Ageism, Personal Style, and Poses & #SpreadTheKindness Link Up #198
I had a few brief moments of inspiration over the weekend for styling some fun outfits to share with you all including this tie dye and camouflage combination. But rather than discussing the outfit, I do have to admit that lately I have been feeling more and more silly about this little fashion blog of mine.
I mean, I have yet to meet any person who would actually wear anything that I style so I am not certain how much outfit inspiration I am actually providing for anyone. But creating unique outfits makes me happy and currently it is one of the very few things that brings me joy. So I will keep on keeping on with it if only for my own selfish reasons of having something to do each day.
I guess I am sort of questioning the purpose of it all especially since the whole idea of taking photos of myself and sharing them publicly makes me feel very narcissistic. More often than not, I find myself embarrassed by the whole thing. If you know me at all, I hope you realize that I am the furthest thing from narcissistic. In fact, I am probably the complete opposite. With every photo shoot, I just think I am more and more ridiculous.
To add insult to injury, I recently took a little trip down a YouTube rabbit hole that left me doubting everything. Let me explain…
I have been a minor fan of contemporary Christian music artist Lauren Daigle since her beginnings on American Idol nearly 10 years ago. A few days ago something (I honestly cannot remember what) triggered me to watch some of her videos. So I went surfing around YouTube and was very much enjoying myself.
I have also really loved her voice, her style choices, and her overall laid back bohemian vibe that seemingly exudes love for everyone. So I became interested in learning more. While I was on Youtube I began watching some interviews with her. Suddenly, I found my rose colored glasses ripped promptly from my face once again (that has been happening to me often these days).
In this video, Why Does My Identity in Christ Matter?, she is discussing the harms of social media, specifically Instagram, and I really got stuck on the manner in which she addressed this issue. At about 1:20 into the video, she begins mocking “adults in their 40’s posing as if they are 22.” I don’t know why, but the statement and the way in which she delivered it was highly offensive to me.
When I get that upset over something said by a complete stranger, it forces me to a place of introspection as I attempt to figure out why it struck such a nerve with me. Perhaps because I am a woman in my 40’s sharing photos of myself posing on Instagram. I am completely unsure how a 22 year old poses and how it is different from how a 40-something year old should be posing. But now I am in a place where I think I just look like a ridiculous middle aged woman trying to be something I am not. At least in the eyes of anyone under the age of 30. She also mentioned a 9 year old girl on Instagram posing like a super model and then she demonstrates how a 9 year old should be posing. It is all very strange to me.
I guess I am used to the old criticism of you’re too old to wear that trend or whatever other ageist critiques we receive once we reach our middle years. But criticizing the way in which a person stands, poses, sits, presents themselves to the public, seems to be taking ageism really a bit too far in my opinion. Seriously, what does it even mean? Posing like a 22 year old vs. posing like an “adult”?
I think I was also disappointed because I had assumed she was a much more accepting individual. She has literally built her career on the ideas that God loves everyone and helps us all reach a point of self-love when we find ourselves floundering. And then the message I received from this video is…but if you are in your 40’s or older, you really shouldn’t bother with all that self love stuff. Maybe God forgets us once we turn 40. Perhaps one of the reasons I am not a Christian.
Granted this was just one statement in one interview from 2 years ago. Perhaps I am taking it all out of context or maybe I am just too sensitive. I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic and on this specific interview.
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Keeping it on the edge,
Shelbee
Linking up with these Fabulous Link Parties.
Shop my look…
Outfit Details: Coat-Charlotte Russe / Tunic-c/o Zaful / Jeans and Leopard Long Sleeve Top-Torrid / Boots-Burlington Coat Factory / Hat-Target / Necklace-Kohls / Earrings-Old
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.
78 Comments
Claire
Hi lovely, aww don’t let thing’s get you down. I think us over 40 bloggers offer something completely different to younger bloggers because they appeal to the younger generation and we appeal to people our age. I love to stop by and see what you are wearing. You’re always wearing beautiful clothes and I love to see how you are styling them. Over 40 bloggers always inspire me.
I have been out of blogging fashion lately as so many sad things keep happening. I really do not feel like trying to smile when I’ve been upset. I am looking forward to getting back into a routine of posting more fashion posts after Christmas when I’ve had a good haircut and Mollie the Collie is better from having 3 cancer tumours removed. Crazy times we are living in. Keep posting and keep smiling lovely. Sorry I’ve not been around much to comment xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Claire, thank you so much. I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling down. I didn’t take any outfit photos for about 2 weeks straight this month because I didn’t feel smiling either or getting dressed for that matter. And poor Mollie the Collie. I hope she is recovering nicely. We are definitely in crazy times. Please take care of yourself and don’t worry about commenting!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tamar A Strauss-Benjamin
So insane she said that! Your posts and poses and looks are 100000% you!!!!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, thanks, Tamar! I didn’t share the clip from another interview where she was asked her thoughts on homosexuality and she refused to answer because she didn’t want to offend her gay friends or her Christian followers. And she also stated that she “wasn’t sure if homosexuality was a sin or not.” Gah! I wanted to scream in her face. I am so disappointed!
xoxo
Shelbee
Kathrine Eldridge
It bums me out that Lauren would say something like this. Being a Christian, it hurts when other Christians make people turn away. I can understand why you were offended. Judging others is something I am trying to work on myself. I’m hoping in the future that she says things that build people up and not break them down. I sometimes wonder about my blog as well and what does it all mean. It makes me happy to dress up as well so I’m sticking with that and you should too. (Especially during this pandemic.) You inspire me and loving that tie dye tunic! Thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Kathrine, thanks so much for this comment and for sharing your thoughts on the topic. I was raised in a very small rural Christian Church that was not very accepting of many things early on in my life. I remember my pastor preaching against homosexuality and it always sort of rubbed me the wrong way. Then when I was a teenager, my pastor’s son came out as gay and suddenly my church became much more inclusive. I did get a bit more involved in church once I realized that not all Christian churches exclude people. Judgments of this sort have always bothered me regardless of the source but it has always seemed so much more egregious when religious people who talk about God is love and love everyone equally and thou shalt not judge and then they don’t walk their talk. It wasn’t until college, where I earned a minor in Religious Studies, that I really just formed my own set of spiritual beliefs because I realized my beliefs didn’t really fit into any one particular religion. It was the academic approach to it that mostly set me on my path to where I am. And it was also the academic approach that made me very accepting of all people and their religious beliefs. So I am with you in wishing that any person who is in the public spotlight, especially those who proudly wear their religion (and then make a career based on it), perhaps drop the judgments or at the very least, keep the judgements to themselves! We are humans and we judge, but we don’t have to publicize those judgments. Gah, sorry for the long response! I hope you have a wonderful week and a blessed Thanksgiving, my friend! Let’s just keep sharing our fun fashion and positive attitudes!
xoxo
Shelbee
Mica
This is a fun combo and you look great in green! It’s a shame that the interview upset you! I think we should always do what makes us happy! I think our differences is what makes us unique and I completely agree with Lauren – it’s a sad world if we all think we need to look and act and pose the same way – we should be ourselves! 🙂
Thanks for the link up 🙂
Hope that your week is going well 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Mica! Oh, I absolutely agree with staying true to ourselves and not using social media as our standard for life! But whew, that attack on a very specific female demographic is rather disheartening coming from a public figure who is a role model for many young women. There seems to always be this hidden societal message that starts with “be authentically yourself” and ends with “but don’t stray too far the ‘norm’ or else you will be judged'”. I hope your week is going well also, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michele Morin
Your story is cautionary to me, Shelbee. So often I say things just off the cuff, never realizing that I have skewered someone’s heart. So glad you shared!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michele, thank you so much. I hope I have not offended anyone with this post. And I certainly hope I have not taken her statements out of context. She has made some other rather offensive statements in other interviews as well that I didn’t share, so I definitely have lost some respect for her. I would have lost respect based on her comments regardless of her religion. I also hope that my not being a Christian does not come across as I am anti-Christian. I respect everyone’s religious beliefs and find so much great stuff within various religions. I can talk about this stuff all day long! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jennifer
I am so sorry that commented triggered you. I’ve heard some things on tv or online that have triggered me as well. It’s crazy how a complete stranger can say something that makes us upset. And I’m the type of person who likes to dwell on things as well. I don’t remember Lauren but she really had no right to say that. There are so many bloggers over 40 who do this as their full time job. She shouldn’t be mocking them. Just remember to be yourself!
Jennifer
Curated By Jennifer
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jennifer, thanks so much! The comment triggered me really because she attacked an entire demographic of women and for a person who should be a role model to all women of any age, I think some of those judgments should perhaps be left unsaid. But from a few interviews that I watched with her, I realized I really don’t agree with her and have lost much respect. In one interview she was asked her thoughts on homosexuality and she replied that she wasn’t sure if it was a sin but she would rather not answer because she didn’t want to offend her gay friends or lose her Christian followers. They may be even worse than the ageist comment! I definitely would never change who I am based on these silly comments by a stranger! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
mireille
She sounds like a judgmental kid! One Christian kid though making comments does not portray though all Christians. And a person calling themselves a Christian doesn’t always make them a Christian. I guess what I am saying is that if she talks the talk she should walk the walk and be a positive example. Taking the time to criticize or tear people down who are not in her generation about their poses seems a little like she thinks a little too much of herself. I do have my opinions about different issues that will not align with the general population but this not my platform to share that. I want to build people up! I enjoy sharing my outfits and getting dressed like you and I always love to see what creative outfits you come up with. And I would totally wear this one! I really like the combo of the loose tie dye tunic with the camo long sleeve under! We are writing and dressing for us!
http://www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Mireille, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the topic and for your lovely comment about my outfit. I am with you on all of this. And as you know, even though I am not a Christian (I explained a bit about my personal religious journey in my comment to Kathrine), I have always and will always respect people’s religious beliefs. It is that judgmental piece that really aggravates me especially from a public figure and one who has built her career on the Christian belief that God is love and loves all. Too bad sometimes God’s followers can’t practice that. I think you need to walk the walk any time you are putting your beliefs into the public eye (i.e. some/most/all politicians should take note! Haha). By the way, you can share your opinions here….I have always tried to make my blog a judgment free zone (except for the judgy folks, then I start judging!) Plus I love to learn different perspectives. You never know when something will strike a chord and shift your own beliefs. Thanks for being such a wonderful blogger friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa notes
I hope you won’t change what you do because it’s bringing joy to you and to others, including me! I’m now in my 50s (and tomorrow the calendar rolls me forward another year for my birthday!) and I have felt ageism more than ever. It really is a thing, unfortunately. 🙁 I hope younger people are just ignorant when they participate in ageism. It definitely makes me feel awkward when it happens. A number is just that–a number.
I totally get why you felt like you did from listening to the interview. I haven’t listened to it yet but based on what you said, it would have been hurtful to me too. Hopefully Lauren got feedback about it and grew from it and won’t do it again. Sigh. As a Christian myself, it bothers me how much we get things wrong, both publicly and privately. The past few years have been especially embarrassing for the way Christians are talking and behaving. You’re gracious to still be kind to us. 🙂 I’m sorry for all the ugliness we have created in the world when Jesus wants us to do the exact opposite.
But on a brighter note, hope you have a pleasant and safe Thanksgiving! 🙂
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thanks so much for this wonderful comment! And I am totally aware that not all Christians act and say things like this. I think it is the combination of her religious stance, being in the public eye, and being a role model for younger women and girls and then delivering a message of this sort that really bugged me. It is quite disheartening. I shared a bit about my personal religious journey in a comment to Kathrine so I don’t want to type it all again. But basically, I was raised a Christian and then went on to earn a minor in Religious Studies in college. It was the academic approach to it all that made me realize I don’t fit into any single religious belief system and so I made up my own. I respect the religious choices of others and can discuss religion all day long! It is one of my favorite topics as we can learn so much from each other. I think most of us are just trying to be good humans! I hope that your Thanksgiving is filled with many blessings, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa notes
Thanks for your kind response, Shelbee! I love how you are hosting and handling this discussion. You’re a great example to all of us! I’ve enjoyed reading all of the comments here.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thanks so much for that! I really appreciate it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Okay my dear friend.Gonna sit for this one. I think that it is because you are not feeling that good, mentaly, that it hits harder then it would normally. But what kind a person is that. A 22 year old! What does she know about life? Nothing! And to see that you are a Christian and then be judgemental….pfff shut up! I also sometimes think, especially when I look at my own photos, which are never good in my eyes, what the hell are you thinking! And the photos that are the most popular of me are the ones in jeans which you know how I feel about that. So people like me the best when I am not me! And do I gove a shit? No! On the first place I, and you also, do this for myself! Because it gives me satisfaction. And no, I would not wear a lot of your outfits. And vice versa probably. But I love you! Because you are a real, beautiful, funny woman who has a lot of interesting things to say! So never ever let someone like her influence your mood! You stand out high above her!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nancy, my goodness, you just made me cry! I love you right back, my friend! Of course, this interview and some others of hers really struck a nerve and I found it worthy to investigate why and also found it worthy to share. I am glad that I did because the comments are most interesting! I definitely have not been feeling great mentally lately. This lockdown business and all the crazy shit in the world is really taking its toll on my mental health. But I will be fine. You know that my blog is sort of a mental health journal of sorts where I process deep things through writing about them. And then all of you wonderful blogging friends give me new perspectives which I adore! I did laugh about your comment “people like me best when I am not me” only because I can totally relate to that! I love you exactly as you are, but I do love jeans, too! LOL
xoxo
Shelbee
Jill
That interview would have put me off too. Age is just a number and I think it’s ridiculous that she thinks you can only stand/pose in a certain manner if you are under the age of 25. Fashion is self-expression and the great thing about fashion is that it doesn’t matter if what you are wearing is someone else’s style or not. We can get inspiration from everyone and it’s all about how you interpret something and then make it your own. I love your eclectic style and I’m especially loving this print mix! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Jill – Doused in Pink
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jill, thanks so much! I agree with you on all of this. I am starting to feel a little like I am targeting this woman whom I do not know, but I guess her comment was just a catalyst to launch a pretty fascinating dialogue. Thanks so much for joining the discussion! I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nancy
Ha ha, yeah rub it in dear! Lol.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
You make me smile, my friend! I just love your sense of humor!
Lucy Bertoldi
Ok…so I’m not sure there’s enough room on this space for the long comment I’m thinking of writing- so I’ll try to be concise as possible. Here we go again. With people telling others how they should or should not be doing. I do get the fact that she was on her own platform space and therefore she’s allowed to her own expression…It’s just that where does she get that- or is it that everyone is thinking this? Because honestly Shelbee, I think about this a lot myself when it comes to posing for my own pics.
I often feel a bit ridicule when I do notice there are a lot of younger people out there doing what I’m doing. And many of the women my age that I follow, for the most part, don’t all dress the way I do…which is sometimes ‘not the way a 59 year-old should’…according to some. Who are they though? Are they the same people that keep advocating for equality and inclusion? Cause I do feel excluded- especially when I read about posts like that girl you watched. Are people just politically correct but behind the scenes it’s just another story? And is it women doing this to other women? This saddens me. I just feel happy wearing what I want- and I do do it to inspire others- especially others my age. But I know for sure there are haters out there or judgies.
Now the good part. Just the fact that we are here in blogland sharing our posts with each other- reading each other’s posts- loving and commenting on each other’s posts…this all means we have a forum where like-minded people come to be part of our small but meaningful space (it’s gotta be somewhat meaningful if people are actually stopping by, no?). Shelbee, I LOVE your style and always tell you. YOu put together some of the funnest, most creative looks- and they go with what you write about! CONTINUE doing what you love- don’t stop to listen to judgies. Judgies (I love this new term of mine lol!!) are those that appear harmless, and are normally easy going and accepting and inclusive…and politically correct for the most part…until they gently throw spears. Ignore. Keep on.
On with the beauty note and your posing- I love that faux fur jacket- and you look amazing!! And Thanks so much for featuring me in my kooky outfit!! In your face Judgies!!
Have a great Thanksgiving my friend xx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Lucy, I cannot love this comment any more! You are so inspiring and empowering and very much the kind of person whom I want in my circle! A lot of my questioning this little blog of mine I think has to do with all the years that I have poured my heart and soul into and tried to make it into a business. But then I realized that only those with traditional or classic or trendy style can really make a business in fashion blogging. And now that I have shifted so much focus to thrifting and have minimized shopping altogether because I have more than enough, I can barely even provide affiliate links to anything to try earn some income. But then again, I may have lost sight of the original purpose of this space…which was to form a community that is based on kindness not judgments, a place where people could come and share their unique ideas on things without fear of judgment. But that doesn’t pay the bills! Haha I think there are a lot of people who are PC in public but do not practice what they preach. And that has always been something I strive for…practice what I preach. Hypocrisy is one of the most frustrating things to me. It is becoming abundantly clear that passion does not always pay in dollars but rather it pays by enriching our lives and the lives of those we can reach. You know I love your eclectic style as well and think you always look fabulous! I never even consider a person’s age when I am admiring creative style! Thanks for being an awesome human! Unlike those Judiges! (Great term, by the way!)
xoxo
Shelbee
Deborah Stinedurf
So. Much. To. Unpack. Here.
First of all, I have zero use for anyone who judges others for reasons that are none of their damn business. And I particularly take issue with “Christians” who hide behind their self-professed beliefs to try to cover up an ugly heart. Screw her, and screw her judgement. If she was truly a Christian she would know that is not her job to do.
Second, I also have no use for ageism in any form. Writing off an entire age group because they are “too old” or “too young” is bullshit. We are all human beings and a number doesn’t change that. Being the parent of 2 f-ing amazing young adults, I find it just as offensive when their age group is dismissed as “too young to have valid ideas & opinions” as I do when we’re dismissed as being too old for whatever reason. I’m unfamiliar with Laura, however I feel that her unwarranted opinion comes from a place of unkindness & lack of empathy, not her age. There is no excuse for someone in their 20’s in this day & age to be uneducated in regard to social issues.
Finally my friend, YOU DO YOU. You are a freakin’ amazing human being with a huge beautiful heart & a totally original & bangin’ fashion sense. If you were to ever stop blogging it would not only be a personal loss to you, but it would be a major loss to the countless women you inspire both through your style & your stories.
Love you my friend & have a most excellent Thanksgiving! xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Debbie, thanks so much for this lovely comment and for always being there to lift me up when I am falling down into these dark holes! I feel a little bad about targeting this one person for her statement, but there was more in other interviews that I didn’t even bring up in the post. I have mentioned it in the comments though and I will share it with you again. But sit first because it’s gonna piss you off big time! There was another interview where she was asked her thoughts on homosexuality and her response was that she was not sure if it was a sin but that she would rather not even answer the question for fear that she would upset her gay friends or lose her Christian followers. I was seriously so disgusted and so disappointed as well! She is an extraordinary talent with a voice that only God can bestow upon a person. Now if she could only drop her public judgments and be unafraid to be truly herself, whatever that is, I may be back to appreciating her art! And just to be clear, while I sometimes doubt the purpose of my blog, I am not giving it up any time soon. What would I do with my time then?! Haha. Seriously, I love blogging and I love this community. I feel so connected to so many of you that I could never just walk away! Thank you for being such an amazing human, my friend! I love you for all of it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nailil
Shelbee, I love your outfits that you share with us. I think as bloggers we make ourselves vulnerable and many don’t understand that what we do is not always easy. Like you I feel that it seems narcissist sometimes but then realize how much fun and joy it brings me personally and shake it off. 🙂 Keep sharing your outfits with us, we love them. 🙂
Xx, Nailil
https://thirtyminusone.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nailil, thanks so much, my sweet friend! I am definitely not changing anything, it just really was some food for thought. It got me thinking and I wanted to hear what others thought as well. This has been one of the best discussions I have had on my blog in quite a while. Thanks so much for joining it!
xoxo
Shelbee
Nora Minassian
I think age is irrelevant when it comes to style, fashion and especially posing on IG!! Everyone can dress, look and pose however they want, as long as you feel good about yourself and you are being true to yourself. Don’t let negative people get to you. Sometimes the topics are just to stir controversy so they can have more views.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving Shelbee.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nora, thanks so much! I agree with you completely. And I definitely am not changing anything about myself in response to a stranger’s blanket statement about an entire demographic of women. It just aggravated me to the point that it was worth opening a discussion and the discussion has been most rewarding!
xoxo
Shelbee
Jed Jurchenko
So awesome! We love Lauren Daigle in our home too! I didn’t know she got her start on American Idol—that’s awesome. And I agree 100%. Our identity in Christ matters.
Thank you for hosting another great link-up too!
– Jed
iThrive320
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Jed, thanks so much for the comment and your enthusiasm about Lauren, but I am highly disappointed in certain things that she has said in public interviews. I was a fan, but I have lost much respect because of her ageist opinions as well as her thoughts on homosexuality. I cannot argue though that she has a voice that can only be gifted by the divine. She may need to investigate who she is as a person though before I can return to her fan base. I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!
xoxo
Shelbee
Tiina L
Being an ’adult woman’ means you can pose in whatever way you like. In this case, I would be tempted to ask the young woman what her plan is when she gets to the ’adult’ phase of her life, and more specifically, at what age is she planning to drop into that boring oblivion she wants to sentence all women she deems too old to live a fulfilling life to.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my gosh, Tiina, this may be the best response yet. I did laugh at her remarks about the 9 year old she referenced. She demonstrated that the girl had one hand on her hip and that was not how 9 year olds pose. She then demonstrated that 9 year olds pose like infantile children. I have a 9 year old who has lots of 9 year old friends and they are far from infantile. It is the generation in which we live. Perhaps when she hits 30 and even has children of her own, she may change her opinion on these matters. But who knows! I am sure there are “adult women” out there who think we fashion bloggers are ridiculous! LOL Thanks for joining the discussion!
xoxo
Shelbee
ratnamurti
Religious, cult, or spiritual, fervour and judgement – it’s horrible!!! Talking from bitter experience here. And ageist, I’ve found. I’m a LOT older than you Shelbee, and I am wishing that I had your outfit on. Where I live this would be happily worn by anyone from early twenties into mid seventies, so that awful yourube woman is way off track. I get inspired by your clothes – they are put together with originality, and sometimes humour (thinking of those raunchy black stockings of a wee while ago). And while we’re at it – I also love reading your posts – they are honest and gutsy. Go for it, Shelbee!! You do rock!!! xxxxxxxx
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Ratnamurti, thank you so much for this wonderful comment. I have no tolerance for judgments or unkindness regardless of how it is framed. But the disappointment was heavy on this one since I had looked up to this musician as a great role model for young women. How wrong I was! I am so appreciative to learn that maybe people actually do like my crazy style! Originality and a sense of humor are indeed two qualities that have haunted me my entire life! But I do embrace them more than not. Honesty and guts are definitely other things that serve me well, but also get me into trouble sometimes! I cannot express enough gratitude for you and this amazing community! Thank you for being one of the really good ones!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
So much to say here….
First off, before I began reading your content, I exclaimed to myself how much I love your outfit and that I would be pinning it. I do love this outfit – even the camo – and you know that I am typically not a fan. But something about the camo and tie-dye together just makes me smile.
Next, it has been your adventuresome spirit with fashion and personal friendship and encouragement that has allowed me to explore my own fashion style. When you see the outfit I posted today, I feel okay flaunting my style, which is decidedly not everyone’s cup of tea, because you do. Personally, I think being creative is one of the nicest parts of life, and you inspire to be creative in fashion.
I have met a few Christians that actually do practice the kindest lessons in the New Testament, and I adore them. But so many take the other lessons taught in the Bible – us vs them, that anyone different is dangerous, and become judgmental asshats. At least they seem to skip over the lessons on genocide and how to treat your slaves. But picking and choosing is rampant. In the same section where it says “Do not lie with a man as you would a woman,” it also says not to wear mixed fiber clothing or eat shellfish. And yet cling to their homophobia as they wear their mixed fiber clothing and eat shrimp. The hypocrisy drives me nuts.
I’m sorry this Christian singer let you down. You are honest and kind. Please keep on doing you. The world needs more people like you and far fewer people like her.
xoxo
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Michelle, thank you so much for this lovely comment, I really did not know that I had that kind of impact on your fashion choices. I am humbled beyond words to know that I carry any influence whatsoever. (Side note…I never could get comfortable calling myself an “influencer”. Haha). I will keep on sharing my crazy style and my deep thoughts for this little blog space brings me more joy than other thing I have done for myself in my entire life! I am so blessed to have met so many wonderful, inspiring supportive women through blogging that I simply cannot imagine life without this community. And you know I am with you on all that hypocrisy stuff. I have never been one to judge someone’s choices, beliefs, or opinions…until they start being unkind and voicing such unkindness. And I really have very little tolerance for people who can’t or won’t or simply don’t walk the walk when they talk the talk. It is very disheartening to me. Perhaps I am too sensitive! Or I just have really high expectations of human beings. Either way, it leaves me aggravated all too often.
I do have to admit that I am pleasantly shocked that you are liking my camo outfit! But I think it was definitely the tie dye that sold you on the whole look!
Thanks for being an awesome human and an amazing friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Oh yes! While I’ve learned a little something from most fashion bloggers, it is you who helped me to find the courage to find my own style – some form of eclectic Boho. LOL! You were one of the first fashion bloggers I started following. I’m not sure I would have developed an interest in fashion if I’d found only those with more traditional styles. That said, because I’ve come to know my style, I can now appreciate all styles to some degree – including those whose style tends toward the more traditional. So yeah, if you ever start feeling doubt again, remember that you gave me a wonderful gift just by being you.
Yeah, you’re preaching to the choir about those who fail to walk the walk they profess to believe. We could discuss it for hours!
xoxo
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Michelle, I seriously am so humbled by this comment. I really do question my worth and impact frequently which I believe comes from the underlying Bipolar Disorder which is being aggravated exponentially by PMDD. Actually, I need to write a post about both of those things soon. I am sure I am not alone in these things and if I am sticking to my initial purpose, I need to get on sharing about it. I have always been one of those people who enjoys talking about the most uncomfortable topics! The trade off is sometimes it makes people, well, uncomfortable, but it also opens conversations about important topics and lets people know that whatever they are going through, someone somewhere has traveled that road, too. You and I really so very similar in so many things, aren’t we?! I love your eclectic boho style! We need to set up some time soon to have another chit chat on the telephone!
xoxo
Shelbee
Ellibelle
I’m not following her music or social media but know who she is and honestly I’m surprised and a bit saddened by her statement. It’s a good thing that at 40+ we’ve developed enough confidence to brush it off and go on with our lives and blogging.
I love your fashion sense and enjoy your blog posts.
Ellibelle’s Corner
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Ellie! I feel like I gave the impression that I have not brushed off her comment. Of course, I never took it personally. I was just super shocked and highly disappointed. It was worth investigating further and opening a discussion. And what a discussion it has been so far! Thanks for joining it.
xoxo
Shelbee
Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom
Oh wow! I can’t believe she said that! It really touches home to me, because I am in my forties! I had a mom at Autumn’s dance school mention my blog and I was so embarrassed she had found it, that I changed the subject! I don’t know why I am ashamed with people I actually know in real life (that aren’t bloggers themselves) find out that I blog! It is so silly! I should probably do just what you are doing, try to find out why I feel that way. I haven’t even given myself the chance to think about it. I love this outfit, tie dye is my jam and I love the greens!! This place you’re at/the background looks really neat, too!
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Carrie, thanks so much for joining this discussion. It is a fascinating one! I do hope that Ms. Daigle grows in wisdom before she hits 40! It was like a slap in the face since I am a fan and have found her very inspiring as a female role model. And so the disappointment hit hard!
As for the silly embarrassment that we feel about our blogs, I am glad to know that I am not alone in that. Darlene posed an idea to me in the comments that I need to find my “why” and once I was able to articulate my reasons and purposes for beginning this blog, it made me feel so much better about it all! So I will pose that same questions to you, “What is your why? Why do you blog?” It is an interesting exercise, for sure! Maybe I need to write a post on that subject as well!
It is funny how we absorb the negative things people say so quickly yet we are reluctant to absorb the positive things people say about us. I remember a few years ago I was sitting at the car dealership waiting for my service to be completed. I was reading some kind of psychology book, I can’t remember what it was. There was a gentleman who appeared to be around 60ish sitting next to me and he inquired what I was reading. So we started chatting and then he asked what I do. I was already too ashamed to say I write a fashion blog, so I answered that I write a blog which focuses on mental health, and he literally burst into laughter and told me that was a ridiculous career choice. As much as I wanted to verbally blast this man, I was completely speechless as he casually walked away from me chuckling under his breath. So yeah, those kind of things stick with you and I know that I can’t allow it to influence me, but it sure does make you feel stupid! I guess this is all the more reason to know our why!
Thank you for being such a wonderful blogging friend and an inspiring and valuable member of this community! You all seriously get me through some of the toughest times! I am grateful for you! Happy Thanksgiving!
Christina Morley
When I first saw this blog post’s header image, I immediately thought it was one of my favorites. The colors and composition are so nice and that happy smile makes me happy. Samantha, my middle daughter, often has a boho flair. I love it! I also like Lauren Daigle’s music. I haven’t seen her in any interviews, though, and I’m sorry that her comments on posing were so unhelpful and unproductive. You know who has the cutest poses at any age are the Koreans (and probably all Asians). I envy how they do it so naturally, but I bet they practiced a lot in front of mirrors. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are making a difference! Today I didn’t feel like blogging and I was also wondering why I do it and how long I should continue, but once my photos were up and my text was written, I was smiling inside. It’s good for me and if it blesses someone else, then that’s even better! Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving if you celebrate!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Tina, thank you so much for joining this discussion. I think I got so upset by her comment because I had her on a pedestal of sorts…a role model, a person whom younger women and girls are looking up to, and then she mocked an entire demographic of women. It was like a slap in the face, especially to a fan. But I am over it now. It did make for great discussion material though!
As for the posing piece of it, I was out taking photos for the blog and I started complaining to my husband that my poses are getting old and boring and I needed something new. His response was that I have been doing this for over 5 years and there are only so many poses a person can do unless I was planning to stand on my head or something! Haha.
I really like your perspective about blogging as well. It does bring me so much joy and on the days that I am not feeling it, if I push through and get something written, I feel joy. And if I am not feeling it, I also have the luxury to just put it away for a few days and a take a break. I am so glad to have all of you amazing bloggers on my side! I am blessed beyond words for this wonderful community.
I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving! (You do celebrate it, if I recall correctly!)
xoxo
Shelbee
Darlene
Yikes. Unfortunately, there are and have been a lot of bad things done and said in the name of Christianity. That’s why I have a problem with people labeling themselves as one and putting it out there all the time. In terms of blogging, I know exactly what you mean. I doubt my blogging all the time. I love everything about it–the planning, the creativity, the tech I’ve learned, the writing–everything but the posing. I often ask my husband, what else should I do for a pose. But then I return to my “Why.” I started blogging for me, to not allow myself to fall prey to dressing “old” or boring. I figured there must be lots of ladies like me who might be interested in joining me on my journey. My following is small but loyal and I feel these ladies are my friends and are gaining something from me if only a little diversion. Think about your why, Shelbee. You contribute a lot to this blogging community–honesty, cool, edgy fashion ideas, fun, and great writing. Check out Simon Sinek’s “What’s Your Why” video. It’s pretty enlightening.
Oh, and I LOVE your tie-dye dress and 60s outfit! It is SO cute and fun.
xx Darlene
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Darlene, thank you so much! My why began with a passion for sharing my mental health journey in the hopes that I could offer a map of sorts that I did not have when I began my journey. Fashion has always been a passion for me as well and so I figured it would be fun to combine outfit photos with deep, meaningful topics. But lately, I think it just this isolation that has gotten to me! I love blogging and this community for all the same reasons you mentioned. I consider so many of you very dear friends. We support and inspire and empower and share without judgment and I cannot imagine my life without this space and all of you wonderful women who engage with me! I just made a note of that Simon Sinek video and will watch it during the holiday weekend, for sure! Thanks for being such an awesome human, my friend! I am blessed to have you in my circle!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lizzie
Super cute and trendy!
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Thanks so much, Lizzie!
xoxo
Shelbee
Angie
Hi, Shelbee – Too bad this talented young woman holds so much judgement against others. You and other women on social media who are midlife and beyond have the wisdom that she doesn’t. It’s important to be here because we are the start of a new movement of women showing the world that age doesn’t matter. Many of us, if not all of us, are artistically gifted creatives. That’s the point of life: to enjoy, create, love and be happy…certainly not to judge others but to remove the artificial and damaging lens of judgement. I am so happy to be a part of this tribe of pioneering women helping to break the barriers that the established media has put up. I love your eclectic and bold style. If it isn’t something your readers wouldn’t wear, it is still an example and encouragement to them to experiment, express themselves and have fun. Wouldn’t you know that I would, above all, support you in being your true self? 😉 Thank you for sharing your unique perspectives on style and life. – Angie, http://www.yourtrueselfblog.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Angie, thank you so very much for sharing this wonderfully inspiring and validating comment with me. I guess sometimes I get so disappointed in humans for being unkind. Especially ones who create a public persona of being loving and kind. You know I am all about kindness and I work so hard at not being judgmental. Of course, as humans we all fall into the judgment trap every now and then. I do it as well, but I would never ever say it out loud or in a public forum. Although I guess I just did that with this post, didn’t I? I judged her for judging others. Eek. But I felt hurt in a way that a child would when they find out Santa Claus isn’t real! I had her on this pedestal as this amazingly kind and empowering example of love and truth. And then I was let down. I will continue on as I do and I would never compromise who I am for any person especially not a stranger. I do hope for her sake that she does grow in wisdom before she hits 40! I am so filled with gratitude for all of you amazing bloggers in this community. Thank you for being awesome!
xoxo
Shelbee
Cheryl Shops
Well, in spite of the fact that she’s a “Christian” signer, Ms. Daigle’s comments are not very Christian because they’re judgmental, and as any good Christian knows, only God can judge. I hope that she changes her tune, especially once she finds herself in her 40s (if not sooner) and being judged for her own actions. Of all the ridiculous things that people say in the name of Christianity, this one might just take the cake!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Cheryl, thanks so much for joining the discussion. It is a good one, for sure! And I would have been displeased with her comment even if she wasn’t a Christian because I just have no tolerance for unkindnesses. I think I just found it more egregious as she really made her name from the song “You Say”. The lyrics are so powerful and so inspiring…
“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough /Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up / Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? / Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know / You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing / You say I am strong when I think I am weak / And You say I am held when I am falling short /And when I don’t belong, oh, You say I am Yours / And I believe, oh, I believe / What You say of me / I believe”
I want to add a caveat at the end of every line that says “until you turn 40”. Hahaha. But if you think this was ridiculous, you should listen to the interview where she was asked her thoughts on homosexuality. Oy. It’s bad!
Thanks so much for being an amazing person and a wonderful blogging friend! I appreciate you so very much and everyone in this little community of ours. Happy Thanksgiving!
xoxo
Shelbee
Maureen
Keep on doing what you are doing Shelbee because you are an inspiration. Not just with your style but with your thoughts and words. Speaking of, I love how you styled your outfit and those booties are super cute! The color is simply gorgeous. I hope your week is going well so far and Happy early Thanksgiving to you and your family!
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Maureen, thank you so much! I just hit a tiny bump in the road and I have no intention of leaving the blogging community. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I did that! I am so grateful for all of you here and all of the inspiration and support that we provide for one another. I appreciate you and our friendship! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving as well, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Laura Bambrick
I find blogging to be fun. Since the blogging community is so supportive and I feel like I have so many friends (even though I haven’t met them) I just feel like we are having fun and trying on outfits together. It helps us get our creative side going! If it inspires people in anyway, great! If not, oh well. I really hope people don’t take us all as narcissistic!
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Laura, thanks so much for joining the discussion on this one. I love blogging as a creative outlet for both sharing my quirky style and unraveling my deepest thoughts! I definitely consider everyone in this blogging community my friends! In fact, I probably interact with all of you way more than I do any person in real life! And isn’t it silly how I can feel narcissistic for sharing photos of myself but I never ever thought that about any other blogger? I might need more therapy! Haha. Thank you for being such an amazing person. I am so grateful for you and this whole community.
xoxo
Shelbee
jodie filogomo
I do think we all question ourselves at some time, but it should never be founded on someone we don’t even know or doesn’t even know us.
We are all so unique and we all need inspiration at times in our lives. That’s what you are…inspiration. And don’t you forget it Shelbee.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Aw, Jodie, thank you so much! My questioning was definitely not founded in the statement from this stranger! I think I was already questioning myself and then I watched this and it was like the nail in the coffin so to speak! Of course, she wasn’t referring to me at all, but her attack on our entire demographic of women was very disheartening. I do hope she grows a lot in the next decade before she becomes a member of this very same demographic that she mocked. I just found it a very good topic for discussion and I think I was right in that! It has been a very interesting discussion, for sure. Thank you so much for always supporting, inspiring, encouraging, and validating me! I am so grateful to have you in my circle of blogging friends!
xoxo
Shelbee
Patrick Weseman
I always say that We are all born originals, so why die a friggin copy. People are just sad. I get that all the time “Why don’t you act and dress 51.” I am going to be who I am. The older I get the more and more I am getting to the point (and the faster we get there the better off, we are) screw the rest of the world and I am going to make the “The Man in Glass” who stares back at me happy and not other yahoos.
It is sad that a lot of so-called Christians are some of the most judgmental people in the world. Hell, if I had a dime for every time, I have got out of church and heard people talk about bad how others were dressed, their nail polish or shoes or purses I would never have to work. It really gets under my skin. I know too many Christians who would rather think that they are right than kind.
She really needs to live a little before she gives her opinions about how others live. As someone once said.. She doesn’t know anything about anything (I have cleaned the saying up).
Sorry for the rant and I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and you look very nice. Keep being you are.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Patrick, thanks so much for this very kind and empowering response. I have no intention of changing who I am and especially not in response to something a stranger said in a public forum. She really kind of made an ass of herself and none of it is a reflection on me. I just felt a bit personally affronted when she attacked my entire demographic of women, a demographic which she will one day be a part of. She has definitely come under fire for some other insensitive things that she has said in interviews. I just thought the whole idea was worth a discussion and what a discussion it is! You know I have no problem with anyone’s choices, decisions, opinions, and beliefs…as long as they come from a place of love and kindness. But man, I can get heated when someone declares they always act from a place of love and kindness and then they inject this kind of nastiness into the world in the same breath. There are so many great lessons we can take from all of the world’s religions, but we need to be a bit more selective in which ones and how we apply them to modern life. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic and for being a pretty awesome human! I am blessed to count you among my friends.
xoxo
Shelbee
Michelle
Hmmm…., I think the Internet ate my lengthy response. I will try to recreate tomorrow.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Nope, it didn’t eat it, Michelle! I was just a bit slow in responding. This post has gotten a lot of interesting feedback in the comments and it is taking some time to read through them all and reply! It should be visible now!
xoxo
Shelbee
Karen
Please don’t feel embarrassed, narcissistic or like you’re pretending to be 22. What your blog does – at least to me – is to refute some of those stereotypes. OK, so I am unlikely often to wear EXACTLY what you wear, but I take inspiration from some of the styles, pattern mixing and colours. And more than anything I admire the fact that every post is so different – if you like, you give me the confidence to be eclectic. Please carry on!! K
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Karen, thank you so very much for this validation. I have always been drawn to more eclectic styles so those are the blogs that I follow, but they sure are few and far between, aren’t they? I really do appreciate this kind comment and that you took the time to let me know that I should not feel shame for my blog and what I wear!
xoxo
Shelbee
Katie
Love the tie dye and camo combination! I think your blog is inspiring because of the fashion but more importantly your reflections on topics that are relevant to so many women. When it comes to fashion and what you post on social media you should do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy!
-Katie
http://www.hellokatiegirlblog.com/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Katie, thank you so much! I certainly have no intention of changing anything about myself in response to one stranger’s comments! I just thought the whole scenario was worth a discussion and it has been quite an interesting discussion, for sure! Really all I ever wanted to do was inspire people in one way or another. So I really appreciate the validation that you have all been giving to me. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friend!
xoxo
Shelbee
Bettye
WHOA! STEP BACK, WOMAN! Ha – aarrgghh – I can’t even…I have SO MANY THINGS TO SAY – really feel like I want to have a conversation with you – can I call you? Ha ha, am I stepping outside BLOGGING ETIQUETTE?? ha ha WHO CARES?!?
I’m feeling outraged (at HER) (and ANYONE who throws around “shoulds” like they own the place) and have A Lot To Say. But am walking out the door in a few minutes and I know if I didn’t say something now my brain would eat these thoughts and spit them out somewhere, gone, forgotten.
Stay Tuned for Part II 🙂
xoxo
Bettye
https://fashionschlub.com
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh my goodness, Bettye, I love you! Thank you! And of course, you haven’t stepped outside blogging etiquette! I would love to get on a call one day soon with you (and Debbie)! I was struck by this woman’s statements to the point that it was worth investigating why and sharing it. Because sometimes you gotta talk about the uncomfortable shit! But I had a epiphany just last night which is the key to my mental health issues right now. I absolutely 100% have been suffering from PMDD every single month for the past 3 years or so. Now…if I could find a damn doctor who will listen to me without being dismissive, perhaps I could address these things from a hormonal standpoint. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my friend! And let’s schedule a chat sooon!
xoxo
Shelbee
Grace Liang
There will always be people who will judge others for what they do. I have always felt like you touch on so many different angles with your posts. Yes you pose for pictures (which you looking amazing in your poses by the way) but you also tackle lots of social issues as well. I think the photos of you also represent a certain confidence you have in yourself. I didn’t like posing for photos early in life because I didn’t like who I was or what I looked like. Once I learned to truly love myself, I felt confident having photos taken of me even though it was later on in my adult life. You are a positive influence and have more of an impact on others than you will ever know.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Oh wow, Grace, thank you so much for these very supportive and validating words. I really appreciate that. This blogging community is so encouraging and inspiring but it can feel so big and overwhelming as well which sometimes pushes me into questioning where I fit into it all. The journey to self love feels like such a long one sometimes. It’s like a cycle of moving forward and then regressing a bit. I am coming to realize that much of my problem right now is hormonal but trying to get a doctor who will listen to me without being completely dismissive has been nothing short of frustrating. I have always been inspired by your story and your journey as well and it is women like you who keep me going! Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving, my friend.
xoxo
Shelbee
Gail
As always Shelbee you have hit the nail on the head. I’ve been agonizing for a while about continuing the fashion side of things. Now that I’ve hit 60, that’s even more damning because it’s not even middle aged. It takes a lot of my spare time to run the blog, as well as a full time job, and while I have a nice following it’s never going to be huge or significant. But I’ve decided to carry on simply because women of my age aren’t fairly represented in the media, or used appropriately by brands, and my tiny corner of the blogosphere is an attempt to show that older women should wear what they want.
I think you under estimate how much influence you have with your fashion choices – you experiment and have fun, and I for one have stolen a few ideas from you including the bright colored tights and color mixes.
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Gail, thank you so much for this wonderful feedback. Women over 40 are highly underrepresented for sure and I think it gets even worse with each additional decade. I absolutely adore your style, too, and honestly never even consider a person’s age when I admire their style. So I definitely need to shift it on over to your perspective that we are doing a good thing for other women in our age brackets and we probably won’t ever have the same following as the 20’s and 30’s age groups especially in fashion blogging. It is a sad statement about our society, but I guess that is why women like us should maintain our space in fashion blogging. So I will keep on keeping on and I hope you do as well!
xoxo
Shelbee
Lisa Quinn
I adore the wrap and camo combo! Your site inspires me not only because of the fashion, but also because of your insights on themes that are important to so many women. When it comes to clothing and what you post on social media, you should do what helps you feel comfortable and at ease!
https://high-fashion-discount.com/product/fila-womens-work-health-care-professional-shoe/
shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com
Lisa, thanks so much for this wonderful comment and for contributing to the discussion! We should all feel comfortable and confident to be our absolutely authentic selves in real life and on social media! There is so much goodness that could come from these platforms if we all could just keep the focus on positivity and goodness.
xoxo
Shelbee