A Ray of Sunshine in a Hate-Filled World

November 15, 2016 / 44 Comments

If you are friends with me or follow me on Facebook, then you already know that I have been receiving some pretty nasty messages and comments in response to my post about the Presidential election. Toward the end of that post, I stated, “Also know that I guarantee that I will NOT respond to harsh and unkind words. So if you are looking for a debate or an argument, you will not be satisfied here.” Being a person who reserves my right to change my mind, I have done just that. I have changed my mind. And at the end of this post, you will find my response to the following harsh and unkind words:

purple swing dress 2

From patsrdsx@mac.com in an email to me titled “You’ve have a nerve“:

“Shame on you for not voting. I always thought you were are a fat ugly idiot, I mean look at yourself compared to other fashion bloggers. Now I can add to fat, ugly, idiot, stupid and irresponsible. You ought to concentrate on your real life instead of your fantasy blogging life. Your new president wouldn’t even consider you as a “1” on his scale in rating women.”

And a second email sent 8 minutes later from patsrdsx@mac.com:

“Can hardly believe you put you thoughts on the internet, let alone your picture as a “fashion blogger”? Get a full length mirror and look closely.”

purple swing dress 3

Submitted to comments on my post from Ann at gr8trip@yahoo.com:

“You are a fat slob and an imbicile.”

Also from Ann at gr8trip@yahoo.com in a second comment:

“Fat dumb ass.”

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And another from Ann at gr8trip@yahoo.com:

“If you are so brave, publish ALL the comments you are receiving. You are an irresponsible citizen. How would your new president classify you as a “2”, maybe if you re lucky.”

Well, Ann, I am so brave. And I will publish your comments as I have published all the others. But I will do one better and share your comments in a post dedicated entirely to you and patsrdsx@mac.com.

purple swing dress 5

Clearly, you are angry. And that is fine. Be angry. Use me as your scapegoat if you feel the need. You see, I have spent years building my spirit and I am quite resilient to harsh words. Also understand that I am quite empathic and I will meet you where you stand in your anger. But I will not respond with anger or hatred. We have enough of that in our world. I will meet you only with kindness and love…right where you stand.  Give your anger its moment. And hopefully one day you will be able to find kindness and love. For me, I have found those things. I live those things. And because of that, my spirit cannot be broken.

purple swing dress 6

Before closing this post, I do want to acknowledge another harsh comment that I received in response to my election post. This comment came from Michelle Cahill. I do not want to criticize it, however, for its harshness. I want to praise Michelle for taking the time to draft an intelligent well-thought out, passionate response. While I could easily have ignored her comment, become enraged by it, or simply disagreed with it, I chose instead to respect it because it did not come from hatred, it came from her own passionate beliefs on the subject. So Michelle Cahill, while we do not agree, I want to publicly thank you for taking the time to intelligently voice your thoughts and opinions. I have published it in my comment section with my response.

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*I also owe a public apology to Apple because I jumped the gun on a quick IP search and declared that a mac.com email address was an Apple employee. If anyone from the Apple customer service department happens to read this, please disregard my irate complaint that was messaged earlier today. After further research, I realized the error in my conclusion. And that is a lesson to me about what happens when you act too quickly from a place of heated emotion. Pause first. Think for a moment. Because once you have reacted, it cannot be undone. I own my mistake and I apologize for acting too quickly.

purple swing dress 8

Thanks to everyone who has supported me on this. And a big thanks to Kathryn for creating #teamshelbee! I love it.

Keep spreading the kindness my friends.

Keeping my spirit in tact on the edge,

Shelbee

Linking up with These Fabulous Link Ups Where I Link Up

I am a midlife woman, wife, and stay-at-home mother of 2 boys and 2 cats. I have a passion for helping other women feel fabulous in the midst of this crazy, beautiful life.

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44 Comments

  • nancy

    November 15, 2016 at 9:47 pm Reply

    I really can’t believe people write comments like that. And I am so glad you are coping with it so well. If that would happen to me I would be upset for days. Good on you Shelbee, beautiful, lovely, successfully fashionblogger! :-)!!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 15, 2016 at 10:02 pm Reply

      Dear Nancy, never be upset by the comments like that if ever you should receive them! Be confident in your beauty and the amazing and kind woman you are! Thank you so much for your kind words and for supporting me! I love this community! #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 16, 2016 at 11:12 am Reply

      Jodie, thank you so much for this wonderful compliment. That really just made my day. I will continue to be who I am…confident, loving, and kind. And I will continue to meet the anger and hatred with only love and kindness. I am resilient and I am on a mission now to inject kindness into this world. Because we need it now more than ever! Thank you always for your kindness and support. #teamshelbee #SpreadTheKindness #girlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Debra Thake

    November 15, 2016 at 10:27 pm Reply

    Shelbee,
    Those hate filled comments sent my blood pressure up! I will never understand how people so nasty can live with themselves. I just need to say that you are a delight. Please dont let those ugly comments get to you. I enjoy your blog and think you are perfect the way you are! You have a lovely spirit.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 16, 2016 at 11:07 am Reply

      Wow, Debra! Thank you for such a lovely comment and for so much kindness. The comments really didn’t get to me much at all. I just felt it necessary to still show love and kindness even toward hatred and ugliness. I actually was way more bothered by my error in firing off a complaint to Apple! But I will continue to inject my love and kindness into the world. And the harder it becomes to do just means the more necessary it is. Thanks for reading and supporting me! #teamshelbee #SpreadTheKindness

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Amy

    November 16, 2016 at 3:35 pm Reply

    I’m sorry you received those comments. I had the feeling you would when I read your post. Our country has become so intolerant of hearing other viewpoints. I also received one hateful comment on Instagram where she said “I was ugly” in regard to my political choices. I just deleted it and blocked her. They are not even worth responding to. As I said in my last comment to you on your original post, the hypocrisy is unbelievable. These people hate Trump for the things he said about women, yet, they say the very same things to other women themselves. It is so sad. Hang in there.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 16, 2016 at 4:25 pm Reply

      Amy, thanks so much for your kind words. I had a feeling it was coming, too, and I am okay with that. I was going to ignore it but I decided I would rather meet it with love. There is so much ugliness right now that I feel it is my mission to continue pushing forward with kindness. I actually am way more upset with myself about my error made with regard to Apple! I reacted quickly and emotionally simply because I was curious of what part of the country these people are from. Ah well, I will just continue doing my thing unhindered! Thanks so much for your support! #teamshelbee #SpreadTheKindness

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Tricia Vaughn

    November 16, 2016 at 7:13 pm Reply

    This saddens me beyond belief. People are going to say mean things, do mean things, it is your reaction to them that make you who you are from it. I for one, think you handled them just the way you should. In the end, love and kindness will prevail!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 17, 2016 at 11:18 am Reply

      Tricia, thank you so much for this lovely comment. It is quite a sad thing, indeed, that disagreement has led to name-calling. I am not opposed to an intelligent, well written disagreement at all. I feel passionately that we are all entitled to our opinions. But the judgments and nastiness that people think are okay as a response really is quite disparaging. On a positive note, my fire has been fueled to continue spreading kindness every where I go. The harder that task becomes just means the more necessary it is. Thank you for spreading your kindness as well. #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #girlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Sheela Goh

    November 17, 2016 at 1:11 am Reply

    I am very sorry that you’ve been on the receiving end of all this ugliness, Shelbee. I want to be upfront and say that I completely disagreed with your choice/reasons for not voting but I respected it as I respect you as a human being with the free will to decide how (and if) you choose to cast your ballot.

    As for those who opted to articulate hateful and disparaging thoughts, I’d like to think of them as brittle souls. Some people are so worn down from fighting for what they want, what they believe they need, that they just become paper thin, then stiffen, and harden. They neither appreciate nor understand the power of an unbiased mind, or the strength of a soft, honest word because they have never experienced either. And for those reasons, your response to them and their statements is perfect.

    If we could all approach points of contention, topics of debate, by firstly pausing, then taking stock, and finally phrasing our thoughts based first and foremost on mutual respect, courtesy, and love, it matters not who helms the nation. I know that day is a long time coming but I have hope 🙂 #keepspreadingthekindness

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 17, 2016 at 11:01 am Reply

      Sheela, thank you so much for this comment. And I totally respect you for disagreeing with me as I do any who disagree with me. My oldest and closest friend in the world disagrees with me (and we disagree passionately on many topics and have for 28 years), yet we have a mutual respect and love for one another that no disagreement has been able to break yet. That is the beauty of our great nation, after all, isn’t it? That we can have different beliefs and different opinions and we can voice them safely without fear of punishment. I suppose there will always be hate and angry people will lash out. But the great thing that came from the ugliness that was shot in my direction is that it lit a serious fire in my soul and has set me on a path to conquer hatred. I am on a serious mission now to spread love and kindness. My spirit has only become stronger as a result. And I am going to continue injecting good things into the universe with every breathe I take. So if not for anything else, this sad occurrence is making me strive to be an even better version of myself than I ever have been before. So, thank you, my friend, for disagreeing with me from a place of intelligence and kindness. That is how it should be. #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #girlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Susan

    November 17, 2016 at 1:05 pm Reply

    Wow, Shelbee. It is hard to believe that people are so mean-spirited and would take out their feelings about an election on someone who least deserves it. Please know that you are an inspiration to many people, me included. I think you are one of the most beautiful fashion bloggers out there. Keep up the good work!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 17, 2016 at 1:49 pm Reply

      Susan, thank you so very much for these kind words. Just more proof that a little kindness goes a long way. And thank you for always spreading your kindness. That is my mission now…to inject kindness every where I go! #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Elise

    November 17, 2016 at 4:15 pm Reply

    Oh My God! I am absolutely horrified by these comments! Who writes such negativity and hate? I always have to remind myself that people that are negative and mean have other things going on in their lives. I just have to feel bad for them that maybe they are unhappy in life that they would want to pull others down to their miserable level. I commend you on how you have handled such negativity. You are beautiful, intelligent and strong. Keep doing what you are doing!

    xx, Elise
    http://www.sparkleandslippers.blogspot.com

  • Donna Parker

    November 17, 2016 at 6:26 pm Reply

    I never ceases to amaze me how ‘brave’ people are on the internet, that is sarcastic toward all these meanies who feel like they should chime in and be personally insulting, wow, but I sincerely mean you’re brave, Shelbee, for expressing an opinion, an honest opinion and actions. You have done a fantastic job staying calm and positive in the face of such vitriolic and callous attacks. Big hugs, you’re beautiful, in all ways. xox

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 17, 2016 at 8:52 pm Reply

      Wow, Donna! Thank you so much for that amazing comment. It is truly appreciated. All I know how to do in the face of such things is to keep positive with unwavering kindness and love. I am learning with age that this is my nature and it never feels right when I go against it. So I will continue to meet the nasty, the ugly, the cruel, and the unkind with love and kindness. I am flattered that you think I am brave….when in essence, I am just being me.

      #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 17, 2016 at 11:43 pm Reply

      Jill, thank you so much for your kindness and continuous support! All I can do at this point is keep spreading love and kindness because it is evident that we need it now more than ever! #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Aimee

    November 18, 2016 at 1:46 am Reply

    Courageous, brave, fantastic, unique, real, mommy, wife, friend, fun, inspirational, motivated. Those are a few words to describe you. Keep on keeping on girl, thanks for continuing to spread kindness!

  • Tee

    November 19, 2016 at 9:27 am Reply

    You know what? I think you’re awesome and you don’t even know me. I know some thing else, too, your family adores you and would be heart broken if you weren’t in their lives, that’s how much you mean to them. I also know God loves you and He bottles every tear we cry. You stepped out with a blog and you just started your own boutique (see I read your blog) so I’d say that takes some pretty big guts, lady, and you did it. Stay focused on the people who are cheering for you because there’s far, far more of us than those who say hurtful things. Be blessed.

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 19, 2016 at 10:37 am Reply

      Tee, thank you so very much for this wonderful, heart-felt comment! It is so appreciated. And thank you for spreading your kindness and sharing your love. God knows we need that now more than ever. And that is what I have committed myself to doing…making others feel great and worthy and loved! You are amazing as well. Thank you for reading my blog and thank you for all the support! I am overwhelmed by the kindness.

      #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 21, 2016 at 11:45 am Reply

      Mine, too, Patti. Mine, too. It really is a sickening thing…this hatred all around. And I will not give in to it. I will only move forward and meet it all with love and kindness. Thank you for your continued kindness. #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Rena

    November 21, 2016 at 5:00 am Reply

    Those who resort to insults instead of dialog show their true selves. Everyone has the right to disagree and express that disagreement but it should be done with thoughtfulness and respect. I hope that the affirmations you are receiving are helping to offset the negative. Thank you for adding your post to my Fine-Whatever link up.

    Rena
    http://www.finewhateverblog.com

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      November 21, 2016 at 11:38 am Reply

      I couldn’t agree you with you more, Rena! I suppose this is the reason I shared the comments I received exactly as they were without much comment…because the words revealed everything about the characters behind them. Thank you for your kindness and yes, the affirmations definitely help!

      #SpreadTheKindness #teamshelbee #agirlonamission

      xoxo
      Shelbee

  • Rania

    December 1, 2016 at 3:37 am Reply

    I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to such bullying but it doesn’t surprise me. Sometimes when I post about losing my baby fat posts in gym/working out FB groups, I get all these bad comments from guys who have no idea what I look like but because I had a baby, they assume and call me all sorts of names. Most times I ignore them, sometimes I delete the post because I feel maybe it wasn’t the place to publish such a post (as in not my target audience). You are brave and this kind of none sense will not affect you. Continue doing what you do and you look beautiful!

    • shelbeeontheedge@gmail.com

      December 1, 2016 at 10:24 am Reply

      Rania, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience with me. People really can be cruel and so unnecessarily so. This is why I am on a serious mission to just keep #SpreadingTheKindness! You are beautiful, too, and even more so because you gave life to children! So you keep doing what you do as well and ignore that kind of ignorant behavior!

      xoxo
      Shelbee

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