and make a few dollars along the way, I recommend joining the Medium Partner Program.
If you are interested in reading some of my work without joining as a member, I will share some of my more popular articles below. These links are “for friends” so you have access to read all of them without paying for a membership.
What Lies Beneath: A Journey to Self-Love Through Nude Photography
9 Observations of a Polyamorous Couple
The Importance of Masturbation: 8 Ways That Sex with Yourself Will Improve Your Life
5 Reasons Sex is Better in Midlife
Our Open Marriage: How It Began and Why We Have No Rules
5 Absurd Myths About Consensual Non Monogamy
The Midlife Sex Conundrum: Surviving a Sexual Drought
How Pornography Saved My Sex Life
There is a Certain Beauty in Death
*Note: I wrote this entire blog post, differently from what you have just read. And as I was went to click save in WordPress, my computer crashed and nothing was saved. I swear Mercury Retrograde is out for me this time around! I walked a few laps around my house screaming and cursing into the air before I sat down and attempted to remember the words I had just written. This is what came out.
And now the featured favorites from last week.
Reader Favorite (Most Clicked)
Patrick of Adventures in Weseland shared his post, The New Hayward Library. I always love Patrick’s posts as they take me on a virtual tour of the area around Hayward, California. Plus he is a super interesting guy. One of my blogger friends whom I definitely would love to meet in real life one day!
My Favorite Fashion Post
Theresa of Vintage Style Files shared her post, Mixed Print Outfit for a Tour of Haunted Gilded Age Mansion. When I first spotted Theresa’s glorious outfit of leopard and floral and paisley, I was fascinated by how well she mixed these prints and stayed true to her vintage style. And then when I saw that her outfit was inspired by me, I was so humbly flattered because I just adore her sense of fashion and had no idea that she felt likewise!
My Favorite Non-Fashion Post
Lauren of Lauren Sparks shared her post, And So We Part with October. I love how Lauren always shares so much insight and invites us into her life with enthusiasm and passion. Her recap of October is filled with so much goodness and love that I just had to share it! Plus her Halloween costume made me have a literal Laugh Out Loud!
Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
52 Comments
Nancy
I went to see the photos! They are beautiful. I applaud you for your courage my dear blogger friend. And I applaud Jeff for his support!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, thank you so very much, my friend! Jeff is so amazing. He took the photos for me and has been so encouraging and supportive throughout the whole process. I am so grateful for all of the support from my blogger friends, too.
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
Your bravery and boldness is one of the many things that I admire about you. I’m so glad that you stood your ground for you. I am surrounded by very judgmental people (one downside of a small town area) and I know that they would respond much like the people in your orbit. It’s sad that the people who should be most supportive, those who know us and are in our direct orbit, are the least supportive, and complete strangers can become our biggest cheerleaders. You do you my friend and keep on being your badass self…xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Debbie, you maybe just made my eyes a little leaky! Thank you so much for this comment and for all of your support. It is a scary thing to put our vulnerabilities out there, unmasked and raw, but knowing that I have the support from so many amazing people whom I respect so much means the world to me. I have spent my life walking the perimeter of acceptability and I am finally just now getting more comfortable with that role. I want to represent and be a voice for all the others who walk that line but might need a spokesperson! It is no secret that my adoration for you is mutual!
xoxo
Shelbee
Julie | This Main Line Life
You are so brave Shelbee. Go for it.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Julie, thank you so very much. I appreciate all of the support.
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
I am so happy for you that you were able to express yourself and reach people who appreciate your journey of self-acceptance. Having your husband support is such a gift too. Thank you for bearing you soul to us here on your blog. I feel honored to be able to read these articles. Love the nude photos. They are beautiful!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thank you so very much! You have no idea how much that means to me to have the support not only of my husband but of my blogger friends whom I respect so very much. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
You are so brave and an inspiration! It’s funny how those that are close to us are sometimes the most critical. Thank you for sharing your articles! Your photos are beautiful!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thank you so very much! I definitely also have some really amazing friends who are close to me who have been super supportive as well. It’s kind of a mix. I am so grateful for all the support I am receiving from the blogging community on this one, too.
xoxo
Shelbee
Iris Duhamel
Hi Shelbee, This is so empowering. I have been on a journey of self love myself after the twins. I lost the weight and do my best to stay and look healthy but I am still not confident enough in my nudity. So many things I would like to fix (I want my teenage body back lol). I read your medium post (actually a few of them) and it is very empowering. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing,
Xo
Iris
https://www.lamoumous.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Iris, thank you so much for this wonderful comment, for sharing your own vulnerabilities, and for supporting me. I cannot express enough gratitude. I hope that my putting it all out there is helping you a little bit on your journey. We seriously spend way too many years of our lives trying to overcome these insecurities that we never should have had in the first place. You are beautiful and stunning and your body has done some seriously magical things…you grew two babies at one time! That is freaking amazing! While you may never get your teenage body back, your post baby body is so much more wonderful because of what it has gone through.
xoxo
Shelbee
Anne M Bray
I’m glad you’ve found the better forum for your work!
The scary things are sometimes the most important things.
(And sometimes just scary, like heights, right?).
I’m (a little) sad that I lost you as my one subscriber on Patreon. Maybe I’ll make all my posts public for now. I’ve hit a road block there. Again.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Anne, thanks so much! Yeah, I have no use for heights! Or spiders. Or purposefully frightening myself at Halloween adventures! I am so sorry I bailed on you on Patreon. We need to brainstorm on that one! It was the right forum for me, but I think it might be for you…we just need to figure it out!
xoxo
Shelbee
Anne M Bray
Somehow I need to convince people that spending $12 a year is a good “investment” in Anne M Bray! Heh.
(Ideas for a humorous post percolating as I type). BTW, I probably owe you some art!
I’m not worried about the “road block”, and I’m going to recuit your help on how to add another layer of “Enid”… later. Have a bunch of other non-Patreon fires to extinguish first.
xxox
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I hear you! I can’t even convince people to pay $5 a month to open an entire world of fabulous and inspiring words on Medium! No one wants to spend anything for unique content or quality anything…they would rather just give it to Amazon! Good luck putting out those fires. And let me know what you have in mind and how I can help!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
These are gorgeous!
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jennifer! Have a great weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
wendee
these photos are beautiful. you look like a water fairy
The Glossychic
Wonder Cottage
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks so much, Wendee! Much appreciated!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
Great article, Shelbee. People will always find ways to criticize some choices we make. It’s great that you have the confidence you do!
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ellibelle, thanks so much for that! I really appreciate it. Have a wonderful weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lauren Renee Sparks
Thank you for the feature. laurensparks.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
You are quite welcome, Lauren! Have a great weekend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
What a beautiful post and thanks for sharing it with us. You are a role model for bloggers and someone who I want to meet in real life. I am just a simple man with simple thoughts. A little bit of a goober.
Thanks for hosting and I hope that you have a wonderful week.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Patrick! I really do consider you a great blogging friend! And it is your goober-ness that draws me in! Someday, we will meet in real life!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jacqui Berry
You just go for it girl – whatever you do you sure do it big! what a positive person you are – I can feel the love and warmth radiate from your blog page – well done Shelbee – you rock!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh wow, Jacqui, thank you so much for that! You know, I get my courage because all of my wonderful blogger friends are always so supportive! I am so blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude for all of you right now!
xoxo
Shelbee
jess jannenga
Hi Shelbee
Medium sounds interesting! I like to write ( always have) and do feel passionate about certain things. I’ll have to check it out. I give you credit. It takes self-confidence and willingness to help others overcome fears and intimidation about themselves and their bodies. Its great hubby is supportive and that your mom encouraged you for go for it, do ing things boldly! I love the white sheet and how you make it look ethereal!
It is so important ( not always easy) to love and appreciate ourselves. You go my friend!
jess xx
http://www.elegantlydressedandstylish.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Jess! I couldn’t do any of this without all of the amazing support I have my husband and my friends and the blogging community. I highly recommend Medium if you want to start publishing pieces outside of your blog. It is a wonderful place and so supportive of creators. If you have any questions about it, please fee free to email me!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ruth Josey
You are gorgeous and fearless – why not go for it? Using a sheer wrap with backlighting was an ingenious way to present it to the mainstream, too. I think your readers wouldn’t expect anything less from you than running head first into something that frightens you a bit. And thank you so much for the link-up. How funny is that Canadian Bacon Halloween costume? So clever!
Ruth
https://voguefauxreal.com/2019/11/05/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ruth, thank you so very much! I am seriously so overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the support from the blogging community. I appreciate it more than you know!
xoxo
Shelbee
Debbie
My Sweetheart,
Saw your post and viewed your pictures. Yes, you are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. You know my story and you know how hard it has been for me, but with your help it has been a lot easier, I thank you for that. I give you all the props in the world for truly exposing yourself for all the world to see.
Your friend
Debbie
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Debbie, I cannot thank you enough for this heartfelt comment. It is responses like yours that validate my work and what I have set out to do. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude right now for all of the amazing support I am receiving in this community. And I just feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to help you on your journey.
Many hugs, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
Good for you – your portraits are GORGEOUS!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tamar, thank you so very much! I really appreciate that and all of the wonderful support I am receiving in the blogging community. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Shugunna Alexander
I wish you nothing but success on your journey of self expression and creativity. You are a very courageous person, I admire that a out you. Keep dancing to the beat of your own drums, that’s why we’re here right, self discovery and to hopefully encourage others along the way. I love the authenticity! Go GET IT Shelbee, on your own terms.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Shugunna, thank you so much for that. I just got a little teary eyed. I am so overwhelmed by the wonderfully positive response to this mission of mine…which I really needed in the wake of the initial not so great response. I am so blessed to have so many amazing blogger friends! I hope your weekend is going well, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
FancyBoy
Good for you!!! It’s a joy to love your body. Hopefully society with continue to progress and be more open!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Becky, thank you so much! I so appreciate all of your support!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Sadly, those who made ugly and unwarranted comments likely suffer a feeling of shame about their own bodies. I will be reading your articles.
As for loving yourself and your body as is, I share your passion for this. When my husband and I were first engaged, we took a vacation to a nude spa. The staff was nude and the guests were nude. It was lovely to enjoy the freedom to love and be yourself as we shared the pool and jacuzzi with other middle aged people with what society would deem as less than perfect bodies. But we were perfect in our imperfection.
Next, our Vegas friends hosted the after party for our wedding. (And yes, it was an after party; it in no way resembled a reception.) It lasted 2 days and and we all spent most of it naked and in the pool. It was one of the most fun, memorable times in my life. Since then we have been to a number of nude parties at our after-party hosts’ house. And again, we were perfect in our imperfection.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, I seriously cannot thank you enough for this comment! I am resilient and bounce back fairly quickly from negative responses to anything I do. I know that I walk the line between what is societally acceptable and what is shocking. I am okay with my place there. I am actually mostly comfortable there. But I am human and have feelings so there is always that to contend with in anything we do.
I love that you went all out nude for vacation and wedding after parties! I am really pushing my message to not only love our bodies in all of their miraculous imperfections but also to normalize nudity. While I don’t walk around nude all the time for a variety of reasons (I love clothes and fashion and I am too damn cold in this premenopausal hell), I don’t understand the adversity to nudity. It is just bodies. We all have one!
Thank you so, so much for all of your support. I cannot even adequately express how grateful I am to you for that!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Too many people equate nudity with sex. I believe much of this has a basis in the Abrahamic religions. If you consider the strong dress codes in some Muslim countries where women are made to cover up so that the poor undisciplined men won’t become sex crazed. And while not as extreme, many conservative Christians expect women to be modest, so that they don’t accidentally entice men. All this does is make women ashamed of their bodies.
I’m sorry you had to take so much shit for your stance. I admire you and what you stand for. Keep up the good work.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, thank you so much for that. I know that not everyone will be supportive of what I stand for and that’s okay. There will always be differing opinions and beliefs about all sorts of things. I guess that is one of the many amazing things about being human…the ability to think freely for ourselves, form our own opinions, and either stick to them or be swayed by persuasive arguments to the contrary. I certainly felt differently 15 years ago than I do today. I just see it as evolution and personal growth.
xoxo
Shelbee
Liberty
Dear Shelbee,
It is hard to know how to respond to this, but I am going to. You are a precious soul, Shelbee. You are ingenuously creative. I read two of your other articles (but not the one with the pictures).
It is a strange world that we now live in. People believe everything is relative, and that there are no absolutes. Nothing is right or wrong any more. Even self-assisted suicide is okay. Murder of babies inside the womb is okay; as long as the mother does it. If the father does it, then it is considered abuse.
Thousands of years ago the Greeks and Romans were making naked statues, and painting naked ladies. Nudity is nothing new. Even though they were losing their clothing, the women were not empowered all those years ago.
Less than a hundred years ago, the Nazis stripped women of everything they had, including their clothes. Nakedness doesn’t empower prisoners.
Part of my point is, if empowerment is your goal, there are plenty of other (and better) ways to do it. Civilizations have come to respect their women, when those civilizations became Christian nations. True Christians love and protect women.
To tell you the truth, my husband does not satisfy all of my needs, either. I needed another relationship. I have that with a man called Jesus. He is the One who can satisfy my heart’s desires of support, positive company, comfort, and encouragement. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me. When others fail me, and when I fail others, He is the Perfect Friend, the Perfect Confidante, the Rock that I can run to.
In John Chapter 4, Jesus spoke with a Samaritan woman at a well. In those days, Jews didn’t associate with Samaritans. The woman He talked with had had five husbands, and was currently living with a man who was not her husband. Yet Jesus offered her living water, the water of eternal life. Jesus came to help those who needed Him, not to the ones who think they are A-okay already.
So like I said, you are a precious soul, Shelbee. Think just how precious your soul is, when both God and the devil are after it.
Liberty
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Liberty, thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on the topic. I appreciate your feedback on the matter. I can’t say that wholly agree with all of it, but that does not mean that I don’t completely respect your opinion and beliefs. And even more so, I appreciate that you are able to compassionately and kindly state your opposition. Valuing the opinions of others is so important, for we all can use information from outside of our own circles. Thank you for what you do in the blogging world and for staying true to your calling.
xoxo
Shelbee
Patricia Josephine
Bravo to you for doing this. It’s always scary the first time, but now that it’s over, I bet you’ll feel more empowered and braver to do something similar again. At least, that’s how I feel when I do things for the first time that scare me (although, I have yet to write a post with pics bearing it all! ^_~)
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patricia, thank you so very much! It was very liberating and much less scary now that it is done and all out there! Plus, it really is just nudity. We come into the world that way, I don’t know why we can’t exist in the world that way.
xoxo
Shelbee
Johanna
Shelbee,
You are such an incredible writer. Admittedly I have not truly read all of your posts and I regret that. Your Medium articles are fantastic; so well done. I commend your bravery and transparency. Keep doing you.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Johanna, thank you so very much for that! And now worries onabout not reading everything…life is busy! There are so many amazing blog posts out there as well as other stuff to read and there is just not enough time in the days. I can’t get around to reading everything I would like to either. So I totally understand. But I do very much appreciate that you read some of my Medium articles! Thank you.
xoxo
Shelbee
Susan
You never cease to amaze me! Well done!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Susan!!! I was just thinking about you! I hope you are well. Thank you so much for this super validating comment! Much appreciated, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee