How to Show Up for Fostered Teens

As a foster carer of teenagers, you will have a lot of unique experiences. It is a highly rewarding role in that you get to make an astounding difference, and though this could be said of any age, it feels a bit more apparent at times with teenagers. Why? Because this is the age where it either all comes together or falls apart, and while this feels like a major responsibility, it is also a great opportunity to make a real difference. If you are a foster parent of teenaged children, here’s how you can show up for your fostered teens.

Be consistent.

The first thought when fostering teenagers is to aim for consistency as much as possible. What this means for you as a foster carer is keeping routines, setting boundaries, and maintaining a healthy level of appropriate intervention in their daily life. Teenagers are independent people with their own agendas, but you still have to look after them. Consistency is a major part of healthy relationship building and supports positive attachments, too. 

Remember to step back.

There will be plenty of moments where you could be drawn into a battle of wills, but these are the pivotal moments that make or break a relationship. Some things are worth fighting the good fight for, but you may be surprised at just how many things are not. It is your job to determine when to stand firm and when to allow for a bit of flexibility. It is all about being reasonable, fair, and regulated. Remember, there will be lots of things that trigger you and this is often the root cause of conflict when fostering teens. By stepping back, you give each other space to process and you are able step back into the driver’s seat so that things can be discussed calmly and productively.

Don’t take things personally.

Along with stepping back when the moment is right, you should also keep in mind that often the words that are thrown in your direction from the mouth of an angry teenager are nothing personal. Even if the content is entirely aimed at your very being, it is not to be taken in this way ever. As soon as you take on the mantle of rejection, it will dictate the entire care relationship thereby creating an unhealthy situation. Being rejected is a part of looking after teenagers, and almost a rite of passage for every carer and parent out there! Take it with a grain of salt and remain firmly on the side of love and support. 

Follow through on what you say.

It is sometimes hard to keep a promise, but with a child of any age, you must. As soon as you say you are going to do something, it is extremely important to follow through because the young person in your care will certainly be expecting you to. If you let them down or have to change the plan, do it proactively and put effort into making it right.

Showing up for teenagers in foster care is important. It will shape their development in such a pivotal moment of their lives and influence how they move on after they leave your home. Despite all the challenges that may come with fostering, the rewards are great for everyone.

Keeping it on the edge,

Shelbee

Joining these Link Parties.

Cover Image Source